2 1/4 cups roasted peanuts
1/2 tablespoon peanut oil (2 cups more later)
3/4 teaspoon cayenne
1/2 tablespoon ginger
1/4 cup water
2 cups peanut oil
3/4 teaspoons baking soda
kitchen mallet or any hard object
wok or deep fryer or skillet
Crush, blend, spindle, grind, disintegrate, and heartily vex peanuts in food processor until peanuts cry uncle and become a crumbly paste resembling peanut butter. Mince onions. Put 1/2 tablespoon peanut oil in frying pan. Add onion. Sauté on medium-high heat until onion becomes soft. Remove oil from sautéed onions with paper towels.
It is important to get as much moisture as you can out of the peanut paste. Put peanut paste in bottom middle of kitchen towel. Roll up towel as tight as you can. Press on rolled up towel as hard as you can with something hard such as a cutting board or kitchen mallet. Repeat 2 more times.
Add peanut paste, sautéed onions, cayenne, and ginger to mixing bowl. Add water slowly until there is just enough to make a uniformly moist paste.
Add two cups of peanut oil to wok. Use high heat to make oil hot, or 375 degrees on skillet. Add baking soda. While peanut oil heats, form 1-1/2″ to 2″ inch balls. (Flatten balls if using skillet.) Put peanut balls in wok. Fry for 1 minute or until peanut balls turn golden brown.
Cool and serve.
1) Did you know that peanuts are often used as an ingredient in explosives?
3) Looks carefully at peanut-butter sandwich.
4) Puts it down carefully.
5) Runs toward bed to calm down.
6) Realizes potentially explosive peanuts are in stomach.
7) Slows down.
8) Sits carefully on bed.
9) Wonders what are the other ingredients one needs to add to peanuts to make a WMD.
10) Thinks about the jar of unsalted, raw peanuts in pantry.
11) Is family at risk?
12) Remembers peanuts as also used an ingredients in: detergent, salves, bleach, ink, axle grease, face creams, soap, linoleum, rubber, cosmetics, paint, shampoo, medicine, and shaving cream.
13) Has a shave.
14) Saves family.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.