international

Anise Bread

Burundian Appetizer

ANISE BREAD

INGREDIENTS

2¼ teaspoons yeast
½ teaspoon sugar (5 teaspoons more later)
¾ cup warm water
1 cup flour (2½ cups more later)
7 teaspoons anise seed
1 teaspoon salt
5 teaspoons sugar
2½ tablespoons peanut oil or vegetable oil
2½ cups flour
½ cup water (or as needed)
1 egg yolk

SPECIAL UTENSILS

bread maker (optional)
cookie sheet
parchment paper

Makes 4 bread rolls. Takes 2 hours 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add yeast, ½ teaspoon sugar, and warm water to large mixing bowl. Stir with fork until yeast dissolves. Let sit for 15 minutes or until yeast becomes foamy. Add 1 cup flour. Stir with fork until well blended. Let sit for 30 minutes or until mixture doubles in size. Add anise seed, salt, sugar and oil. Knead mixture with bread maker or by hand until blended. Add 2½ cups flour gradually. Knead by bread machine or by hand for 10 minutes. Add ½ cup water, or as needed, to get soft, pliable dough. Cover and let sit for 1 hour or until dough doubles in size.

Place parchment paper on cookie sheet. Separate dough into 4 balls Add balls to parchment paper. Flatten dough balls slightly with hands. Cover with damp kitchen towel. Let rise for 30 minutes. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Add egg yolk to cup. Beat egg with whisk. Use kitchen brush to coat dough balls with egg yolk. Bake at 375 degrees for 20 minutes or until dough balls turn golden brown and their surface hardens. Serve warm or let cool.

TIDBITS

1) In 2200 B.C., King M’bokong of Burundi ordered his subjects bring him a dish to celebrate his 50th birthday. By incredible coincidence, everyone made anise bread. The people further honored their monarch by building a great pyramid three times as tall as the later pyramids of Egypt out of the leftover bread. However, the Pharaohs’ pyramids are made from stone. Stone resists rain. Bread does not. The pyramids of Giza remain. The Burundian pyramid is no more. Bummer.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Beef, Herb, and Yogurt Soup (Aashe Mast)

Iranian Soup

BEEF, HERB, AND YOGURT SOUP
(Aashe Mast)

INGREDIENTS

2 garlic cloves
1 large onion
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon turmeric
½ pound ground beef
⅓ cup long grain rice
4½ cups water
3 cups Greek yogurt or plain yogurt
¼ cup fresh chives*
¼ cup fresh cilantro*
¼ cup fresh parsley*
1 15-ounce can chickpeas (aka garbanzos beans)
¼ cup fresh mint*

* = Substitute 4 teaspoons dried herbs for 4 tablespoons fresh herbs.

Serves 8. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Mince garlic cloves and onion. Add onion, garlic, pepper, salt, turmeric, and ground beef to large mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Use hands to make ½” -to-1″ meatballs. Add rice, water, yogurt, chives, cilantro, and parsley to large pot. Simmer on low heat for 30 or until rice softens. Stir frequently. Add meatballs and chickpeas. Simmer on low heat for 20 minutes. Stir occasionally and gently. Garnish with mint.

TIDBITS

1) Earth, Wind, and Fire, a superb American band (1969 to present.) has excelled in many genres including : R&B, soul, funk, disco, Latin, and African. It’s in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, has earned a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and has played for President Obama.

2) Alas, not all bands succeed . The Iranian group Beef, Herb, and Yogurt (1977-1979) rocked the musical genres of cuisine and bubble-gum love. Their song, “I give you my saffron and my heart” was the number-two Iranian song of 1978 . The shah of Iran even invited them to play for him in early 1979. The Iranian Revolution broke out a scant two weeks later. The Shah was deposed. The police hunted all supporters of the previous regime. Beef, Herb, and Yogurt, tied to the Shah by their command performance, fled to the U.S.. Stigmatized unfairly by Americans who blamed them for the storming of the American embassy, they never played again. The band members eventually opened up an Iranian restaurant in Dubuque, Iowa, where they have been trying to blend in.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Raznici (Grilled Pork Skewers)

Croatian Entree

RAZNICI
(Grilled Pork Skewers)

INGREDIENTS

1¼ pounds pork loin
1 small onion
2 bell peppers (any color)
2 garlic cloves
6 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
½ tablespoon Italian seasoning
1 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSILS

outdoor grill
10 skewers

Makes 10. Takes 2 hours.

PREPARATION

Cut pork into 1″ cubes. Cut onion in half. Separate onion layers and cut them into 1″ squares. Seed bell pepper. Cut bell pepper into 1″ squares. Mince garlic cloves. Add all ingredients to large mixing bowl. Mix with hands until pork cubes are coated. Cover and marinate in refrigerator for 1 hour.

15 minutes before pork cubes have finished marinating, preheat grill to medium. Drain liquid from mixing bowl. Alternate putting pork cubes, onion squares, and bell-pepper squares on skewers. Repeat for each skewer. Place skewers on grill. Grill skewers for 7 minutes on both sides or until pork browns and is white inside . Goes well with salad or veggies.

TIDBITS

1) Long ago, armies fought each other by throwing rocks. The most clever cities fought back with paper, for as we all know paper covers rocks. Then Assyria overran all with its elite scissor forces. But in 605 the Medes conquered Assyria with old-school rocks. Rock, paper, scissors might be seem to be just an innocent children’s game today, but at one time it was a training exercise that all armies took seriously. The entire region remained in rock-paper-scissors (RPS) turmoil for centuries. But in 336 B.C., young Alexander the Great drew blood when he pricked his finger eating shish kabobs. The brilliant military innovator equipped his troops with shisk-kabob skewers. He soon lengthened these skewers into 12′ long spears. His infantry could impale its RPS enemies before they could get close enough to do any harm in return. Alexander’s technologically superior armies would go onto conquer Greece and Persia. The world would never be the same. Shish kabobs are everywhere.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Chicken Flautas

Mexican Entree

CHICKEN FLAUTAS

INGREDIENTS

4 chicken breasts
2 garlic cloves
1 small onion
2 tablespoons vegetable oil (4 cups more later)
¼ teaspoon cumin
¼ pound queso fresco or feta cheese
½ cup salsa
12 uncooked or freshly made corn tortillas*
4 cups vegetable oil (or at least ¾” deep)
2 tablespoon fresh cilantro

* = Cooked tortillas from the store will require softening in the skillet or microwave. Uncooked tortillas while harder to find will make preparation easier.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

toothpicks

Makes 12 flautas. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add chicken breasts and enough water to cover to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 20 minutes. Remove chicken to plate. Shred chicken using forks.

While chicken simmers, mince garlic and dice onion. Add garlic, onion, and 2 tablespoons oil to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until garlic and onion soften. Stir frequently. Add shredded chicken and cumin. Stir until well blended. Remove from heat. Add equal amounts of the shredded chicken/onion mixture, queso fresco, and salsa to the middle of each tortilla. Roll up tortillas tightly and pin together with toothpicks.

Add oil to pan. Heat oil using medium-high heat until a tiny piece of the tortillas starts to dance in the oil. Add rolled-up tortillas to pan seem-side down. Sauté at medium-high heat for 4 minutes or until tortillas turn golden brown. Turn frequently, but carefully, to ensure even browning. You will most likely need to cook in batches. Remove from heat. Drain on plate covered with paper towel. Dice cilantro. Garnish with cilantro. Goes well with salsa.

TIDBITS

1) Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, “The Angler of Vienna,” was also a pretty darn talented musician, writing such toe-tapping operas such as, Il re pastore, Zaide, Die Entführung aus dem Serail, Le Nozze di Figaro, Don Giovanni, and Cossi fan tutte.”

2) By the way, Mozart’s agent, Paolo Fettucine, arranged for tutti frutti, a new ice cream with chopped and candied fruits in it to be served at Cossi fan tutte’s debut. It was a stroke of P.R. genius. Ice cream lovers came for the dessert and stayed for the opera. Wolfgang never looked back, except when on the way to his secret fishing places.

3) But it is in Mozie’s culinary operas where The Angler of Vienna’s talents really shined. Who can fail to be uplifted by his sole English work, The Three Penny Hot Dog? or feel the anguish of Gibt es wirklich keine Apfelkuchen? (Is There Really No Apple Pie?)

4) The years 1784 – 1787 were his happiest; he had great fishing spots to himself. These interludes of quietude were also the moments of his greatest musical creativity as witnessed by the Fish Cycle operas: Der Kabeljau auf dem Markt (The Cod at the Market), Limone Pesce Impanati (Lemon Breaded Fish), and of course, “The Angler of Vienna’s favorite, Il Mio Punto di Pesca (My Own Fishing Spot.)

5) It’s ironic that Mozart, a famous fan of German cuisine, would write his greatest opera about Mexican food. But who could not be inspired by the brilliant cuisine of Vienna’s famous restaurant, “Los Cinco Tacos?” Wolfang tried the restaurant’s chicken flautas and fell in love with them. He would stay up all night to compose the brilliant, brilliant I say, opera, Las Flautas Mágicas (The Magic Flautas.) Unfortunately, the politics of that year dictated that no operas be performed in Spanish. (Do try to see it if it’s being performed nearby.) Broken hearted that he was, Mozart rewrote his opus. And so we have the not too shabby Die Zauberflöte (The Magic Flute.) But Mozart would never again write about Mexican food.

6) Then on December 5, 1791, Mozart’s muse, Ernestine, imparted to him the idea of writing the opera Stoßen der magische Kugelfisch, (Puff the Magic Pufferfish.) So strong was Mozie’s excitement over what he knew what would be his magnum opus that he grabbed his fishing pole and raced to Danube River. He continually glanced over his shoulders to see if anyone were following, for all the local anglers would descend on him en masse and fish and fish out his little side pond. It was heartbreaking. Mozart had to scrap one seafood opera after another because he couldn’t bring in enough fish to give a true, abiding sense of its flavor and abiding soul. On one occasion, competitors once fished all the trout from his special inlet. This is why we never got to hear his Guten Morgen, Forelle (Good Morning, Trout) and had to settle for the markedly Don Giovanni.

7) Anyway, Mozie eluded all anglers that day and caught six pufferfish. (1791 was an extraordinarily bountiful year for Viennese pufferfish.) Wolfie scurried home as fast as his chubby little legs would carry him. He cooked all the fish. Unfortunately, he died. For while his wiener schnitzel was second to none, he didn’t know how beans about preparing the potentially fatal pufferfish. His last words were, “Gott im Himmel, where are my car keys?” There were, of course, no cars in 1791 and so need for car keys. Culinary historians Mozart had channeling the frustration of millions upon millions of people two centuries later.

9) But Wolfgang’s musical vision for the pufferfish lasted through the centuries floating through the atmosphere until it found a suitable vessel, a worthy receptacle. This is how we got the classic song, “Puff the Magic Dragon” by Peter, Paul, and Mary. Sure the name and length of Stoßen der magische Kugelfisch changed a bit, but that magnum-opus had been floating around for centuries and became susceptible to modern musical scenes. And there you go.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Cucumber Yogurt Salad (salatet zabady bil ajur)

Sudanese Appetizer

CUCUMBER YOGURT SALAD
(Salatet Zabady bil Ajur)

INGREDIENTS

2 cucumbers
2 garlic cloves
1¾ cups plain yogurt
¼ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt

Makes 6 bowls. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes

PREPARATION

Peel and dice cucumber. Mince garlic cloves. Add all ingredients to serving. Mix well with whisk. Cover and refrigerate for 1 hour.

TIDBITS

1) The modern-day submarine looks like a cucumber. Of course today’s subs, which can stay submerged for six months and carry enough nuclear missiles to reduce several cities to a glowing fog of atoms, are unarguably more destructive than even the most beserk cuke. The fact remains, however, that nuke rhyming with cuke is no accident.

2) The first military submarine, the Turtle (1775) was based on a turnip. It didn’t do much. Underwater, culinary warfare fell out of favor for twenty-french years. Fulton designed the Nautilus for the French in 1800. It never went to sea as the humidity of the vessel caused the crew’s bread to go moldy and war without fresh bread was unthinkable.

3) In 1864, the submarine, H.L. Hunley, of the Confederate Navy sank the North’s wooden warship, the Housatonic. This was the first successful sinking of a warship by a submarine. It was also the first successful sinking of a submarine as the Hunley was too close to its own exploding torpedo. Remarkably, no had imagined this occurrence. A month later, Rebel scientists hit upon the idea of simulating a submarine attack with cucumbers and matches. Unfortunately for the South, General Sherman had already begun his destructive march through Georgia. He had specific orders from President Lincoln himself to cripple Confederate submarine research by having his army destroy every cucumber it came across. Once the Union soldiers found how much fun came from fighting cucumbers than a grey coat who’d shoot back, they started uprooting and burning all crops. The South no longer had food to feed its armies. Surrender of all rebel forces followed soon.

4) But the Civil War was a near-run thing for the U.S.A. In 1866, Congress authorized the creation of the Cucumber Underseas Naval Department (CUND.) Over the years, research expanded to investigate undersea applications from all fruits and vegetables.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Banana Meatloaf

Bermudan Entree

BANANA MEATLOAF

INGREDIENTS

½ cup bread crumbs
2 eggs
1 banana
1 small onion
1 pound ground beef
1 teaspoon ground mustard
¼ teaspoon paprika
⅛ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons ketchup
6 strips bacon (3 on bottom and 3 on top)

SPECIAL UTENSILS

9″-x-5″ loaf pan
x-ray goggles

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add bread crumbs and eggs to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Mash banana with fork. Mince onion. Add banana, onion, and all remaining ingredients except bacon to mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Place 3 bacon strips in loaf pan. Add banana/meat mix. Smooth with fork or spatula. Place 3 bacon strips on top. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes or until meatloaf is no longer pink in center. (This is easier to ascertain if you have x-ray goggles. Alternatively, lift up a tiny bit of the meatloaf with a fork and peek.)

TIDBITS

1) Again, this recipe is much easier with x-ray goggles. However, such goggles are expensive. Have you tried to buy one? I mean when you check out at WalMartTM and the checker asks you, “Did you find everything you need?” and you respond with, “No, I couldn’t find the x-ray goggles,” people will look at you askance. So you drive home sad, with your head between your knees. Wait, don’t drive like that! Not safe. Develop super-hero powers instead.

2) Here’s a list of super powers that would make preparing meatloaf a snap:
A) Flying: easier and less stressful than driving to the store for ingredients. (Like SupermanTM.)
B) X-ray vision: to see inside the loaf. (Again like Superman.)
C) Heat-impervious hands: oven mitts can never be found when you need them. (Like ???)
D) Super speed: Super fast hands blend the ingredients in no time. (like FlashTM.)
Is there a comic-book hero with all those powers? If not, create one and make big bucks.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Theluli Mas (Spicy Fried Tuna)

Maldivian Entree

THELULI MAS
(Spicy Fried Tuna)

INGREDIENTSthelulimas

1 small onion
5 garlic cloves
4 curry leaves or 2 tablespoons curry powder
2½ teaspoons peppercorns
2 teaspoons red pepper flakes
½ teaspoon salt
1½ pounds tuna steaks
½ cup vegetable oil
1 lemon

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION

Add onion, garlic cloves, curry leaves, peppercorns, red pepper flakes, and salt to blender. Blend on medium until you get a smooth paste. Add tuna and smooth paste to large mixing bowl. Turn tuna steaks until they are well ll coated. Cover and marinate in refrigerator for 30 minutes.

Add oil. Heat oil on medium-high heat. It will hot enough when a pepper flake put in the oil starts to dance. Carefully add tuna steaks to pan. (Tilt pan away from you as you do so.) Sauté at medium-high heat for 3 minutes on each side or until steaks become crispy and turn golden brown.
Cut lemon into as many slices as there are tuna steaks. Add a lemon slice next to each steak.

TIDBITS

1) Tuna is an anagram for nut. Tuna love nuts, especially the macadamia nut. “Macadamia nut” is an anagram for “Dam’ manic nut..” Tuna who taste macadamia develop an instant addiction. Fortunately, macadamia nuts are rarely found in the ocean. But they are found in the waters where cruise ships travel. Unthinking passengers adore the tuna who, desperate for a fix, perform all sorts of acrobatic and aquatic tricks.

2) Then the cruise ships move on, leaving in their wake desperate, addicted schools of tuna. Some places there get vicious, particularly where the amphibious variety of tuna abounds. In Macadamia Grove, Australia, gangs of crazed tuna thrash through the town to stampede the macadamia groves. They eat every single nut they can find and if their fix isn’t satisfied, they come back to assault the stores. People flee in terror; there’s nothing more vicious than a strung-out tuna. The townsfolk shake their fists at the tuna. “Dam’ manic nuts.”

3) This sad event happens to Macadamia Grove repeatedly. Its people are planning to leave their childhood homes for good and become a tribe of wandering mimes. Please don’t let this happen. Obey the signs that read, “Don’t feed the dolphins.” Thank you.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Spaghetti Omelette From Cameroon

Cameroonian Breakfast

SPAGHETTI OMELETTE

INGREDIENTSspaghettiomelette

2 eggs
½ cup cooked spaghetti
1 stalk green onion
¼ small onion
1 small tomato
⅛ teaspoon white pepper or black pepper
⅛ teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon vegetable oil

Makes 1 omelette. Takes 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add eggs to mixing bowl. Beat eggs with whisk until blended. Cut green onion into ¼” slices. Dice onion and tomato. Add spaghetti, green onion, onion, tomato, white pepper, salt, and oil to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until veggies soften and spaghetti starts getting crispy. Stir occasionally.

Pour beaten eggs over veggies. Cook at medium for 3 minutes or until eggs become hard enough to flip over. Flip egg mixture. Cook at medium heat for 2 minutes or until omelette is done to your desired level of doneness. Goes well inside ½ baguette as a sandwich filler.

Isn’t the very idea of a spaghetti omelette way cool?

TIDBITS

1) China invented spaghetti. They built Great Spaghetti Wall of China in 1155 to keep out the Mongol barbarians. It worked. The wall was too high to scale, too thick to batter through.

2) However, in the summer of 1213, Mongols under Genghis Khan approached the wall. Khan’s engineers studied and studied their obstacle. No use. The frustrated warriors threw tomatoes, one of their more non-lethal weapons, at the wall before turning away to head home. Suddenly hot rain, it was summer, deluged and penetrated the Great Spaghetti Wall for ten minutes. The pasta softened. So did the tomatoes. The Mongol horde, tired of endless yogurt meals, attacked the wall with two-tined forks. The cooked spaghetti was great. and so they ate their way through the wall. The Mongols poured into China and devastated the land.

3) The French built the Maginot Line in the 1930s to keep out the spaghetti-hating German army. Unfortunately, the French didn’t have enough pasta to build a wall along their entire northern border. The Germans, in 1940, simply sent their forces around the wall and defeated France. No nation has tried building a spaghetti wall since.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Shrimp Creole

Cajun Entree

SHRIMP CREOLE

INGREDIENTSshrimpcreole

⅔ cup rice
1½ pounds shrimp will shells on
1⅓ cups water
1 stalk celery
2 garlic cloves
1 green bell pepper
1 large onion
3 tablespoons butter
½ teaspoon basil
1 bay leaf
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon thyme
1 14-ounce can diced, undrained tomatoes

Serves 4. Takes 50 minutes.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Cook rice according to instructions on package. While rice cooks, shell and devein shrimp. KEEP SHELLS. Add shrimp shells and water to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Reduce heat to warm and simmer until needed.

Mince celery, garlic, green bell pepper, and onion. Add minced veggies and butter to Dutch oven. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until ingredients soften. Stir frequently. Add basil, bay leaf, cayenne pepper, pepper, salt, and thyme. Stir.

Remove and discard shrimp shells from pot. Add ¼ cup of the shrimp-shell flavored water to Dutch oven. (Keep the rest of this flavored water.) Reduce heat to Dutch oven to medium. Cook for 5 minutes on medium heat. Stir frequently enough to keep mixture from burning on bottom. Add diced tomatoes with its liquid and the remaining shrimp-shell flavored water. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes or until liquid thickens. Stir frequently enough to keep mixture from burning on bottom. Remove bay leaf. Add shrimp. Cook on medium heat for 3 minutes or until the shrimp turn pink or orange. Stir frequently. Serve over rice.

TIDBITS

1) The shrimp in the above photo are on the plate because they are subject to the laws of gravity.

2) When they want to be.

3) Shrimp have the ability to turn off gravity by clicking their dozen little red shoes together and saying, “There’s no place like Mars. There’s no place like Mars.”

4) And whoosh, off they float to Mars.

5) Whenever you see a meteorite streaking away from Earth, that’s really a shrimp going home to Mars. They’re not burning up, rather they are traveling so fast they give off a red shift.

6) NASA would dearly love to know how shrimp can negate gravity and float across space at near light speed.

7) NASA has determined that the shrimp’s shell is impervious to friction-generated heat, so that the little crustaceans can zip back and forth through the Earth’s atmosphere with impunity.

8) OK, NASA also wants to build a spaceship as durable as shrimp shells.

9) This is why the NASA cafeteria serves shrimp creole every single meal. Every single day. They are saving the shrimp shells for structural analysis. They also hope to gather enough shrimp shells to make a space shuttle.

10) Unfortunately, shrimp creole tastes better if you boil the shrimp shells. So, they go into the shrimp creole. This is bad, while shrimp shells resist the heat of speeding through the atmosphere and they stand up to the wetness of water, become too pliable when boiled in water. As we know, flimsy shrimps shells are useless for the rigors of intergalactic travel. Thus, the scientists can never get enough shrimp shells.

11) Now you know why shrimp are so worried about global warming. Global warming means hotter oceans. Hotter oceans cause flimsier shells. Softer shells will make it easier for sharks to eat them. Sharks particularly love jumbo shrimp.

12) It takes time for sharks to crunch their way through shrimp shells; submarine fleets around the world are studying these study shells. While the sharks attempt their futile munching, the shrimp say, “There’s no place like Mars. There’s no place like Mars.”

13) And whoosh, the shark is taken along at near-light speeds through the atmosphere. Where they die. This is why there are not more sharks in the oceans. It’s always why aquariums occasionally misplace a shark.

14) But all this will change when the oceans get too hot for the shrimp shells. So, the shrimp have been migrating back to Mars.

15) Those canals you see on Mars have all been built by shrimp. They need places to swim.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Tacos de Rajas con Crema

Mexican Entree

TACOS DE RAJAS CON CREMA

INGREDIENTStacosderajas

2 tablespoons vegetable oil (2 tablespoons more later)
4 poblano or Anaheim chiles
1 garlic clove
1 medium onion
½ pound Oaxacan cheese or queso fresco
1½ cups crema Mexicana or sour cream
12 8″ corn tortillas

Makes 12 tacos. Takes 1 hour 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add 2 tablespoons oil to pan. Heat oil
on high heat until a tiny bit of tortilla starts to (We once thought the Earth looked like this.)
dance. Add poblano chiles. Stir the chiles
occasionally until the chiles blister and blacken all over. (Be careful when frying or sautéing at high heat. When stirring, hold a lid between you and the hot oil when stirring or tilt the pan away from you.) Put poblanos in plastic bags and let steam for 20 minutes. Remove from bags and rub skin off chiles. Discard skins. Seed poblano chiles and cut them into ½” wide strips.

While chiles steam, mince garlic clove and onion. Shred cheese. Add 2 tablespoons oil to, garlic, and onion to pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion and garlic soften. Stir frequently. Add poblano strips. Sauté for 2 minutes. Stir frequently. Add crema Mexicana. Reduce heat to medium and cook for 4 minutes or until crema thickens. Stir frequently. Add cheese, Reduce heat to low and simmer for 3 minutes or until cheese melts completely. Stir frequently.

Warm tortillas in pan on high for a few seconds or wrap them in a wet towel and microwave for 1 minute. Warming the tortillas makes them pliable enough to roll. Ladle 1/12th of the poblano/cheese sauce, about 2 tablespoons, onto each warmed tortilla. Roll up tortillas and serve.

TIDBITS

1) Before 1492, many believed the Earth was flat like a tortilla. Others, folks who ate oatmeal all day long, did not care. Then lost spice merchants from India accidentally showed up in Venice carrying peppercorns and basil. It was now possible to make the appetizer, caprese. Life was worth living.

2) Unfortunately, the land route to spice-laden India was blocked by meanies. Columbus, in the world’s first version of The Shark Tank, convinced Queen Isabella to sponsor his historic voyage of discovery. He and his brother Mercator had told her the Earth was round like a cylinder. Later Benedictine monks asserted our planet was rounded like the egg. Finally Peary, explorer and diner, after reaching the North Pole in 1909, concluded our planet is really shaped like a stuffed tomato.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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