Author Archives: pauldelancey

Pule Me Arra – Chicken With Walnuts Recipe

Albanian Entree

PULE ME ARRA
(Chicken with walnuts)

INGREDIENTSpulemea-

4 chicken breasts
5 garlic cloves
5 ounces walnuts.
1 bay leaf
2 tablespoons olive oil

2 tablespoons flour
3 tablespoons butter (2 tablespoons later)
1/4 teaspoon white pepper (or black pepper)
1/4 teaspoon sea salt (or salt)
1/4 teaspoon thyme
2 tablespoons vinegar

2 egg yolks
2 tablespoons butter

Goes well with rice

PREPARATION

Cut chicken into 1/2″ cubes. Mince garlic. Crush walnuts.

Put chicken, garlic, bay leaf, and olive oil in saucepan. Sauté on medium-high heat for about 10 minutes or until chicken is white inside . (Okay, you might need to cut open a chicken cube to see. If it’s done, you might want to taste that piece to be sure. And then a second chicken cube, and a third, because you never know. ☺) Stir occasionally.

Add flour and 3 tablespoons butter to second saucepan. Sauté the flour on medium-high heat until flour turns light brown. Stir constantly. Add chicken cubes, vinegar, walnuts, pepper, salt, and thyme. Cook for another 20 minutes on low heat. Stir occasionally. Transfer this wonderful mixture to large serving bowl.

Sauté eggs yolks in 2 tablespoons of butter using high heat, in third saucepan, until butter boils and eggs reach desired level of doneness. Pour sautéed eggs and butter on top of chicken-and-walnut mixture. Serve immediately.

TIDBITS

1) Pule me arra translates from Albanian to chicken with walnuts while gjellë me arra means dish with walnuts.

2) This is useful information if you’re ever on an Albanian quiz show.

3) According to one of my FacebookTM friends, Albania along with Moldova are the two forgotten countries of Europe. Your never hear of them.

4) I did find out, though, that Albanians are mad about walnuts.) There is an episode in the Dick van Dyke Show where aliens take over people’s bodies. You can tell they’re aliens because they have no thumbs and absolutely love walnuts.

6) The original Waldorf salad was created at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in 1896 by the maître d. This first version did not contain walnuts.

7) So we know the Waldorf-Astoria was not hiring walnut-loving aliens at that time. Walnuts were added to the salad later.

8) Thus we can pinpoint the Great Walnut-Loving Alien Invasion of Earth to after 1896.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Provencale Dressing Recipe

French Appetizer

PROVENÇALE DRESSING

INGREDIENTS

ProvDre-

2 cups mayonnaise
6 tablespoons red wine vinegar
2 garlic cloves
1/2 tablespoon Dijon mustard
1/2 tablespoon herbes de Provence
1/4 teaspoon French tarragon (or tarragon)
1/4 teaspoon white pepper
1/4 teaspoon sweet French basil (or basil)

PREPARATION

Mince garlic cloves. Combine all ingredients in mixing bowl. Mix thoroughly. Cover and refrigerate for 2 hours or until you can’t stand waiting any more or until ravenous guests arrive.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe tells you to cool the dressing in your fridge.

2) Putting your beer bottle in your fridge is not the fastest way to cool it down.

3) The fastest way to cool down your beer is to put it in a sink full of cold water and crushed ice while cold tap water falls on the beer bottle.

4) Okay, okay, the fastest way to cool down your bottle of beer is to combine your sink full of cold water and crushed ice with liquid nitrogen.

5) Too little liquid nitrogen and nothing happens.

6) Too much and your beer freezes. So will the water in your sink. So will your hand if you try to take the beer bottle out of the liquid nitrogen.

7) Tidbit 6 is why you must jump through all sorts of hoops to buy liquid nitrogen.

8) So may I suggest using tidbit 3 if you want to cool your beer.

9) Better living through chemistry.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Avery Debow, Winner of Bump Off Your Enemies Literary Event

In the Bump Off Your Enemies Literary Event, I am pleased to announce winner number one of two. Please join with me in congratulating Avery for her submission; HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

averydeb

By: Avery DeBow

The desktop fan ruffled the ribbon. The loops swelled like the waves of a tiny blue ocean. A surprise, indeed. He hadn’t received a present from an employee… Ever. He picked at the wrapping, first tentatively, but with more zeal as the shreds of paper fell away. He lifted off the lid, his mind ticking through ideas of what lay inside, the hope of at last being respected filling his tight little chest. The tissue paper rustled. A creature—might have been a rat before whatever dreaded disease consuming it had ravaged its body and turned it into a pustulous, skeletal horror—leapt from the folds. He shrieked as it came. And again as it latched on.

Rows of eyes studied him through the slats in the blinds, each hungrily fixed on the foul beast injecting demise into his veins. Their work done, his staff drifted away, bled into the shadows they occupied, the shadows cast by his oversized office and always closed door.

He meant to shake off the creature, but that seemed wrong, somehow. After all, they had finally given him a gift, and had even taken the time to staple a birthday hat to its head.
✍ ✍ ✍ ✍ ✍
Avery DeBow is the author of the dark fantasy novel, Resonance. Her website is www.averydebow.com.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Terri Lynn Coop, Winner of Bump Off Your Enemies Literary Event

In the Bump Off Your Enemies Literary Event,I am pleased to announce winner number two of two.terricoo

Please join with me in congratulating Terri for
her submission; IT’S NOT EASY BEING GREEN.

By: Terri Lynn Coop

‘It’s not easy being green…’

The refrain from the old Muppets tune ran through my head as I stirred the lime jello.
I hate this fucking stuff. Ten years of unholy hell masquerading as holy matrimony. I could stand the arguments. The boredom. The never-ending laundry. However, by far, the worst of it was his insistence on lime jello every Sunday. Said it reminded him of his mother. Never red. Never orange. Once I substituted blue and he sulked for three days. Always green. And always in molds. As if I didn’t have enough to do.

Well, tonight I changed up mom’s recipe just a bit. In each of those putrid jiggling four-leaf clovers was a little surprise.
I didn’t know Visine was deadly until I saw an episode of “America’s Most Interesting Poisons.” The cable channels are so educational.
Squeeze. Drip. Squeeze. Drip. Squeeze. Drip.

As I got to the last hollow in the mold, a new song appeared in my head.

‘I can see clearly now…’
✍ ✍ ✍ ✍ ✍
Terri Lynn Coop manages emergencies by day, writes by night, and is an unapologetic geek the rest of the time. She has been known to blog at http://readinrittinrhetoric.blogspot.com/

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Ask Dr. Economics – Kindergarten Raffle

Dear Dr. Economics,

My little Benny got assigned his kindergarten’s annual $30,000 raffle to support Sorghum Awareness. Normally, a Kansan celebrity or a CEO from a local biotech company does this sort of thing. But they’re all busy this year, so it fell to my six-year old son.

He’s tried real hard during lunchtime, but he hasn’t even sold one of his three hundred $100 tickets. He’s darn near ready to burst into tears. Even holding “Patches,” his teddy bear, doesn’t erase his sense of failure.

Can you help me?

Dennis Epicenter,
Tentacle, KS

Dear Mr. Epicenter,

Why certainly, I can help you. I am Dr. Economics. Instead of Benny making each kindergartner cough up $100–and what are the chances of that given you describe him as little–why not sell partial shares?

Benny is sure to have more success selling 1/100th shares in each ticket for $1. Of course, this means the lad will need to sell 30,000 shares, so diligence and determination are must for this plan to succeed.

Alternatively, Benny could sell 1/10,000th shares in each ticket for 1c. This plan makes for easy sales. Again, I feel especially obligated to stress perseverance in selling the necessary 3,000,000 shares. Indeed, consider taking him to school early and picking him up late.

Benny should also learn about computer spreadsheets. Careful record keeping is a must for any successful raffle, whether it be for 3,000,000 records or the more modest 30,000.

Normally, I would advise keeping children clear of caffeinated beverages until the age of twelve, but it seems doubtful little Benny will have much time for sleeping. So, go for it!

– Dr. Economics

– AKA Paul De Lancey

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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*Bump Off Your Enemies* Ebook Anthology Will Soon Be Released

bumpcov

Categories: book reviews and excerpts, humor | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Shorba Baida – Algerian Chicken Soup Recipe

Algerian Soup

SHORBA BAIDA
(Chicken Soup)

INGREDIENTSShorbaS-

2 chicken breasts
1 medium onion
2 inch cinnamon stick
2 large tomatoes
10 ounce can chick peas
2 teaspoons olive oil
4 cups chicken broth
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/2 tablespoon basmati rice
1 tablespoon barley
2 large tomatoes
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon coriander
1/2 tablespoon parsley flakes
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
SPECIAL UTENSIL

spice grinder
Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Cut chicken breasts into 1/2″ cubes. Mince the onion. Grind the cinnamon stick until you get powder. Dice the tomatoes. Drain the chick peas.

Use medium-high heat to sauté the chicken, onion, and cinnamon with olive oil in Dutch oven. Cook for 5-to-10 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently.

Add chick peas, chicken broth, lemon juice, rice, barley, tomatoes, chili powder, parsley, pepper, sat, and tumeric. Cover the Dutch oven and simmer on warm heat for about 1 hour or until rice and barley are soft.

This is great. People love it. Eat your share while you can.

TIDBITS

1) This heavenly soup is the reason the French conquered Algeria in 1830.

2) This heavenly soup is the reason Algeria threw out France in 1962. The Algerians didn’t want to share.

3) Did the Algerians get any culinary benefits from 132 years of Gallic occupation?

4) I hope so. A Vietnamese man once said the only benefit his countrymen derived from French colonial rule was the baguette.

5) Vietnamese culinary artists combined the baguettes with their way of preparing meat to produce the tasty and world-famous banh mi sandwiches.

6) America fought in Vietnam for the banh mi sandwiches. And so it goes.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Powegian Garlic Bread Soup Recipe

American Soup

POWEGIAN GARLIC BREAD SOUP

INGREDIENTSGarBrSo-

2 10″ garlic bread halves
3 garlic cloves
3 stalks green onion
1/4 cup olive oil
1 medium yellow onion
6 Roma tomatoes
1 green bell pepper
3 cups vegetable or chicken broth
1/2 cup sour cream
1 tablespoon Italian seasoning
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
3 eggs

SPECIALTY UTENSIL

Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Dice tomatoes and green bell pepper. Cut garlic bread into 1/2″ slices. Mince garlic, green onion, and yellow onion. Sauté bread, garlic, green onion, and yellow onion with olive oil in Dutch oven on medium-high heat for about 5 minutes or until onions begin to soften. Stir frequently.

Add broth, tomato, green, bell pepper, sour cream, Italian seasoning, and pepper. Cook on high heat until soup begins to boil. Stir frequently. Add eggs. Stir frequently until eggs are cooked to your desired level of doneness. Not a good time to contemplate the infinite.

Serve to happy hungry hordes.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe uses three eggs. In the stateroom scene from the movie Monkey Business the zany Harpo Marx constantly asks for two eggs.

2) Harpo Marx is not related to Karl Marx.

3) Karl Marx was not at all zany, preaching constantly for a worker-run state via violent revolution.

4) The comedic career of Karl Marx never got anywhere. Indeed, it is doubtful he even tried.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Sale! Sale! Sale On Corporate Sponsorships For *Bump Off Your Enemies* Literary Event

I had previously stated that corporate sponsorships of the *Bump Off Your Enemies* literary events must be $100,000. However, with the economy’s recovery from the Great Recession being wobbly at best and companies spending their excess cash on investment  we’ve received few, read zero, corporate sponsorships.

So for today only, corporate sponsorships for this great event can be had for the quite reasonable amount of $1.98.

Undertakers, this is a natural event to sponsor.

Join the *Bump Off Your Enemies* tsunami.

Authors Candace C. Bowen and Paul R. De Lancey invite you to fictionally “Bump Off” your enemies in 200 words or fewer.gunsight

Enemies do not have to be specific people. They can be types of people such as telemarketers or people who block aisles in supermarkets. Two winners will be crowned Kingpin/Queenpin. Winning entries with a short bio of the winners will be posted on Facebook, Paul De Lancey’s blogsite (www.pauldelancey.com), his website (www.lordsoffun.com), and Candace C. Bowen’s website (www.knightseries.com). Good Luck!

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Hungarian Goulash Recipe

Hungarian Entree

GOULASH

INGREDIENTSgoulash-

1 1/2 pounds pork tenderloin
3 red potatoes
1 1/2 medium onions
1 garlic clove
2 medium carrots
1 1/2 tablespoons vegetable oil
3 cups pork or beef broth
1/2 tablespoon paprika
1 teaspoon parsley
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
1/4 teaspoon thyme
1 teaspoon flour
1/3 cup sour cream

SPECIALTY UTENSIL

Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Cut pork into 1″ cubes. Dice potatoes. Mince onion and garlic. Dice carrots. Put vegetable oil in Dutch oven. Add onion and garlic. Sauté onions and garlic at medium-high heat for about5 minutes or until onions are soft. Stir frequently. Add pork cubes. Sauté for about 20 minutes on medium heat or until pork cubes start to brown. Stir frequently.

Add potato, carrot, broth, paprika, parsley, pepper, salt, and thyme. Cook on low heat with lid on for about 2 1/2 hours or until pork and potato are tender.

Remove from heat. Add flour and sour cream. Stir and serve to lucky guests or family.

TIDBITS

1) I went to Hungary in 1972 with my parents and brother.

2) As was expected, Hungarian goulash was everywhere. I was in heaven.

3) The Soviet Army was there as well. That was not so heavenly. Indeed, there were signs on roads telling us not to take photos of there army bases.

4) Foreigners were not allowed to take Hungarian money, the forint, out of the country. So my family like many others bought a lot of Hungarian chocolate before we left.

5) The Soviet Army left a few decades later. Because of my visit? Who can say.

6) But the Hungarian love for goulash remains strong as ever. Life goes on. Rainbows continue to dot the Hungarian landscape.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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