Posts Tagged With: tsunami

Applesauce

American Appetizer

APPLESAUCE

INGREDIENTS

8 apples
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1¼ cups water
1 teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon ground cloves
⅓ cup white or brown sugar

SPECIAL UTENSILS

food processor
2 mason or other airtight jars. (Enough for 4-to-6 cups.)

Makes 4-to-6 cups depending on the size of the apples.. Takes 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Core and peel apples. Cut each apple into 8 wedges. Put apple wedges, lemon juice, and water into large pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Reduce heat to low. Simmer for 20 minutes or until apple wedges soften and start to fall apart. Add cinnamon, ground cloves, and sugar. Stir with spoon until sugar melts completely.

Add contents of pot to food processor. Blend until you obtain you get applesauce with the consistency that you desire.

TIDBITS

1) You can see a swirl in the applesauce shown in the picture above. Doesn’t it look like a whirlpool? Can you imagine what applesauce would look like if it filled a bowl five miles wide? Poe knows.

2) For In 1841 an explosion rocked Thorvald Applesauce Factory. An avalanche of applesauce streaked down the hill in the nearby Maelström whirpool. The force of the raging applesauce combined with the centrifugal of the Maelström to combine the mother of all eddies, an out of control whirlpool that sucked all ships that came too close.

3) On of those ships was the SS Bunion. The Bunion shattered as it careened off the water walls of the eye of the massive vortex. Many died in the Maelström. Passenger Edgar Allan Poe did not. He survived by clutching to a wooden beam. Poe described his ordeal in his famous story, “Descent into the Maelström.” Poe did omit any mention of the applesauce tsunami, holding that nobody would believe it. However, the Norwegians believed and founded the prestigious Eplesaus Katastrofe Institutt to develop measures to forestall the enormous destructive power of unleashed applesauce.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Mayan Tacos and How to Beat a Drunk-Driving Ticket

Mexican Entree

MAYAN TACOS

INGREDIENTSMayanTaco-

3 chicken breasts
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
3 cups achiote sauce
12 4-1/2″ wide corn tortillas

PREPARATION

Shred chicken breasts. Add chicken breasts and vegetable oil. Sauté chicken on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink. Stir frequently. Warm all tortillas in microwave for 30 seconds or in another skillet on low-medium heat for about 10 seconds or until warm. Add chicken equally to tortillas. Top with achiote sauce.

TIDBITS

1) Tacos is an anagram for tacos. The phrase “Mayan tacos can be found on the Mayan Coast” will help you remember this fact.

2) You may never forget the anagram and the phrase shown in tidbit 1). Indeed, you may find yourself pulled over by a traffic cop for weaving. You were only weaving because you were tired from attending a late-night lecture on the effects of heteroskedasticity on the confidence intervals of coefficients using three stage iterative least squares analysis.

3) But the traffic cop doesn’t know that. He knocks on your window. You roll it down. He says, “You know how fast you were going?” You say, “Sorry, officer, I was in a hurry to get home.” He grunts. “You were weaving out there. Been drinking much?” You shake your head. You want to say no but you blurt out, “Mayan tacos can be found on the Mayan Coast.”

4) The officer yells, “All right, get out of the car.” You get out. He handcuffs you. So convinced by your outburst of your drunkeness, he doesn’t bother to test your breath. He leads you to his patrol car. Sweat dots your forehead. “But honestly officer, I’m not drunk. I really am dead tired from trying to wrap my brain around a lecture on the effects of heteroskedasticity on the confidence intervals of coefficients using three stage iterative least squares analysis.”

5) To back up your claim, you launch into the lecture. The traffic cop’s eyes glaze over. A tsunami of tiredness crashes onto his soul. His will to live evaporates. He realizes he’ll have to listen to you spout the intricacies of empirical economies all the way back to the police station. He lets you go. You will both suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder the rest of your lives.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sale! Sale! Sale On Corporate Sponsorships For *Bump Off Your Enemies* Literary Event

I had previously stated that corporate sponsorships of the *Bump Off Your Enemies* literary events must be $100,000. However, with the economy’s recovery from the Great Recession being wobbly at best and companies spending their excess cash on investment  we’ve received few, read zero, corporate sponsorships.

So for today only, corporate sponsorships for this great event can be had for the quite reasonable amount of $1.98.

Undertakers, this is a natural event to sponsor.

Join the *Bump Off Your Enemies* tsunami.

Authors Candace C. Bowen and Paul R. De Lancey invite you to fictionally “Bump Off” your enemies in 200 words or fewer.gunsight

Enemies do not have to be specific people. They can be types of people such as telemarketers or people who block aisles in supermarkets. Two winners will be crowned Kingpin/Queenpin. Winning entries with a short bio of the winners will be posted on Facebook, Paul De Lancey’s blogsite (www.pauldelancey.com), his website (www.lordsoffun.com), and Candace C. Bowen’s website (www.knightseries.com). Good Luck!

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Corporate Sponsorship Minimum for *Bump Off Your Enemies* Literary Event

I just want all corporations clamoring to sponsor the *Bump Off Your Enemies* literary event to know we will turn down no sponsorship offers of  $100,000 or more. Even lutefisk vendors.

Heads to Heinz. We have 57 people attending. What an incredible tie in for you company. You’re welcome.

Come join the *Bump Off Your Enemies* tsunami.

*Bump Off Your Enemies*

Authors Candace C. Bowen and Paul R. De Lancey invite you to fictionally “Bump Off” your enemies in 200 words or fewer.
Enemies do not have to be specific people. They can be types of people such as telemarketers or people who block aisles in supermarkets.
Two winners will be crowned Kingpin/Queenpin. Winning entries with a short bio of the winners will be posted on Facebook, Paul De Lancey’s blogsite (www.pauldelancey.com), his website (www.lordsoffun.com), and Candace C. Bowen’s website (www.knightseries.com). Good Luck!

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: book reviews and excerpts, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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