Posts Tagged With: steak

Suya From Nigeria

Posted on July 14, 2023 by pauldelancey

Nigerian Entree

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SUYA

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INGREDIENTS
1¼ pounds steak or chicken breasts
3 garlic cloves
1 inch ginger root
3 tablespoons roasted peanuts
8 Uda pods*
1 bouillon cube (It should be the same flavor as the meat used. MaggiTM is, by far, the most popular brand in Africa.)
1 tablespoon cayenne
2 teaspoons paprika
no-stick spray
1½ tablespoons peanut oil or vegetable oil
1 onion
1 tomato
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* = These pods impart a distinctive, authentic taste. They are also known as Selim peppers and Senegal peppers. They are also hard to find, especially offline. Substitute with Szechuan peppercorns. If neither are available, add ¼ teaspoon pepper. If guests notice you didn’t use Uda pods, zap them with your sonic obliterator. You don’t need that kind of negativity.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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food processor or spice grinder
kitchen mallet, mortar and pestle, or even squeaky clean long-nose pliers!
4 metallic skewers (If you use wooden ones, soak them in water 30 minutes before grilling.)
indoor grill
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Makes 4 skewers. Takes 2 hours 45 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Cut steak into 1″ cubes. Mince garlic cloves and ginger root. Grind roasted peanuts into paste with food processor. Smash open Uda pods and remove seeds. Add Uda pods to bowl and crush with kitchen mallet. Crumble bouillon cube. Add garlic, ginger, peanut paste, Uda, bouillon bits, cayenne, and paprika to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork. Add steak cubes to bowl. Mix with hands until cubes are well coated. Cover and marinate in refrigerator for 2 hours. (Soak skewers for 30 minutes if using wooden ones.) While beef marinates, cut onion and tomato into thin slices.
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Thread coated steak cubes to skewers. Brush cubes with peanut oil. Spray grill with no-stick spray. Add skewers to griddle. Cook at medium heat or 300 degrees for 5 minutes or beef cubes are done and golden brown. Garnish with onion and tomato slices.
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TIDBITS
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1) In 356 BC*, or BCE**, Alexander the Little was born.
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2) He was called The Little as he was little at birth.
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3) I too was little at birth, as were billions of people.
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4) * = It’s really quite extraordinary to think how people nearly 2,400 years ago knew that Christ would be born 356 years later.
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5) ** = Or even 356 years before the Common Era. How could they possibly know that era would occur? Or even if they did, how could they ever have guessed it would have been called the Common Era? What if instead, they could have foreseen that the first pita bread would have been baked at Year One? In that case, 356 BCE would be 356 BBFPB (Before Baking First Pita Bread.)
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6) Anyway, Alexander the Little ascended to the Macedonian crown in 336 BBFPB.
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7) His enemies still called him the Little. After Alexander executed these people, these taunts stopped. Alex let everyone know, that they were to refer to him as Alexander the Man.
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8) Alexander, a 20-year-old King, naturally wanted to conquer someone. But which countries?  Was the time right for conquest?
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9) Of course, the thing that all men of Ancient Greece did when wanting to know the future was to consult the Oracle of Delphi.
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10) But that oracle was booked. Apparently, there was a convention of stock brokers in nearby Athens and they all wanted to predict stock prices.
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11) So, The Man headed to the oracle at Suya, in what is now Nigeria.
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12) Little Alex–Oops, he doesn’t want to be called that anymore–made his way across the great Sahara Dessert.
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13) Alexander had a “Serving 56″ ticket and the seers of the oracle were only on 23. So, he looked out the waiting room’s door. He saw to his astonishment Suyan soldiers march by, carrying 16′ spears. The spears held impaled bits of steak and chicken breasts for sustenance on long marches.
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14) 16-foot spears could easily overmatch the daggers and hurling tomatoes favored by the Macedonians and all other Mediterranean empires.
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15) Anyway, the Suyan Oracle told him to conquer the Persian Empire.
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16) Alexander did so with his entree-laden spears. His called this entree “Suya” in honor of the oracle that foresaw his rise to greatness.
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17) And oh, this conquest also earned him the right to call himself Alexander the Great.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Francesinha

Posted on June 13, 2023 by pauldelancey

Portuguese Entree

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FRANCESINHA

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INGREDIENTS – STEAK AND SAUSAGE
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¾ pound flank steak or flap steak
1 tablespoon olive or vegetable oil
2 linguica or andouille sausages
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INGREDIENTS – SAUCE
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1½ tablespoons butter (½ tablespoon more later)
½ teaspoon minced garlic
2 tablespoons minced onion
¾ teaspoon piri piri or red pepper flakes
¼ cup beef broth
6 tablespoons  crushed tomatoes
¼ cup beer
½ tablespoon port or red wine
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INGREDIENTS – FINAL
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4 slices bread
1 cup frozen French fries
½ tablespoon butter
1 egg
4 slices (about 1 ounce each) Pecorino, Parmesan, Asiago, Romano, or your favorite cheese
4 slices ham, sliced medium thick
Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.
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PREPARATION – STEAK AND SAUSAGE
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Cut sausages in half lengthwise. Toast bread. Add oil to pan. Heat using medium-high heat. Oil is hot enough when a bit of bread in the oil starts to dance. Add flank steak. Sauté for 2-to-5 minutes, depending on how you like your steak. Flip. Sauté for 2-to-5 minutes more. It should be browned on both sides. Remove steak and cut in half, and set aside.
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Add sausage halves to pan. Sauté for 2 minutes. Flip. Sauté for 2 minutes more. It should be browned a little on both sides. Remove sausage halves and set aside.
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PREPARATION – SAUCE
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Add 1½ tablespoons butter, garlic, and onion to large, 2nd  pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add beef broth, crushed tomatoes, and piri piri flakes. Bring to boil. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add beer and wine. Let simmer on low for 12 minutes. Stir occasionally.
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PREPARATION – FINAL
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While sauce simmers, cook French fries according to instrustions on package Melt ½ table-spoon butter at medium heat in 3rd pan. Add egg and fry until done to your liking. Cut egg in half.
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Top bread slice with 2 cheese slices. Top cheese with ½ of the ham. Place steak half on ham. Place 2 sausage halves on steak. Place bread slice on sausage. Put egg half on top slice of bread. Cut sandwich in half. Ladle sauce over sandwich halves. Repeat for 2nd sandwich. Serve with fries on the side..
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TIDBITS
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1) Pablo Picasso was born in 1881. He was a great painter. The best. He earned the moniker the “The Big Man of Painting.” His friends called him Big Bad Pablo, or simply Big Bad.
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2) Culinary art historians credit Picasso with founding the Cubist Movement in 1870.
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3) Since 1870 was a full eleven years before Big Bad’s birth, I’m sure you will agree this was quite the achievement.
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4) Observers, some sane and some not,. hold that the Cubist Movement inspired the creation of the sugar cube, Rubik’s(tm) cube, and the car called the Cube(tm).
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5) Oh, and cube roots The cube root of 343 is 7.
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6) To the right is one of Picasso’s most famous paintings. It sold for 13.5 pounds.
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7) Oops, that’s 13.5 millions pounds. Editors are important.
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8) However, Pablo’s best painting is the still life, “Francesinha,” painted during his Portugese years. Francesinha is a Portuguese sandwich. Big Bad loved it. That’s why he moved to Portugal for six years. You can see the painting below and to the right
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9) I have never have made it as big as Picasso in the art world*. However, I’m proud of my recipes, food blogs, and cookbooks. And it’s all because his “Francesinha” spurred me to take up cooking.
* = As of press time.
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10) Picasso’sfirst name, Pablo, translates to Paul in English. Paul is my first name. So, that’s another connection between the renowned artist and me.
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11) For more information on Picasso’s life and artistic influence, you would do well to purchase a copy of Asa Metrics’, Pablo Picasso, A Life Lived from Birth to Death.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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­My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Turkey Salisbury Steak With Pasta

Posted on May 1, 2023 by pauldelancey

American Entree

TURKEY SALISBURY STEAK WITH PASTA

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INGREDIENTS

2 garlic cloves
2 eggs
1 cup bread crumbs
½ teaspoon rosemary
½ teaspoon marjoram
½ teaspoon thyme
1½ pounds ground turkey
1½ tablespoons olive oil

4 tablespoons flour
2 cups chicken broth
3 teaspoons tomato sauce
3 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce

½ pound little-shell pasta (or another variety, if you prefer.)
brick for keeping this cook book open to this page

Makes 6 to 8 Salisbury steaks.

PREPARATION

Mince garlic cloves. Use hands to mix minced garlic, eggs, bread crumbs, marjoram, rosemary, thyme, and turkey in large mixing bowl. Form 6 to 8 patties.

Cook pasta according to instructions on package, or boil it for 5-to-7 minutes.

Meanwhile back at the range, pour oil into first of two frying pans. Add patties. Fry on medium-high heat for about 3 minutes on each side or until meat is no longer pink. Cover and keep warm.

While pasta and patties are cooking, add flour, chicken broth, tomato sauce, and Worcestershire sauce to another frying pan. Fry for about 5 minutes at medium-high heat, or until the sauce starts to boil. Stir frequently. Add cooked patties to this frying pan. Cook patties and sauce at low-medium heat for about 3 minutes.

Serve patties and sauce on top of cooked pasta. Yum.

TIDBITS

1) Salisbury steak was one of my favorites at the university cafeteria.

2) Liver and onions was my least favorite. They weren’t prepared well, so no one ever ate them. Well, maybe a few desperate vampires, but they usually dropped out of the university in their freshmen year due to most classes taking place in the daytime.

3) I rapidly learned never, NEVER, to eat the “Chef’s Surprise.” The only surprise about this dish is why people ever ate it. It was usually some gross dish that the chef had left over from the previous dinner. I owe my hold on sanity to forgetting the specifics of these meat masses.

4) On “Chef Surprise” nights, we usually ate at the University’s burger and hot-dog joint.

5) Pancakes at the university tasted well enough, but they were powerful hard to digest. I think some of them could have doubled as cannon balls.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Swiss Steak

Posted on April 18, 2023 by pauldelancey

American Entree

SWISS STEAK

INGREDIENTS

1 garlic clove
½ green bell pepper
1 red bell pepper
1 large onion
1 pound round or cube steak
½ cup flour
½ teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
½ teaspoon oregano
½ teaspoon paprika
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
¼ cup vegetable oil
½ tablespoon Worcestershire Sauce
3/4 cup beef broth
1 14.5 cans diced tomato
½ tablespoon tomato paste

SPECIAL UTENSILS

Meat tenderizer or mallet
Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

Mince garlic. Take out the innards of the green and red bell peppers. Slice bell peppers and onion into rings.

Take your meat mallet, unleash your anger, and tenderize the steak until it is ¼-inch thick. (Show this to your daughter’s date when you tell him to have her back by ten.)

Mix flour, Meat MagicTM spice, oregano, paprika, pepper, and salt in large bowl with fork or whisk. Take steak and turn it over in the bowl until it is thoroughly covered on both sides with flour. Set aside. Repeat for more than one round or cube steak.

Pour ¼ cup vegetable oil into Dutch oven. Cook at medium-high heat. Once oil starts to show currents or bubble, reduce to medium heat and add a steak. May I suggest using a spatula or tongs, so that your hand is far away from the hot oil? Or holding the lid in your other hand? (Don’t want the kids to learn new words.)

Cook the steak for 2 minutes on each side or until the sides are golden brown. Remove the steak and repeat until all steaks are cooked.

Using the same Dutch oven combine onion, bell peppers, and garlic. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes, stirring frequently. Stir in diced tomatoes, tomato paste, Worcestershire sauce, and beef broth. Add tenderized steak(s).

Cover Dutch oven and put in middle rack of oven. Bake at 325 degrees for 90 minutes to 2 hours or until meat is tender or is falling apart. (Falling apart is not necessarily an allusion to the author.)

TIDBITS

1) Swiss steak does not come from Switzerland anymore than does Enchiladas Suiza.

2) Instead, it is the name of the method for pounding meat or running it through rollers to soften it.

3) Swiss steak is not as popular as it used to be as people became more able to buy better cuts of meat, had less time for cooking, or became vegetarians.

4) All supermarkets have sections full of expensive meat substitutes ranging in quality from “Not bad, tasting like meat,” to “Ugh, I didn’t know soap could be made edible.”

5) Fortunately, chocolate makes meat eaters and vegetarians alike happy.

6) Which is why Switzerland remained at peace during both World Wars. Whenever armies sidled up to the Swiss borders, the Swiss would give their would-be foes bars upon bars of the finest Swiss chocolate and the warriors would go away happy.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Steak Chili

Posted on April 11, 2023 by pauldelancey

American Entree

STEAK CHILI

INGREDIENTS

1½ pounds steak
1 jalapeno pepper
1 yellow onion
1 green bell pepper
3 stalks green onion
1 ripe red tomato
4 garlic cloves
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 16 ounce can red kidney beans
1 8 ounce can tomato sauce
3 teaspoons chili powder
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
1 teaspoon basil
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon cilantro
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon oregano
½ cup barbecue sauce
½ cup sour cream
½ pound shredded cheddar or Four Mexican cheeses

SPECIAL UTENSILS

Dutch oven
Sufficient gas in your car so you can go to the store if you don’t have all the ingredients. Always be prepared!

PREPARATION

Cut steak into ½-inch cubes. Remove stem and innards from jalapeno pepper. Dice jalapeno, yellow onion, green bell pepper, green onion, tomato, and garlic cloves.

Put olive oil and steak cubes into Dutch oven. Cook for 3 to 5 minutes on medium heat or until steak cubes turn brown. Add jalapeno, yellow onion, bell pepper, green onion, tomato, garlic, kidney beans, tomato sauce, chili powder, Dijon mustard, basil, cayenne, pepper, cilantro, cumin, oregano, barbecue sauce, and sour cream.

Set temperature between off and warm. For best results, simmer with lid on for 2 hours. The chili will, however, still taste great if you cook it on medium heat for 20 to 30 minutes. Sprinkle cheese on top 3 minutes before serving.

Life is good.

 

TIDBITS

1) People going on long trips in America in the early 1800s sometimes carried chili in the form of dried bricks. It consisted of beef, chili peppers, salt, and suet.

2) From the 1880s to the 1930s Hispanic women sold hot chili to the passers by of San Antonio. People called them “Chili Queens.”

3) One of my favorite baseball players was called Chili Davis because his fellow Jamaican kids once thought his haircut looked like a “chili bowl.”

4) Chill Wills, the actor, starred in many fine Western movies.

5) Chi Chi Rodriguez was a great golfer.

6) “CH” stands for, in French, Switzerland

7) “C” is the symbol for the element Carbon and the basis for all life on Earth.

8) “ ” is what a mime says.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Powegian Salisbury Steak

Posted on March 27, 2023 by pauldelancey

American Entree

POWEGIAN SALISBURY STEAK

INGREDIENTS

2 garlic cloves
2 stalks green onion
3/4 pound ground turkey
¼ pound ground beef
1 teaspoon cider vinegar
1 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
½ teaspoon onion powder
½ teaspoon sage
½ teaspoon basil
½ teaspoon thyme
½ teaspoon coriander
7 ounce can diced tomatoes
1 cup water
1 package, or cube, beef bouillon

PREPARATION

Mince garlic cloves and green onion. Puree diced tomatoes.

Mix ground turkey, ground beef, garlic, green onion, cider vinegar, meat spice, onion powder, sage, basil, thyme, and coriander. Make 4 patties. Fry patties in frying pan on medium-high head. Do this for about three minutes on each side or until meat is no longer pink. Remove patties. (Take time to think clearly on economic issues.)

Add pureed tomatoes, water, and beef bouillon to the pan. Cook on medium heat and blend until bouillon is completely dissolved and mixture is thoroughly blended.

Return the patties to the pan. Spoon sauce over the patties and let the patties and sauce simmer for 5-to-10 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) The 19th century Dr. Salisbury inspired the creation of the Salisbury steak. This fascinating man believed people should eat hamburgers three times a day followed by a cup of hot water.

2) He also believed all food should be thoroughly shredded. The good doctor would have fallen in love with the CuisinartTM food processor I bought yesterday.

3) If I only had a time machine, I surely would go back in time and buy him his very own food processor. Because I’m not giving up my processor, even to a culinary hero.

4) Salisbury Steaks first became popular during the First World War since we were fighting the Germans and hamburgers were created in Hamburg, Germany. So hamburgers became unpatriotic for the duration of the war. War is all hell.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Korean Grilled Steak

Posted on September 1, 2022 by pauldelancey

Korean Entree

GRILLED STEAK

INGREDIENTS

1½ pounds sirloin
2 teaspoons sesame oil (2 tablespoons more later)
3 garlic cloves
1½” ginger root
3 stalks green onions
1 tablespoon brown sugar
2 tablespoons rice vinegar
2 tablespoons sesame oil (1 tablespoon per batch)
2 teaspoons toasted sesame seeds or sesame seeds

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric griddle (Should you wish to use an outdoor or tabletop grill, please do so before slicing.)

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Tightly wrap sirloin in plastic. Put in freezer for 40 minutes or until the meat is just firm enough to be thinly sliced. Slice sirloin into strips as thin as you can.

While sirloin firms, mince garlic. Grate ginger root. Dice green onions. Add garlic, ginger root, green onions, brown sugar, rice vinegar, 2 teaspoons sesame oil, and sesame seeds to mixing bowl. Mix with spoon until well blended.

Spread 1 tablespoon sesame oil over griddle. Set heat to medium high. Sear sirloin strips for 2 minutes or until the bottom side browns nicely. Turn strips over and sear again for 2 minutes or until the new bottom side also browns nicely. Serve with sauce on the side. Goes well with rice.

TIDBITS

1) John Keats belonged to the Second Generation of Romantic Poets. Keats’ poems were really good reads. Indeed, his poems often made number one on The Top Ten British Poems. Indeed, who can forget his evocative “Ode to a Nightingale?” No one who’s read it will ever forget it. Of course, those who’ve never read that poem will never forget it either. So no one, then.

2) Keats remains beloved by chefs everywhere for his brilliant culinary poetry. Ask any chef about their favorite poems. They will invariably reply, “Ode to a Three Ingredient Meal” and “The Rigors of the Twelve Hour Shift.” Keats, of course, is also famous for his memoir, Two Years Before the Cattle Herd. It’s a rip-roaring yarn. During that drive, Keats dazzled his fellow drovers by cooking up a slab of beef. An anagram-prone drover named the new dish “Steak” in honor of Keats. There.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Pizzaghetti

Posted on October 29, 2021 by pauldelancey

Canadian Entree

PIZZAGHETTI

INGREDIENTS – PIZZA CRUST

2 cups all-purpose flour (1 tablespoon more later)
¾ cup water
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
½ teaspoon sugar
½ teaspoon salt
½ tablespoon active dry yeast
no-stick spray
1 tablespoon flour

INGREDIENTS – TOPPINGS

½ pound spaghetti
no-stick spray
1½ cups pasta sauce
½ pound sausage meat*
¼ pound sliced pepperoni*
2 cups mozzarella cheese

* = Substitute with your preferred toppings, if you like.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

bread maker
16″ pizza pan

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 50 minutes.

PREPARATION – PIZZA CRUST

Add flour, water, oil, sugar, salt, and yeast to the bread maker. Do not put the yeast directly on top of the salt. Salt is bad for yeast and yeast makes the dough rise. “Ask not what your yeast can do for you. Ask what you can do for your yeast.”

Set the timer or the menu on the bread maker to “Dough.” Wait for the required time, maybe up to an hour. In the meantime preheat the oven to 400 degrees and liberally spray the pizza pan with no-stick spray. This will prevent the crust from forming a glue-like bond with the pan.

Take the dough out of the bread maker and roll it out until the dough covers the pizza pan. If you do not possess a rolling pin, any canned food can will do as long as it is at least six inches tall. Spray the pan and coat it with 1 tablespoon flour before spreading the dough.

PREPARATION – TOPPINGS

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Read instructions for spaghetti on package. Subtract 3 minutes from the suggested time. (The spaghetti will continue to cook in the oven.) Drain.

Spray pizza pan with no-stick spray. Put pizza crust on pizza pan. Spread pasta sauce over entire crust. Make ½” sausage balls. Arrange sausage balls and pepperoni slices evenly over sauce. Distribute spaghetti evenly over pizza. Sprinkle cheese over everything. Bake pizza in oven at 400 degrees for 16 minutes or until cheese turns golden brown.

Note: This another version of pizzaghetti that simply has spaghetti and sauce served next to one or two slices of pizzas. To me, the version presented here is much more exciting.

TIDBITS

1) I must say that this is an exciting dish.

2) It’s so simple now, yet so many never had the wit to combine pizza with spaghetti.

3) But Patrice Grandchat did. Culinary financial analysts report that Mlle. Grandchat now has so much money that she’s about to launch a hostile takeover of AmazonTM. “I have a lot of things in my closets and attic that I’d like to sell,” said the billionaire Quebecoise.

4) I want to be as rich as Mlle. Grandchat. If I were that wealthy, I’d never have to think twice about spending ten cents on a recyclable plastic bag at the supermarket checkout stand. So, here are my forthcoming money-making food dishes.

A) PB&S: Peanut Butter and Steak. Simply slather your steak with peanut butter. There’s a version of this entree where the steak gets stuffed with peanut butter. This is the famous Stuffed PB&S.

B) Ravioli Burger: Substitute the meat patty in your burger with ravioli.

C) Camcowpigturducken: This is a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey inside a pig inside a cow inside a camel. Vegetarians are warned away from this dish. It’s also a diet-busting meal.

D) Taco Ice Cream: Who doesn’t love tacos? Who doesn’t love ice cream? I tell you, putting a crushed taco inside cream is a stroke of genius.

E) Roast Marshmallow Beef: It’s often called RMB by its legion of fans. Nothing’s more fun than roasting marshmallows over a campfire. And roast beef is the tastiest meat entree around. And what better way to get food fussies to eat their roast beef than hiding it inside a dessert?

F) Coke Dogs: Coca ColaTM is the world’s favorite soda. The hot dog is America’s most beloved meal. Simply boil your frankfurters in a pot of Coca Cola instead of water.

G) Bean Kabobs: Finally a way to grill beans! We never could before because beans would, of course, fall through the grill. But they won’t when they’re skewered between pork cubes and onion slices.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Fun Things to Do at the DMV

Posted on October 22, 2021 by pauldelancey

Dance as a Greek goddess at the DMV

Everybody knows that waiting in line at the DMV is the most soul-sucking experience imaginable.

But we are all wrong.

Just because the slow lines inside the DMV resemble plate tectonics, it doesn’t mean our imagination and hopes have to slow that much as well. No! Well then, what do we do in those funereal confines?

I’m glad you asked. Here are some fun things you can do while waiting to turn in your paperwork for a smart license.

1)  Start a flash-mob Greek dancing extravaganza. Put on your togas, crank up the Hellenic flute music and rock the joint as your favorite Greek goddess or muse.

2) Start a chess tournament. Don’t worry, there will be enough time. You’ll need to bring your own tables and chess sets.

Such fun

3) Give archery lessons. Isn’t there a risk of hitting someone? Won’t someone move into the path of the arrow? No, people don’t move inside the DMV. Well, hardly ever. And even then, your impeded shot will just make the line shorter. It’s a win-win scenario for all but the victim.

4) Organize a reading contest. The first person to read Moby Dick from cover to cover wins.

5) Set up a film festival. Screen the car classics, Thunder Road, Smokey and the Bandit, Death Race 2000, and if time permits, Mad Max – Fury Road.

6) Do DMV dating. It’s just like speed dating where you get five minutes with a potential date, but much, much longer.

7) Keep track of your time and apply it to any future jail sentences.

Dine Well While Waiting Out the Line

8) Bring a crossword puzzle book. Finish it.

9) Have a candlelit gourmet lunch with the person next in line. Dinner on lobster thermidor, steak au poivre vert, chicken Florentine, and baked Alaska. Meet the love of your life, make a business contact, or just past the time with delicious food and pleasing conversation.

10) Learn Portuguese. You never know when you’ll go to Brazil.

11) Get paid by the hour while you keep a billionaire’s place in line. The billionaire can use this time to rocket into space. It’s a win-win situation.

As you can see, there are many exhilarating things you can do while in line in the DMV. I hope to see you there. Son of a bee, we’ll have great glee at the ‘MV

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Medfouna

Posted on February 7, 2021 by pauldelancey

Moroccan Entree

MEDFOUNA
(Marrakech Pizza)

INGREDIENTS – DOUGH

2¼ teaspoons yeast
¾ cup warm water
1¾ cups all-purpose flour (4 more tablespoons later)
½ cup wheat flour or semolina
¾ teaspoon salt

INGREDIENTS – FILLING
1 onion
1 red chile
⅓ cup fresh parsley
1 teaspoon coriander
½ teaspoon cumin
½ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon sea salt or salt (¼ teaspoon more later)
1 pound steak or lamb (minced or ground)

INGREDIENTS – FINAL

2 tablespoons all-purpose flour (2 more tablespoons later)
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 egg
¼ teaspoon sea salt or salt

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric beater
plastic wrap or kitchen towels
baking sheet
parchment paper

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 45 minutes.

PREPARATION – DOUGH

Add yeast and warm water to 1st large mixing bowl. Stir with fork until yeasts dissolves. Let sit for 10 minutes or until yeast becomes bubbly. Gradually add in 1¾ cups all-purpose flour, wheat flour, and salt. Stir with fork until well blended. Use medium setting for electric beater on flour/yeast mix until you get a smooth and elastic ball of dough.

Divide dough into two equal balls. Place in bowls and cover with plastic wrap or kitchen towels. Let rise for 45 minutes or until dough doubles in size.

PREPARATION – FILLING

While dough rises. mince onion. Seed and dice red chile. Dice parsley. Add all filling ingredients to 2nd large mixing bowl. Mix well with hands until well blended.

PREPARATION – FINAL

Preheat oven to 360 degrees. Dust flat surface with 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour. Roll out one dough ball until it’s a circle 11″ across. Cover baking sheet with parchment paper. Put 11″ dough circle on parchment paper. Poke the circle 10 times with a fork. Spread filing over 11″ circle, leaving 1″ uncovered around the edges.

Dust flat surface with 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour. Roll out remaining dough ball into an 11″ circle. Place this 11″ dough circle on top of filling. Dip fingers in water and press edges together to form a seal. Beat egg. Spread egg on top. Sprinkle with sea salt. Bake at 360 degrees for 25 minutes or until golden brown.

TIDBITS

1) In 1801, William Playfair ordered medfouna in a small cafe in while in Marrakech. He sliced his pizza into four pieces. He ate a slice. It was delicious. Playfair gazed at the three remaining pieces. The proportion of the slices equaled the ratios of the Ottoman Empire that were in Europe, Asia, and Africa! He called his startling idea the “pizza-pie chart,” shortened afterward to “pie chart.”

2) You might think his idea would have sparked little interest among Britain’s scientific community. But no, that’s all the island nation’s greatest minds could talk about. They’d gone pie-chart mad.

4) So much so that the British scientists abandoned all research on the not as sexy topic of time travel. That’s too bad for King George III’s redcoats. For if Britain had had time travel, they could have gone forward to the 20th century and bought back machine guns, howitzers, jet fighters, and all sorts of bombers. It’s difficult to see how the French army of the early 19th century could have stood up to all of that, even with the element of surprise.

5) But the pie-chart mania precluded the development of all modern weaponry. The Napoleonic Wars dragged on for fourteen more bloody years. The British public blamed the pie chart. Whereas, pie charts were once found on every street in London, by 1816 they were all gone.

7) Pie charts came back during the Crimean War when Nurse Florence Nightingale taught the idea to her bandaged patients. It was her way of helping them pass the time. Pie charts died out when the war ended and Britain closed all its pie-chart hospitals in Crimea.

8) Pie charts remained unloved when World War II rolled around. With no pie charts to distract them, British boffins created one dazzling breakthrough after another, such as radar and the Spitfire. Enabled by this technology, the British defeated the Nazi War machine. Now, of course, we have both spiffy weapons and pie charts, but only because today’s scientists have learned to specialize.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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