Posts Tagged With: recipes

Castro Burger

Posted on September 5, 2012 by pauldelancey

Cuban Entree

CASTRO BURGER

INGREDIENTS

1 pound ground pork
1/2 pound ground beef
1 onion
2 cloves garlic
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon ground mustard
1 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 14.5 ounce cans diced tomatoes
6  Swiss cheese slices
Dill Sandwich StackersTM Pickles
yellow mustard
6 French rolls (Use Cuban bread if you can find it.)
No mayonnaise (This is a Cuban no no.)
PREPARATION

Mince onion and garlic cloves. Mix pork, beef, onion, garlic, cumin, mustard, oregano, pepper, and salt by hand. Form six patties. Fry patties in pan until golden brown.

Add diced tomatoes and juice. Cook until tomatoes and juice are hot. Toast rolls. Put patty on roll, followed by a scooping of diced tomatoes, a few pickles, and a slice of Swiss Cheese. Spread mustard on the top half of the roll and put on top of the patty and fixings. Andale.

TIDBITS

1) Some decades ago, Fidel Castro decided communist Cuba could do as well as McDonald’sTM. To back up this bold assertion, they announced the construction of roadside stands selling burgers and orange drinks. The meat in the burgers was guaranteed to contain at least 60% pork. They didn’t identify the meat comprising the other 40%.

2) This dish is in homage to Fidel Castro. Thanks Fidel, without you this dish would never have been created.

3) Fidel Castro was a good baseball player in his youth and probably would made it at least to minor leagues if he hadn’t decided to throw it all away to make a revolution.

4) Lenin caused the Russian Revolution which caused millions of people to die. His successor Stalin is responsible for tens of millions more.

5) Neither Lenin nor Stalin showed any aptitude for baseball. Coincidence, perhaps?

6) One of the first professional baseball teams in Russia played next to a missile base.

7) During the 1990s, Moscow’s utility company shut down all electricity to Russia’s command center for its nuclear strike force. Until Russia paid its electric bill, it’s nuclear missiles were useless.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Super Burritos

Posted on September 4, 2012 by pauldelancey

Mexican Entree

SUPER BURRITOS

INGREDIENTS

1 medium onion
2 tablespoons cumin
1 1/2 pounds ground turkey
1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup salsa
2 cans kidney beans, drained of water
1 1/2 cups grated four Mexican cheeses
10 large flour tortillas

PREPARATION OF THE BURRITO’S INNARDS

Mince the onion. Mix it and the cumin into the ground meat by hand. Cook the meat until browned. Note, browned turkey meat is whiter than browned beef.

(You can substitute other meat for turkey. You can even use ground up vegetarian chicken. I don’t recall what went into this meat substitute, but it did taste vaguely like chicken and turned out well in this recipe.)

Add the mayonnaise and mix. (Why are there two “n”s in “mayonnaise?”) Stir in the salsa. It is essential to taste now. If your taste buds tell you it needs more spice, add more cumin or salsa. If you want your creation to be smoother, add more mayonnaise. If your mixture isn’t thick enough, you can lose liquid to evaporation by letting the mix simmer longer. Or as I prefer, use any liquidy mix as a sauce or a fantastic soup.

Remember to constantly stir, especially after adding the cheese. It takes forever to scrub off burnt cheese from the bottom of the pan.

Add kidney beans and cheese. Cook at medium heat until all the beans are hot enough and the cheese melted.

ASSEMBLING THE BURRITO

The tortilla should be big. A big tortilla is much more likely to hang together during rolling than a small one, especially given most people’s tendency to put too much meat mix onto the burrito. Size matters.

The tortilla must be pliable or easy to fold. Tortillas that have been sitting in the refrigerator for a while get brittle. Microwave them in the microwave for about ten seconds or so, until they become soft.

Never, but never, make burritos with corn tortillas. They will break apart. The burrito’s innards will ooze out the sides. You’ll panic and try to keep everything together with toothpicks. Maybe these burritos will hold together until served. (However, they will surely fall apart when the millionaire parents of your fiancé pick them up. A bad first impression of you? You bet. So, use flour tortillas, okay?)

Anyway, scoop about two tablespoons burrito mix onto the center bottom of the burrito. Fold the bottom over the mix. Fold the sides in until they almost touch. Roll the bottom of the tortilla over and over until your burrito is formed.

It takes some practice to do this right. It is easier than it might seem to burst the tortilla with too much mix or have the mix escape out the sides. But you will get it right after one or two tries.

Your family will smile beatifically at you. Your kids, who have been grunting monosyllabic words at you for months, will favor you with, “Awesome food” and “Parental figure, may I enjoy an additional helping?.” Cooking doesn’t get much better than this.

TIDBITS

1) “Burrito” is Spanish for “little burro.” Why Spanish-speaking people think a burrito looks like a little donkey is beyond me.

2) Not many people believe Marco Polo brought back burritos from China in the 1200s.

3) Probably because it is not true.

4) Many do believe, however, the burrito was first made by Juan Mendez during the Mexican Revolution.

5) So, revolutions have their upsides.

6) Bad for the part of my family that lost its ranch in the Mexican revolution.

7) But Mexico also gave us the crispy corn taco with shredded beef. How can I not forgive and forget?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Turkey Stroganoff

Posted on August 30, 2012 by pauldelancey

Russian Entree

TURKEY STROGANOFF

INGREDIENTS

12 ounce bag egg noodles
water
1 garlic clove
1 small onion
1 1/2 pounds ground turkey
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon paprika
2 teaspoons butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 1/2 tablespoons flour
1 cup chicken broth
4 tablespoons sour cream

PREPARATION

Start cooking egg noodles according to instructions or slowly add egg noodles to large pot of boiling water. Keep noodles in boiling water for 5 to 7 minutes. Drain water from noodles with colander.

Mince garlic clove. (Do a small victory dance to celebrate another victory of Man Versus Garlic.) Dice onion (If you look carefully through your tearing eyes, you might see the onion bits move slightly. This is indeed the onion’s victory dance and you should be honored if you get to see it.)

Meanwhile, back at the mixing bowl, combine turkey, garlic, coriander, salt, pepper, onion, and paprika. Cook until there is no pink turkey meat.

Melt butter in frying pan using medium heat. Add olive oil and flour. Stir constantly until mixture thickens. Add turkey/spice mix. Add in sour cream and broth. Cook on medium-high heat until the entire mixture is hot.

This is a simple dish with easy steps, yet enough spices to make your guests drool. Life is good.

TIDBITS

1) Butter is made by agitating fresh cream.

2) Fresh cream, being an inanimate object, is usually cool by nature and difficult to agitate.

3) So you’ll have to call your fresh cream all sorts of nasty things to agitate it enough to make it become butter.

4) Things like “Your momma dates Sweet N LoTM” and “Butter begins with ‘butt’.”

5) Butter is largely a colloid of milk and water.

6) What’s a colloid?

7) Butter comes in two varieties, salted and unsalted, just like nuclear power.

8) Although, unsalted nuclear power does seem to predominate.

9) But you could sprinkle salt on an enriched uranium rod if you so wanted.

10) Please put on a radioactive-proof suit before trying the previous tidbit.

11) During the Middle Ages, witches were able to transform themselves into insects to steal butter.

12) Witches don’t like margarine or spreads.

13) This is why you don’t find many witches anymore.

14) So, if you see a witch on Halloween, please give her a stick of butter. Life’s been hard for her.

15) And maybe the witch will be so grateful for your kindness, she’ll give you a spell to use on your boss.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chicken Noodle Soup

Posted on August 29, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Soup

CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP

INGREDIENTS

1 1/4 pounds chicken breasts
4 ounces carrots
3 celery stalks
1 medium yellow onion
4 garlic cloves
9 cups chicken broth, a bit more than 2 quarts
1/2 teaspoon basil
2 bay leaves
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1/2 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon tarragon
1 teaspoon thyme
1 1/2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoon olive oil
12 ounces egg noodles

PREPARATION

Cut chicken breasts into 1/2-inch cubes. Dice carrots. Devein, or remove long, silky strings from outside of celery stalks by breaking stalk in half and pulling apart. Dice celery and onion. Mince garlic cloves. (Whole garlic cloves rarely fare well in recipes.)

Pour chicken broth into large soup pan. Add chicken cubes, basil, bay leaves, pepper, poultry spice, coriander, oregano, tarragon, and thyme. Cook at medium high for 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, back at the saucepan, melt butter at medium heat. Don’t turn your back at this step; butter melts fast. Add olive oil and the diced, minced, and otherwise dazed and defeated veggies mentioned above. Cook and stir at medium heat for 5 to 7 minutes or until vegetables are soft.

Add these sauteed vegetables to the soup pan. Keep cooking the soup at medium-high heat for another 5 to 7 minutes. Add noodles to soup and cook according to instructions on noodles’ package or for about 8 minutes more.

Chicken-noodle soup is good for your health, goes well with biscuits and has been an American favorite for years; even before the Cubs’ last World Series win.

TIDBITS

1) Oregano looks a lot like marijuana, but it cannot get you high or cure glaucoma.

2) As of yet, there are no medical-oregano stores, not even in the most progressive states.

3) Another food that both starts and ends with an “o” is the mighty OreoTM cookie. Most nutritionists hold that this delicacy is not the healthiest of foods.

4) The OreoTM is, however, one of the tastiest morsels on this Earth.

5) As long as you don’t spice it with oregano.

6) Or even garlic.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Cheese Quesadilla

Posted on August 21, 2012 by pauldelancey

Mexican Entree

CHEESE QUESADILLA

INGREDIENTS

8 small flour tortillas
2 cups grated four Mexican cheeses
1 red bell pepper
1 green bell pepper
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro
1 tablespoon melted butter
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
8 tablespoons salsa
4 tablespoons sour cream

PREPARATION

Dice red bell pepper, green bell pepper, and cilantro.

Mix melted butter and vegetable oil and coat one side of each tortilla. Put the oil sides face down. Sprinkle cheese, peppers, cilantro, salsa, and sour cream evenly over four tortillas.

Put the four remaining tortillas oil side face up on top of the ingredient-covered tortillas.

SPRAY ANY PAN OR COOKING DISH LIBERALLY WITH NO-STICK COOKING SPRAY. If not, your quesadilla may very well stick to the pan causing it to explode in an amazing spectrum of flying colors when you try to remove it or flip it over for even browning.

Use small tortillas until you have become quite adept at flipping hot foods. A quesadilla that is much bigger than your spatula may indeed result in the quesadilla falling apart or in melted cheese oozing down your wrist. (Your adoring children will learn new words as you plunge your burning hand under the blessed cold-water faucet. They’ll proudly repeat them at school. You’ll get a call from the principal.) Size matters.

Grill or fry the quesadillas until golden brown, or about 90 seconds per side. As always, pay careful attention as the browning period is swiftly followed by burning. You may also bake them in an oven at 400 degrees for 5 to 10 minutes. Baking, however, quickly uses up a lot of dishes.

1) The Spanish language considers “ll” to be a letter.

2) A meteorite striking Mexico’s Yucatan Peninsula could very well have resulted in the extinction of the dinosaurs.

3) Tidbits 1 and 2 are apparently unrelated.

4) Chocolate came from Mexico.

5) My wife said this was the best quesadilla she ever had. And she cleaned up the cyclone of dishes made by this recipe.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Greek Stuffed Bell Peppers

Posted on August 18, 2012 by pauldelancey

Greek Entree

STUFFED BELL PEPPERS

INGREDIENTS

1 cup brown rice
6 bell peppers (any color)
2 cups water (diet water is okay)
1 1/2 pounds ground turkey
1 1/2 teaspoons dried basil
1 teaspoon Prudhomme’s Poultry MagicTM pice
1/2 teaspoons Prudhomme’s Vegetable MagicTM spice
0 teaspoons salt (too much salt is bad for you. Boo, salt, boo)
1/2 teaspoons black pepper
olive oil
1/4 teaspoons paprika
pig sweat (not really)
1 sweetheart to help you find all the ingredients. Some of the fixings will be lurking behind jugs of milk in the refrigerator

SPECIALTY ITEM

Rice cooker

PREPARATION

The most important thing in this recipe is having the ingredients. But you do have flexibility. For example, if you don’t have Prudhomme’s Poultry MagicTM spice, use poultry seasoning, coriander, or dill.

The first step is to cut off the tops of the bell peppers and remove the stem and seeds. Fill a pot with water and put a steaming rack over the pot. Put the peppers on the rack. Boil the water in the pot for ten minutes. (Enough time for a three-mile-run if you’re really fast.) All this is done to soften the peppers.

You really ought to know how to cook rice, especially for this recipe. Theoretically, having a rice cooker ought to be idiot-proof. Ha, not for this idiot.

I had never used this rice cooker before. I measured a cup of rice and poured it in. I measured another cup of water and poured it in. There didn’t seem to be as much water as I had thought there would be. I poured another cup. Same result.

The water pooling onto the counter told me something was amiss. “Honey,” I said, “water’s coming out the rice maker.”

She strode into the kitchen, cleaned up the water, looked at the cooker, and at me. “You didn’t put the black plastic pot into the cooker. You probably ruined it.”

“I didn’t know there was a plastic pot,” I said in my defense. My synapses were really firing.

After much spirited debate, I unscrewed the bottom of the cooker and extracted the remaining 223,192 kernels. My wife took the cooker to the bathroom and dried the contraption with a hair dryer. We put it back together, this time with the plastic pot.

Oh, I combined the stupid rice with the turkey meat and all those spices. Mixed them thoroughly with my hands. Don’t shake hands with people while doing this.

Carefully scoop the rice/meat mass into the peppers. Pour some olive oil on top of the peppers and coat the seeds with the oil. Yes, olive oil is oily. If your fingers got coated, you’ll have to wash your hands again. Sprinkle a good amount of paprika on top of the peppers and meat to obtain a nice browning.

Place the stuffed peppers in a baking dish and cook for 35-50 minutes at 350 degrees until the meat is completely cooked. Please do not let anyone fiddle with the timer during the baking. If so, you’ll have to take the peppers out of the oven more than once and poke at the meat to see if it’s done. DO NOT do this without a pot holder.

Any excess rice/meat mass can be combined with ranch beans to make a tasty side dish.

Well, there you have it. These bell peppers made a scrumptious main course. My family loved it. I don’t know if I’ll make it again, though. I’m powerful afraid of that rice cooker.

TIDBITS

1) Asians eat close to forty times as much rice per year as the average American.

2) Although you can puff rice, it does not “pop” as well as popcorn.

3) Rice is a symbol of fertility. That’s why people used to throw handfuls at weddings. The practice stopped when lawyers and insurers stepped in. One might also imagine couples wishing to remain childless objecting.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Spaghetti And Meatballs

Posted on August 16, 2012 by pauldelancey

Italian Entree

SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS

INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 pounds of ground turkey meat
2 big garlic cloves
1 cup of sourdough bread crumbs
2 jars of spaghetti sauce
12 ounces of spaghetti

COOKING THE SPAGHETTI

Follow the instructions on your bag of spaghetti. Different sizes and types of spaghetti have different cooking instructions.

PREPARING THE MEATBALLS

This dish is relatively forgiving. If it’s too spicy, add some water or tomato sauce. If it isn’t spicy enough add some more. If it’s too “liquidy”–-“liquidy” is a legitimate cooking term–-cook the sauce a little longer. If there isn’t enough sauce add more.

Begin defrosting the turkey meat overnight. This way saves electricity and is better for the environment than defrosting by microwave. Sometimes, however, you just don’t have the time. It’s a good idea to take the meat out of the microwave and remove the defrosted outer meat. If you don’t, you will end up cooking the outer part of your block of turkey meat, making it extremely difficult to make meatballs.

Mince the garlic cloves. Take a slice of sourdough bread and make crumbs out of it. I suggest a food processor as it can make smaller crumbs than you can and it won’t get bored doing it either. Sourdough is the chosen bread in this recipe as it goes well with the garlic and spaghetti sauces.

Mix the meat, cloves, and crumbs together. Make meatballs that are at least 1 inch in diameter and less than two. Meatballs that are more than 2 inches across stand a good chance of resembling a model of the Earth–-a hard crust on the outside, gray in the middle with a reddish core.

Put the meatballs in the pan. Actually, this recipe will make two pans worth, giving a huge, delicious meal or wonderful leftovers that your kids will eat the next day before you get up.

Cook on medium heat. Gradually add spaghetti sauce until the medium balls are covered. Reduce heat to low and cover. You won’t have to turn over the meatballs more than a few times as the sauce atop will keep the moisture in.

You’re ready with your sauce at this point. However, if your noodles are not, if you can’t get your kids to log off Wizard 101 or if your sweetheart is in the middle of a Wii Fit session, it is an extremely good idea to set the heat to warm at most or even shut it off. Stir occasionally and gnash your teeth. Your anger will evaporate with the compliments your hungry brood or guests will give you for this meal.

TIDBITS

1) Pasta was eaten by the Chinese seven-thousand years ago.

2) Cortez brought tomatoes back to Spain from Mexico in 1519. So his conquest of Mexico, while bad for the Aztecs, was a positive boon for the culinary world. No tomato sauces for spaghetti noodles for 5,500 years! Ugh.

3)Pasta was not brought back from China by Marco Polo. Ancient Romans ate this food as well. Dang, yet another example of how boring history can be.

4) Pasta was considered to be peasant food by Italian nobility until around the 19th century.

5) Pasta is an anagram for “pa sat.”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chicken Recado Stew

Posted on August 15, 2012 by pauldelancey

,Belizean Entree

CHICKEN RECADO STEW

INGREDIENTS

2 small red potatoes
2 pounds boneless chicken breasts
5 tablespoons lime juice
1/4 cup barbeque sauce
1 teaspoon thyme
1 teaspoon basil
1 teaspoon white pepper
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon crushed red pepper
1 teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon Jamaican Jerk spice

2 tablespoons red recado (This Belizean spice is found online.)
1 cup chicken broth

1 medium white onion
1 green bell pepper
1 stalk celery
2 stalk green onion.
6 cloves garlic
2 tablespoons vegetable oil

1 1/2 cups brown rice
3 cups water

PREPARATION

Boil potato eighths for about 15 minutes. Cut chicken breasts into bit-sized pieces. Mince onion and green onion and cut each potato into eight bits.

Put chicken bits into mixing bowl. Add lime juice, barbeque sauce, thyme, basil, white pepper, paprika, crushed red pepper, coriander, and Jamaican Jerk spice. (My goodness, I’ve just used up the last of my coriander. Augh! And the Jerk Spice should really be from Belize. I’m no longer spice ready!) Mix the chicken and spices until nearly all of the spices stick to the chicken bits.

Put recado and chicken broth in small bowl. Stir a few times to help the recado dissolve into the broth.

Saute white onion, bell pepper, celery, green onion and garlic in vegetable oil on medium-high heat for about 5 minutes. Add chicken and saute again until the outside of the chicken starts to brown and the inside is completely white. Add recado/chicken broth. Add potatoes, cover, and simmer for another 30 minutes.

Serve with rice (cooked according to instructions on package) to your family, or guests, who will be looking at you with adoration in their eyes.

TIDBITS

1) A thumbless dwarf called El Duende inhabits the Belizean forest and eats children who destroy the wildlife.

2) I wonder, could El Duende develop a taste for lawyers?

3) Belize possesses 900 Mayan sites.

4) If you don’t like ancient stone sites, you’ll be bored at all 900.

5) Coca Cola in Belize is bottled using cane sugar rather than the evil, nasty high-fructose corn syrup. Yay, Belize.

6) A web page about Belize had an advertisement for Alaska Air. Why?

7) In Belize, it is considered rude when coming upon someone for the first time, to greet them using their first name.

8) How on Earth, would you know that person’s first name when first meeting them?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Moroccan Yogurt Sauce From Forthcoming Cookbook

Posted on August 8, 2012 by pauldelancey

Moroccan Appetizer

MOROCCAN YOGURT SAUCE

INGREDIENTS

3/4 teaspoon whole cloves
1 medium red onion
2 garlic cloves
1 tablespoon olive oil
3/4 teaspoon cardamom
3 tablespoons fresh dates
1 cup plain full fat or whole yogurt

UTENSIL

Spice grinder

PREPARATION

Grind cloves in spice grinder. Dice red onion and garlic cloves. Remove seeds from dates. Chop dates. (This is not license to go Lizzie Borden.)

Cook on medium-high heat: olive oil, onion, diced garlic, ground cloves, and cardamom until onion is tender. Add chopped dates. Cook for 1 minute. Put contents in mixing bowl and add yogurt. Mix with fork or whisk. Serve right away if used for kebabs. (Kebab is not a palindrome.) This is also a great bread dip.

TIDBITS

1) Dates are good for you! Dates help cure sore throats.

2) Dates help reduce the intoxicating effects of alcohol.

3) Unfortunately, most people who get intoxicated know little of dates’ beneficial properties.

4) I mean, how many times has a traffic cop pulled over a weaving driver only to hear, “But officer, I was on my way to buy some dates at the supermarket. Honestly, I was.”

5) Were dates stockpiled by Chicago’s gangsters in the 1920s? They could have been used to make alcohol like any food with sugar. And if the police raided the date warehouse, the criminals could have claimed they were there to help wipe out the latest sore throat epidemic to hit the city. Hard to say. No one talked. Best to let the subject drop.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sandwich Cubano

Posted on July 27, 2012 by pauldelancey

Cuban Entree

SANDWICH CUBANO

INGREDIENTS

4 French rolls (Cuban bread if you can find it.)
1 pound sliced ham (sweet cured ham if possible)
1 pound sliced roast pork (see note*)
1/2 pound sliced Swiss cheese (baby Swiss if possible)
Dill Sandwich StackersTM Pickles
Yellow mustard
No mayonnaise (This is a Cuban no no.)
Butter

SPECIALTY ITEM

Sandwich maker or press.

PREPARATION

The order of preparation is quite important to aficianados of this dish. I present the following as the way I learned it. Spread butter over inside of bread half. Put on a light coating of mustard next. Top this with two pickle slices, 1/4 pound of roasted pork, 1/4 pound of sliced ham, and 2 ounces of Swiss cheese. Coat the inside of the other half of the French roll with butter and mustard. Assemble the sandwich.

Spray the sandwich maker with no-stick cooking spray. Put your sandwich in the sandwich maker. Cut into two or four pieces if necessary. Cook for about three minutes.

Your sandwich maker might cook faster or slower. (Stick around and stay alert for smoke smells or that billowing cloud issuing from the sandwich maker because you thought you could read another chapter of War and Peace.)

This tastes fantastic and is quite filling. It’s just the thing to eat.

* = Sad to say, many areas of the country do not sell sliced roast pork. You now have three choices: 1) Sneak into Cuba and smuggle out sliced roast pork, 2) marry a Cuban and have your spouse’s family airmail the delicacy in a sealed pouch, or 3) go to the supermarket and buy a package of sliced smoked pork chops. Remember, ask not what your cuisine can do for you, rather ask what you may do for your cuisine.

TIDBITS

1) Tidbit 1) did not survive editing.

2) Apparently the Cuban word for “sandwich” is “sandwich.” Who knew?

3) My older son made this sandwich and took it to school for a 4th grade project on Florida. He received 4 out of 4 on it. That’s my boy.

4) The United States and the Soviet Union almost had a nuclear war over missiles in Cuba. Thank goodness they didn’t. We would have lost the recipe for this tasty sandwich.

5) If you really don’t like to be told what to do and don’t want me to dictate that the order of putting the ingredients in the sandwich, then try this. Reverse the order and serve the sandwich upside down. Your guest will see the ingredients in the usual order and you will have been the rebel you’ve always wanted to be. It’s a win-win situation.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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