Goofy Man says what’s in our hearts.
Goofy Man #1
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Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
2½ pounds tuna steaks
2 bay leaves
½ cup brown sugar
1 cup dry white wine
¼ cup lemon juice
1 tablespoon pepper
1 tablespoon soy sauce
vegetable oil
cherry or apple wood chips
*4 steaks of 10 ounces or 5 steaks of 8 ounces. Steaks should be about 1½” thick.
SPECIAL UTENSILS
smoker
meat thermometer
Serves 4. Takes 6 hours.
PREPARATION
Add bay leaves, brown sugar, dry white wine, lemon juice, pepper, and soy sauce to large
mixing bowl. Blend thoroughly with whisk. Add tuna. Make sure to add enough water to cover tuna steaks. Cover and put in refrigerator for 3 hours. 15 minutes before steaks have finished marinating, preheat smoker to 220 degrees.
Brush grills in smoker with vegetable oil. This prevents the fish from sticking. Remove tuna steaks from mixing bowl and pat dry with paper towels. Place tuna on wire rack. Put steaks and rack in refrigerator for 45 minutes.
When temperature of smoker reaches 220 degrees, place tuna steaks on grills. Smoke tuna until its internal temperature reaches your desired temperature. (Rare = 110 degrees, medium rare = 125 to 135, medium = 140 to 145, well done = 145 degrees, USDA minimum safe temperature = 145 degrees.) It should take 2 hours, depending on your smoker. The tuna steaks turn light brown and flake easily.
TIDBITS
1) This dish takes a long time punctuated by intermittent checking. May I suggest reading an engrossing novel, by a lake. Chill out, you magnificent chef.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Paris is all abuzz. The Mime Poetry Slam is returning after a two-year hiatus. “With that much time to prepare,” says event President Monsieur Tibault, “our mimes will have lots to say.” Although the last winner, Mlle. Farine du Ble will not be able to attend do to persistent laryngitis, the contestant spots filled within one hour after opening.
Be sure to reserve your hotel rooms right now or you won’t have a place to stay come the Mime Poetry Slam next April 1.
And now, Mlle. du Ble’s winning poem from 2020.
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I think we can agree her poem touched all hearts and that her passionate delivery left everyone speechless.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
4 cups flour (9 tablespoons more later)
1¼ teaspoons baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
¾ cup buttermilk
¾ cup milk
1 egg
½ tablespoon dill
4 cups cheese (combination of feta, farmer’s cheese*, ricotta, or Moldovan cow cheese*
9 tablespoons flour (1½ tablespoons per pie)
⅔ cup vegetable oil
* = Can be found in ethnic or specialized supermarkets or online.
** = As far as I found out, you have to go to Moldova for this. Bon voyage.
Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes.
PREPARATION
Add 4 cups flour, baking soda, and salt to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended. Add buttermilk, milk, and egg. Knead until soft dough ball forms. Split dough balls into 6 smaller dough balls. Brush oil onto dough balls. Let sit for 30 minutes.
While the 6 dough balls sit, add dill and cheese to medium mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Dust rolling pin with ½ tablespoon flour. Sprinkle 1 tablespoon flour onto flat surface. Flatten dough ball with rolling pin, or hands, on flat surface until it is ⅛” thick. Add 1/6th of cheese mix (about ⅔ cup) to center of flattened dough ball. Fold in edges until they meet in the middle. Pinch edges together to form a seal. This is the cheese pie. Repeat for each dough ball.
Add oil to pan. Heat at low-medium heat until a bit of dough starts to dance in the oil. Add cheese pie to pan. Deep fry at low-medium heat for 4 minutes or until bottom of cheese pie turns golden brown. Carefully flip over cheese pie. Deep fry for 4 minutes more or until new bottom becomes golden brown. Repeat for each cheese pie. (Deep frying times will decrease with each pie.) Place on plate and pat dry with paper towel.
TIDBITS
1) We know the universe expands at an ever increasing rate as far-off stars display a red shift. If the Plăcinte on your stove shows such a shift, then it’s accelerating away from you at near-light speed. Plan on getting takeout. But, if the Plăcinte looks bluish, it’s coming at you just as quick. Duck!
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
1 pound lamb or beef
2 potatoes
2 carrots
½ green bell pepper
3 tomatoes
2 onions
¼ cup olive oil or meat fat
7 cups water
1¼ cup short-grain rice
1 teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon cumin
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons fresh cilantro
2 tablespoons fresh green onions
SPECIAL UTENSILS
mandoline (optional)
Dutch oven
Serves 12*. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes.
* = This dish is meant for a large gathering. Feel free to cut all ingredients in two or in three.
PREPARATION
Cut lamb and potatoes into ½” cubes. Put potato cubes in small bowl of water. Dice carrots, green bell peppers, and tomatoes. Slice onions into ¼” slices using mandoline or knife. Add lamb cubes and olive oil to Dutch oven. Sauté cubes for 5 minutes at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until they are completely browned. Stir enough to prevent burning.
Add carrot and green bell pepper, onion, and potato. Sauté cubes for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Stir in tomato. Bring to boil using high heat. Add water, rice, coriander, cumin, pepper, and salt. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low-medium. Simmer for 20 minutes or until rice is tender. Stir occasionally.
While soup simmers, mince cilantro and green onions. Garnish soup with cilantro and green onion. Goes well with sour cream or Greek yogurt.
TIDBITS
1) This dish, Mastava, uses tomatoes.
2) Tomatoes are round.
3) This roundness explains the popularity of tomato bowling at amusement parks.
4) That and the fact that tomatoes go splat when they speed into the wooden bowling pins.
5) Do tomatoes enjoy disintegrating in tomato bowling?
6) No, not at all.
7) Do tomatoes relish being diced, minced, and pureed for culinary purposes?
8) No, no at all.
9) That is why they are trying to become more buff.
10) To the right is a tomato trying to build up its arm muscles by doing handstands.
11) This, of course, a fruitless endeavor. Tomatoes cannot do handstands. They do not have hands.
12) Nor even arms. Then how did it flip itself upside down? I have no idea, but let us applaud the effort.
13) It’s worth mentioning that tomatoes are quite territorial. This is why you don’t see other plants, bushes, or trees growing near tomatoes plants. The tomatoes don’t tolerate any intruders. They simply squash all comers.
14) Indeed, all kinds of produce are quite clannish and practice segregation. This is why you find only tomatoes with tomatoes, only bananas with bananas, and so on.
15) Yes, tomatoes remain discontented with their existence on Earth, just getting eaten and rubbing elbows with dirty potatoes and the like.
16) Which is why they want to leave Earth 
and find a new home on Mars, the Red Planet. Scientists pooh poohed this idea, ascribing the tomatoes’ goal as just idle talk.
17) Then one year ago to this very day that you’re reading this tidbt, the tomatoes mustered hitherto unsuspected resources and launched one of their kind into space. The photo to the right proves they succeeded.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
½ pound dried fava beans
3 cups water
3 tablespoons olive oil
1¼ teaspoons cumin
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1¾ teaspoons paprika
½ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons lemon juice
¼ teaspoon cayenne
¼ teaspoon harissa* or paprika
* = Harissa maybe found in Middle Eastern supermarkets or online.
SPECIAL UTENSIL
blender
Serves 2. Takes 1 hour 50 minutes plus soaking for 10 hours or overnight.
PREPARATION
Add fava beans to large mixing bowl. Add water to cover beans with 2″ to spare. Soak for 10 hours or overnight. Drain beans. Remove their skin. Add fava beans, 3 cups water, olive oil, cumin, garlic, 1¾ teaspoons paprika, and salt to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir occasionally to prevent burning. Cover pot with lid. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 1 hour or until fava beans become tender. Stir occasionally to prevent burning.
Add contents of pot to blender. Puree until smooth. Add lemon juice. Puree briefly until well blended. Garnish with cayenne and harissa. Goes well with flatbread.
TIDBITS
1) Doesn’t that look like an eye? The Urberqian hominids of modern-day Morocco thought so. Not only that they, along with the entire prehistoric world, believed that anything that looked like an eye but wasn’t, would steal your spirit. No one wants that. So, the Urbeqians wouldn’t eat soup. Then Abim, a really clever hominid, noted that getting cayenne in your eyes blinded you for a bit. So, sprinkling cayenne on soup would blind evil spirits dwelling in soups. Early people could now eat soup. Early people now had energy to explore the world. The Urbeqians did just that, 10 years before Lucy led her clan of Olduvai Gorge. We don’t know about the Urberqians achievement because, you know, prehistory. But this is why we garnish soups with cayenne pepper, and pepper.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
“Chatting With Chefs” is hoping to foster interaction between chefs and all who love food and food preparation. We would love to see you and anything of the following:
Recipes
Food pictures
Food reviews
Reviews of wines
Food and wine pairings
Restaurant reviews
Recommendations of restaurants and hotel with great food
Listings and description of food tours
Where to find ingredients that are hard to find in some regions or how to find them online
Information on legislation to help restaurants and workers in the food industry.
Information on restaurants that are hiring
Information on restaurants that are the best or worst to work for.
I’d like people to advertise* themselves, their restaurants, and their cookbooks.
* = For the time being, advertising will be on Fridays only. Advertising will also be limited to people and restaurants who contribute, at least a little, to discussions on this group’s site. We don’t want to get spammed. Also, advertisements of a non culinary nature are considered spam.
And, of course, we welcome discussion on anything that’s posted.
Again, please feel to visit and participate.
Paul R. De Lancey, Ph.D., an administrator of Chatting With Chefs
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I have now blogged 500 days in a row.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS – ROAST BEEF
3½ pounds top sirloin or rib roast
1 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt (¼ teaspoon more later)
2 garlic cloves
3 tablespoons olive oil
½ tablespoon rosemary
INGREDIENTS – YORKSHIRE PUDDING
4 eggs
1 cup flour
¼ teaspoon salt
1 cup milk
SPECIAL UTENSILS
wire rack
roasting pan
cooking thermometer
aluminum foil
8″ * 8″ casserole dish
MEAT DONENESS
This recipe assumes that the center cut will be medium-rare and the end cuts more well done. But you can roast to your desired level of doneness. A rule of thumb has the following meat temperatures for the following cuts: Rare = 125, medium rare =135, medium = 145, medium well =155, and well done = 160.
Serves 8. Takes 2 hours 15 minutes.
PREPARATION – ROAST BEEF
Preheat oven to 475 degrees. Rub sirloin with pepper and 1 teaspoon salt. Mince garlic cloves. Add garlic, olive oil, and rosemary to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork. Rub sirloin with olive oil/garlic mixture.
Put wire rack in roasting pan. Put sirloin on wire rack. Roast at 475 degrees for 20 minutes. (Roasting is similar to baking but at a higher temperature.) Reduce heat to 375 degrees and roast
until meat thermometer in middle of sirloin registers your desired level, about 1 hour. (Please note that different ovens and different thicknesses of meat will make roasting time vary. Pay attention to the meat thermometer.) Place roasted sirloin on plate and cover with aluminum foil. Save drippings.
PREPARATION – YORKSHIRE PUDDING
After you put sirloin to oven, add eggs to cup. Beat eggs with whisk. Add flour and ¼ teaspoon salt to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk. Add eggs. Mix with whisk until well blended. Gradually pour in milk, whisking while doing so until you get a smooth batter with the thickness of heavy cream. Let sit until roast beef needs to be removed from oven.
After removing roast beef from oven, raise oven temperature to 425 degrees. Add ¼ cup reserved drippings to casserole dish. Put casserole dish in oven. Heat drippings for 15 minutes or until drippings start to smoke. (Save drippings remaining after this step. Put casserole dish on stove top. (Carefully! The casserole dish contains hot oil.) Ladle batter to casserole dish. (Again, do this carefully.) Bake at 425 degrees for 15 minutes or until batter puffs up and becomes golden brown.
PREPARATION – FINAL
Ladle any remaining drippings over roast beef. Carve the roast beef. (End cuts should be more well done than the center cuts.) Serve roast beef and Yorkshire pudding right away.
TIDBITS
1) The above picture shows a corner piece of the Yorkshire pudding. Notice how two edges of this piece puff up way higher than the rest of the pudding. In fact, doesn’t the entire corner piece look like a meadow full of golden wheat ripe for harvesting all set against two majestic mountains?
2) This is no accident. People have want to know what different places of the world looked like. Before the age of cameras, the only real way to depict landscapes and mountains was to paint them. But painting was slow and laborious. Making pigments for the paint colors cost lots of money. Finding the proper clays and pigment bases proved daunting as well.
3) By the time the client who’d commissioned a field of grain swishing in the wind before the Alps, he could already traveled to the Alps. Alps painting languished. Travel to Switzerland fell to zero.
4) Then in 1777, Chef Hans Gasthaus made Yorkshire Pudding for some British nobility. Hans noticed his pudding looked exactly like the wheat field and Alps outside the kitchen window. Hans journeyed from Alpine town to Alpine town skillfully making Yorkshire pudding that looked exactly like the local fields and mountain. He ‘dlet these creation dry out and send them to British tour guides.
5) Penurious British lords took to displaying their pudding art in their manors. After all, pudding art cost much less than a painting. Other chef painters turned out great pudding sceneries. It was the golden age of Yorkshire Pudding landscapes.
6) Alas, the French Revolution and the Napoleonic wars soon broke out. These bloody wars ruined everything. Flour, milk, and eggs which had powered the Yorkshire Pudding Landscape Revolution (YPLR) got diverted to feed the rampaging armies on the continent.
14) Yorkshire Pudding Art died forever. Our world became forever grayer. Hardly any (YPLR) examples remain. But if you can find an antique Yorkshire pudding, keep it. They’re worth millions.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
1 15-ounce can guava shells in syrup*
8 ounces cream cheese
* = Found in Hispanic supermarkets or online.
Serves 4. Takes 15 minutes.
PREPARATION
Remove guava shells from syrup. Keep syrup. Add ½ tablespoon to 2 tablespoons cream cheese to guava shell. (Amount depends on size of guava shell.). Drizzle 1 teaspoon to 1 tablespoon syrup over each guava shell with cream cheese, again depending on the size of the shell. Repeat for each guava shell. Goes well with saltine crackers.
TIDBITS
1) I had to go online to order guava shells in syrup.
2) They traveled the entire country by truck. They arrived by truck. The whole process took days. Fortunately, I planned to prepare this dessert for family. They were willing to wait days.
3) But if instead, I am regaling my business associates about Cascos De Guayaba. I’m really selling how great it tastes when I made it. I can see them starting to drool.
4) Finally, my boss snaps. “Dang, that sounds great,” he says, “I sure could go for some good Cascos de Guayaba. Whip me up a batch right now and I’ll make you vice president. And if you can’t, well . . .” He draws a finger across his throat. I’ll be clearing out my desk tomorrow.
5) But it doesn’t have to end this way. What if I could launch millions of bags of Cascos de Guayaba into the outer atmosphere? Higher than where planes fly, of course. I am nothing, if not careful.
6) Anyway, I’ll have billions of freezer bags full of this delicious dessert orbiting the Earth. All you have to do is order. With seconds a package of Cascos of Guyaba will be directly over your house. A little parachute will deploy. Your dessert will drift precisely to your doorstep. You will be able to make this dessert for your boss. You will become vice president. Your life will be good, very good.
7) But won’t billions of bags of Cascos de Guayaba in the atmosphere block out the Sun, at least to an extent? Won’t that temperatures to fall? Yes. But that what’s needed to stop global warning. I see a Nobel prize in my future.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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