Posts Tagged With: Federal Government

Indonesian Nasi Goreng

Indonesian Entree

NASI GORENG

INGREDIENTSNasiGoreng-

1½ cups rice
1 pound chicken breasts
2 garlic cloves
2 green onions
1 shallot
1 inch gingerroot
1 large carrot
1 chile pepper, red or green
½ small cucumber
1 tablespoon sesame oil (1 additional teaspoon later)
2 tablespoons peanut oil
1 teaspoon sambal oelek or hot chili sauce
2 teaspoons fish sauce or Hoisin sauce or soy sauce
3 tablespoons ketjap manis or soy sauce
1 teaspoon dried shrimp
½ pound peeled and deveined shrimp
2 eggs

Makes 6 bowls. Takes 40 minutes

SPECIAL UTENSIL

spice grinder

PREPARATION

Cook rice according to instructions on packet. Shred chicken into thin strips. Mince garlic cloves, green onions, and shallot. Grind gingerroot into fine paste. Dice carrot and chile pepper. Peel and thinly slice cucumber.

Add 1 tablespoon sesame oil, garlic, green onion, ginger, shallot, and chile pepper to first pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion and shallot softens. Stir frequently. Add peanut oil, shredded chicken, carrot, sambal oelek, fish sauce, ketjap manis, and dried shrimp to pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for about 5 minutes or until chicken turns golden brown. Add shrimp and sauté on medium heat for 4 minutes or until shrimp turns orange.

While chicken and then shrimp sauté, add eggs and 1 teaspoon sesame oil to second pan. Fry eggs on medium heat for about 3 minutes or until done to desired level. Remove eggs and cut into thin strips. Add garlic/onion/gingeroot mix, shredded-chicken mix, rice, and egg strips to large serving bowl. Toss ingredients together. Garnish with cucumber slices.

TIDBITS

1) Shrimp can only swim backward.

2) The ability to walk backward is a highly praised trait among tour guides.

3) You’d think shrimp would be naturals as tour guides, but their limited life expectancy out of water and their, let’s face it, complete inability to speak is a real resume stain.

4) Uncooked shrimp are called “œgreen.” If you know this, you will win on JeopardyTM.

5) Male shrimp cannot get pregnant, just like human males.

6) However, in startling contrast, women usually give birth to one baby, while female shrimp pop out up to one-million eggs.

7) This is why baby-naming books for shrimp are extremely popular and long.

8) If you haven’t seen these books, it is because these books are only found on the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico or the sea floors of other seas where shrimp woo, marry, and engage in whoopee.

9) Shrimp raised in shrimp farms do not have access to baby-naming books. This is why captive shrimp always name their male babies, “Robert” and their female offspring, “Marie.”

10) The average shrimp is about 6″ long, while the longest extended to16″. In contrast, the average penis measures 5.1″, with the longest one topping out at 13.5″

11) Hence the famous saying, “Is that a shrimp in your pocket or are you happy to see me?”

12) People’s eyes have only 3 different photoreceptive cones, while shrimp have 16. We can only imagine what vivid colors these crustaceans see, what vivid art they could produce.

13) Unfortunately, shrimp only paint in water colors which run immediately in their underwater abodes. Their art disappears immediately. We never get to see their creations. So we eat them instead.

14) Shrimp are slowly but surely evolving defense systems to fight back. Indeed, the mantis already possesses fast and powerful claws. They can break aquarium glass.

15) You no doubt recall the chaos and the terror that occurred when ten-million mantis shrimps staged a mass break out of the aquarium at Fort Lagniappe, Louisiana. The entire town disappeared under a wave of crabby crustaceans. It was only when the Air Force bombed the shrimp with hot garlic-butter sauce that the threat was contained. Every May 9th since then has been known as National Shrimp Day.

16) To ensure manageable levels of shrimp, the federal government promotes the inclusion of bacon-wrapped shrimp in school lunches. If your school’s cafeteria does not carry this entree, by all means, contact your congressman at once.

– Chef Paul

LutheranCookbook

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, are available in paperpack
or Kindle on amazon.com

The cookbook is also available as an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Spring Rolls (Cha Gio)

Vietnamese Entree

SPRING ROLLS
(cha gio)

SpringRoll-

INGREDIENTS – SAUCE

1/4 teaspoon Thai chili or red pepper flakes or minced serrano
1/4 cup fish sauce or Hoisin sauce
1 tablespoon lime juice
1/4 cup sugar
½ cup water

INGREDIENTS – ROLL

1 ½ ounces cellophane noodles or rice vermicelli
½ pound large shrimp, peeled and deveined
½ pound pork
1 carrot
4 green onion stalks
2 garlic cloves
1 egg
2 teaspoons fish sauce
2 teaspoons Hoisin sauce
1 teaspoon ginger
20 rice wrappers or egg roll wrappers
1 ½ tablespoons sesame oil
2 cups peanut oil as necessary
2 lettuce leaves

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric skillet

PREPARATION

Combine Thai chili, fish sauce, lime juice, sugar, and water in mixing bowl. Stir with fork until sugar dissolves. Set aside. This is the dipping sauce.

Put noodles in mixing bowl. Add enough water to cover. Let sit for 10 minutes or until noodles become soft and bendable. While noodles are sitting, cut shrimp into eighths and mince pork. Shred or grate carrot. Mince green onion and garlic cloves. Drain water from noodles. Beat egg in small bowl.

Add sesame oil, carrot, garlic, pork, shrimp, fish sauce, and Hoisin sauce to pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 10 minutes or until shrimp turns orangish-pink and is no longer translucent. Stir frequently. Add noodles, green onion, and ginger. Cook at medium heat for 2 minutes. Stir frequently. Let cool.

If rice wrapper is hard, quickly run warm water over until it is pliable. (IMPORTANT! Run water over only ONE WRAPPER at a time. If you run water over multiple wrappers at a time or leave the wrappers for any length over time you will get a gelatinous mass that can’t be separated for love or money.) Place rice wrapper on board. Brush edges of rice wrapper with egg. Add 1/4 cup of pork/shrimp/veggie/noodle mix to center, bottom third of rice wrapper. Fold in sides to form 3″ long roll. Roll up rice wrapper from bottom. Brush remaining corner with egg. Repeat until you run out of rice wrappers or pork/shrimp/veggie/noodle mix.

Set electric skillet to 375 degrees. Put a drop of water in skillet. When drop starts to bubble or move around, add up to 2 cups of peanut oil as necessary. Carefully add 8 egg rolls to skillet at a time using tongs. Fry egg rolls for 2-to-3 minutes or until they turn golden brown. Turn egg rolls. Once. Remove and place on paper towels to drain grease. Repeat until all egg rolls are fried.

TIDBITS

1) Vietnam is an anagram for Mite Van.

2) Most mites are way too small to drive a van safely.

3) Or even pedal a bicycle.

4) Vietnamese policemen are banned from wearing dark sunglasses while on duty. This is because you really need to see well to see a mite driving a van illegally. A drunken mite would make for a particularly poor driver.

5) If you are a mite and you want to hit the hard stuff, consider drinking ruou ran (snake wine.) This wine comes with a pickled snake inside the bottle. It is supposed to be able to cure any illness.

6) Giving snake wine to all the sick people of the nation would be a unique national health program. The National Health Care Dispensaries, formerly known as bars and liquor stores, would sell the wine direct to the public.

7) This plan would require no tax dollars from the government. Households would be freed from spending 14% of their income on health care.

8) The Federal Government could use all the money it saves to pay down the debt, invest in infrastructure, and conduct energy research. People would spend their windfall on college education for their kids, provide for their retirement, and buy bacon.

9) With people’s retirement completely assured, we wouldn’t need to contribute to social security. Indeed, the government could then distribute all the money we having coming to us. We’d buy cars, homes, and doughnuts. The surging demand would force businesses to hire every worker they could find and at a high wage. Higher take home pay would mean more spending. To meet this spiraling demand, businesses would want to investment massively for the future. Massive future investment means full employment forever. I see a Nobel Prize in Economics coming for me very soon.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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