Posts Tagged With: loving

How To Survive A Zombie Apocalypse

Zombies like brains, right? So always make sure that you have a supply of brains on hand. Where do you get these brains? In French restaurants. These places always serve cerveaux d’agneau, or lamb’s brains.

So when the zombie apocalypse begins, hop on the first plane to France and stampede  the nearest restaurant. Ask for steak au poivre vert for yourself,  it’s delicious!, Don’t forget, though, to  order lamb brains to go. When the zombies shuffle toward you, simply hand them your cerveaux d’agneau. Your undead attackers will appreciate avoiding the messy and tedious business of cracking open your skull to get to your brains. They will surely also savor the exquisite combination of spices that every French chef lovingly adds to his creations. An apocalypse is no reason to stop being a loving, giving person.

Bon appétit

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Loving Poems About Chocolate

Chocolate, while not exactano
Is within a nano
Of being heavano.

There once was a man named Boclate
Who dreamed all night of eating chocolate
Under a willow.
That silly fellow,
By morning, he’d eaten his pillow.

Won’t be a zombie
They only like to eat brains
I love chocolate

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, poems | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poem About Evil People

Evil People

Did Hitler start a global war
And form death-armies
Because he had to augur a toilet
One too many times?

Did Stalin starve millions,
Kill millions, imprison millions
Because someone ahead of him
in the ten-items-or-fewer line had eleven?

Did Pol Pot exterminate
one Cambodian in six
Because his laptop froze
That thousandth time?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul De Lancey, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poems About Hamburger And Parachuting

Hamburger

Oh hamburger! Oh hamburger!
Recession proof, yet so yummy.
Gastric juices assault you
In my tummy.

Companies making fillet mignon
Are awash in red.
But McD’s is in the green with
Beef and bread.

In recessions, such as this,
People buy more burgers
Because they’re cheap and tasty.
Yum!

Parachuting

I’d like to take up parachuting.
I’d jump at least once
And maybe one more time
If I were successful.

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Loving Poem About Regret

Regret*

Said the mother penguin to her chick,
“Bring your furry ass over here
I need to regurgitate
and make room for beer.”

“No, mom, no I want a pizza
A pizza eater I shall be.”

“No, son you’re a penguin.
A fish eater you’ll be.”

“You’ll be neither,” said the fishermen
as he harpooned them both.
“I’ll mince you and can you
For Penguins of the sea.”

“Bummer,” said the expiring penguins.

* – Best Poem at the Southern California Writers’ Conference – 2009. First such award in a decade

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Loving Poem About Bean Burritos

The Bean Burrito

Oh bean burrito,
Oh bean burrito,
You’re oh so neato.
You need no meato.

Dear reader, you can tell
Today, I’m fond of doggerel.
Just don’t put that meatel
In this, my bean burritel.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: food, humor, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Two Loving Poems About Peas And Romance

Peas

Peas porridge hot.
Peas porridge hot.
Aw, to heck with it.
There’s no plot.
No character development.
I’m taking my poem
And going home.

Romance

My alter ego loves your alter ego
And I love you.
Shall we double date?

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: food, humor, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poem About Laundry

Laundry

O pile of laundry.
O pile of laundry.
Lying securely in
The walk-in closet.

Walk out, laundry
I say, walk out.
Clean yourself.
Come back clean.

But the laundry
never listens.
Bad laundry,
Go to your room.

There will be laundry
Until we die.
Does life cause laundry
or does laundry cause life?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor, obsevations, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Survival Tip For The Coming Zombie Apocalypse

Zombies like brains, right? So always make sure that you have a supply of brains on hand. Where do you get these brains? In French restaurants. These places always serve cerveaux d’agneau, or lamb’s brains.

So when the zombie apocalypse begins, get on the first plane to France and stampede  the nearest restaurant. When the zombies invade your eatery, simply hand them your cerveaux d’agneau. The zombies will love it. Not only will they appreciate avoiding the messy and tedious business of cracking open your skull to get to your brains, but they will surely savor the exquisite combination of spices that every French chef lovingly adds to his creations. An apocalypse is no reason to stop being a loving, giving person.

Bon appetit.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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