Yearly Archives: 2012

My Vice Presidential Candidate

I am proud to announce Ms. Daphne Anne Humphrey has just become my Vice-Presidential candidate. See how deftly she expands and improves my political platform.

“I think you need to include bacon. That and World Peace. That should cover it. I’ll be your VP nominee. I can take on illiteracy, medical insurance for all, foreign policy in regards to the Middle East and perhaps the transportation system in the U.S.”

“The future is ours. We can only fail if we are outvoted.” – me

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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I Declare My Candidacy For The President Of The United States

Deeply hurt by President Obama’s continued indifference to my repeated requests, via blog and Facebook, to come to my house for dinner, I have decided to run for president as a write-in candidate. This endeavor while surely a long shot, has little chance of success.

I am running on the Bacon & Chocolate ticket. Here is my platform:

1) Subsidized chocolate doughnuts for everyone.

2) Subsidized caffeine for everyone.

There, what could be of more benefit to everyone?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, politics | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Presidential Primer

The presidential campaign is heating up with PACs and super-PACS throwing untold millions in inflammatory ads. But what is the real story about Romney and Obama? He are some facts really should absorb:

You should considered voting against Romney as:

1) he insulted someone’s doughnuts at her home. These doughnuts were made from a legendary bakery. Double crime.

2) his hair appears appears to be floating above the rest of his face in a newspaper photo.

 

You should consider voting against Obama as:

1) he has never even replied to my many Facebook and blog  invitations to have dinner at my home.

2) he has never replied to my kind offer to do a guest blog.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Wisdom From The Bahamas

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Gateau A La Fleur D’oranger (Orange Flower-Water Cake)

French Dessert

GÂTEAU Â LA FLEUR D’ORANGER

INGREDIENTS

1/2 teaspoon flour
1 teaspoon butter
1/2 teaspoon brown sugar

1 1/2 cups flour
2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt

2 large eggs
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup light brown sugar

1/2 cup unsalted butter
1 cup milk
1 1/4 teaspoons orange flower water

1/4 cup heavy whipping cream

UTENSIL

9-inch cake pan

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Sprinkle a 1/2 teaspoon of flour along the sides and bottom of cake pan. Do the same with a teaspoon of butter. Sprinkle 1/2 teaspoon brown sugar over the flour.

Put 1 1/2 cups flour, baking powder, and salt in first mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork.

In second mixing bowl, beat 2 eggs, but not so much they lose their dignity. Add sugar and brown sugar. Mix with whisk.
Melt 1/2 cup butter. Combine contents of second mixing bowl into first mixing bowl. Add melted butter, milk, and orange flower water. Mix with whisk or blender on cake setting. Pour entire contents into cake pan.

Put cake pan in preheated oven and cook for 35 to 40 minutes. Allow cake to cool before topping cake with whipping cream.

TIDBITS

1) Many American beers are 3% alcohol. A twelve-ounce can contains .36 ounces of alcohol.

2) Orange extract, a fair substitute, for orange flower water, is 79% alcohol. My two-ounce container contains 1.58 ounces of alcohol, the same as nearly 4.4 cans of beer.

3) I’m breaking out the orange-extract. Woo hoo! Party at my place!

4) “Honestly, officer, I only had a one-ounce bottle of orange extract.”

5) The officer rolls his eyes. “Like, I never heard that before.”

6) My Mexican vanilla extract is only 1.9% alcohol. This is why it isn’t as popular at Mexican parties.

8) Consumption of cough syrup soared during the Prohibition Era. Perhaps the alcoholic content of 50%, or more, of many them contributed to this surge.

9) Why didn’t Al Capone simply open orange-extract tasting centers? People would have gotten their alcohol and Chicago would have been spared a crime wave.

10) But I can’t picture him behind an apron.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Celebrate National “Your Butt” Day on Thursday, June 7.

It is your duty as an American and a peace-loving citizen of the world to say, “Your butt” to as many people as possible three weeks from now, Thursday, June 7. Here’s why:

Little kids laugh 40 to 400 times more than adults. Why? Because infantile humor is funnier than anything adult can produce. Here’s proof:

1) Crabby people go to war unless distracted by a funny joke. Sure, toddlers have problems such as having to eat creamed peas. Do they go to war? No, they say “butt” and dissolve into giggles. Do adults go to war? Sadly, all to often and often with disconcerting results. Do we tell butt jokes? Unfortunately, not very often.

2) Sure, comedians such as Jerry Seinfeld make tens of millions of dollars every year without telling one butt joke. But that just underscores how few people can tell a knee slapper without saying “butt” or even the more erudite “Your butt.” And would he even be on tv or stage without war-weary governments subsidizing him. I fear not.

So, do you fear nuclear Armageddon. Do you want to live in peace? Do you wish peace for your children? Then you must help make the world laugh. Say “Your butt” to as many people as possible and after every sentence you hear spoken.

The world thanks you.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Mothers’ Day Meal – Doro Wat, Ethiopian Chicken Stew

Ethiopian Entree

DORO WAT
(Chicken stew)

INGREDIENTSdorowat-

2 pounds chicken breast
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 teaspoon salt
4 garlic cloves
1 1/2 medium yellow onions
1 cup water
3 tablespoons butter
1/2 teaspoon allspice
3 tablespoons Berbere spice mix (See recipe for BERBERE SPICE MIX INGREDIENTS, if you can’t find the mix)
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1/2 teaspoon fenugreek
1 teaspoon ginger
1 tablespoon paprika
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons turmeric
1/4 cup red wine
6 eggs
2 Roma tomatoes
2 cups lettuce
6 pita breads

Goes well with injera, Ethiopian flat bread.

UTENSIL

Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Cut chicken into 1-inch cubes and put into mixing bowl. Add lemon juice and salt. Mix with hands until all chicken cubes are coated with juice and salt. Set aside for at least 10 minutes.
Dice onions and cloves.

Heat butter in Dutch oven on medium heat until melted for about a minute or until melted. Add garlic, onions, water, allspice, Berbere spice mix, cayenne pepper, coriander, fenugreek, ginger, paprika, salt, and turmeric. Cook on medium-high heat for about 5 minutes or until onions and garlic are tender. Add red wine and chicken. Mix with spoon.

Random happy face : )

Cover. Cook stew on low heat for about 60 minutes, or until chicken is tender, changed color inside, and you are so powerful hungry you find yourself drooling over the prospect of a lutefisk meal.

Meanwhile back at the range, boil 6 eggs. Remove eggs and let them cool. Peel eggs and cut each one into 4 slices. Cut 2 Roma tomatoes into about 8 slices each. (Cut 2 more tomatoes into slices if your significant other ate the first slices while you were preparing the rest of the meal.)

Shred enough lettuce to make 2 cups. (This is aerobic exercise. Take advantage of it. The Olympics will soon be reaching out to you.)

Put stew in pita pocket or fold pita bread. Add lettuce and tomato and egg slices. Pat yourself on the back. (Put down that hot spoon first.) Serve.

TIDBITS

1) Ethiopia is the birthplace of coffee.

2) Millions and millions of people in America drink coffee.

3) Many of them do so for coffee’s taste.

4) Pause and reflect.

5) Our entire economy would tank if we didn’t have coffee keeping our workers awake.

6) There would be a world-wide depression.

7) Thank goodness for Ethiopia.

8) Could we send them a nice beverage in return, like root beer?

9) Many Ethiopian women feed their menfolk with their fingers as a sign of love and devotion.

10) Presumably Ethiopian women could also serve their men beverages with their fingers as sign of “Hit the road, Jack.”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Haiku Wednesday

Facebook’s Timeline stinks.
Ugh, more death by enhancement.
Five syllable line.

Haiku is diffi
cult. It is so darn hard to
make it come out perf-

My kitchen timer
just rang. My pizza’s ready.
I chortle for joy.

Where are my car keys?
Honey, where are my glasses?
Where is my jacket?

I hate lutefisk
It smells like festering rat
And looks like glue soup.

What is for dinner?
Moroccan berbere kebabs.
Oops, no spices. Eggs.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

If The Corporation, GE, Is A Person, Can We…

1) take it to the prom?

2) marry it? And what the heck sex is it? Do we have to worry about same-sex marriage laws?

3) tax it at 28% percent?

4) execute it when it kills its offspring, spun-off divisions?

5) walk its dog when it goes on vacation?

6) stand our ground with it?

7) burp its children?

8) go camping with it?

9) share a good laugh?

10) get good and drunk with it?

11) expect it to pick up the check when we go out to dinner?

12) expect it to lobby Congress just as much as we do?

13) ask it to please pass the ketchup?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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As Requested by Millions, Okay Fewer Than That. My Bio.

About the Author

Paul De Lancey’s novels, We’re French and You’re Not and The Fur West, have won acclaim from award-winning novelists. He is also the author of hilarious articles and somewhat drier ones in Economics.

The humorist is a direct descendant of the great French Emperor Napoleon. Actually, that explains a lot of things. Mr. De Lancey makes his home, with his wonderful family, in Poway, California. He divides his time between being awake and asleep.

Paul, known to his friends as Paul, hopes to become a literary giant without having to die for the title.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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