Posts Tagged With: beer

You Know You Want to Party With Me

Posted on December 30, 2024 by pauldelancey

Salt pork, hard to find in the wild

I spent much of the morning shopping at three grocery stores. First one, Grocery Outlet was missing all sorts of basic foods. The next one, Stater Brothers did not have salt pork. They were, however, selling a dozen eggs for $9 – $10. It’s the age-old story, an item cannot be produced in one place then every store or supplier across the universe holds back supplies and jacks up prices for months to come.

I then went to Sprouts, They were selling eggs for $4.70, so I bought them there. In your face, Stater Bros. However, they didn’t have salt pork either.

I need salt pork to make homemade Boston Baked Beans for a party. I’ve looked online for an hour or two. Only two possible stores in the country. I couldn’t find a good source online.

Thanks, Obama.

Then, I spent hours fixing problems in finances.

That’s it.

You know you want to party with me.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: about me, my life | Tags: apocalyptic, baked beans, beer, Boston baked beans, Comic Chef, eggs, finances, grocery stores, in the wild, murders, Obama, online, party, salt pork, universe | 1 Comment

Misread Sign – Beer

Posted on May 4, 2024 by pauldelancey

Misread sign #2

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: misread | Tags: apocalyptic, beer, champions, Chef Paul, Comic Chef, convience store, cookbook, CVS, good food, hunks, meals, misread signs, pharmacy, proof, thriller | Leave a comment

Bring Back the Milkman

Posted on October 23, 2023 by pauldelancey

Often enough, I only need a half gallon of milk, four sticks of butter, or a pound of cheese. Sure I could drive to the store, but it hardly seems worthwhile for just a half gallon of milk when the whole process of driving to the supermarket, parking, finding the milk, checking out, leaving the parking lot, and driving home.

If only there were a simple, convenient way to buy a small amount of dairy. Oh wait, there was. We called him the milkman. We place an order on our door step and he’d bring it from the stores of his truck.

Easy peasy.

And quite often the milkman brought other products as well. Here’s what I remember about the milkmen from the various towns of my youth.

Arcadia, California: The milk truck brought milk and I believe butter.

Earlwood, Australia: The milk truck brought milk and I believe butter and eggs.

Voorburg, Netherlands: The milk truck carried: milk, eggs, cheese, cans of soups, soda, and beer! I believe the milkman also delivered juice and jams.

I want a milkman who will bring all the items his counterpart in the Netherlands did. I want it! I want it!

Going to the store takes too long, cars are driven by nuts, and the stores are far too peoply.

I am willing to pay more for this service than from stores. I worked and saved all my life so I can now afford this service to my door.

Please make this happen. Thank you.

And please also let me know what your milkman delivered? Thanks again.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: about me, cuisine, observations | Tags: Australia, beer, butter, Comic Chef, cookbook, dairy, Earlwood, eggs, milk, milkman, murders, Netherlands, supermarket, truck, Voorbury | Leave a comment

Fiesta Stew

Posted on May 10, 2023 by pauldelancey

Mexican Entree

FIESTA STEW

INGREDIENTS

4 THIN boneless pork loin chops

2 avocados
1 jalapeno pepper
½ onion
2 tablespoons fresh cilantro
1 tablespoon lime juice
½ teaspoon sea salt
¼ teaspoon black pepper
½ cup diced tomatoes
10 ounces queso quesadilla jalapeno (queso = cheese)
½ cup Crema Mexicana (sour cream)
¼ cup grated Four Mexican cheeses
¼ cup water
½ teaspoon cumin
¼ teaspoon cayenne
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes

SPECIAL UTENSILS

cooking scissors
Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Cut each thin pork loin into ½ inch squares. It is easier to do all this cutting with kitchen scissors than with a knife.

Mash the avocados thoroughly with a fork. (Make sure avocados are soft to the touch.) Ruthlessly remove stem and seeds from jalapeno pepper. Mince jalapeno pepper, onion, and cilantro. Crumble the queso quesadilla jalapeno. (There are no known tongue twisters that use the word, jalapeno.)

Add all ingredients to Dutch oven. Blend completely with fork or whisk. Cook stew on low heat for about 15-to-20 minutes. Stir occasionally. Cheeses should be completely melted.

TIDBITS

1) Pigs were first domesticated around 5,000 BC.

2) But beer was first brewed about 9,500 BC. Go, beer!

3) But it wasn’t until the last part of the twentieth century that packages of pork rinds AND six packs of beer were available in convenience stores.

4) At one time, some peoples used pig bones as weapons.

5) These civilizations lost out to ones using bronze swords.

6) Can you imagine Achilles and Hector fighting each other with pig knuckles?

7) Finally, pork’s myoglobin content is lower than beef’s.

8) I have no idea what that means.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: Achilles, avocados, beer, Chef Paul, chops, Comic Chef, cookbook, Crema Mexicana, fiesta, good food, Mexican, myoglobin, pigs, pork loin, queso, recipes, six packs, stew | Leave a comment

Beer Brats en una Cobija

Posted on December 23, 2022 by pauldelancey

Fusion Entree

BEER BRATS EN UNA COBIJA

INGREDIENTS

1 serrano pepper
1 jalapeno pepper
1 red bell pepper
½ medium onion
1 avocado
½ cup fresh cilantro

1 tablespoon peanut oil (1 tablespoon more later)
1 tablespoon vegetable oil (1 tablespoon more later)
½ tablespoon lime juice

4 beer bratwursts
1 tablespoon peanut oil
1 tablespoon vegetable oil

2 16 ounce packages of jumbo biscuit dough
½ cup Monterrey Jack cheese
No-stick spray

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. (350 degrees is normal for most dishes. We are throwing caution to the wind today.)

Remove seeds from serrano pepper, jalapeno pepper, and red bell pepper. Dice serrano pepper, jalapeno pepper, red bell pepper, onion, and avocado. Chop cilantro. Cut bratwursts into four pieces, one cut by length and another by width.

Cook peanut oil and vegetable oil in frying pan at medium heat. Add serrano pepper, jalapeno pepper, bell pepper, onion, avocado, and cilantro. Continue cooking for about 10 minutes or until vegetables soften. Stir periodically. Remove sautéed vegetables.

Cook peanut oil and vegetable oil in frying pan at medium heat. Add bratwurst. Cook for about 5 minutes at medium heat or until bratwurst begins to brown. Make sure to turn over bratwurst so that all sides cook evenly.

Flatten individual pieces of biscuit dough to get a larger surface. Put bratwurst piece in center, bottom part of biscuit dough. Put about a tablespoon sautéed vegetable on top of the bratwurst. Sprinkle biscuit dough with Monterey Jack cheese. Roll up dough from the bottom until the tops and the bottoms meet.

Spray biscuit sheets with no-stick spray. Bake at 375 degrees for 10 to 16 minutes or until the biscuits are golden brown on the outside and no longer doughy on the inside. Note times needed to bake biscuits can vary wildly given the oven’s size, age, and nearness of the biscuits to a heating coil. So it’s best to keep a careful eye on the biscuits closest to a heating coil.

TIDBITS

1) This is a classic German-Mexican-American, breakfast-dinner cuisine.

2) This was almost called Fiery Brats In a Blanket.

3) There are 17.88 milligrams of magnesium in 100 grams of bratwurst. I don’t see how this fact could help you.

4) Madison, Wisconsin, holds the annual “World’s Biggest Brat Fest.”

5) I went to graduate school at the University of Wisconsin at Madison in the early 80s. I don’t ever recall seeing the festival. I must have been studying.

6) About sixty years earlier, Hitler tried to overthrow the German government by taking over a beer hall.

7) German beer halls serve beer and bratwursts.

8) German bratwursts are excellent.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: American, apocalyptic, avocado, beer, beer brats, biscuit, bratwurst, Chef Paul, Comic Chef, cookbook, De Lancey, entree, fusion, German, good food, hunks, jalapeno, Lutheran, Mexican, mushrooms, Paul DeLancey, Paul R. De Lancey, recipes, serrano, thriller, una cobija | Leave a comment

I Simplify Darts

Posted on May 27, 2022 by pauldelancey

Simple, Safe Darts

Has this happened to you? You’re off to the local bar to play for the Dart Championship. You have a five-year old girl, Stella. She adores you. She wants to play darts with you. “You can’t play darts with me, sweetie,” you say, “They serve beer and whisky there. You far too young to drink that stuff. Sorry, you’ll have to stay at home.”

Stella sulks and sulks. In fact, she will sulk every single day until she’s old enough to leave the house. During that time, she comes to learn about and revere Lizzie Borden, the woman who killed both her parents with an axe. Fortunately, you have a time machine. You go into the future and learn of your bloody demise. You recognize right away that you don’t want this.

So,

you buy the little princess her own darts and dartboard. Alas, being five-years old, Stella’s aim is quite poor. Her toss veers wildly off course and skewers Timmy’s right hand. Timmy will never master cursive writing. His classmates will tease him incessantly. Timmy will withdraw into himself. He’ll never write A Blueprint for Resolving All Disputes Everywhere. Without this blueprint, future wars won’t be stopped. Not ever. You go into the future again and are appalled.

So,

you buy Stella, foam darts and a foam dartboard. This time around–Hee hee, see what I did there–she doesn’t hurt anyone. However, add 17 + 3*20 and 13 proves too much for Stella’s young untrained mind. She learns to hate math. She develops a lively hatred for intellectuals and learning in general. Your princess nutures this hatred into a fierce desire to become President, or Prime Minister, if she moves to Britain. Once in power, she’ll completely sever all funding at all levels for education. Her country soon becomes completely ignorant of all things. Soon, the entire nation will be reduced to hunter/gatherers and is living in caves. You see this after travelling once more into the future. You resolve to stop this too as well.

So,

you again make Stella form darts and dartboard. This time, hee hee, the dartboard looks like the one above. Every toss of her dart, results in a score of one or zero. Even your young Stella can add ones and zeros. So, she won’t follow you to the bar. She won’t pierce her brother’s hand with a dart. She won’t reduce an entire nation to caveman status. In fact, Stella will growsup to be incredibly average. She’ll blends into the background and never really get noticed for anything.

But given, her alternative timelimes, you are very happy at that. You might even go to the bar and have two beers to celebrate.

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: I simplify | Tags: apocalyptic, bar, beer, caveman, caves, Chef Paul, Comic Chef, cookbook, dartboard, darts, De Lancey, education, entree, gatherer, good food, hunks, hunter, intellectuals, learning, Lizzie Borden, Lutheran, murders, Paul De Lancey, Paul R. De Lancey, President, prime minister, princess, pub, recipes, Stella, thriller, time machine, wars, whiskey | Leave a comment

Fun Festivals – Wife Carrying Championships

Posted on September 18, 2021 by pauldelancey

The best way to carry the wife

Ronkainen, a legendary Finnish robber of the 1700s, had would-be gang members carry a heavy woman over an obstacle course to prove their strength. The annual wife-carrying championships in Sonkajaarvi, Finland derive from this test. Wife carrying is not an Olympic sport. However, synchronized swimming is.

Couples race around a track well stocked with obstacles such as logs and a deep pool. At one time, the woman in the event had to be the man’s wife, but neighboring women are allowed. The designated wife must weigh 49 kilograms or 108 pounds. You might think a good wife for this race would be as tiny as possible. But no, the winners earn the wife’s weight in beer. The wife must also be at least seventeen-years old. The entry fee as press time was 50 Euros.

Olympians and marathon runners compete alongside, amateurs, and strange couples on their honeymoons. This seems unfair, but in some respects, the Wife Carrying Championship remains a wide-open sport. And oh my gosh, in addition to the regular race, there is a relay race as well. Root heartily for you favorite team.

Add in the karaoke events, you’ll want to return time and time again. And not just to Finland. National championships exist in America, Britain, Germany, India, Hong Kong, and Australia. Surely, there must be a wife-carrying race near you.

Oh no, the 2021 championship was cancelled due to the Covid pandemic. Middle of next summer, then.

See you there

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., travel guru

Categories: fun festivals | Tags: America, apocalyptic, Australia, beer, Britain, carrying, championships, Comic Chef, cookbook, De Lancey, Finland, Finnish, fun festivals, Germany, good food, Hong Kong, India, karaoke, Lutheran, marathoners, Olympians, Olympic, pandemic, Paul De Lancey, recipes, relay race, robber, Ronkainen, Sonkajaarvi, sport, thriller, wife | Leave a comment

Great Arctic Eats – Nome, Alaska

Posted on June 20, 2021 by pauldelancey

Great Arctic Eats – Nome, Alaska

Are you a diner who loves to eat, but is skittish around people? Do you feel naked going outside without a parka or, at the very least, a good sweater? Do you want to see huskies race across a finish line? If you answered yes to these questions, then you owe it to yourself to fly to Nome, Alaska where the beaches are never crowded and the seafood is oh so fresh.

There are 15 restaurants listed in TripAdvisor(tm)! Let’s dine at the top five eateries.

The most exciting establishment is Pingo Bakery – Seafood House. This eatery really is the place to go to if you only have time for one meal in Nome. (Although why you’d travel all the way to Nome for just one meal is beyond me. However, to each his own.) It has charming service, quaint atmosphere, fresh items in their outstanding bakery, and homemade ice cream. However, their seafood remains the star of this establishment. They serve seafood omelettes, for goodness sake. (You can even order a half-size omelette.) You get a choice of roasted halibut or red king crabmeat. And there’s three seafood pizzas: salmon and artichoke heats, roasted halibut, and crab with roasted garlic and mushrooms. Can you get these culinary wonders at your local pizzerias? No, I didn’t think so. They also serve Belgian waffles and if you’re adventurous, the Chef’s Surprise Breakfast. Go there!

Second on our restaurant tour is Bering Tea Co. They earned a perfect 5.0 rating. Congratulations, Bering Tea! They are known for their great coffee and tea. Especially their coffee. People love their coffee. They will make coffees to your specifications and with your choice of toppings and other ingredients. They offer wonderful handmade snacks. Go there early for tasty omelettes as they sell out quickly. Bering Tea has a reputation for being the friendliest eatery/cafe in town. And it’s next to Pingo Bakery. Is this a great town or what?

Winning the bronze medal is Milano’s Pizzeria. This restaurant serves the best pizza in all of Nome. The atmosphere is rustic and local. Milano’s serves up many other cuisines beside pizza including sushi, Korean, and lobster. If you want to tour the world without ever leaving your table, this is the restaurant to visit. And it’s all served up by a friendly staff.

Next on our Arctic food-lovers tour is the wonderfully named Polar Bear Cafe, a favorite with the locals. You can’t beat its view. It’s only a few feet away from the turbulent Bering Sea. It’s known for its large servings of crab legs and breakfasts all served by a friendly and efficient staff.

Special mention goes to Board of Trade Saloon. Apparently, you haven’t had the full Nome experience unless you drink beer here and then go outside to pee in the frigid Bering Sea. Honest.

Nome’s restaurants

The best way to reach Nome is by air, probably Alaska Air.

°
Be sure to visit Carrie M, McLain Memorial Museum. Don’t let the lack of official, accessible websites fool you, visitors love it. It’s charming, informative, and multi-sensory. Well, visual and audial. You’re on own about touching the exhibits. Find out about the fascinating traditional and Gold Rush times of Nome.

Then hop, skip, and jump or even take an all-terrain vehicle to the Bering Land Bridge National Preserve (BLBNP). But the most popular way to get there is by bush plane. There’s also trekking or sledding if you’re really resourceful. It sports great, informative displays. The staff is friendly and helpful. And there is no better place to learn about mammoths and mastodons. You can see a remnant of the great land bridge connecting Asia and North America. Our Asian ancestors used this land bridge to settle the Americas. But why, I keep asking myself, what possessed these worthy humans to go so far north? It had to be double-dang cold even back then. It’s a mystery, but one you can investigate at the BLBNP.

Then get a friend in an ATV to take you to the White Alice Site. You can even hike there if you’re hardy enough. I have no idea why it’s called White Alice. Were they talking about Alice’s ethnicity? And why Alice’s heritage? Why not someone else’s? Did Alice see a ghost? Did Alice run naked here after taking an oatmeal-milk bath? It would have been cold for poor, mad Alice. And no one would have been brave enough to brave the frigid air to see her, just like Lady Godiva. Anyway, the site boasts of beautiful scenery and a panoramic view of Nome and the Bering Sea. Be sure to investigate the Cold War early warning communication site.

Visit Katirvik Cultural Center. It’s in the same building as the McLain Memorial Museum. Hit two must-see places at once, Learn about native ways from the past millennia. The center has great interactive exhibits. The staff is friendly and helpful

Finally, shop at Maruskiya’s. Buy amazing Alaska Native bead work and walrus-ivory carvings for your loved ones and dear friends. Buy the inevitable touristy t-shirts for everyone else.

As always, “Good eating. Good traveling.”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: Arctic eats | Tags: Alaska, Alaska Air, Arctic eats, Asia, bakery, bead work, beer, Bering Sea, breakfasts, carvings, Cold War, crab, gold rush, greatcoffee, halibut, huskies, ivory, Korean, Lady Godiva, land bridge, lobster, milk bath, Native Alaska, Nome, North America, omelettes, parka, pizzeria, polar bear, restaurants, salmon, saloon, seafood, sushi, tea | Leave a comment

Deep Fried Cod From Iceland

Posted on June 9, 2021 by pauldelancey

Icelandic Entree

DEEP FRIED COD
(Djúpsteiktur þorskur)

INGREDIENTS

1½ pounds cod fillets
½ teaspoon baking powder
1⅓ cups flour
¼ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
1 cup beer
6 cups vegetable oil

SPECIAL UTENSIL

deep fryer

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION

Pat cod fillets dry with paper towels. Cut cod fillets into 8 total strips. Add baking powder, flour, pepper, and salt to mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended. Add beer to bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Let sit for 30 minutes

Add oil to deep fryer. (It should cover the cod strips with at ½” to spare.) Heat oil to 375 degrees. (Oil is hot enough when a tiny bit of bread will turn golden brown quickly.)

Put cod strip into mixing bowl and turn until strip is thoroughly coated. Repeat for all strips. Add coated cod strips to deep fryer. Do not let strips touch each other. You might have to cook in batches. Deep fry coated cod strips for 4 minutes or until golden brown. Gently turn strips after 2 minutes. Use slotted spoon to gently remove fried strips. Place strips on plate covered with paper towel to drain excess oil. Goes well with French fries.

TIDBITS

1) Cod are deeply protective of their young. This level of care for their offspring extends even after being caught, filleted, and deep fried. You can see in the above picture how the big pieces have assumed a defensive posture around the little one. You have to go through the big cod bits before you can get to the little deep fry. This gives the small one time to slip off your plate and roll away.

2) Of course, this interests the U.S. Navy very much. It’s submarines costs billions and billions and are essential to America’s defense. Ongoing trials investigate imprinting adult cod with the idea that our naval subs are really young cod and so, worthy of their protection.

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: cuisine, international, observations | Tags: America, apocalyptic, beer, cod, Comic Chef, cookbooks, deep fried, defense, Djúpsteiktur þorskur, entree, good food, hunks, Icelandic, imprinitng, navy, Paul De Lancey, recipes, subs, thriller, U.S. Navy | Leave a comment

Cheddar Beer Soup

Posted on March 24, 2021 by pauldelancey

American Soup

CHEDDAR BEER SOUP

INGREDIENTS

1 carrot
1 celery stalk
1 small onion
2 garlic cloves
4 tablespoons butter
⅓ cup flour
12 ounces (1 can) beer (not dark)
2 cups chicken or vegetable broth
1¼ cups whole milk
1 teaspoon dry mustard
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
¾ pound shredded sharp cheddar
2 tablespoons fresh parsley

Serves 6. Takes 35 minutes.

PREPARATION

Dice carrot, celery, and onion. Mince garlic. Add butter to pan. Melt butter using medium heat. Add carrot, celery, onion, and garlic to pan. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium heat or until carrot and onion start to soften. Stir frequently.

Add flour. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 2 minutes. Stir constantly. Add beer, broth, and milk.. Continue simmering on low for 5 minutes. Stir frequently enough to prevent burning. Add dry mustard, pepper, salt, and Worcestershire sauce. Stir until well blended.

Add cheese and continue simmering at low heat for 5 minutes or the soup becomes creamy. Dice parsley. Add soup to bowls and garnish with parsley.

TIDBITS

1) Beer spelled backwards is reeb.

2) Reeb, however, spelled backwards is beer.

3) So beer spelled backwards a second time is beer.

4) This makes beer a second-order palindrome.

5) Many other words are second-order palindromes. See if you can find them.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, obsevations | Tags: apocalyptic, beer, cheddar, Comic Chef, cookbook, good food, hilarious, Lutheran, palindrome, Paul De Lancey, recipes, soup, thriller, Worcestershire | Leave a comment

Posts Tagged With: beer

You Know You Want to Party With Me

Misread Sign – Beer

Bring Back the Milkman