cuisine

Xawaash Spice Mix

Posted on November 8, 2021 by pauldelancey

Somali Appetizer

XAWAASH SPICE MIX

INGREDIENTS

1½ inches cinnamon stick
3 cardamom pods
1 teaspoon cloves
4½ tablespoons coriander seeds
4½ tablespoons cumin seeds
1½ tablespoons peppercorns
3½ teaspoons turmeric

Makes ¾ cup. Takes 25 minutes

PREPARATION

Put cinnamon stick in plastic bag. Hit cinnamon with something hard. Put cinnamon pieces, cardamom pods, cloves, coriander seeds, cumin seeds in pan. Toast at medium heat for 3 minutes or until these ingredients become aromatic. Do not burn. Remove from heat and let cool to room temperature.

Add toasted ingredients to spice grinder. Grind until you get a completely fine powder.. Add powder and turmeric to small mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Store in airtight jar. Should keep for 4 months.

TIDBITS

1) In the 11th century an architect named Diotisalvi made plans for a tower in Pisa. Workers built his tower lying flat on the ground. It simply remained to put the tower upright. But Diotisalvi went home for lunch, suffered an attack of amnesia, and never came back. So the workers tried raising the tower with a catapult, a trebuchet, with their arms, and blowing underneath it. Nothing worked. Then they hooked up 1,000 horses with ropes and lifted the tower up. Hooray! But oh no, the workers let the horses go too far forward. The tower listed at a four-degree angle!

3) “It’s mighty hard to see if a tower hundreds of feet tall is at a 90-degree angle,” said the foreman. A surprisingly erudite peasant said, “He needed to compare the angle of the real tower with that of a miniature, 90-degree wax tower. It’s easy to see if a small wax tower is at 90-degrees.” After that, architects would check to see if he “has a wax tower.” This shortened to “has a wax.”

3) Pisan anagramists celebrated this discovery by naming the new Arabian spice, Xawaash. Now you know.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tarte Flambee

Posted on November 5, 2021 by pauldelancey

French Entree

TARTE FLAMBEE

INGREDIENTS – DOUGH

binary comment

2 cups flour (3 more tablespoons later)
½ tablespoon baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon sugar
½ tablespoon olive oil
½ cup warm water
3 tablespoons flour

INGREDIENTS – TOPPINGS

½ pound bacon
¼ pound Gruyère cheese
1 medium onion
¼ cup crême fraiche
¾ pound fromage blanc or cream cheese
⅛ teaspoon nutmeg
¼ teaspoon pepper
¾ teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSILS

pizza stone or baking sheet
parchment paper
mandoline (optional)
sonic obliterator (Go get one)

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes.

PREPARATION – DOUGH

Add pizza stone to center rack in oven. Preheat oven to 500 degrees. Add 2 cups flour, baking powder, salt, and sugar to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add oil and water. Knead by hand until well blended and dough forms.

Dust large flat surface with 3 tablespoons flour. Divide dough in half. Roll out dough half until you get a round pizza crust 10″ across. Put parchment paper on baking sheet. Put pizza crust on parchment paper. Repeat for the 2nd dough half.

PREPARATION – TOPPINGS

Dice bacon. Grate Gruyère cheese. Cut onion into slices ⅛” thick. Add crême fraiche, fromage blanc, nutmeg, pepper, and salt to 2nd mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Spread crême fraiche/fromage blanc mix evenly over pizza crusts. Leave a ½” border around the edges. Sprinkle bacon evenly over cheese mix. Sprinkle onion over bacon and crême fraiche. Sprinkle Gruyère cheese over everything.

Carefully, carefully (use oven mitts) slide pizza crusts and the parchment paper underneath them onto preheated pizza stone or baking sheets. Bake at 500 degrees until puffed, golden brown, and crispy. Serve immediately.

Zap unappreciative guests with sonic obliterator. You don’t need negativity in your kitchen.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe uses a pizza stone.

2) The earliest human, Lucy of Olduvai Gorge, did not have a pizza stone. So, she did not make this recipe. If only she had had even a baking sheet. But she did not. No Tarte Flambee for Lucy.

3) Her friend Charlie Olduvai had a football his mom had made from the pelts of little animals. Lucy always promised to hold the pelt football while he ran up to kick it. But Lucy always pulled the pelt ball away at the last moment and Charlie would fall onto his back.

4) Charlie Olduvai grew tired of his mistreatment. So did his parents who never liked Lucy’s parents anyway. “They’ve ruined football for us until the twentieth century. Bah, the slackers will never make anything out of themselves.”

5) So the disgruntled Olduvais left. Many gorge dwellers followed the well-liked family. These first humans thought they’d only walk for a day or so before settling down beside a new stream near a nice plain filled with lots of juicy animals to eat.

6) Then George Gorge piped up and said he wanted a pizza. Now, the little group did carry all the ingredients for pizza for humanity has always hungered for pizza. So they looked for holes in cliffs that would double as a pizza oven. They found dozens of such ovens.

7) But no pizza stones or baking sheets So they marched on. The little walk turned into months, years, and even millennia. Thus, began humanity’s great migration out of Africa.

8) Then the early humans invented the wheel. Brilliant minds soon–thousands of years–made pizza stones. People could finally make pizza! Eat pizza! Huzzah!

9) The Stone Wheel clans appointed wisdom keepers to tell succeeding generations the way to make pizza stones. So for century upon century peoples could feast on mastodon pizza.

10) Then humans, too hungry for mastodon pizza toppings, killed off all the mastodons No other pizza toppings would do. Pizza fell out of favor. There was no long a need for pizza stones, no need to pass on the knowledge to make them. Humanity’s ascent stagnated for millennia.

11) Don’t let this happen again. Buy a baking sheet! Buy a pizza stone! Do it now!

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Gutaps, Meat Pastries

Posted on November 2, 2021 by pauldelancey

Turkmen Entree

GUTAPS

INGREDIENTS – MEAT FILLING

1 pound ground beef or lamb
1 medium onion
⅛ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon red pepper flakes or cayenne pepper
2 tablespoons vegetable oil (3½ cups more later)

INGREDIENTS- SPINACH FILLING

1 pound fresh spinach
¼ cup vegetable oil (¼ cup more later)
2 tablespoons flour (3½ cups more later)
¼ cup water

INGREDIENTS – DOUGH

3¼ cups flour
1 cup warm water

INGREDIENTS – FINAL

no-stick spray
3½ cups (1½”) vegetable oil

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 40 minutes.

PREPARATION – MEAT FILLING

Mince onion. Add all meat-filling ingredients to large mixing bowl. Blend with hands.

PREPARATION – SPINACH FILLING

Add enough water to cover spinach to large pot. Bring water to boil using high heat. Add spinach. Boil for 4 minutes. Drain. Add ice water and spinach to 2nd bowl. The ice water stops the spinach from continuing to cook and prevents its leaves from wilting. Drain.

Add ¼ cup vegetable oil to pan. Heat using medium-high heat until a little bit of flour dances in the oil. Add 2 tablespoons flour. Reduce heat to meat and cook for 1 minute or until flour starts to brown. Add ¼ cup water. Still with whisk or fork until well blended. Add back spinach. Stir until well blended. Remove from heat.

PREPARATION – DOUGH

Add 3¼ cups flour, 1 cup warm water, and ¼ cup oil to 3rd, large mixing bowl. Mix with hands until you get a smooth dough ball that is not sticky. Add a bit more flour if necessary. Cover and set aside.

PREPARATION – FINAL

Spray flat surface with no-stick spray. Divide dough into 16 smaller dough balls. Roll out small dough balls until they become rounds ⅛” thick. (The rounds should be about 6″ across.) Divide meat filling equally over on the right half of the rounds. Distribute the spinach filling equally over the sides with meat. Leave a small uncovered edge on all the round.

Brush the edges with little bit of water. This will help the pastries to seal better. Fold uncovered half of the dough rounds over the covered side to make your gutap pastries. Seal the edges together by pressing down with the tines of a fork. Prick top of gutap with fork. This allows hot air to escape while cooking. (It also helps for even browning of both sides.)

Add 3½ cups oil to large pot. Heat oil at medium heat until a little bit of dough in the oil starts to dance. Carefully add 2 or 3 gutaps to pot. (Do not let them touch It also helps the flip side brown evenly.) Fry 3 minutes on each side or until gutaps turn golden brown all over. Add more oil as needed. Remove with slotted spoon and drain on paper towels. Serve hot.

TIDBITS

1) The Sun and the Moon are round. The Ancient Romans worshiped them as gods. Pizzas are round. Pizzas are made round to honor the Sun god, Sol, and the Moon goddess, Luna. Why did the Romans honor these gods with pizzas? Because Sol and Luna loved pizzas. Who doesn’t?

2) Sol wanted the heavens to himself during the day. This is how we get the modern word, solo.

3) Luna would go insane when the Earth hid her beloved Sun. Her face sported a tic during these events. Her followers would worship her during lunar eclipse by scrunching their faces to resemble tics. This is how we get the word, lunatic.

4) The supreme Roman god, Jove, certainly played the field. He took the form of a dove and made passionate love to a Gallic lass called Carla La Fong. You’d think Carl would taken a man for a lover rather than a dove, but there’s no accounting for taste.

5) Carla named the fruit of this union, Gutap. Gutap was a handsome and muscular lad. Indeed, he killed the requisite number of wild beast expected of a demigod, but his passion was making meat pastries. He didn’t even half to follow the recipe above. He just pressed dirt between his hands and presto, he’d made a semicircular pastry. Jove’s fellow Olympian loved these pastries, calling them gutaps after Juno’ son. Indeed, they found them so tasty, that they esteemed Gutap above, Juno, head goddess and wife of Juno.

6) This adulation pierced Juno’s vanity so much that she cast Gutap down to Earth. Gutap fled Juno’s wrath until he reached Turkmenistan, a land so far away that even the gods could not see it. The demigod fed his meat pastries to his new neighbors. They loved the pastries so much that they found a way to make their own gutaps. Now you know.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pizzaghetti

Posted on October 29, 2021 by pauldelancey

Canadian Entree

PIZZAGHETTI

INGREDIENTS – PIZZA CRUST

2 cups all-purpose flour (1 tablespoon more later)
¾ cup water
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
½ teaspoon sugar
½ teaspoon salt
½ tablespoon active dry yeast
no-stick spray
1 tablespoon flour

INGREDIENTS – TOPPINGS

½ pound spaghetti
no-stick spray
1½ cups pasta sauce
½ pound sausage meat*
¼ pound sliced pepperoni*
2 cups mozzarella cheese

* = Substitute with your preferred toppings, if you like.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

bread maker
16″ pizza pan

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 50 minutes.

PREPARATION – PIZZA CRUST

Add flour, water, oil, sugar, salt, and yeast to the bread maker. Do not put the yeast directly on top of the salt. Salt is bad for yeast and yeast makes the dough rise. “Ask not what your yeast can do for you. Ask what you can do for your yeast.”

Set the timer or the menu on the bread maker to “Dough.” Wait for the required time, maybe up to an hour. In the meantime preheat the oven to 400 degrees and liberally spray the pizza pan with no-stick spray. This will prevent the crust from forming a glue-like bond with the pan.

Take the dough out of the bread maker and roll it out until the dough covers the pizza pan. If you do not possess a rolling pin, any canned food can will do as long as it is at least six inches tall. Spray the pan and coat it with 1 tablespoon flour before spreading the dough.

PREPARATION – TOPPINGS

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Read instructions for spaghetti on package. Subtract 3 minutes from the suggested time. (The spaghetti will continue to cook in the oven.) Drain.

Spray pizza pan with no-stick spray. Put pizza crust on pizza pan. Spread pasta sauce over entire crust. Make ½” sausage balls. Arrange sausage balls and pepperoni slices evenly over sauce. Distribute spaghetti evenly over pizza. Sprinkle cheese over everything. Bake pizza in oven at 400 degrees for 16 minutes or until cheese turns golden brown.

Note: This another version of pizzaghetti that simply has spaghetti and sauce served next to one or two slices of pizzas. To me, the version presented here is much more exciting.

TIDBITS

1) I must say that this is an exciting dish.

2) It’s so simple now, yet so many never had the wit to combine pizza with spaghetti.

3) But Patrice Grandchat did. Culinary financial analysts report that Mlle. Grandchat now has so much money that she’s about to launch a hostile takeover of AmazonTM. “I have a lot of things in my closets and attic that I’d like to sell,” said the billionaire Quebecoise.

4) I want to be as rich as Mlle. Grandchat. If I were that wealthy, I’d never have to think twice about spending ten cents on a recyclable plastic bag at the supermarket checkout stand. So, here are my forthcoming money-making food dishes.

A) PB&S: Peanut Butter and Steak. Simply slather your steak with peanut butter. There’s a version of this entree where the steak gets stuffed with peanut butter. This is the famous Stuffed PB&S.

B) Ravioli Burger: Substitute the meat patty in your burger with ravioli.

C) Camcowpigturducken: This is a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey inside a pig inside a cow inside a camel. Vegetarians are warned away from this dish. It’s also a diet-busting meal.

D) Taco Ice Cream: Who doesn’t love tacos? Who doesn’t love ice cream? I tell you, putting a crushed taco inside cream is a stroke of genius.

E) Roast Marshmallow Beef: It’s often called RMB by its legion of fans. Nothing’s more fun than roasting marshmallows over a campfire. And roast beef is the tastiest meat entree around. And what better way to get food fussies to eat their roast beef than hiding it inside a dessert?

F) Coke Dogs: Coca ColaTM is the world’s favorite soda. The hot dog is America’s most beloved meal. Simply boil your frankfurters in a pot of Coca Cola instead of water.

G) Bean Kabobs: Finally a way to grill beans! We never could before because beans would, of course, fall through the grill. But they won’t when they’re skewered between pork cubes and onion slices.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pączki (Polish Doughnuts)

Posted on October 26, 2021 by pauldelancey

Polish Dessert

PĄCZKI
(Doughnuts)

INGREDIENTS

1½ tablespoons yeast
1 cup milk, warm
1½ tablespoons water, warm
⅓ cup butter, softened
1 teaspoon rum extract or 1 tablespoon brandy (optional)
1 teaspoon salt
½ cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
6 eggs
6 cups flour (2 more tablespoons later)
2 tablespoons flour
1 quart lard or vegetable oil
½ cup confectioners’ sugar
½ cup of your favorite jam or jelly

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric beater (with dough hook, if you have it)
sonic obliterator

Makes 20 doughnuts. Takes 3 hours 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add yeast, milk, and water to large mixing bowl. Stir with whisk until yeast dissolves. Add butter. rum extract, salt, sugar. and vanilla. Stir with whisk until sugar dissolves. Add eggs. Mix with electric beater on medium setting until well blended and mixture thickens. Add 6 cups flour gradually and blend with electric beater set on low. (Use beater’s dough hook if you have one.) Mix until dough is smooth and will not stick to your hands. Cover and let rise for 1 hour or until dough doubles in size.

Dust flat surface with 2 tablespoons flour. Roll out dough until it is ¾” thick. Cut dough into 3″ wide circles. (A cookie cutter and upside-down glass work well here.) Let rise for 1 hour on until dough circles double in size.

Add lard to large pan. Heat lard using medium-high heat until a tiny bit of dough dances in the lard. Carefully add as many dough circles as possible without having them touch each other. Fry for 1-to-2 minutes or until the bottom of the dough circles turn golden brown. (Please monitor to prevent burning.) Carefully flip dough circles. Fry for another 1-to-2 minutes or until the second side turns golden brown as well. Remove and place on towel-covered plate. Repeat for the following batches. (Please note that frying times tend to go down with successive batches.)

Let doughnuts cool until they can be handled. Add confectioners’ sugar to mixing bowl. Add doughnut. Turn doughnut until covered with confectioners’ sugar. Use sharp knife to cut a 2″ slit in the middle of a doughnut’s side. Use spoon to insert ½ tablespoon jam into doughnut. Use sonic obliterator on anyone who gives you guff in any way. I mean, geezo flip, you’ve been working with hot grease to make them a super yummy dessert. And no jury would ever convict you.

TIDBITS

1) German bombers attacked London during The First World War, 1914-1918, and World War Two, 1939 -1945.

2) The British, understandably, didn’t like this at all, no not one bit. But what to do? Until the advent of the British radar defense system, the RAC, and later the RAF, found it nearly impossible to find and intercept the German bombers. So, the bombing continued unmolested.

3) Then, on May 19th, 1915, Polish immigrant and master baker, Jan Kowalski, made 20,000 pączki (using this very recipe according to culinary historians) to celebrate the wedding of Antoni Adami and Maja Bartosz.

4) Unfortunately, just before the wedding the father of Antoni told a “Your Mama” joke to the Maja’s mom. It was now well received. Maja’s mom told her husband. Words were said. A few fist fights broke out. The Bartoszes cancelled the wedding. Jan the baker didn’t get paid.

5) Jan’s friend, Bazyli Blaszak, owner of Blaszak’s Catapults was also at the wedding. “I know you feel. I have 500 catapults doing nothing. The British army put in a big order for catapults, but at the last moment they decided to go for75 millimeter artillery pieces instead. Wanted to modernize their army, they said.” He spat. “Dranie.”

6) “Well pierdolić,” said Jan. “We might as well use your catapults to fling my pączki as high as they can go into the sky.” So, the two friends flung up one paçzek after another into the heavens.

7) As contrived luck would have it, a squadron of German Gothas dropped by that very moment to bomb London. The squadron cleared the barrage balloons designed to keep Hun bombers away.

8) But they did not pass through Jan’s and Bazyli’s Polish Doughnut barrage unscathed. Pączek after pączek went through the bombers’ wings, shredding them completely. 31 bombers fell from the skies.

9) The British Army noted the failure of the barrage balloons and invested in anti-aircraft guns, a beefed up fighter force, and 500 polish catapults because hey, they worked.

10) The German air force also took note. All future planes would be designed to fly higher than any catapulted doughnut could achieve. Once the spirit of innovation spread through the Luftwaffe, it never really stopped. Their air planes got better and better. And in May, 1940 the German aircraft played a vital role in overrunning France. Aerial combat had gotten real. So next time, make sure you pay your doughnut caterers.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Käsknöpfle (Cheese Pasta) from Liechtenstein

Posted on October 23, 2021 by pauldelancey

Liechtensteiner Entree

KÄSKNÖPFLE
(Cheese Pasta)

INGREDIENTS

2¼ cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
3 eggs
⅔ cup water
1 medium onion
1½ tablespoons butter
6 cups water
5 ounces Gruyère, Emmenthaler, or Appenzeller* cheese
2 ounces sour cheese: ricotta, cottage, Limburger, goat, Harzer*, or other

* = Appenzeller and Harzer cheeses are your first choices, but they are powerful hard to find in supermarkets. Better luck will be found online.

Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add flour and salt to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk. Add eggs and ⅔ cup water to small mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork. Add watery eggs to large mixing bowl. Knead with hands until you get a firm, smooth dough ball. Dough should be thin enough to be pushed through holes in slotted spoon. If not, add a little more water and knead once more. Cover with damp cloth and let sit for 15 minutes.

While dough sits, grate or crumble Gruyère and sour cheeses. Mince onion. Add onion and butter to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently.

Add 6 cups water to large pot. Bring water to boil using high heat. Push dough ball through holes in slotted spoon into boiling water. You should be getting teeny, tiny bits of dough falling in the pot. Stir enough to keep dough from sticking to bottom of pan. Using slotted spoon, skim off dough bits as they float to the surface and add them to a serving bowl.

Add Gruyère and sour cheese to serving bowl. Mix dough bits and cheese with fork until well blended. Top with sautéed onion. Serve with applesauce or green salad.

TIDBITS

1) This is a Liechtensteiner entree. Liechtenstein is a tiny country. It needs a tiny tidbit. Indeed, if you were to spread out a picnic towel, part of the towel would spill over into neighboring Austria. To avoid international incidents, the Treaty of Vaduz forbids expressly picnics in Liechtenstein.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chicheme From Panama

Posted on October 19, 2021 by pauldelancey

Panamanian Appetizer

CHICHEME

INGREDIENTS

⅔ pound dry cracked corn
6 cups water
2 cinnamon sticks
1 cup (10¾ ounces) condensed milk
1½ cups (13½ ounces) evaporated milk
½ tablespoon vanilla extract
⅓ cup sugar
½ teaspoon nutmeg

Serves 9. Takes 3 hours plus overnight soaking.

PREPARATION

Place cracked corn and water in large pot. Keep pot overnight in refrigerator. Keep water. Add cinnamon sticks. Cook corn at medium heat for 1 hour 15 minutes or until corn starts to break apart under the slightest pressure. Stir frequently enough to prevent burning. Check occasionally to make sure water still covers the corn. Add water as necessary. Remove cinnamon sticks.

Remove pot from heat and let cool for 30 minutes . (Liquid will cool quicker if you pour it into a cold pot.) Add condensed milk, evaporated milk, sugar, and vanilla extract. Stir until sugar dissolves completely, nothing sticks to the bottom, and there are no clumps. Remove cinnamon sticks. Refrigerate for 1 hour. Pour into glasses. Sprinkle nutmeg on top. Drink and eat with spoon.

Keep in jars or pitcher in refrigerator. Stir to break any up clumps before pouring.

TIDBITS

1) Just last year, culinary scientist Carl La Fong, announced that rock samples from the Earth and its moon contain nearly identical percentages of Chicheme. (See recipe above.) This assertion has rocked the scientific world. “Where did all this Chicheme come from?” ask the theory’s doubters.

2) “From the Earth’s core,” says La Fong. “Recent ultra-long-wave analysis shows the core to made up entirely of Chicheme. Over the period of 100 million years, about twenty meteor strikes at the same spot on the Earth’s crusts opened a tunnel to the core. Molten Chicheme flew out of there into space where it eventually coalesced into our moon.”

3) La Fong added, “There’s simply not enough cracked corn, cinnamon sticks, condensed milk, evaporated milk, etc. produced on the Earth’s surface to produce all the Chicheme that people consume. It simply must come from the Earth’s core via a 4,000 mile tunnel. So there, I’m right.”

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Bicycle Chicken

Posted on October 15, 2021 by pauldelancey

Burkina Faso

BICYCLE CHICKEN
(Poulet Bicyclette)

INGREDIENTS

1 MaggiTM chicken or vegetable bouillon cube*
2 tablespoons peanut oil or other oil
1 teaspoon vinegar
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
2 chicken breasts with bone and skin
2 chicken thighs with bone and skin
2 bay leaves
2 potatoes
2 red or green chile peppers
2 carrots
4 garlic cloves
2 medium onions
2 tablespoons butter

* = It’s way more authentic with a Maggi cube. Maggi rules western Africa.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

baking sheet.
kitchen thermometer

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 35 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add Maggi cube to large mixing bowl. Crush Maggi cube. Add peanut oil, vinegar, pepper, and salt. Mix thoroughly with whisk or fork. Add chicken pieces. Turn chicken pieces until they are completely coated. Add bay leaves. Let marinate for 40 minutes.

While chicken pieces marinate, preheat oven to 390 degrees. Peel potatoes. Add potatoes and enough water to cover to them to pot. Boil potatoes on high heat for 20 minutes or until tender. Place chicken pieces on grill in oven. Place baking sheet under chicken to catch drippings. Cook at 390 degrees for 55 minutes or until no longer pink inside or the chicken’s temperature reaches 165 degrees. Turn chicken pieces over once.

While chicken pieces cook, seed chile peppers Mince carrots, chile peppers, garlic cloves and onions. Add butter, carrot, chile pepper, garlic, and onion to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until garlic and onion soften. Stir frequently. Add a chicken piece to each plate. Top chicken with sautéed veggies. Surround chicken with potato slices.

TIDBITS

1) There are many reasons why this dish is called Bicycle Chicken.

2) The chickens running about the streets in Burkina Faso look like they’re riding a bicycle.

3) The chicken vendors in Ouagadougu, the capital city, bicycle around the town with chickens hanging upside down from their bike’s handle bars*.

* = Do not confuse handle bars with Handle bars, which the great musical composer used to organize his written music in small sections.

4) People know chickens derive enjoyment from looking a bicycles. So whenever a bicyclist pedals past a hen, people will say, “Look, a bicycle, chicken.”

5) Would-be chicken vendors who are afraid to ride a bicycle are known as “bicycle chicken.”

6) The 1st grade textbook used in Ouagadougu’s grammar school has a picture of a bicycle on page one and a bicycle on the next page. The words are shown below the corresponding picture. So, the first words the country’s young learners learn to spell are bicycle and chicken. Walk by any 1st grade classroom first thing in the morning and you will hear the words “bicycle, chicken” spoken over and over.

7) Some very small dictionaries have the words bicycle and chicken next to each other. Don’t buy these books. They’re not of much use.

8) “Bicycle chicken” is spy code for “my cover has been compromised.” Oh dear, I compromised that code now, haven’t I?”

9) However, culinary etymologists* tend to believe that the phrase “bicycle chicken” derives from the world-renowned Le Tour du Poulet Burkinabé (LTDPB).

10) The muscular thighs of Burkina Faso’s chickens make them naturals for bicycle races.

11) Indeed, chickens are quite athletic when properly motivated. The longest recorded flight by a chicken is 301 feet. The chicken’s motivation remains unknown. At least, no one is talking.

12) Anyway, every May sees the LTDPB sees the chickens pedal like mad from Banforo toward Ougadougu.

13) Every August sees the chickens cross the finish.

14) The great popularity of the LTDPB has naturally spawned imitations such as the ones in Greenland*, Oregon, and Scotland.

15) * I’m sad to say, that this year’s Chicken Race Across Greenland (CRAG)has been cancelled due to inclement conditions. It’s best, anyway, to wait for and watch LTDPB on ESPN9TM.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, short story | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sauna Eggs

Posted on October 12, 2021 by pauldelancey

Korean Appetizer

SAUNA EGGS

INGREDIENTS

8 eggs
enough water to cover eggs.
½ tablespoon salt
ice

SPECIAL UTENSIL

instant pot or sauna

Serves 4. Takes 2 hours to bring to room temperature and 1 hour 45 minutes to cook.

PREPARATION – INSTANT POT

Let eggs sit at room temperature for 2 hours. (This will help keep them from cracking.) Carefully add eggs to instant pot. Add enough water to cover eggs. Add salt. Secure lid on instant pot and set valve to “airtight” or “sealing.” (Exciting things can happen if you don’t.) Press “time adjust” or “manual” button. Set timer to 1 hour 30 minutes, or 90 minutes.

Fill large bowl with ice and water. When instant pot has stopped cooking, set valve to release steam. (Oh gosh, this is important.). Slowly release lid. Use slotted spoon to remove eggs and transfer them to large bowl. Allow eggs to cool in ice water for 10 minutes or until they are cool enough to peel. Peel eggs.

These eggs have a nutty taste.

PREPARATION – SAUNA

Put eggs on benches in sauna. Let eggs cook for 7 hours at 200 degrees Fahrenheit. Let eggs cool in ice water and peel in ice water. All this is a wild guess. I don’t have a sauna. I don’t know anyone who has a sauna who’d let me cook eggs in it for 7 seven hours. I do know that eggs already cooked in a sauna or in an instant pot are quite an appreciated appetizer for Korean sauna goers.

TIDBITS

1) South Korean chickens lay their eggs in saunas. Not for seven hours of course, that would turn their would-be offspring into Sauna Eggs. No they just lay their eggs on the sauna floor and then roll them outside. The short time in the sauna is enough to toughen the chickens to be for the rest of their lives. And, oh my gosh, the mama hens, laying eggs time after time in the sauna, become super tough and resilient. So much so that the South Korean army positions an entire division of sauna hens along the armistice line with North Korea. No army in the world has trained enough to fight sauna chickens and no soldier is brave enough to attack them.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Shrimp and Tofu Fritters

Posted on October 8, 2021 by pauldelancey

Filipino Appetizer

SHRIMP AND TOFU FRITTERS
(Ukoy)

INGREDIENTS – DIPPING SAUC

2 garlic cloves
¼ cup soy sauce
¼ teaspoon pepper (¼ teaspoon more later)
⅛ teaspoon chili

INGREDIENTS – BATTER

1 egg
1¼ teaspoons baking soda
½ cup corn starch
¾ cup flour
1 cup water
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt

INGREDIENTS – MAIN

2 green onions
½ pound firm tofu
2 cups bean sprouts
¾ pound shrimp, peeled and deveined (20 count)
1 cup vegetable oil

Serves 8. Takes 50 minutes.

PREPARATION

Mince garlic cloves. Add all dipping sauce ingredients to serving bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended.

Add egg to mixing bowl. Beat egg with whisk or fork. Add all remaining batter ingredients. Mix with fork until well blended.

Dice green onions and tofu. Add green onion, tofu, bean sprouts, and shrimp to mixing bowl with batter. Stir until shrimp are well coated with batter.

Add vegetable oil to large pan or wok. Heat oil using medium-high heat until a tiny bit of batter will dance in the oil. Add 3 tablespoons batter and 1 shrimp (fritter) to a corner of the pan. Repeat adding batter and shrimp as long as none of the fritter touch each other. You might have to cook in batches. Sauté fritters for 4 minutes or until golden brown. Turn over once. Serve with dipping sauce.

TIDBITS

1) Cooking Shrimp and Tofu Fritters is such fun as the below book proves.. There are even chapters devoted to merriment with the already cooked fritters. What will be your favorite form of Shrimp and Tofu Fritter fun?

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.