Posts Tagged With: Spanish

Aliens Exist!

They do! They do! Number Two Son (NTS) and I met one at a gas station in Roswell, New Mexico. NTS needed to fill up his Subaru and The Alien needed fuel for his UFO. Communication proved to be difficult as I only can converse in English and in French. NTS knows only English and Spanish, and who knows what tongue the outer spacer uses?

Things remained awkward until I broke out the chocolate-chip cookies. Tension rapidly dissolved as all carbon-based life forms love that cookie. Anyway, good will soon prevailed to such an extent that we all posed for a selfie. I’m so happy the know that if we ever become able to travel deep into space that the new civilizations will look favorably on our arrival. I am so proud. I forsee a Nobel Peace Prize in my future.

And now, the picture with The Alien.

Proof you cannot deny

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: about me, Nobel Prize, things to see and do | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Flatbread Cheese Pizza

Fusion Entree

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FLATBREAD CHEESE PIZZA

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INGREDIENTS­
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3 Roma tomatoes
6 9″ flatbreads
2 tablespoons olive oil (1 teaspoon on each flatbread)
1½ cups pizza sauce (¼ cup on each flatbread)
½ tablespoon basil
2 teaspoons minced garlic
½ tablespoon oregano
½ teaspoon pepper
3 cups shredded mozzarella cheese (½ cup on each flatbread)
¾ cup shredded Parmesan cheese (2 tablespoons on each flatbread)
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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2 baking sheets
parchment paper
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Serves 6. Takes 20 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Slice each Roma tomatoes into 6 slices. Use brush to spread 1 tablespoon olive oil on each flatbread. Use brush to spread ¼ cup pizza sauce over each flatbread. Add 3 tomato slices to each flatbread. Sprinkle basil, minced garlic, oregano, and pepper evenly over each flatbread. Sprinkle ½ cup mozzarella cheese on each flatbread. Sprinkle 2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese on each flatbread.
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Put parchment paper on baking sheets. Place flatbreads on baking sheets. Bake at 400 degrees for 12 minutes or until cheese starts to brown.
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TIDBITS
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1) Flatbread is great. It sure can satisfy any hunger. Flatbread is great. Just let it dry out and it can patch sails.
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2) Columbus used dried flatbread to patch his ship’s sails during his epic voyage of discovery in 1492.
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3) Columbus and his Spanish explorers gave the natives flatbread. In return, the local tribes presented the adventurers with corn. Relations between the two peoples would soon deteriorate, but it wasn’t the flatbread’s fault.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Mixtas (hot dogs)

Guatemalan Entree

Mixtas

(hot dogs)

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INGREDIENTS – GUACAMOLE
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3 avocados
1 tablespoon fresh cilantro (1½ tablespoons more later)
1 serrano chile (1 more later)
2 tablespoons lime juice
½ teaspoon oregano
¼ red onion (¼ more later)
¼ teaspoon salt (¼ teaspoon more later)
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INGREDIENTS – CHIRMOL
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1½ tablespoons fresh cilantro
¼ red onion
2 Roma tomatoes
1 serrano chile
2 tablespoons lemon juice
¼ teaspoon salt
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INGREDIENTS – ASSEMBLY
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8 corn tortillas (Use fresh tortillas or ones from just opened package. Should be as wide as the sausages are long)
8 sausages* or hot dogs
1 cup shredded red cabbage
mustard from squeezable bottle
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* = Guatemalan longanizas or chorizos are traditional. However, they’re difficult to find. If so, use any longanizas or chorizos. Or simply white sausages or hot dogs. Use your sonic obliterator on any guest who gives you guff about the sausages you use.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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potato masher
sonic obliterator
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Serves 8. Takes 1 hour.
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PREPARATION – GUACAMOLE
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Peel and remove pit from avocados. Dice 1 tablespoon cilantro. Seed and dice 1 serrano chile. Dice ¼ red onion. Add avocados to 1st mixing bowl. Mash with potato masher until avocado becomes creamy. Add all other guacamole ingredients. Mix with fork until completely blended.
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PREPARATION – CHIRMOL
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Dice 1½ tablespoons fresh cilantro and ¼ red onion. Seed and dice 1 serrano chile. Use medium heat to heat pan for 30 seconds. Add Roma tomatoes. Cook Roma tomatoes for 8 minutes, turning them slowly or until they char on all sides.
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Add charred Roma tomatoes to 2nd mixing bowl. Mash with potato masher or fork until tomatoes become thoroughly mashed. Add all other chirmol ingredients. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended.
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PREPARATION – ASSEMBLY
­Add sausages to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Boil for 5 minutes.. While sausages boil, warm tortillas in pan, using low-medium heat. Put sausage in the middle of tortilla. Place guacamole on one side of sausage and shredded red cabbage on the other. Top with chirmol. Make a squiggle of mustard across the chirmol
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TIDBITS
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1) The American declared their independence in 1776 because they detested British taxation without representation. The former colonists had also developed their own, distinct way of doing things. One example of the American spirit was their devotion to the proto-saxophone. Indeed Josiah Parnell and his big band, The Revolutionaries, entertained the Continental Army between battles and marches. General George Washington would later say, “Many times in the great struggle, our despondent soldiers would have deserted in droves but for the peppy music of The Revolutionaries.”
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2) Foreign powers everywhere took this notion to heart. If you let the fractious natives indulge in proto-saxophone chamber music and big-band marches, they will mount a successful war of independence.
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3) Indeed Pablo Tiul charmed large crowds of peasants with his swinging proto-sax. They hung on every note. He even had scores of groupies. At first, the oppressive Spanish governor tolerated Tiul’s tunes at first. But as the spring of 1821 progressed, the mood of the populace grew ever more restless. Why did the peasant restlessness burgeon? Well, because the Spanish governor oppressed them. Tiul’s tunes took on harsher notes. Crowds shouted, “Los españoles se van a casa,” after every concert. But the Spanish didn’t go home. Instead, the Governor sent troops to confiscate Senor Tiul’s proto-saxophone. The crowd erupted with fury, calling the soldiers all sorts of hurtful names.
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4) The very next day, the leaders of all the peasant villages gathered in Tiul’s hamlet for Guatemalan hot dogs, as who would not? What shall we call this hot dog? “Why not, ‘Mi T,” said someone. (My T, where T is the first letter of Pablo’s last name.)
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5) “Let’s add “sax” to it,” said Maria Escuela, “make it Mitsax.” People applauded this idea. The naming of the hot dog settled, the assembly soon declared independence. Unfortunately, a typo in the independence posters changed “Mitsax” to “Mixtas.” Guatemala would so be free. Free from oppression, free to love saxophones and mixtas. Now you know.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Essential Spanish Phrases – Lesson 1

The world is getting more cosmopolitan everyday as travel gets ever easier. You might find yourself in Mexico, Spain, Peru, or even Argentina. You meet a native. Perhaps you wish to order a sandwich or a coffee. You might want directions to your hotel. What happens then? Nothing. You freeze. You know no local words because you daydreamed in Spanish class. Instead, you drew pictures of your current heartthrob, didn’t you? Well, you’re stuck. How will you survive?

Fear not. You don’t need to know what every noun is in Spanish. You especially don’t need the ability to conjugate every Spanish verb.

No! But you will need to remember translations for key phrases if you hope to survive in the lands of the Spanish.

And De Lancey’s Essential Spanish Phrases Course is here to help. Just subscribe and soon every Spanish city will be your oyster.

And now, Lesson 1:

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Categories: international, Learning to speak, wise words | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Digaag Qumbe (Coconut Yogurt Chicken)

Somali Entree

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DIGAAG QUMBE

­(Coconut Yogurt Chicken)

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INGREDIENTS­
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½ cup rice
2 garlic cloves
1 red onion
1 carrot
1 small potato
1 pound boneless chicken thighs
1 jalapeno
1 red bell pepper
2 tomatoes
¼ cup olive oil
2½ teaspoons ginger
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons Xawaash spice (See above recipe or buy online or at Middle Eastern stores.)
½ cup coconut yogurt or plain yogurt
1 tablespoon ghee or butter
2½ teaspoons tomato paste
¾ cup coconut milk
¼ cup fresh cilantro
6 bananas
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Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 25 minutes.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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food processor
mandoline
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PREPARATION
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Cook rice according to instructions on package. Mince garlic and red onion. Use mandoline to cut carrot into circles ¼” thick. Cut potato into ½” cubes. Cut chicken into 1″ cubes. Add jalapeno, bell pepper, and tomatoes to processor. Puree until smooth. Add olive oil, garlic, and red onion to large pot. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium-high heat or until onion softens. Stir frequently.
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Add ginger, salt, Xawaash spice mix, and mixture from blender. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low-medium. Simmer for 5 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add coconut yogurt, ghee, and tomato paste. Simmer for 3 minutes. Add coconut milk, chicken, carrot, and potato. Simmer for 35 minutes or until chicken, carrot and potato are tender and sauce thickens. Stir occasionally. While chicken, carrot, and potato simmer, dice cilantro. Add rice to plates. Top with coconut yogurt/veggies/chicken. Garnish with cilantro. Serve alongside a peeled banana.
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TIDBITS
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1) According to Google Translate(tm). digaag, part of this entree’s name, translates into English as “digaag.”
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2) Digaag translates into French as “digaag.*”
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3) Digaag translates into Spanish as “digaag.”
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4) Tiny Luxembourg has its own language. It’s Luxembourgish. Digaag translates into Luxembourgish as “digaag.”
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5) Digaag even translates into Swahil as “digaag.”
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6) What can we conclude from this?
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7) That “digaag” is an important word to humanity.
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8) How important?
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9) So important that when humanity fractured into different group when they marched out from their common birthplace, Africa, they all hung onto a few common concepts. These common concepts remind us that we share common ground with our brothers and sisters all over the Earth.
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10) When an American man says, “digaag” to a French woman living in Paris, she will understand him just as clearly would any listener in Colorado, Columbia, or Germany.
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11) When we understand our foreign neighbors, we realize just how much we resemble them.
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12) When we know just how much other nations’ peoples resemble ours, our fears of them evaporate.
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13) When our fears evaporate, world peace breaks out.
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14) And that’s a good thing.
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15) So if you hear people speaking in a foreign tongue, go up to them and say, “Digaag.” They will appreciate your effort to communicate to them. They will even smile. You’ll smile back. And just like that, you’ll have new friends.
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16) And that’s a good thing, because one of your old friends still owes you money.
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17) Great news! Other words are the same* in other languages. They are: banana, coffee, computer, dollar, euro, film, gram, huh, internet, kilometer, mama, no, okay, papa, stool, sauna, sushi, and taxi.
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18) The possibilities for talking to people of other languages are endless. You could say, “banana, coffee, sauna, sush” or alternatively, “Internet, film, papa, taxi” and you’d be understood!
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19) You’d be taking one small step for new friends, one giant step for world peace. Yay!
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: history, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paul’s Awesome Spanish Phrase Book – Four Key Phrases

“Help, I’m going to Spain. I know I know no Spanish. What are the most import things I need to say?

Vlad the Impaler

 

Dear Vlad,

I can help you. Simply buy my handy Paul’s Awesome Spanish Phrase Book. However, if you’re landing in 20 minutes, may I suggest you commit to memory the following four phrases.

Yours truly,

Paul R. De Lancey, Ph. D.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: wise words | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Chicken Basquaise

French Entree

CHICKEN BASQUAISE

INGREDIENTS

1 green bell pepper
1 red bell pepper
1 large onion
2 garlic cloves
2 tablespoons fresh thyme
3 tomatoes
2 pounds chicken pieces, bone in or boneless
1 teaspoon salt or fleur de sel*
¼ cup olive oil
3 ounces thinly sliced prosciutto or Bayonne ham*
¾ cup white wine
1 bay leaf
1 cup chicken stock
2 teaspoon Spanish paprika, paprika, or espelette*
1 tablespoon fresh parsley

* = You can find fleur de sel, Bayonne ham, and espelette online, but they can be expensive.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

mandoline
8″ * 12″ casserole dish

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Seed bell peppers. Cut bell peppers and onion into ¼” slices with mandoline or knife. Cut slices in half. Dice garlic and thyme. Cut tomatoes into ½” wedges. If you are using chicken breasts, cut them in two. Rub chicken pieces with salt.

Add olive oil and prosciutto to large pan. Sauté for 2 minutes at high heat or until prosciutto becomes crispy. Stir frequently. Remove and drain on paper towels. Add chicken pieces to large pan. Sauté for 10 minutes at medium heat or until chicken turns golden brown. Flip chicken pieces every 2 minutes. Remove chicken and drain on paper towels. Add bell pepper, garlic, and onion. Sauté for 2 minutes at medium-high heat. Stir frequently. Add white wine and bay leaf. Simmer at low heat for 2 minutes. Stir frequently.

Add contents of pan, thyme, chicken stock, and chicken pieces to casserole dish. Sprinkle chicken pieces with Spanish paprika. Place tomato wedges between chicken pieces. Bake for 20 minutes at 425 degrees or until sauces thickens. While chicken bakes, dice parsley. Remove casserole dish from oven. Remove bay leaf. Place crispy prosciutto slice over chicken. Garnish with parsley.

TIDBITS

1) It is well known fact that the Basque word for basket is saskia

2) The Franks who overran Gaul, modern day France, after the fall of the Western Roman Empire loved peaches.

3) Indeed, they invaded purposefully to pick prized perfect peaches produced by the innumerable peaches orchards to be found there.

4) At first, frenetic fresh Franks gathered peaches with their hands.

5) But one can only carry off two peaches that way.

6) The ravenous ravagers ranged right to the Rhone valley. The Rhone Valley had for reasons unclear to current culinary historians had a surplus of over a million peach baskets.

7) An advance party of Franks plundered the valley and carried off all the peach baskets. Indeed, everyone of the frightening Franks walked away with maybe twelve baskets; we don’t know the exact number.

8) The First Franks never went anywhere without their baskets. The enraged basketless Second Franks chased them to southwest France.

9) The locals called them Saskia after the First Franks word for basket.

10) In time the Saskia lost their original language. A new language required a new name. The medieval French dubbed these people, Basques.

11) The Basques loved sports. In particular, they loved to play Basquaise Boule. The object of this game was to pass a ball around and try to toss it into a peach basket. Sometimes the players fashioned the ball out of chicken breasts, hence the name Chicken Basquaise. Chef Jean Paul La Grange created this dish to honor the new sport.

12) But wait! There’s more! In 1890, YMCA director James Naismith toured the land of the Basques. His synapses fired and he determined bring this sport back home. It’d be just the thing to tire out restless school kids. The game proved popular, at first, in his town of Springfield. But the kids eventually grew bored of having to climb up a ladder to retrieve the ball from the peach basket. Late one night, a gang of hoodlums calling themselves The Epic of Gilgamesh Haters cut the bottom off all the baskets.

13) But far from ruining the game, this vandalism, made the game much faster. Indeed the tempo of pass, shoot, score, pass, shoot, score now prevailed. The kids loved the game now. So did their parents. A year later, a senior taking Basque studies opined that as we’re living in America, why not call the name something American like basketball.

14) America embraced basketball and soon became a superpower. Now you know how.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Simple Oblea Sandwich

Colombian Desserts

SIMPLE OBLEA SANDWICH

INGREDIENTS

2 oblea wafers or other 6″ wafers
3 tablespoons each of one or more of the following fillings:
caramel sauce (If you can get the authentic Colombian caramel sauce, arequipe, go for it.)
condensed milk
chocolate sprinkles
chopped pineapple
cream cheese
grated cheese
grated coconut
jam

Serves 1. Takes 3 minutes.

The top wafer shows the filling in the sandwich.

PREPARATION

Spread 3 tablespoons of fillings over first oblea. Put second oblea on top of fillings..

TIDBITS

1) Obleas is the plural form of oblea. Oblea is a Spanish word.

2) The English language is also rich with plural nouns.

3) Popular plural nouns of the English language include: women, ants, hamburgers, and doors.

4) So you can see that English speakers needn’t feel inferior to their Spanish counterparts on this linguistic matter.

5) According to culinary linguists, the word “oblea” has a rich and fabricated history.

6) For in mid 1968, the BeatlesTM traveled to India seeking enlightenment. They did not find it.

7) Disappointed, The Fab Four traveled to Colombia seeking solace in a simple, yet tasty dessert.

8) They found it in the form of Juan Cabrera’s simple oblea sandwich.

9) Such a fabulous dessert was worthy of a song, and soon the gifted Beatles came up with “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da.”

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

We’re French and You’re Not – Chapter One – Chardonnay Man – Part 2

From the Private Diary of Robert Le Secraisin.

31 October, 5 p.m.: Jean and I begin planning our route for this year’s Chardonnay race. This year’s contest begins in Monaco and ends in Dover. We both agree that we must win the prize money to continue the lifestyle we deserve.

Jean traveled Tuesday to the Academy of Meteorological Sciences in Paris. He claims that he threw a spectacular two-day party there. I can well believe it, for Jean departed from our vineyard with fifty cases of our finest Bordeaux. He was pleasantly surprised that it took such a short time to win over the scientists. Not only did the happy academy give us the weather forecasts and the best routes, it also promised to provide bad information to our competitors. But no! This is not wrong, after all, we thought of it.

5:05 p.m.: Jean and I finish planning our route. We head to a party in Biarritz to honor the Spanish ambassador, or somebody.

2 November: Jean and I got lost yesterday driving back from the party. We spent the entire day driving in circles. We now commence the serious business of planning our menus.

9 November: Jean and I finish the menus. It means putting in a lot of late hours, but one must do these things right! Sacre bleu!

10 November, 9 a.m.: We start packing the food.

Noon: We start packing the wine.

5 p.m.: We start loading the equipment things that make the balloon go.

5:15 p.m.: We finish loading the equipment things. Next, we put the balloon on our limousine. Afterwards, we attend a party held by the mayor of Bordeaux. The mayor toasts our good luck. We promise to bring honor to the town.

11 November, Early morning!: Jean and I ride in our limousine to Monaco. Jean has hired a driver since we left straight from the party and cannot keep our eyes open.

Noon: We unload our balloon by the Boulevard Albert, which runs alongside the Port of Monaco. The race begins at two, so we have time to eat a four-star meal at the Hôtel de Paris. After lunch, we stagger across the street to the new casino to try our luck at roulette.

We do so-so until the ball lands on “00.” But we have all our money on red. The croupier whisks away our chips. We cannot believe it. What is this double-zero? There is no double-zero in roulette. I inform the croupier of this fact. The croupier deigns to reply that they play the American style of roulette in the new casino. Jean insists that we are not in America. I call the croupier a thief. The croupier shrugs his shoulders. Jean punches the croupier in his big stupid nose.

Just ten minutes later, another employee notices his bloodied, fallen comrade and helps him to his feet. The enraged croupier summons the security guards. But it is already too late. We are leaving, having stopped only to play a few hands on the new electronic blackjack machine. We have the good fortune to find a cab outside and so, we speed away to our balloon.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: We're French and You're Not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mason Jar Strawberry Ice Cream

American Dessert

MASON JAR STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM

INGREDIENTS

2 cups heavy whipping cream
5½ tablespoons sugar
2¼ teaspoons vanilla extract
⅛ teaspoon salt
2 cups whole strawberries, fresh or frozen

Makes 3 cups. Takes 15 minutes to make and 3 hours to firm in freezer.).

SPECIAL UTENSILS

food processor or blender
3 cup Mason jar or other airtight container

PREPARATION

Puree strawberries. Add all ingredients to Mason jar. Make sure that the lid to Mason jar is screwed on tightly. Shake jar for 5 minutes or until mixture thickens to the consistency of batter. Put jar in freezer. Let sit for 3 hours or until firm.

TIDBITS

1) Mason Jar Strawberry is fantastic. It’s so yummy. Only people who hate: whipping cream, sugar, vanilla extract, salt, and strawberries will dislike this dessert. That means billions and billions of people love it. People have adored this dessert for millennia. Lands without strawberries conquered surrounding peoples in a never ending quest to find wild strawberries. This is how the Roman Empire and the Mongol Empire, among others, grew to be so big.

2) Alas, the Romans and the Mongols despite their mighty armies never did manage to find, much less conquer, a land with strawberries. Their subjects grew sullen and defiant. Finally, their peoples rose up and overthrew their non-strawberry-providing rulers. (Okay, with a little help from invading foreign armies.)

3) Rulers then sent expeditions to find strawberries. This is really how Columbus sold Queen Isabella on finding the Americas. The idea that the Spanish went exploring to find gold was just a cover. The conquistadors wanted the real wealth, strawberries, just to themselves. Seeing the Spaniards’ success, other nations sent our their explorers to find their own La Fresado, The Land of Strawberries. Pretty darn quick, the entire globe got explored. International trade boomed between the old countries and the new strawberry-growing lands. We owe it all to the yummy strawberry.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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