Posts Tagged With: poem

Loving Poem About a Printer

Printer

Oh printer! Oh printer!

Pure Evil

You putrid pile of pig pool.
You use up ink. You jam.
You send us into fits.

All I want from a printer is for it to:
Work.
Work.
Work.

Yet it jams until eternity.
The only time it prints is
To spew out that test page
That uses up my ink cartridge.

I grow poor buying ink
While the printer’s makers
Earn enough to appear
On American Greed(tm).

May producers of computer printers
Be sentenced to sixty years of hard labor
Or be eaten by a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
I’m reasonable; either will do.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: poems, printers | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Loving Poem About Baseball and the Time Space Continuum

 

 

Baseball

I practiced baseball
with my son yesterday,
I hit a ball so high
that it never came down.
Oh dear, I think
I’ve destroyed the
time-space continuum.

We may have only one day
left of existence.
On the plus side,
you won’t need to worry
about your overdue
library books.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paddle Their Butts, A Loving Poem

I don’t recall how many years I wrote this, in 2008 maybe, but my muse was surely angry.

Paddle Their Butts

AIG lost wellover $100 million.
AIG got $170 billion in bailouts.
AIG gave its top execs $170 million in bonuses.
Paddle their butts.

America is outraged.
We are losing our jobs.
We are losing our homes.
Paddle their butts.

When things well well, they kept it all.
When things went sout, we bailed them out.
Heads they win, tails we bail.
Paddle their butts.

AIG almost brought down the world’s finances.
AIG almost caused a world-wide depression.
The architects of this got paid $170 million.
Paddle their butts.

A good spanking might make future execs
think twice before raping the economy.
You can’t enjoy your riches with a sore bottom.
Paddle their butts.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Air Fryer Garlic Butter Salmon

American Entree

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AIR FRYER GARLIC BUTTER SALMON

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INGREDIENTS

2 4-ounce skin-on salmon fillets
⅛ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons butter
1¼ teaspoons minced garlic
1¼ teaspoons lemon juice
1 lemon
¼ teaspoon parsley (⅛ teaspoon at a time)

SPECIAL UTENSILS

air fryer
parchment paper

Serves 2. Takes 40 minutes.

PREPARATION

Pat the salmon fillets dry with a paper towel. Rub salmon with pepper and salt. Add butter, garlic, and lemon juice to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Brush salmon fillets all over butter/lgarlic/emon juice. Cut lemon into 4 quarters.

Place parchment paper in bottom of air fryer. Preheat air fryer to 390 degrees. Cook for 10 minutes at 390 degrees or until salmon flakes easily with fork. Garnish with 2 lemon quarters and ⅛ teaspoon parsley. Repeat for 2nd salmon fillet.

TIDBITS

1) The ancient Sumerians, who lived in what would become modern Iraq, developed writing in 3500 B.C. They wrote on garlic-butter salmon fillets, using dried parsley instead of ink.

2) The above photo is a Sumerian haiku. It says:
You are so pretty
Leave that oaf of yurs and we’ll
Flee this here city*

* = Haikus were hard to write even back then, especially without spell and grammar checkers.

3) But Sumerian salmon haikus quickly died out. It was simply too expensive to get salmon from Alaska to Sumeria. All the salmon went bad on that ten-year voyage. The lovely object of a man’s affection never got close enough to the reeking salmon to read to love poem. Summeria’s birth rate briefly crashed to zero until a bright young woman thought of etching symbols in clay. Whew!

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook,  Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on  amazon.com.

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Poem About Borsch

Borsch

I drove my Porsche
full of borsch
to the forest.
Now I can’t see
the trees
for the borsch.

It sorta rhymes.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: humor, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Loving Poems About Hamburger And Parachuting

Hamburger

Oh hamburger! Oh hamburger!
Recession proof, yet so yummy.
Gastric juices assault you
In my tummy.

Companies making fillet mignon
Are awash in red.
But McD’s is in the green with
Beef and bread.

In recessions, such as this,
People buy more burgers
Because they’re cheap and tasty.
Yum!

Parachuting

I’d like to take up parachuting.
I’d jump at least once
And maybe one more time
If I were successful.

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Loving Poem About Regret

Regret*

Said the mother penguin to her chick,
“Bring your furry ass over here
I need to regurgitate
and make room for beer.”

“No, mom, no I want a pizza
A pizza eater I shall be.”

“No, son you’re a penguin.
A fish eater you’ll be.”

“You’ll be neither,” said the fishermen
as he harpooned them both.
“I’ll mince you and can you
For Penguins of the sea.”

“Bummer,” said the expiring penguins.

* – Best Poem at the Southern California Writers’ Conference – 2009. First such award in a decade

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poem About Bean Burritos

The Bean Burrito

Oh bean burrito,
Oh bean burrito,
You’re oh so neato.
You need no meato.

Dear reader, you can tell
Today, I’m fond of doggerel.
Just don’t put that meatel
In this, my bean burritel.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: food, humor, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Two Loving Poems About Peas And Romance

Peas

Peas porridge hot.
Peas porridge hot.
Aw, to heck with it.
There’s no plot.
No character development.
I’m taking my poem
And going home.

Romance

My alter ego loves your alter ego
And I love you.
Shall we double date?

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: food, humor, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poem About Laundry

Laundry

O pile of laundry.
O pile of laundry.
Lying securely in
The walk-in closet.

Walk out, laundry
I say, walk out.
Clean yourself.
Come back clean.

But the laundry
never listens.
Bad laundry,
Go to your room.

There will be laundry
Until we die.
Does life cause laundry
or does laundry cause life?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor, obsevations, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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