Posts Tagged With: Paul De Lancey

Survival Tip For The Coming Zombie Apocalypse

Zombies like brains, right? So always make sure that you have a supply of brains on hand. Where do you get these brains? In French restaurants. These places always serve cerveaux d’agneau, or lamb’s brains.

So when the zombie apocalypse begins, get on the first plane to France and stampede  the nearest restaurant. When the zombies invade your eatery, simply hand them your cerveaux d’agneau. The zombies will love it. Not only will they appreciate avoiding the messy and tedious business of cracking open your skull to get to your brains, but they will surely savor the exquisite combination of spices that every French chef lovingly adds to his creations. An apocalypse is no reason to stop being a loving, giving person.

Bon appetit.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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My Presidential Resume

The American electorate has the right to know if the presidential candidate for the Bacon-And-Chocolate Party has the experience to run this great nation.

Class President, 5th grade, Santa Anita Elementary School, Arcadia, California, 1967 – 1968

There, I do.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Wisdom From The Bahamas

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Celebrate National “Your Butt” Day on Thursday, June 7.

It is your duty as an American and a peace-loving citizen of the world to say, “Your butt” to as many people as possible three weeks from now, Thursday, June 7. Here’s why:

Little kids laugh 40 to 400 times more than adults. Why? Because infantile humor is funnier than anything adult can produce. Here’s proof:

1) Crabby people go to war unless distracted by a funny joke. Sure, toddlers have problems such as having to eat creamed peas. Do they go to war? No, they say “butt” and dissolve into giggles. Do adults go to war? Sadly, all to often and often with disconcerting results. Do we tell butt jokes? Unfortunately, not very often.

2) Sure, comedians such as Jerry Seinfeld make tens of millions of dollars every year without telling one butt joke. But that just underscores how few people can tell a knee slapper without saying “butt” or even the more erudite “Your butt.” And would he even be on tv or stage without war-weary governments subsidizing him. I fear not.

So, do you fear nuclear Armageddon. Do you want to live in peace? Do you wish peace for your children? Then you must help make the world laugh. Say “Your butt” to as many people as possible and after every sentence you hear spoken.

The world thanks you.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Haiku Wednesday

Facebook’s Timeline stinks.
Ugh, more death by enhancement.
Five syllable line.

Haiku is diffi
cult. It is so darn hard to
make it come out perf-

My kitchen timer
just rang. My pizza’s ready.
I chortle for joy.

Where are my car keys?
Honey, where are my glasses?
Where is my jacket?

I hate lutefisk
It smells like festering rat
And looks like glue soup.

What is for dinner?
Moroccan berbere kebabs.
Oops, no spices. Eggs.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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If The Corporation, GE, Is A Person, Can We…

1) take it to the prom?

2) marry it? And what the heck sex is it? Do we have to worry about same-sex marriage laws?

3) tax it at 28% percent?

4) execute it when it kills its offspring, spun-off divisions?

5) walk its dog when it goes on vacation?

6) stand our ground with it?

7) burp its children?

8) go camping with it?

9) share a good laugh?

10) get good and drunk with it?

11) expect it to pick up the check when we go out to dinner?

12) expect it to lobby Congress just as much as we do?

13) ask it to please pass the ketchup?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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As Requested by Millions, Okay Fewer Than That. My Bio.

About the Author

Paul De Lancey’s novels, We’re French and You’re Not and The Fur West, have won acclaim from award-winning novelists. He is also the author of hilarious articles and somewhat drier ones in Economics.

The humorist is a direct descendant of the great French Emperor Napoleon. Actually, that explains a lot of things. Mr. De Lancey makes his home, with his wonderful family, in Poway, California. He divides his time between being awake and asleep.

Paul, known to his friends as Paul, hopes to become a literary giant without having to die for the title.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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How A Great Tip For Murder Came About

had a bag of Twizzlers yesterday and didn’t finish it. I’m worried about myself.
    • Kar:  Red ?

    • Daphne Anne Humphrey: Dearest Paul, I am positive that with the leftover Twizzlers you can come up with an amazing recipe for an entree. (Personally, I’d opt for something using boneless chicken breasts and mandarin oranges.) Has anyone ever done a Twizzler reduction sauce? I think not. But you can. Either that or whip them into a soufflé.

    • Paul De Lancey:  But, but, but I left them on the other side of the country! *head desk*

    • Daphne Anne Humphrey: I am positive they have stores that sell Twizzlers in your area of the country.

    • Steve: Buy some of that red spaghetti-like licorice and make a pasta dish for dessert.

    • Daphne Anne Humphrey: I am thinking a mini lemon tart with a twizzler foam and a mint sprig garnish. (Honestly if the top tier chefs can use Twinkies, Oreos or Reese’s Peanut butter cups to create 30 dollar a plate deserts you can certainly create a “je ne c’est quois” desert with Twizzlers.)

       
    • Robert  Personally, I prefer Red Vines.

    • Daphne Anne Humphrey: I am thinking that perhaps Red Vines would hang someone nicely. Do you think I could get away with it if I ate the evidence?

    • Robert: Only i f they hav small necks….

  •  I was about to respond when I realized Daphne’s great idea would help everyone and that a blog was the best way to disseminate it.

    – Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

    My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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How To Commit A Tasty Murder

If you’re thinking of committing murder, why not use Twizzlers? They’re yummy and fatal if used correctly as shown below.

1) Buy  several bags. Don’t worry about this, there is no waiting period for buying Twizzlers as can happen for guns.

2) Interweave the short, weak Twizzler pieces into a massive, sturdy candy rope. E Pluribus Unum. “Out of many, one.” This used to be the motto of our great country. By constructing a Twizzler rope you are paying hommage to our nation’s founding fathers.

3) Choke your victim with the Twizzler rope. Did your murder make society better off? Did your victim annoy the heck out of everyone he met? If so, give yourself a pat on the back.

4)  Eat the Twizzler rope. This act neatly disposes of the murder weapon and honestly, can you really stop yourself from eating all that yummy candy?

5) Call the police and say you found the victim dead and you just don’t know what happened. They might not believe you but without a murder weapon what can they do?

I hope you’ll find this little household tip useful.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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I’m learning how to use HootSuite.

I’m learning how to use HootSuite. This is only a test. There is no need to duck and cover.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: obsevations | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

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