The struggle is real and eternal.
Andy the Angry Avocado #2
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
¾ pound flat rice noodles
2 Chinese sausages
3 ounces fish cake (optional)
3 garlic cloves
1 cup garlic chives*
2 tablespoons dark soy sauce or soy sauce
2 tablespoons light soy sauce or soy sauce
½ tablespoon fish sauce
1 teaspoon oyster sauce or fish sauce
1 teaspoon sugar
¼ teaspoon white pepper
2 eggs
¼ cup vegetable oil
¾ pound shrimp, peeled and deveined
2 cups bean sprouts
* = Can be found in Asian supermarkets. Or substitute with garlic, chives, shallots, or combination.
SPECIAL UTENSIL
wok or Dutch oven.
Serves 6. 50 minutes.
PREPARATION
Soak dried noodles in warm water for 45 minutes. Drain. Cut Chinese sausage into ½” diagonal slices along their length. Cut fish cakes into ½” wide strips. Mince garlic cloves. Cut garlic chives in 2″ long pieces. Add dark soy sauce, light soy sauce, fish sauce, oyster sauce, sugar, and white pepper to medium mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Add eggs to small mixing bowl. Beat with whisk until well blended.
Add oil, Chinese sausage, fish-cake strips, garlic, garlic chives, shrimp. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until garlic softens. Stir frequently. Add noodles. Stir until well mixed. Add liquid from medium mixing bowl. Mix with wooden spoon until well blended.
Push sausage/fish strips/noodles to one side. Ladle egg from small mixing bowl to newly made space on wok. Scramble eggs. Let everything fry until egg nearly sets. Cook for 1 minute, stirring frequently. Add bean sprouts. Cook for 2 minutes. Stir frequently.
TIDBITS
1) String theory replaces the point-like particles of particle physics with one-dimensional objects called strings. Scientists could have thrown over the point-life particles for Hula Hoops(tm). But they didn’t. Culinary physicists have discovered why the mainstream physicists chose strings.
2) Look below for a rendering of string theory. The alluring spiffiness of this image hides its inspiration.
3) Let’s put a red and white bowl around the center of this picture.
4) Doesn’t that look a lot like Char Kway Teow? Let’s put it next to this recipe’s photo.
5) Wow! Char Kway Teow clearly provided the inspiration for String Theory. Proof you cannot deny.
6) But unlike String Theory you can eat Char Kway Teow. Whenever travel takes you to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, be sure to dine at Carl La Fong’s House of String Theory. His Char Kway Teow tastes divine. Perhaps it will inspire you as well.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
1 green bell pepper
1 red bell pepper
1 large onion
2 garlic cloves
2 tablespoons fresh thyme
3 tomatoes
2 pounds chicken pieces, bone in or boneless
1 teaspoon salt or fleur de sel*
¼ cup olive oil
3 ounces thinly sliced prosciutto or Bayonne ham*
¾ cup white wine
1 bay leaf
1 cup chicken stock
2 teaspoon Spanish paprika, paprika, or espelette*
1 tablespoon fresh parsley
* = You can find fleur de sel, Bayonne ham, and espelette online, but they can be expensive.
SPECIAL UTENSILS
mandoline
8″ * 12″ casserole dish
Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes.
PREPARATION
Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Seed bell peppers. Cut bell peppers and onion into ¼” slices with mandoline or knife. Cut slices in half. Dice garlic and thyme. Cut tomatoes into ½” wedges. If you are using chicken breasts, cut them in two. Rub chicken pieces with salt.
Add olive oil and prosciutto to large pan. Sauté for 2 minutes at high heat or until prosciutto becomes crispy. Stir frequently. Remove and drain on paper towels. Add chicken pieces to large pan. Sauté for 10 minutes at medium heat or until chicken turns golden brown. Flip chicken pieces every 2 minutes. Remove chicken and drain on paper towels. Add bell pepper, garlic, and onion. Sauté for 2 minutes at medium-high heat. Stir frequently. Add white wine and bay leaf. Simmer at low heat for 2 minutes. Stir frequently.
Add contents of pan, thyme, chicken stock, and chicken pieces to casserole dish. Sprinkle chicken pieces with Spanish paprika. Place tomato wedges between chicken pieces. Bake for 20 minutes at 425 degrees or until sauces thickens. While chicken bakes, dice parsley. Remove casserole dish from oven. Remove bay leaf. Place crispy prosciutto slice over chicken. Garnish with parsley.
TIDBITS
1) It is well known fact that the Basque word for basket is saskia
2) The Franks who overran Gaul, modern day France, after the fall of the Western Roman Empire loved peaches.
3) Indeed, they invaded purposefully to pick prized perfect peaches produced by the innumerable peaches orchards to be found there.
4) At first, frenetic fresh Franks gathered peaches with their hands.
5) But one can only carry off two peaches that way.
6) The ravenous ravagers ranged right to the Rhone valley. The Rhone Valley had for reasons unclear to current culinary historians had a surplus of over a million peach baskets.
7) An advance party of Franks plundered the valley and carried off all the peach baskets. Indeed, everyone of the frightening Franks walked away with maybe twelve baskets; we don’t know the exact number.
8) The First Franks never went anywhere without their baskets. The enraged basketless Second Franks chased them to southwest France.
9) The locals called them Saskia after the First Franks word for basket.
10) In time the Saskia lost their original language. A new language required a new name. The medieval French dubbed these people, Basques.
11) The Basques loved sports. In particular, they loved to play Basquaise Boule. The object of this game was to pass a ball around and try to toss it into a peach basket. Sometimes the players fashioned the ball out of chicken breasts, hence the name Chicken Basquaise. Chef Jean Paul La Grange created this dish to honor the new sport.
12) But wait! There’s more! In 1890, YMCA director James Naismith toured the land of the Basques. His synapses fired and he determined bring this sport back home. It’d be just the thing to tire out restless school kids. The game proved popular, at first, in his town of Springfield. But the kids eventually grew bored of having to climb up a ladder to retrieve the ball from the peach basket. Late one night, a gang of hoodlums calling themselves The Epic of Gilgamesh Haters cut the bottom off all the baskets.
13) But far from ruining the game, this vandalism, made the game much faster. Indeed the tempo of pass, shoot, score, pass, shoot, score now prevailed. The kids loved the game now. So did their parents. A year later, a senior taking Basque studies opined that as we’re living in America, why not call the name something American like basketball.
14) America embraced basketball and soon became a superpower. Now you know how.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS – CHICKEN
2 chicken breasts
¾ teaspoon salt
INGREDIENTS – SALAD
½ red onion
2 tablespoons rice wine vinegar
⅔ head Napa cabbage or ½ head green cabbage
1 large carrot
½ cup fresh cilantro
½ cup fresh mint
2 green onions
⅓ cup roasted peanuts
¼ teaspoon black pepper
INGREDIENTS – DRESSING
2 garlic cloves
3 tablespoons lime juice
1 tablespoons chili garlic sauce or sriracha
2 tablespoons fish sauce or soy sauce
2 tablespoons sugar
SPECIAL UTENSIL
mandoline
Serves 6. Takes 1 hour.
PREPARATION – CHICKEN
Add chicken and salt to pot. Add enough water to cover chicken. Bring to boil using medium-high heat. Reduce heat to low-medium. Cover and simmer for 15 minutes or until chicken is cooked through and tender to the fork. Remove chicken and shred with two forks.
PREPARATION -SALAD
While chicken simmers, use mandoline or knife to cut red onion into slices ¼” thick. Add red-onion slices and rice wine vinegar to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Let sit for 15 minutes.
While chicken simmers and sliced red onion sits, shred Napa cabbage. Julienne carrot. Dice cilantro, mint, and green onion. Add shredded chicken and all remaining salad ingredients to mixing bowl with red onion..
PREPARATION – DRESSING
Mince garlic cloves. Add all dressing ingredients to small mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended.
Add dressing ingredients to bowl with chicken and salad. Toss salad and dressing with two forks until well blended.
TIDBITS
1) Shredded Chicken Salad uses shredded chicken.
2) You can tell my synapses are really firing today.
3) Shredding is also a surfing term. It means to surf a wave in a flamboyant and adept manner.
4) Shredding and shredding means to shred a wave then shred chicken for a meal or eat shredded chicken for a meal. The following conversation illustrates the two meanings of shredding.
Surfer 1: “Whoa dude, you really shredded the gnarly waves out there.”
Surfer 2: “Thanks man, primo waves. Primo waves.”
Surfer 1: “Ya hungry for Ho Chi’s chicken shack?”
Surfer 2: “Cowabunga dude, he really shreds the chicken.”
5) Wouldn’t The Two Meanings of Shredding be a great title for a book on Eastern philosophy?
6) Potato chip is a derisive term for a ridiculously small surf board.
7) Note that a small surf board is relative to the size of a surf. What is a potato chip for a 6′ 7″ man would be an okay board for a petite woman.
8) Surf boards for chicken are never called potato chips.
9) Because chickens are so small to start with.
10) Most chickens never master the art of surfing. Turkeys never do. Roosters could shred the waves if they would only concentrate. But after every successful maneuver, they’ll crow to the heavens, lose sight of the waves, and wipeout. And let me tell you, there’s nothing surlier than a rooster that’s bailed.
11) However, a small number hens can really surf. If you’re lucky you can see hens shooting the curls at your local beach. But if you want to be guaranteed world-class hens shredding the waves, you really must attend the Hilo Chicken Surfing Invitational every May. Be sure to book right away. Tickets and rooms disappear months in advance.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
2 garlic cloves
1 shallot
½ tablespoon chili powder
¾ teaspoon coriander
½ teaspoon fennel powder
½ tablespoon garam masala
¾ teaspoon minced ginger
½ teaspoon turmeric
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon vegetable oil (5 tablespoons more later)
1¼ pounds fish: cod, seer fish, or king mackerel
5 tablespoons vegetable oil
4 lemon wedges
Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.
PREPARATION
Mince garlic cloves and shallot. Add all ingredients except fish and 5 tablespoons vegetable oil to mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whish until you get a well blended paste. Cut fish into 8 pieces Pat cod dry. Pat paste onto fish pieces. Cover and refrigerate for 1 hour.
Add 5 tablespoons vegetable oil to large pan. Fry at medium-high heat until a little bit of paste starts to dance in the oil. Gently add fish pieces to hot oil. Fry for 3 minutes. Carefully flip fish pieces. Fry again for 3 minutes. Keep flipping and frying until fish turn brown on both sides, become crispy, and flaky. Garnish with lemon wedges. Goes well with rice.
TIDBITS
1) The two Chettinad Fish Fry fillets in the above picture look like wings. Birds have wings. They can fly. Fish that have highly modified pectoral fins can jump out of the water and glide for up to 650 feet.
2) Flying fish propel themselves out of the sea at 35 miles per hour. This speed far exceeds anything humans can manage. Of course, the limited range of the heavier-than-air fish rules out long distance races such as the mile. However, flying beat the pants out of human sprinters, whether it be the 100-yard dash or the even longer 100 meters.
3) This is why flying fish were banned from all international sprints. They never got the chance to compete in any Olympics. No, not even in 1896.
4) The Exocet missile is named after the Latin name for the flying-fish family. So, that is something.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS 
1 cup rice
2½ pounds chicken parts, bone in
¼ teaspoon black pepper
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
½ teaspoon salt
1 green bell pepper
1 habanero pepper
3 garlic cloves
2 Roma tomatoes
1 onion
⅓ cup vegetable oil
2 tablespoons tomato paste
2 chicken bouillon cubes
1 cup green beans, fresh
1 pound shrimp, pealed, deveined, 31-35 count (optional)
SPECIAL UTENSIL
food processor
Serves 4. Takes 50 minutes.
PREPARATION
Cook rice according to instructions on package. Add chicken parts, black pepper, cayenne pepper, and salt to large bowl. Add enough water to cover. Bring to boil at high heat. Reduce heat to medium high. Cook for 20 minutes. Chicken parts should be tender to the fork. Remove chicken from pot. Reserve 2 cups of the liquid.
While chicken cooks, seed green bell pepper. Remove stem from habanero pepper. (Be sure to wash hands.) Dice garlic cloves, green bell pepper, and Roma tomatoes. Add habanero pepper, garlic, green bell pepper, and tomato to food processor. Blend until pureed.
Mince onion. Add onion and vegetable oil to large pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently Add pureed veggies. Stir until well blended. Add tomato paste. Stir until well blended. Reduce heat to low medium. Simmer for 5 minutes. Stir enough to prevent burning.
Add chicken, bouillon cubes, green beans, and 2 cups reserved liquid. Simmer for another 5 minutes. Bring to boil using medium high heat. Add shrimp. Cook for 3 minutes or until shrimp turns orange or pink. Serve over rice. Use as much liquid as you wish.
TIDBITS
1) It is rarely ever suspected that I took lessons from the famous abstract artist, Joan Miro.
2) Here is my abstract painting of my Chicken Gravy entree. I call it Chicken Gravy. This is Jane the Judgmental Cat’s favorite work of art.
3) I did color and black-and white paintings of Chicken Gravy.
4)While in middle school, I had a vase I made displayed in the famous Gemeente Museum in Den Haag, Netherlands. I called it, Vase.
5) Yet, I have managed to remain humble through all this success.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
1 green bell pepper
1 celery stalk
1 medium onion
1½ pounds shrimp, peeled and deveined (41-50 count)
¼ teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon seasoned salt
6 bacon slices
2 tablespoons butter
¼ cup flour
1½ cups beef stock
Serves 6 Takes 35 minutes.
PREPARATION
Seed and dice bell pepper. Dice celery and onion. Add shrimp, garlic powder, and seasoned salt to mixing bowl. Stir with fork or hands until shrimp are completely coated.
Add bacon to pan. Cook at medium-high heat until crisp. Remove bacon with slotted spoon and place on paper towels. Crumble bacon. Keep bacon grease in pan. Add bell pepper, celery, and onion. Sauté for 4 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add butter and flour to pan. Reduce heat to medium. Cook for 5 minutes or until flour turns copper brown. Stir constantly. Reduce heat if necessary, to prevent burning.
Add beef stock and coated shrimp to pan. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer for 4 minutes or until shrimp turns pink or orange. Stir frequently. Add crumbled bacon. Mix with fork until well blended. Goes well over freshly cooked rice or grits.
TIDBITS
1) When I was a kid, I took speech therapy classes. One of the phrases I had to master was “Butter makes the bitter batter better.” I enrolled in one acting class. I had to say easily, “You need New York, unique New York. You know you need unique New York.”
3) I played Snoopy in my grammar school’s version of You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown. I even danced and sang. I built upon this success to play Wildcat Willie in my middle school’s production of Wildcat Willie Carves the Turkey.
4)Strange to say, I landed no more roles after that. I do however, have the occasional dream where I’m on stage and I don’t know the name of the play or my lines. Sigh.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Angry Man #14
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
1 cup rice
1 medium carrot
3 garlic cloves
2 green chiles
1 leek
1 medium onion
1½ tablespoons olive oil
7 curry leaves or kaffir leaves or bay leaves
½ teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon minced ginger
¼ cup vegetable broth or water
2 eggs
Serves 4. Takes 50 minutes.
PREPARATION
Cook rice according to instructions on package. Grate carrot. Dice garlic cloves. Seed and dice green chiles. Cut leek into 1″ squares. Mince onion.
While rice cooks, add olive oil, cumin, curry leaves, garlic, ginger, green chiles, and onion. to large pan. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium-high heat or until onion softens. Add vegetable broth, carrot, and leek. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes. Stir enough to prevent burning.
While vegetables simmer, scramble eggs. Add eggs and rice to pan. Simmer on low for 2 minutes. Stir frequently. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended.
TIDBITS
1) Fred Rice is an uncommon name in China, perhaps even extraordinarily so back in 1046 BC. Up to 1047 BC, the Chinese boiled their rice. But on April 2, 1046 BC, Chef Rice and his sous chef, Carl La Fong, dazzled the culinary world by serving fried rice to the patrons of Chăfàn. The diners loved the culinary creation. They came back night after night for their fried rice fix.
2) Disaster struck only two weeks later when the Shang Dynasty’s dreaded culinary police shut down Chăfàn. They said, “You may only serve food the way our ancestors made. Who made this?.” The head chef said, “I, Fred Rice.” A dyslexic court recorder combined this response to “Fried Rice.” The name stuck.
3) Anyway, irate Chefs Fred and Carl decided to feed the Zhou clan that would overthrow the Shangs. So, don’t tick off chefs. No, not ever.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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