Posts Tagged With: bacon

Bacon & Chocolate Party Declares War Against Windows 8

Gentle readers, a plague of evil stalks over the land. I am of course talking about Windows 8. It’s utter evilness threatens the well being of the entire world. So, as leader of the Bacon & Chocolate Party, I am expanding our mission from protecting America’s supply of wholesome bacon & chocolate to include the utter destruction and banishment of Windows 8. I am also instructing my squadron of Flying Squirrels to take appropriate action against Microsoft and its demon spawn, Windows 8. That’s all I can say for now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Culinary Weirdness: Bacon Condoms and Sunscreen

Give that special man in your life something he’ll really love:

BaconCondom

http://now.msn.com/jandd-foods-launches-bacon-sunscreen-and-bacon-condoms

And after all isn’t everything better with bacon on it.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Los Candidatos Need Your Votes

Candace C. Bowen and I really need your votes if Bacon & Chocolate is to win today in Venezuela’s election. Do not let trifles such as wrong citizenship or the nearest polling booth being thousands of miles away deter you. Vote often! Excelsior! Cowabunga!

flag

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Candace C. Bowen – Bacon & Chocolate Party’s Great Candidate for Vice President of Venezuela

My Dear Venezuelans:
Are you tired of the status-quo? Of course you are! Tomorrow you have a chance for change. Join presidential candidate Paul De Lancey and yoursflag truly to ride the dark horse to election victory. Like our fellow candidates in every nation, we will make impossible promises that we have no intention of actually keeping. Do you love bacon, chocolate and Venezuelan hot dogs? Who doesn’t? We will fill every household with a lifetime supply. Take your family and friends to the polls tomorrow and help us declare victory. Vote twice for good measure and we’ll throw in imported relish for your hot dogs. Bring your enemies and we’ll throw in organic mustard and ketchup. The time is now to make a stand my friends. Viva la bacon and chocolate!
Candace C. Bowen
Candidate for Vice President

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Running For El Presidente of Venezuela: My Plans

To all the Venezuelans who might be holding back on voting for me Sunday simply because I live in San Diego, rest assured I will fly down right away to Caracas, the capital, to assume my presidential duties if elected. Indeed, here are my flight plans assuming I get sworn in on June 4.

venezuel

Once I get there I will vigorously press for affordable bacon, chocolate, and Venezuelan hot dogs. Then I’ll take a nap.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Why You Should Make Me El Presidente Of Venezuela

Hi! People Of Venezuela. My main competitor, Senor Madero promises everything, maduro
including “To be the salvation of the human species on the planet.” (See poster point 7.) That is indeed a worthy goal. Yet, I entertain doubts he can achieve this. And while he is failing at that, might he not neglect things that matter dearly to the great Venezuelan people?

Such as Bacon, Chocolate, and the Venezuelan hot dog. Have I stood up for bacon? Have I stood up for chocolate? Yes, I have. See the poster for the Bacon & Chocolate Party.

Can I make a Venezuelan hot dog? Yes, I can. See proof below.

Can I speak Spanish?

Si.

“Vote Bocino y Chocolate para una Mañana sabrosa.”

 

B&Ctasty

venezhd-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Will Be The Next El Presidente Of Venezuela

I am officially announcing my candidacy for the presidency of Venezuela. I am particularly concerned that my main contender–the name escapes me–has been disturbingly mute about protecting the glorious Venezuelan hot dog.  I, however, have made a Venezuelan hot dog, wrote up the recipe, and blogged to the world about it . My friends, the choice is clear. vote for me and the Bacon & Chocolate Party.

As they say in Venezuela, where they speak Spanish:

“Vote tocino y chocolate para una Mañana sabrosa.”*

– Paul R. De Lancey

* = pretty sure that’s translated correctly.

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Kartoffel Suppe – German Potato Soup Recipe

German Soup

KARTOFFEL SUPPE
(Potato Soup)

INGREDIENTSKartoff-

1/2 pound bacon
4 potatoes
1 carrot
2 stalks celery
2 stalks leek
1 onion
2 tablespoons butter
6 cups beef broth
1/4 cup flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup cream
1/4 teaspoon marjoram
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1 tablespoon parsley
1/4 teaspoon black pepper

PREPARATION

Slice bacon strips into 1/2″ squares. Chop potatoes into 1/2″ cubes. Dice carrot, celery, leek, and onion. Add butter, bacon, carrot, celery, leek, and onion to soup pot. Sauté on medium-high for 5 minutes or until onion is soft. Stir frequently.

Add potato cubes, broth, flour, salt, cream, marjoram, nutmeg, parsley, and pepper. Simmer for 20 to 30 minutes on low heat or until potato cubes are tender. Stir occasionally.

Become a culinary hero to your hungry hordes by serving this tasty dish. And for those who want bacon with everything, this soup has it. Yay!

TIDBITS

1) This tidbit is not getting done. I made chocolate-covered cake and the hungry hordes are eating it up as I type.

2) If I were to open a dessert shop, I would call it Dessert Storm.

3) The name would be especially apt if I ever forgot to put the lid on the blender.

4) It’s amazing the number of burglars around the world who have fallen asleep inside burgled homes after eating chocolate cake found in the refrigerator.

5) To my knowledge, no house burglar has ever fallen asleep after eating potato soup.

6) Chocolate cake, used by the best home-protection services everywhere.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Kugelis, Potato Pudding Recipe

Lithuanian Entree

KUGELIS
(Potato Pudding Recipe)

INGREDIENTSkugelis-

5 pounds russet potatoes
12 ounces bacon
1 1/2 large white onions
1/4 cup butter
6 eggs
1/2 cup milk
1 12 ounce can evaporated milk
1 teaspoon sea salt
1/2 teaspoon white pepper
1/2 cup farina

SPECIAL UTENSILS

1 9″*13″ baking dish
or
2 8″*8″ baking dishes
or
127 1″*1″ baking dishes

Serves a lot of people. We’re talking about 7 pounds of rich food here.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Peel potatoes. Grate or shred potatoes. (This is some debate about the authenticity of shredding potatoes for Kugelis. After noting how long it took to merely peel the potatoes, I fired up the trusty food processor and shredded away. Yep, I’m a rebel. Born to be Wild.)

Dice bacon. Shred onions. Put bacon, onions, and butter in frying pan. Cook on medium-high heat until bacon is done to your desired level of crispness and the onions soften. Stir frequently. Hold the pan at an angle away from you while stirring. You really want bacon splatter to head away from you.

Put eggs in large mixing bowl and beat the heck out of them. Add potato, bacon/onion sauté, milk, evaporated milk, salt, pepper, and farina. Mix thoroughly with spoon.

Bake in oven at 350 degrees for 1 hour 20 minutes or until golden brown on top. Remove baking dish from oven and let cool for 5 minutes before serving. Enjoy the national dish of Lithuania.

TIDBITS

1) Pepper is used in this recipe. It is a happening spice. Pepper was first widely used in India over two millennia ago. India is one of the world’s oldest civilizations One of every seven people in the world is Indian. India has lots of trains, great food, nuclear weapons, and customer-service reps. Okay, the last one is bad.

2) Pepper traded westward to ancient Egypt. Black peppercorns were found stuffed up the nose of the mummified body of Pharaoh Ramses II. Snorting, perhaps? Egypt was the dominant power in that region for hundreds of years. It’s chariots raced all over the countryside. Perhaps they wouldn’t have had to race all over if they had bothered to ask for directions, but you know men.

3) Some think Rome conquered great swaths of North Africa, Europe, and the Near East because the Romans were really cranky from constantly sneezing snorted pepper. The Roman Empire lasted so long because its subject were so down with the taste explosion pepper brought that they really didn’t mind constant taxation and civil wars.

4) Then around the 5th century AD, barbarians invaded and destroyed the Roman Empire for no good culinary reason. Lutefisk crazed Vikings pillaged everywhere. People stashed their pepper. The Vikings killed the stashers. Knowledge of pepper disappeared. The Dark Ages descended.

5) Around 13th century or so the Venetians started trade routes with India. Indian pepper once again flowed westward to Europe. Venice became the richest and mightiest city in Europe. Then they started making blinds and their economy tanked.

6) Portugal started the Great Age of Exploration. It sent fleets around Africa and to the Americas and sooner than you can say heteroskedasticity pepper graced the tables of people around the world.

7) Life’s been pretty good since then. Even the occasional global war was made tolerable by proper amounts of peppers in soldiers’ meals.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bacon Buttermilk Pancakes Recipe

American Breakfast

BACON BUTTERMILK PANCAKES

INGREDIENTSbutt-

15 slices bacon (about 1 pound)
1/2 cup butter
1 cup cultured buttermilk blend
4 cups water
3 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 cup white sugar
1/4 cup baking powder
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 eggs

You can, of course, buy buttermilk instead of buttermilk blend, but your buttermilk will go bad if you don’t use it right away.

SPECIALTY UTENSILS

electric mixer
griddle or skillet

PREPARATION

Cut bacon strips in half. Fry bacon on medium-high heat until it starts to get crispy. Put bacon on towel-covered plate.

Melt butter. Use “batter” setting on electric mixer, or beater, to combine buttermilk blend, water, eggs, and butter. Combine in a second large mixing bowl: flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Pour the contents of the second bowl into the first mixing bowl. Mix together with fork until just blended.

Fire up the griddle to 350 degrees. Use a 1/2-cup ladle to pour your batter onto the griddle. Put two half bacon strips in batter. Cook for 1 3/4 minutes on the first side and for 1 1/2 minutes on the second side or until brown on both sides.

Makes about 16 8-inch diameter pancakes. Come join bacon mania.

TIDBITS

1) Bacon makes you smart.

2) The choline, whatever that is, in bacon stimulates fetal brain development.

3) China began preserving and salting pork bellies around 1,500 B.C.

4) China was one of the first places on Earth to develop a complex, thriving civilization. It is the most populous nation in the world.

5) The Greeks were one of the first peoples in the West to preserve and salt pork. The Greeks developed modern Western philosophy.

6) The Romans preserved and salted pork. They built the largest empire Europe and the Mediterranean world has ever seen. America’s founding fathers consciously based our system of government on the Roman model.

7) Americans eat bacon all the time. America’s economy is the largest in the world.

8) But other countries’ economies are catching up. Their peoples are eating more bacon.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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