Posts Tagged With: American

Breakfast Sandwich

Posted on August 4, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Breakfast

BREAKFAST SANDWICH

INGREDIENTS

6 sesame-seed hamburger buns

1 pound of sliced bacon

10 eggs
1 1/2 cups four Mexican cheeses
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1/4 teaspoon Beef MagicTM spice

PREPARATION OF BACON

Fry bacon in pan at medium-to-high temperatures. Stir with pan tilted away from you to avoid hot-grease splattering on you. Wear an apron. (Or a Naval Constellation Class defense shield if you can find and afford this item.)

After grease starts to form on sauce pan, add the cumin and beef allocated for the bacon. Stir frequently to avoid burning. Stop when bacon is done to the desired level of crispiness.

Remove the bacon, preferably using a spoon with holes in it. Place in a bowl with a paper towel already in it so as to absorb grease. Tamp down on top with another towel to absorb even more.

PREPARATION OF EGGS

In my house, my nine-year-old sous chef does all the scrambled eggs. (Oh geez, now he’s ten. Hurry, Paul, get this cookbook out, it’s aging him.) Cook the eggs at no more than medium heat. Add in the cheese and the spices for the eggs while scrambling constantly. Cook eggs to desired level of doneness.

FINAL PREPARATION

Put the buns in the pans. Cook only for a few seconds. This gives the buns warmth and taste while preserving their softness.

Cover the bottom bun with scrambled eggs. Add two slices of crispy bacon. Add the top bun. Pretend this tasty dish took a lot of effort when serving it to guests.

TIDBITS

1) People have been preserving and salting pork bellies for over 3,000 years, but have only been freezing packaged White CastleTM hamburgers for a few decades.

2) Bacon was rediscovered by Lewis and Clark on their epic journey. I am grateful.

3) Canadians call Canadian bacon, “back bacon.”

4) There is an institute called The Canadian Institute For The Advancement Of Bacon Studies.

5) Bacon has been used as a cure for warts.

6) The actor, Kevin Bacon, starred in the movie, A Few Good Men. I like the movie and his acting.

7) Kevin Bacon doesn’t know me.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Bacon and Spicy Fried Eggs

Posted on August 2, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Breakfast

BACON AND SPICY FRIED EGGS

INGREDIENTS

1 pound bacon
8 eggs
1 cup grated four-cheese mix
1 tablespoon Prudhomme’s Poultry MagicTM spice
1/4 teaspoon parsley
1/4 teaspoon tarragon

UTENSILS

Apron or at least reasonably protective clothes

PREPARING THE BACON

Bacon! Everyone loves bacon. Bacon!

After coming down from your bacon high, separate the delectable meaty strips from each other. This helps the bacon fry at the same rate.

Cook bacon at medium high. Bacon can go from golden crispness to ashy black in seconds. So turn over the bacon strips constantly. Do you have to worry about bacon splattering you? Yes, that is why one hand should protect you by holding the pan’s lid while you turn over the bacon. Alternatively, tilt the pan away from you while stirring.

(Does hot bacon grease hurt? My goodness, yes! Put the splattered part of your body immediately under the kitchen faucet and turn on that cold water. Don’t be proud about pouring water onto that splattered part if it can’t be put under the faucet; for example, if you were cooking in the nude–-never do this–-or cooking in a thin pajama bottom. Oh sure, cooking this way might be exciting to your partner, but getting splattered down there with scalding grease is a mood dampener.)

Put paper towels in a bowl, the cooked bacon next, then another towel. Press down on the top towel. Grease sure makes meat and other things taste great, but your stomach will hate it and your heart will want medical specialists standing by.

COOKING THE EGGS

Fried eggs taste best when cooked in bacon grease. The best alternative is butter. When cooking with butter, it is a good idea to spray the pan first with a non-stick spray. This will save minutes of pan scrubbing afterwards.

Crack eggs into frying pan. Sprinkle poultry spice, parsley, and tarragon on top of eggs. Start cooking the eggs on medium high and within a few seconds go down to medium. There is a range of opinion on how long to cook the yolk. This is a matter of taste, unless you’re like me and have an allergic reaction to any yolk that isn’t thoroughly cooked.

Make fried eggs exciting. Add grated-four cheese to it when it is nearly done. A crispy, gold cheese crust looks great and tastes fantastic too. Meat dishes can be spiced. Why not spice your eggs, too, to your liking? Salsa, anyone?

Be VERY CAREFUL about cooking eggs in the bacon grease from your wonderful bacon made just minutes ago. It is already seething with hot and agitated bacon-grease molecules. Fried eggs don’t need to be turned over, once if you prefer, so you don’t need to watch constantly. But you will need to make sure they don’t burn. So, wear that apron, hold that lid, and tilt that pan. And when scooping the eggs out of the pan, use a spatula with holes in it so the grease stays in the pan on not on the eggs.

And it all tastes great. Bacon and eggs served to your sweetheart in bed makes a wonderful morning.

TIDBITS

1) The great film director Alfred Hitchcock loathed eggs. He directed a scene where an actress put out her cigarette in a runny egg yolk.

2) A hard-boiled egg spins faster than one that is not.

3) Presumably, the Earth would spin faster if it were hard boiled.

4) You’d need a large pan to hard-boil the Earth. And a really big stove as well.

5) Eggs age faster at room temperature than in the fridge. They also age slower if left in the carton.

6) Similarly, people keep quite well if put them in a refrigerator. Consult your local law enforcement when attempting this experiment. You’ll be pleased how quickly they’ll come over.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Pigs In A Blanket

Posted on July 19, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Entree

PIGS IN A BUTTERMILK BLANKET

INGREDIENTS

1 16 ounce package jumbo buttermilk biscuit dough
1 cup grated four cheeses
8 turkey franks

PREPARATION

Defrost franks. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Separate the dough into eight pieces. Elongate each dough piece with a rolling pin dusted with flour (Male chefs, this will not work on you.) or simply roll a frozen turkey frank along the dough if any are remaining.

(You don’t have to use turkey franks instead of beef franks or buttermilk biscuits in this dish. In keeping with this cookbook’s theme of “Cooking with what’s handy,” I used, well, what was handy. Similarly, a 10 ounce package of dough will mean thinner blankets for your pigs.)

Sprinkle grated cheese evenly among the eight dough pieces. Put a frank near one end of a dough piece and wrap the dough around the frank. Put this work of art on cookie sheet with the dough overlap on the bottom. Otherwise, the dough will bake apart and you will have “Pigs in a Buttermilk Boat.”

Bake in oven until biscuits are golden brown or about 10 to 15 minutes. This is a bad time to hibernate; monitor your Pigs in a Buttermilk Blanket to make they don’t burn or cook unevenly. It’s discouraging to have part of a baked dish be burnt on one side and doughy on the other. You might need to rotate the Pigs at least once. Heat escapes each time you open the oven, so in these cases you might need to cook the dish a minute longer.

Remember, vigilance when baking.

TIDBITS

1) This tidbit was eliminated during editing.

2) April 24th is National Pigs in a Blanket Day.

3) This dish is also known somewhere as “Weiner Winks.”

4) The British make Pigs in a Blanket by wrapping up small sausages in bacon.

5) Footballs were originally made from pigs’ bladders. This sounded so gross, people took to calling them pigskins. These early footballs could very well have been the inspiration for air pumps.

6) But footballs made from cows’ bladders would have been huge, while ones coming from chickens would have been tiny. Would Payton Manning have thrown all those touchdowns if he had been tossing chicken bladders downfield?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Potato-Leek Soup

Posted on July 17, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Soup

POTATO-LEEK SOUP

INGREDIENTS

1 pound leeks
3 tablespoons butter
1/2 cups celery stalks
4 medium potatoes
3 cups water
3 cups milk
3/4 teaspoon Vegetable MagicTM spice
1/4 teaspoon celery salt
1/4 teaspoon parsley
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup chopped cilantro
up to 1 cup grated cheese, optional

PREPARATION OF THE LEEKS

Cut off and remove the tough dark, green parts. Remove the bottom part with the little roots. Cut the leeks into pieces and swirl them in water to remove bits of dirt. Pat down the pieces with a towel to dry them. Put leeks into a food-processor and mince them.

PREPARATION OF THE SOUP.

Melt butter in pan. (Note it is much easier to measure 3 tablespoons from a stick of butter than from a tub.) Mince the celery. Add leeks and celery to melted butter.

Saute on low heat and stir frequently for about 6 minutes or until onions are soft. (Reading War and Peace is not advised at this point.)

Chop up potatoes until they are small enough to put into a blender. Blend the heck out of them. Put 3 cups water into pot. Heat water to boiling. Cook for about 15 minutes this way or until potato bits are tender. (Note you should gradually turn down the heat. The soup will still boil and you will avoid painful geysers of hot potato water. (A great reason not to cook in the nude.)

Dice cilantro until you have 1/2 cup. Add sauteed leeks, celery, milk, cilantro, vegetable spice, celery salt, parsley, and salt. Cover and cook at low heat for 20 minutes. Taste soup. Sprinkle in other spices if you wish. Some people love onion salt, garlic salt, or Tabasco sauce in everything. If you are that kind of cook, go for it!

Add grated cheese to taste.

EATING OF THE SOUP

Nom, nom, nom.

TIDBITS

1) The potato was cultivated by the Incas. The Spanish took it back to Europe and gave little in return.

2) The potato revolutionized warfare. Previous to widespread cultivation of this amazing tuber, armies on the move stripped the conquered territories of any food growing above ground. Farmers could now wait until the invading hordes left and dig up enough potatoes to survive. Armies could also feed themselves on the potatoes they brought along. There is a sketch of the great French general Napoleon asking a foot soldier for a potato.

3) The Irish depended quite heavily on the potato for their nutritional needs. When the potato crop failed in 1848, many Irish starved and large numbers of them migrated to America.

4) Indeed, loud guffaws never swirled around the humble potato.

5) Until HasbroTM created Mr. Potato HeadTM in 1962. Now we can all eat the potato or play with it.

6) Mr. Potato HeadTM seems so obvious now. That’s why genius is genius.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Southwest Stuffed Bell Peppers – From Cookbook

Posted on June 23, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Entree

SOUTHWEST STUFFED BELL PEPPERS

INGREDIENTS

Ole.

1 green chile
5 green bell peppers
1/2 red onion
2 garlic cloves
1 cup pepper jack cheese
2 ounces Cotija cheese
1 1/2 pounds ground turkey
1/2 14.5 can diced tomatoes
4 teaspoons chili powder
1 teaspoon cornstarch
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon oregano
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
3/4 cup water
4 tablespoons sour cream
2 green onions
1/2 14.5 can diced tomatoes
3/4 cup water

PREPARATION

Remove seeds from green chile. Cut bell peppers in half lengthwise. Remove stem, white innards, and seed from green bell peppers. Dice green chile, red onion, garlic cloves, and green onion. Grate or shred pepper jack cheese and Cotija cheese.

In a large frying pan or skillet, cook the turkey, green chile, red onion, and garlic over medium-high heat until meat is no longer pink. Stir occasionally.

Add 1/2 of the diced tomatoes, chili powder, corn starch, cumin, oregano, cayenne, green onion, and 3/4 cup water. Bring to boil then reduce. Simmer uncovered for about 15 minutes. (No, this does not mean to get angry and cook in the nude. Sauces can splatter.)

Place as many bell-pepper halves in microwavable dish. (You’ll need a 3-to-4 quart dish if you want to use just one.) Add 3/4 cup water to dish. Cover and microwave on high for 7 to 8 minutes. (Microwaves vary in strength, so in general it’s best to heat for a short time, check the food and, if necessary, microwave some more.)

Pour any water out of the bell peppers. Fill each bell-pepper half to the top with ground-beef mixture. Put an equal amount of sour cream, remaining half of tomatoes, and cheese on bell peppers.

Serve to adoring guests.

TIDBITS

1) Bell peppers have recessive genes that prevent them from having capsaicin, the stuff that makes other peppers hot.

2) Red bell peppers are important in Portuguese cuisine.

3) In 1801 my great-great-great-grandfather Napoleon I directed an invasion of Portugal by French and Spanish troops.

4) In 1808, Napoleon I invaded Portugal again. Say what you will about his megalomania and the countless deaths he caused, he did possess an admirable work ethic.

5) Oh, and he invaded Spain as well in 1808, unleashing more bloody, unrestrained guerrilla warfare.

6) Strange to say, most Napoleonic historians fail utterly to mention how six years of conflict in that region affected red-bell-pepper production in Portugal.

7) It seems likely, though, that red-pepper planting and harvesting fell precipitously in previously culinarily happy Portugal.

8) One’s mind recoils at the thought of wary-weary Portuguese reduced to eating beef-and-red pepper sandwiches without red peppers.

9) Bad French emperor, no éclaire.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Celebrate National “Your Butt” Day on Thursday, June 7.

Posted on May 17, 2012 by pauldelancey

It is your duty as an American and a peace-loving citizen of the world to say, “Your butt” to as many people as possible three weeks from now, Thursday, June 7. Here’s why:

Little kids laugh 40 to 400 times more than adults. Why? Because infantile humor is funnier than anything adult can produce. Here’s proof:

1) Crabby people go to war unless distracted by a funny joke. Sure, toddlers have problems such as having to eat creamed peas. Do they go to war? No, they say “butt” and dissolve into giggles. Do adults go to war? Sadly, all to often and often with disconcerting results. Do we tell butt jokes? Unfortunately, not very often.

2) Sure, comedians such as Jerry Seinfeld make tens of millions of dollars every year without telling one butt joke. But that just underscores how few people can tell a knee slapper without saying “butt” or even the more erudite “Your butt.” And would he even be on tv or stage without war-weary governments subsidizing him. I fear not.

So, do you fear nuclear Armageddon. Do you want to live in peace? Do you wish peace for your children? Then you must help make the world laugh. Say “Your butt” to as many people as possible and after every sentence you hear spoken.

The world thanks you.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Chicken Scallopini From Cookbook

Posted on March 31, 2012 by pauldelancey

Italian Entree

CHICKEN SCALLOPINI

INGREDIENTS

2 garlic cloves
2 chicken breasts
1/4 cup flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon sage
2 tablespoons butter
1/4 cup chicken broth
3 tablespoons water
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 teaspoon drained capers
1 tablespoon flour
3/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1 teaspoon parsley

(Possibly 2 teaspoons more olive oil. See 3rd paragraph below.)

SPECIAL UTENSIL

cooking mallet

PREPARATION

Mince garlic cloves. Pound chicken breasts to 1/4-inch thickness with clean cooking mallet. If you don’t have such a cooking tool, try putting a few sheets of wax paper on top of the chicken and whack away with a blunt instrument. (And sing, “If I had a hammer, I’d make Chicken Scallopini…” But don’t let your guests hear this. They just might sneak away before the second verse.)

Combine flour, salt, pepper, and sage in mixing bowl. Coat the chicken breasts with this mixture. Cut each breast into three cutlets.

Put broth, water, lemon juice, capers, and flour in second mixing bowl. Mix sauce thoroughly.

Melt butter in no-stick frying pan. Cook on medium high and add olive oil. Place as many cutlets as possible into frying pan. Cook for up to 2 minutes on each side or until chicken turns completely white. Add 1 teaspoon olive oil to the pan each time you cook another batch of chicken cutlets. Remove chicken.

Pour broth/caper sauce into frying pan. Heat on medium high for 1 to 2 minutes or until sauce boils and thickens. Pour sauce over chicken cutlets. Sprinkle Parmesan and parsley over the chicken.

Serve dish to wildly applauding guests. (If they don’t applaud, you still have that mallet, don’t you?)

TIDBITS

1) I read that in 1969 America had 3 billion surplus eggs.

2) Where did they go?

3) Chickens can have four or five toes on each foot.

4) This is probably why you can’t find shoes to fit your chicken.

5) Chicken Little thought the sky was falling. Was this from a meteorite shower? Did Chicken Little collaborate with Sir Edmund Halley?

6) A chicken can live without a brain for a short time.

7) People cannot, contrary to what relatives might say.

8) It is illegal to eat chickens in Gainesville, Georgia without a fork.

9) Chickens can run at a speed of nine miles per hour. If you could get a chicken to run around a track for a mile, it could complete its task in 6 minutes 40 seconds.

10) In high school I could run the mile in 7 minutes 37 seconds. Thank goodness, that chicken in the next lane stopped to peck for worms.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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GEORGE RANDALL, BADGER FAN – PART 1 Our

Posted on March 27, 2012 by pauldelancey

GEORGE RANDALL, BADGER FAN – PART 1

Our hero was born in the small town of Lodi, Wisconsin, in the year 1937. Red-haired George grew up in a house overlooking the small stream that ran through town. Whenever grownups asked him “What do you want to do when you grow up?”, George would always reply “I want to be there when the Badgers win the Rose Bowl!” They all laughed at him. So he shied away from humanity. His one true friend was Suzy the Duck. George sought out his fowl friend whenever his burden of woe proved too much to bear.

He would tell her, “I know that I will see the Badgers win the Rose Bowl. I will be there when it happens.” “Quack,” Suzy always cheerfully replied. She would then bob her head under the water, flap her little wings, and playfully splash George.

George learned to keep his vision of the red-clad Badgers to himself. The strain of doing this was great. He grew moody and his grades suffered. Finally, he lost control and erupted at the worst possible moment.

July 4, 1953 would prove to be a day that the good citizens of Lodi, Wisconsin would never forget. Senator Joe McCarthy of Wisconsin had been invited to be Marshall of Honor for the town’s Fourth of July parade.

All the good townsfolk participated in the festivities in one way or another. The Clark boys rode in a canoe in the back of a pick-up truck to symbolize the expedition of Lewis and Clark. All admired Sally Magnusson as she walked along sewing an American flag, in a perfect imitation of Betsy Ross. The little Thorvald triplets performed a darling re-enactment of the Battle of Gettysburg. Miss White’s second-grade debating club entranced all with their re-enactment of the famed Lincoln-Douglas debates.

Then George Randall strode onto the parade route. The crowd gasped. George was dressed all in red. Senator McCarthy stared open-jawed; George must be trying to humiliate him! It became worse. George pointed at the Senator, while jumping up and down and yelling “Go Big Red! Go Big Red!”

“George is mocking me! Me, a great man!” McCarthy fumed. Quickly plotting revenge, he rose to point an accusing finger at George. “Communist!” he thundered. The good townsfolk, including his parents, peeled away in horror from the offending George, shunning him for the disgrace that he had brought to their parade. His mind in a swirl, George fled Lodi that very night.

It transpired that this very incident changed the fate of this great country. McCarthy later confessed in his memoirs Crisis at Lodi that George’s brazen of defiance fatally shook his confidence necessary to carry on in his red-bashing campaign. George had saved American democracy. However, he was unaware of this and would wander the Midwest for some years in sullen despondency.

George eventually settled in the town of Stoughton, Wisconsin and married the lovely Anna Knudson. Together, they operated a small but cheerful Norwegian deli. In November 1962 they had a son, whom they named Vanderkelen after the brilliant Wisconsin quarterback who had just led the Badgers to their first Rose Bowl appearance in decades.

How could they manage to get to Pasadena? Anna and he had gotten deep into debt setting up their deli. “How about selling the store?” he wondered. He broached the idea to his wife. Initially, she resisted, but his infectious enthusiasm overcame her misgivings. So they hurriedly sold the store. They were ready to fulfill George’s lifelong dream.

Disaster struck! Their precious Vanderkelen came down with measles three days before the Game. The cost of fighting the dread sickness, and its complications, used up every dollar gained from the sale of their unused Rose Bowl tickets. George and Anna were at the hospital on New Year’s day when their son’s fever broke. They were so happy they did not mind missing the game, or even the Badgers’ narrow defeat. Their faces did, however, betray small smiles when they read of the heroic exploits of the Badgers’ Vanderkelen….

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Egg-White Burrito

Posted on March 24, 2012 by pauldelancey

Mexican Entree

EGG-WHITE BURRITO

INGREDIENTS

1 8 ounce can red beans
6 egg whites
1/2 teaspoon Berbere spice (See recipe for Berbere if needed.)
1/2 cup Four Mexican cheeses
2 8-inch flour tortillas

UTENSIL

no-stick frying pan

PREPARATION

Cook red beans on medium-high heat for about 3 minutes or until sufficiently warm. (If they burn your tongue, they’re too hot. Let them cool.)

Combine egg whites and Berbere spice in mixing bowl. Beat egg whites with a whisk. (Sometimes all it takes to defeat an egg is a short but stern look.) Put whites in no-stick frying pan and cook on medium heat until egg whites solidify.

Divide the red beans, egg whites, and cheese between the two tortillas. Fold in the sides of the tortillas and roll up from the bottom.

This simple, but tasty dish is a favorite among the tight-knit Moroccan-Mexican community of Poway, California. Olé, ens Allah.

TIDBITS

1) White shelled eggs are laid by hens with white feathers and white ear lobes.

2) Chicken have ear lobes! My goodness, who knew. Do hens wear earrings?

3) Brown shelled eggs are made by hens with red feathers and red ear lobes.

4) I can’t get over it. Chickens have ear lobes. Why?

5) According to Genesis 1:20-22, the chicken came first.

6) Chinese chickens lay about 160 billions eggs a year. American chickens produce 65 billion over the same period.

7) There are 6 million people in Libya. If all of China’s and America’s eggs were exported to Libya, the people there would need to eat 3,667 eggs a year, or 10 a day.

8) I suspect Libyans would get tired of eating that many eggs and would start having egg fights all over the place.

9) May I suggest visiting Morocco instead?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Banana Chocolate Peanut-Butter Milkshake From Cookbook

Posted on March 8, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

BANANA CHOCOLATE PEANUT-BUTTER MILKSHAKE

INGREDIENTS

3 bananas
2 1/2 cups milk
1/2 cup chocolate syrup
1/2 cup peanut butter

ORDINARY UTENSIL

blender

PREPARATION

Peel the bananas. (Sometimes a banana is just a banana, especially in a recipe.) Put bananas, milk, chocolate syrup, and peanut butter in blender. Use “milkshake” setting. Blend until shake is sufficiently smooth for your taste.

This delicious milkshake also is a diet buster. Drink with care. Aw, what the heck, have two glasses. You can burn off the calories climbing Mount Kilimanjaro.

TIDBITS

1) Chocolate is good for you! It contains over 300 mineral properties that help your health.

2) Chocolate is good for you! Dark chocolate has more antioxidants than green tea.

3) Chocolate is good for you! Eating chocolate gives you the same squooshy feeling as falling in love.

4) Chocolate is good for you! Chocolate melting in your mouth can produce a stronger sensation than you get from kissing. What were the makers of M&MsTM thinking?

5) Chocolate is good for you! Chocolate can ease menstrual cycles. Who knew?

6) Chocolate is good for you! Chocolate can help blood flow to lungs and assorted organs.

7) Chocolate is good for you! Eating chocolate increases your ability to think.

8) Chocolate is good for you! Eating chocolate can increase your life span.

9) Chocolate is bad for you. It can cause you to gain weight.

10) Bicycles are good for you! Bike riding makes you lose weight.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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