humor

Great Culinary Mishaps Along The World’s Roads

Posted on October 19, 2013 by pauldelancey
“All the pig carcasses and the 86 live pigs were carried off, while the local police reportedly declined to intervene.”
.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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SPAM Bento

Posted on October 18, 2013 by pauldelancey

Hawaiian Entree

SPAM BENTO

INGREDIENTSBentoBox-

2 cloves garlic
1/4 cup dandelion greens
1 Roma tomato
2/3 cup brown sugar
4 teaspoons lemon juice
1/2 cup pineapple juice
4 teaspoons red wine
3 tablespoons cup soy sauce
1/3 cup water
3 tablespoons cornstarch
1 12 ounce can SPAM
4 pineapple rings
2 cups plain cooked rice

makes 2 bentos (a Japanese style lunchbox)

PREPARATION

Mince garlic clove. Snip stems off dandelion greens; cut each green leaf into four pieces. Slice tomato into thin slices.

Prepare the marinade. Put garlic, brown sugar, lemon juice, pineapple juice, red wine, soy sauce, water, and cornstarch in large mixing bowl. Stir with whisk or fork until brown sugar dissolves and cornstarch blends in.

Slice SPAM into 4 thin rectangles;. add to marinade and let marinate for 60 minutes.

Place a skillet on medium heat; when hot, add SPAM and pineapple. Fry for 4 minutes on medium heat. Turn over SPAM and pineapple. Fry for another 4 minutes. Add marinade to SPAM and pineapple in skillet. Simmer for 8 minutes on low heat, stirring constantly.

Place half of the dandelion leaves in a small section of the bento. Put tomato in another small section. Place SPAM in one side of the large section and pineapple in the other side.

Serve with plain cooked rice. Wild dandelion leaves may be used in this. Fresh ingredients always taste better. It is not possible to get fresh SPAM.

Just look the recipe photo and wonder why bento boxes haven’t caught on everywhere.

TIDBITS

1) I entered this recipe in the International Bento Contest 2013. I was so proud to have participated.

2)I have tried to show with this bento dish how cooking fosters friendship between countries even when there has been conflict. American soldiers and seamen brought SPAM, canned spiced ham, with them as they fought in the Pacific from 1942 to 1953. Hawaiians and Koreans, in particular, learned to love this food and adopted it into their own cuisine.

3) I created SPAM bento to show how fun and enjoyable dishes can be when created with the humblest ingredients.

4) I presented this meal in honor of Chuseok, Korean Thanksgiving Holiday, which was being celebrated at this time. Koreans celebrate by visiting family, paying respects to ancestors, and giving and receiving gift-wrapped cans of SPAM.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Powegian Smoothie

Posted on October 14, 2013 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

POWEGIAN SMOOTHIE

INGREDIENTSPowSmoo-

2 cups plain yogurt
1 cup milk
1 cup mixed berries (strawberries, blackberries, blueberries and raspberries)
1 tablespoon honey
1/4 cup sugar

SPECIALTY APPLIANCE

blender

PREPARATION

Put yogurt, milk, mixed berries, honey, and sugar in blender. (Milk will always refer to cow’s milk. If I mean another sort of milk, such as goat’s milk, or yak’s milk, I will specify it. I hope I never come across a recipe that uses yak’s milk, because I don’t know where to find it either.) Blend at “milkshake” setting for about 30 seconds or until thoroughly blended. Woo hoo, tasty and simple.
TIDBITS

1) Yogurt has been around for 4,500 years.

2) However, don’t get yogurt this old. Look at the expiration dates on the yogurt containers.

3) Plain yogurt can be made from any mammal’s milk, including the yak and the camel.

4) A store in Britain is selling ice cream made from human breast milk. Not sure about this.

5) Eating yogurt can reduce bad breath. It still is easier though to pop a mint in your mouth before kissing a date than to run to your car and eat a pint of yogurt.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Greek Gyros

Posted on October 9, 2013 by pauldelancey

Greek Entree

GREEK GYROS

 INGREDIENTSGyro-

8 Pita breads or Flat beads
1 1/2 pounds ground turkey meat
1/2 tablespoon Prudhomme Poultry MagicTM spice
lettuce
Greek cucumber sauce or tzatziki sauce from previous chapter

PREPARATION

Mix poultry spice with turkey meat. Cook meat until browned. You may wish to taste at this point. If under spiced, add more. Heat four pita breads in microwave for a minute.

Put meat in pita. Add lettuce. Spoon a liberal–-if that is a dirty word for you, substitute a generous–-amount of cucumber sauce on top. Enjoy.

Dish works well with chicken noodle soup.

Did you have a Mr. Potato Head when you were a kid? Just asking.

TIDBITS

1) The best Greek restaurant during my grad school days at the University of Wisconsin was Zorba the Greek. They had these giant, about four-feet tall columns of lamb-beef cooking all the time. Juice dripped down the sides and they would carve off succulent strips for your gyro. If you have a huge grill like this and can find gigantic columns of Greek meat, go for it!

2) The Greeks decisively defeated the Persian invaders at the battle of Plataea in 479 B.C. This battle saved Western philosophy, sense of the individual, and its nascent democratic ideals. It is comforting to think that this very recipe gave the Greek hoplites the courage to rout forever the Persian spearmen.

3) Ancient Greeks enjoyed food to go.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Mayonnaise

Posted on October 6, 2013 by pauldelancey

American Appetizer

MAYONNAISE

INGREDIENTSmayonnaise-

1 medium egg
1 egg yolk
1 1/2 cups vegetable oil
1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon white pepper
1/4 teaspoon mustard powder

SPECIAL ITEM

blender

PREPARATION

Put egg and yolk of another egg in blend. Blend on mix setting for 30 seconds. With the blender still on mix, slowly add vegetable oil. Blend until mixture becomes thick and creamy. Add apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, salt, white pepper, and mustard powder. Blend for 2 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) People have been using vinegar for 10,000 years. One wonders what for? Couldn’t have been for Easter eggs. No Easter back then. No domesticated chickens either. Could prehistoric people have been following herds of wild chickens? Maybe this exciting thought was the inspiration for the wildly popular TV series, Rawhide. “Head ‘em up, move ‘em out.”

2) And, of course, there is no archaeological–Woo hoo, spelled it right on the first try–evidence that primitive society produced apple cider vinegar, salt, white pepper, and mustard powder, all necessary for the making of mayonnaise.

3) It is not possible to make a proper Venezuelan hot dog without mayonnaise, which we have seen early hunter/gatherer societies did not have. This absence alone hindered the development on the modern Venezuelan nation state for nearly 10,000 years.

4) Pantyhose lasts longer when rinsed with diluted white vinegar. Did dawn-of-time women use pantyhose? What if they didn’t have vinegar? Visit the International Vinegar Museum in Roslyn, South Dakota and find out.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Peanut-Butter Ice Cream From Senegal

Posted on October 5, 2013 by pauldelancey

Senegalese Dessert

PEANUT-BUTTER ICE CREAM

INGREDIENTSPeanutButterIceCr-

1 14-ounce can condensed milk
1 12-ounce can evaporated milk
1/4 cup lemon juice
1/2 cup sugar
1 cup smooth peanut butter
1/4 cup milk

PREPARATION

Add condensed milk and evaporated milk to pot. Cook on medium heat for 10 minutes or until liquid begins to boil. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to warm and cook for about 25 minutes or until liquid thickens and turns toffee color. Stir frequently to avoid burning and boiling over.

Add milk, lemon juice, sugar, and peanut butter to pot. Simmer on warm for 5 minutes, stirring frequently. Put the ice cream in covered bowl and chill in refrigerator for 2 hours.

TIDBITS

1) Senegalese medicine men care for madness with the roots of the wild custard apple. I hope this treatment works. There are a lot of mad politicians in my neck of the woods.

2) A hawk once plunged all Senegal into darkness for hours after colliding with a major power line.

3) On December 9. 1987, a hungry squirrel chewed into a power line and stopped all power to NASDAQ, National Association of Securities Dealer’s Automated Quotation service for 82 minutes. The effect of the stoppage cascaded into other stock exchanges, halting options trading for hours. The dead body of the squirrel was found. There is no information on its burial.

4) A ravenous squirrel again brought down NASDAQ on August 2, 1994. Trading halted for 34 minutes while power was rerouted. A spokesperson for the utility company delivering power to NASDAQ said it would be squirrel proofing its lines. No squirrel body was ever found.

5) Are some of America’s squirrels agents for foreign powers seeking to bring down America’s financial system? Are they out there lurking, waiting?

6) For a brief moment in the 1990s, Russia was completely unable to launch any of its nuclear missiles. Moscow Electric had cut off all power to the country’s launch center for non-payment.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Korean Army Base Stew

Posted on October 3, 2013 by pauldelancey

Korean Entree

ARMY BASE STEW
(Budae Jjigae)

INGREDIENTSArmyBaseStew-

1 12-ounce can SPAMTM
4 hot dogs
1 12-ounce package firm tofu
1/2 yellow onion
3 stalks green onions
2 cloves garlic
4 cups chicken stock
2 tablespoons gochuchang (hot Korean paste)
1 tablespoon gochucharu (or red pepper flakes)
1 teaspoon sugar
1/2 tablespoon sesame oil

1 3-ounce package ramen (don’t use spice packet)

PREPARATION

Slice SPAM, hot dogs, and tofu into 1/2″ cubes or slices. Dice yellow onion, green onions, and garlic cloves. Add all ingredients except ramen to large pot. Bring to boil on high heat, about 10 minutes, stirring frequently. Reduce to low heat and simmer for 15 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add ramen (no spice backet) and simmer on low 5 minutes. Stir occasionally. It’s spicy and enjoyable.

TIDBITS

1) Koreans love SPAM. Who knew? Okay, smarty pants, besides Koreans.

2) Many Koreans went hungry during and just after the Korean War. Thousands and thousands averted starvation only by getting food from nearby American army bases. The most prevalent gift from the GIs were cans of SPAM. People there are still grateful for this food and SPAM has been adopted into Korean cuisine.

3) I’ve heard that SPAM is popular in the Philippines as well because of the SPAM American soldiers brought with them in 1944 to 1946. My father was stationed in the Philippines after the War as part of America’s SPAM diplomacy.

4) South Korea is a firm ally of America and a strong trading partner. North Korea, however, threatens us with nuclear attack. Why? Because America never got a chance to get its SPAM bearing armies into that land. SPAM brings peace and amity everywhere. Wonderful SPAM, glorious SPAM.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Beef Chili Cheese Fries

Posted on October 2, 2013 by pauldelancey

American Entree

BEEF CHILI CHEESE FRIES

INGREDIENTSBeefChiliCF-

1 yellow onion
5 cloves garlic
6 Roma tomatoes
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2 pounds ground beef
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
1 tablespoon chili powder
2 teaspoons cumin
2 teaspoons oregano
2 cups beef broth
1 pound pre-cooked french fries (This is a great way to get rid of those french fries that come with all those hamburger meals.)
1 pound Four Mexican Cheeses (Yes, a pound)
1 1/2 cups sour cream
1 teaspoon parsley

PREPARATION

Mince onion and garlic. Dice tomatoes. Add onion, garlic, and oil to skillet. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium-high heat or until onions soften. Stir frequently. Add beef, cayenne, chili powder, cumin, and oregano. Cook on medium heat for 10 minutes or until beef is no longer pink. Stir occasionally.

Add Roma tomato, dice tomato, beef broth, French fries, cheese, and sour cream to skillet. Cook on medium-high heat to 10 minutes. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Garnish with parsley and serve.

TIDBITS

1) The first known French fries were made in Belgium around 1680. Yay, Belgium. These first fries were a substitute for fried fish. Who knew?

2) Thomas Jefferson served French fries in the White House during his Presidency of 1801-1809. Oh, he also penned the Declaration of Independence and was responsible for the Louisiana Purchase in 1803. The many Louisianans who eat French fries of the Fourth of July are grateful.

3) The Rolling Stones sang about French fries in their 1964 song “Under the Boardwalk.” The Rolling Stones are British. Britain went to war with Germany in 1914 to preserve Belgian neutrality and Belgian French fries. Harsh words were said by all and the conflict went global. We are still living with the culinary consequences of the War To End All Wars.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Omani Mezroota

Posted on September 23, 2013 by pauldelancey

Omani Entree

MEZROOTA

INGREDIENTSMezroota-

1 medium onion
2 tablespoons salt
2 5 ounce cans white tuna
2 tablespoons butter
1/4 cup lemon juice (or lime juice)
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
1 tablespoon cumin
1 teaspoon oregano
1 gram saffron (let me know if you can afford a lot of saffron and I’ll come over and cook for you. Saffron’s expensive.)
1/2 cup rice
1 cup water

PREPARATION

Peel and thinly slice onion. Put onion and salt in mixing bowl. Mix with spoon. Place bowl in direct sunlight for 1-to-2 hours.

30 minutes prior to retrieving the bowl of onion slices, starting cooking rice according to instructions on bag. Bring in bowl and wash onions. Drain bowl. Repeat two more times. Melt butter. Drain tuna and separate the pieces. Add tuna, butter, lemon juice, cayenne, cumin, oregano, and saffron. Serve tuna/onion/lemon mixture over hot rice.

This dish has a strong flavor and is an acquired taste. Make it for yourself first before serving it to your boss when you’re due for a raise.

TIDBITS

1) Oman is home to around twenty percent of the world’s recent meteorite finds.

2) Many scientists believe a giant meteorite caused the demise of the dinosaurs. Some believe a severe global warming killed them. It’s quite possible the dinosaurs weren’t physically able to adapt.

3) So far as I know, none of the dinosaurs had opposable thumbs and even if they did, they possessed sharp claws and talons. All surfers know you can’t apply even the lowest SPF sun-block lotions with claws. You can’t hold a tube of sun screen without opposable thumbs. I mean, have you ever seen a dinosaur surf? Enough said. No sun screen, no protection from the relentless Cretacean sun. The dinosaurs died. Bummer.

“All over Laurasia, and the blue Tethys Sea, every dino’s gone surfing, surfing Gondwanaland.”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Great Arctic Eats – Barrow, Alaska

Posted on September 10, 2013 by pauldelancey

For Barrow, TripAdvisor rates Sam & Lee’s as the best restaurant. Pepe’s North of the Border has the best Mexican cuisine.  Arctic Pizza serves the best pizza, and Osaka beating out all competition forbarrow the best Japanese.

Here is the link:  http://www.tripadvisor.com/RestaurantSearch?geo=30940&q=Barrow%2C+
Alaska%2C+USA&cat=&pid=

While dishes in Barrow are generally similar to those consumed in the lower 48, prices are much higher as shown in the following excellent YouTubeTM video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FgZZ8Wkwkc

Try to get to Barrow in time for Nalukataq, the spring whaling festival of the Inupiaq Eskimos. Come for the goose and caribou soup. The highlight of the festival is the Eskimo blanket toss where people dance on a giant, suspended blanket and then get tossed high into air. What fun!

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Arctic eats, cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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