cuisine

Bangladeshi Mango Lassi

Posted on January 16, 2022 by pauldelancey

Bangladeshi Dessert

MANGO LASSI

INGREDIENTS

2 cups fresh mango pulp (about 1 mango)
3⅓ cups milk
1 cup yogurt
⅔ cup sugar
½ teaspoon rose water (optional)

Serves 6. Takes 20 minutes plus up to 20 in the refrigerator.

PREPARATION

Put all ingredients in blender. Blend at high or smoothie setting until the mixture becomes as thick as a smoothie. Chill in refrigerator for 20 minutes or right away, if you prefer.

TIDBITS

1) The inside of a mango is orange. However, this drink is pale yellow. What is the scientific explanation for this shift in color?

2) Well, the only way to get to a mango’s innards is to cut it open with a knife.

3) Mangos don’t like that. The whole purpose of a mango’s life, it’s raison d’être if you will, is to produce a seed surrounded by pulp.

4) The new mango seed devours the pulp and arises as a new mango tree like a new phoenix arising from the flames of its mother.

5) When you cut open the mango, when you remove the orange pulp to make a Mango Lassi, the mango thinks you are deliberately disrupting its great circle of life.

6) Now, these thoughts take minutes to form, as the mango’s brain is pitifully small. But it will happen. When it does, the mango pulp will leap at you with the speed that’s frankly, astonishing.

7) Indeed, the mango’s jumps at you so fast that it’s wavelengths appear to shorten, making it appear to be yellow rather than orange. This is known in the scientific community as the Mango Yellow Shift.

8) What to do? What to do if you want to avoid an attack by a Speedy GonzalezTM mango? Simple, drink the mango lassi before it has had time to brood on what’s happened to it. Besides, how can you resist a mango lassi’s soothing flavor? Happy, safe drinking!

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Trinidadian Macaroni Pie

Posted on January 13, 2022 by pauldelancey

Trinidadian Entree

MACARONI PIE

INGREDIENTS

1¼ pounds elbow macaroni
½ habanero pepper
1 mild chile pepper*
1 small onion
2 eggs
¾ pound grated cheddar cheese (about 3 cups, ¼ pound more later)
2¼ cups (20 ounces) evaporated milk
2 teaspoons ketchup
¼ teaspoon paprika
½ teaspoon parsley
¼ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons butter, softened
¼ pound grated cheddar cheese (about ¼ cup)

* = Such as, in ordered of increasing spiciness: Italian sweet pepper, pasilla bajio pepper, cherry pepper, banana pepper, Trinidad perfume pepper, pepperoncini, or cubanelle,

SPECIAL UTENSIL

9″ * 13″ casserole dish

Serves 8. Takes 1 hour 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cook elbow macaroni in large pot according to instructions on package. Drain. While macaroni cooks, mince habanero. (Do not touch minced habañero with hands. If you do so, please wash your hands thoroughly right away. ) Mince mild chile pepper and onion. Add eggs to small bowl. Beat eggs with whisk.

Add habanero, mild chile, onion, eggs, ¾ pound cheddar cheese, evaporated milk, ketchup, paprika, parsley, pepper, and salt to mixing bowl. Stir with fork until well blended. Pour contents of mixing bowl into pot with macaroni. Mix with long spoon until well blended. Grease casserole dish with butter. Ladle contents from mixing bowl into casserole dish. Sprinkle ¼ pound grated cheddar cheese on top. Bake for 30 minutes at 350 degrees or until cheese turns golden brown.

TIDBITS

1) Nothing happened on this day in history. Everybody behaves themselves and stays at home on this date. It’s amazing.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Dear Mr. Chef: I Need a Simple Meal

Posted on January 9, 2022 by pauldelancey

The Ultimate Simple Meal

Dear Mr. Chef,

Cooking is too hard. Too many ingredients. Too Many Steps. What should I do?

– Phil A. Americaine in Poway, Calfornia

 

Dear Mr. Americaine,

May I suggest “Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity?” In times like these I often make a sandwich. They’re easy.

1. But there are so many choices to put in between the bread slices. What should I do?

A. Buy cheese. Just use cheese for the sandwich filling.

2. But what cheese should I get?

A. Buy only Swiss cheese.

3. But I don’t really care for Swiss cheese. How about another type? But they’re so many types of cheese. What do I do?

A. Buy only Swiss cheese. Do you want to risk a nervous breakdown?

4. But what about bread. They’re so many types of bread. I can never decide. What to do?

A. Forget the bread. Put your slab of Swiss cheese between two other slices of cheese

5. Are those two new slices Swiss cheese as well?

A. Yes, we are protecting your mental health.

6. What if I have only one slice of Swiss cheese? What do I do now?

A. Make your single slice of Swiss into a sandwich extraordinaire. After all what is a single piece of cheese the same thing as three pieces, but with two fewer slices?

7. Thank you, Mr. Chef.

A. You’re welcome. Bon appétit.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Anafre (Bean and Cheese Dip)

Posted on January 8, 2022 by pauldelancey

Honduran Appetizer

ANAFRE
(Bean and Cheese Dip)

INGREDIENTS

½ red onion
½ teaspoon chicken broth
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 cup refried beans or red refried beans
½ teaspoon pepper
½ pound quesillo or Oaxacan cheese
3 tablespoons crema Hondureño, crema Mexicana, or sour cream
tortilla chips, unsalted if possible, for dipping

Serves 8. Takes 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Dice red onion. Add red onion, chicken broth, and vegetable oil to large pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add refried beans and pepper. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 3 minutes and until well blended. Stir frequently

Add quesillo and crema Hondureño. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes or until cheese melts completely. Stir occasionally. Serve with tortilla chips.

TIDBITS

1) Ana Fre was a good Swede who spent some time in Honduras. My grandmother’s first name was pronounced somewhere between Ana and Annie. She went with Anna when she moved to America. You’ll notice that her first name has two ns in it, while Ana Fre’s had just one. That’s because my grandma didn’t fear an extra n. Ana Fre did fear an n. So for her, the previous sentence for her became, “Ana fear a n.”

2) Ana fear a n is, of course, an anagram for Anafre. So in a way, the name Anafre, expresses the Honduran people’s love for Ana, who came up with this dish.

3) Ana was not the first nor to fear extra ns. The Romans phrase for “fear a n” or “fear for the letter n” was “timere litteras n.” The great Julius Caesar suffered from this affliction.

4) Dr. Sigmund Freud, the great Viennese pyschoanalyst, referred to this anxiety as Buchstabe n Phobie.

5) So if you fear the letter n, or just an excessive amount of them, fret not, you are not alone. You can even be a fully functioning member of society.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Beef With Chestnuts

Posted on January 5, 2022 by pauldelancey

Croatian Entree

BEEF WITH CHESTNUTS

INGREDIENTS

1 pound chestnuts
6 cups water
1 large onion
1½ pounds sirloin, tenderloin, or rump
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
½ tablespoon paprika
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
1 cup water

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cut an 1″ wide “x” on both sides of each chestnut. Make the cut deep enough to cut through the shell. (This keeps the chestnut from exploding. This really can happen if you omit this step.) Add chestnuts and 6 cups water to pot. Boil on medium-high heat for 45 minutes or until chestnuts become tender, the chestnut shells start to open and become easy to peel. (This is important. A shell that isn’t easy to peel will take forever.) Remove from heat. Cover with kitchen towel. Let cool for 5 minutes. Peel chestnuts. Discard shells.

While chestnuts cook, dice onion. Cut sirloin into 1″ cubes. Add onion and oil to 2ndt pot. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add sirloin cubes, paprika, pepper, and salt. Sauté for 5 minutes or until sirloin cubes brown on all sides. Stir frequently. Add 1 cup water. Reduce heat to low. Cover and simmer for 20 minutes or until sirloin cubes become tender. Use slotted spoon to add chestnuts to pot with sirloin cubes. Add enough water to cover. Simmer at medium heat for 15 minutes or until chestnuts soften. Stir occasionally.

TIDBITS

1) Beef and chestnuts can only be placed next to each after both get cooked, because they tend to fight each other when they are alive. This hostility stems from the one and only beef/chestnut drive. It started in 1898 in Bend, Oregon and was to have ended in the port of New Orleans. Beef and chestnuts were ferociously desired by American troops fighting the Spanish in Cuba. But from the start, the beeves taunted the chestnut trees for their extreme slowness. This was harsh as chestnuts trees were the fasted trees around, due to their tiny feet.

2) Anyway, the chestnut trees took offense at this verbal onslaught and proclaimed they’d go no further. To show their resolve, they evolved their feet to become roots. Nowadays, you need to look for chestnuts in the stationary-nut-tree section of your supermarket. Oh, and there are no more chestnut drives. The days of the chestnutboys are long gone except in movies.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Fish Milanesa

Posted on January 1, 2022 by pauldelancey

Mexican Entree

FISH MILANESA

INGREDIENTS

½ red onion
2 tablespoons fresh cilantro
½ teaspoon Mexican oregano or oregano
¼ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
2 eggs
4 cod, flounder, or halibut fillets (About 2 pounds)
⅔ cup bread crumbs
4 cups vegetable oil, more if necessary
1 avocado
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 lemon

Serves 4. Takes 35 minutes.

PREPARATION

Mince red onion. Dice cilantro. Add oregano, pepper, and salt to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk until well mixed. Whisk eggs in separate bowl. Rub spice mix onto both sides of fillets Pat fish fillets dry with towel. Cut filets in half across their width. Brush whisked eggs onto both sides of fillet halves. Let fillets sit for 5 minutes. Press bread crumbs onto both sides of fillet halves.

Add oil to skillet. (It should be about 1″ deep.) Add as many fillet halves as possible without them touching each other. (You might to cook in batches.) Heat oil at high heat until it bubbles. Lower heat to medium. Sauté fillet halves for 3 minutes on each side, until breading turns golden brown. Add additional olive oil as needed.

Place fillet halves on paper towels to drain oil. Sprinkle with cilantro, red onion, and lemon juice. Seed avocado. Cut avocado and lemon into 4 four slices each. Put a lemon and an avocado slice alongside the fillet halves. Goes well with rice.

TIDBITS

1) The full name of the Loch Ness monster is Nesa Mila. The rest of the Mila family lives near Veracruz, Mexico. If you were to dive to a deep cave, and you knew where to find it, you’d see her name, Mila, Nesa, registered in the Births and Deaths Office of the Submaritime Department, So the Scottish people have it wrong. Her first name isn’t Nessie; it’s Nesa.. Also, the Nila family are not monsters, they’re just gigantic cod. How did these cod get so big? Genetics. Wouldn’t fishermen all over the world want to stock their fisheries with gigantic cod rather spend weeks at sea and millions of dollars on ocean-going trawlers. You betcha! This is the real reason people (read fishing companies) have expended so much effort trying to find the Loch Ness monster. In the meantime, Mexican chefs honor Nesa and her family with this entree, Fish Milanesa. Now you know.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Shrimp Cashew Stir Fry

Posted on December 29, 2021 by pauldelancey

Chinese Entree

SHRIMP CASHEW STIR FRY

INGREDIENTS

2 celery stalks
3 dry red chiles or Thai chiles
3 scallions or green onions
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
1½ tablespoons light soy sauce or soy sauce
½ teaspoon sugar
1 pound shrimp, pealed, deveined, 31-40 count
⅔ cup roasted cashews*
¼ cup water chestnuts, sliced

* = Roast plain cashews with 2 teaspoons vegetable oil in pan or air fryer, if you can’t find roasted cashews.

Serves 4. Takes 40 minutes.

PREPARATION

Dice celery,. Add enough water to cover celery to small pot. Bring water to boil using high heat. Add celery. Boil celery for 30 seconds. Drain and set aside.

Dice chiles, and scallions. Add vegetable oil to large pot. Heat at medium-high heat until a bit of scallion starts to dance. Add scallion, light soy sauce, and sugar. Sauté at medium-high heat for 2 minutes. Stir frequently.

Reduce heat to medium. Add shrimp, cashews, chile, and water chestnuts. and sauté for 3 minutes or until shrimp turns pink or orange. Stir frequently. Add celery. Simmer for 2 minutes. Stir frequently.

TIDBITS

1) I wrote this recipe assuming a person would be reading it, that a person would be making this dish come to life.

2) But there’s absolutely nothing in the recipe referring to a human chef.

3) There’s even no mention of the cook needing an opposable thumbs. So, if you’re quite the clever sheep, clever enough to read recipes in English, then go for it.

4) The title could also be interpreted as telling a shrimp to stir fry a cashew.

5) Or perhaps this stir fry is meant for a chef named Shrimp Cashew and no one else.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Coffee Pudding

Posted on December 17, 2021 by pauldelancey

Romanian Dessert

COFFEE PUDDING

INGREDIENTS

1 cup strong coffee*
or 1 cup regular coffee plus 4 teaspoons instant coffee)
6 ounces bagels, bread, or dinner rolls**
1 cup milk
4 eggs
⅓ cup butter, softened
¾ cup sugar
no-stick spary

* = Or ¼ cup coffee grounds in 1 cup water
** = 2 bagels, 6 slices bread, or 4 dinner rolls

SPECIAL UTENSILS

coffee maker
blender
electric beater
6 ramekins
9″ * 13″ casserole dish

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 5 minutes.

PREPARATION

Make 1 cup strong coffee. Put bagels in 1st mixing bowl. Pour coffee over bagels. Let coffee soften bagels. Add coffee, softened bagels, and milk to blender. Puree until you get a paste.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Separate eggs .Add egg yolks, butter and sugar to 2nd mixing bowl. Combine with fork until well blended. Add this egg/butter/sugar mix to 1st mixing bowl with coffee/bagel. Mix with whisk until well blended. Add egg whites to 3rd mixing bowl. Whip egg whites with electric beater until peaks form. Fold egg whites into coffee/bagel/sugar/egg yolk mix.

Spray ramekins with no-stick spray. Pour mixture into ramekins. Put ramekins in casserole dish. Add water to casserole until water is 2/3 way up the ramekin sides. Bake at 375 degrees for 45 minutes or until surface of puddings become firm to the touch and cracks in the surfaces appear. Goes well with vanilla sugar on top or with a scoop of vanilla cream on the side.

TIDBITS

1) See how, in the above picture, the ramekin filled with coffee pudding has broken down the color of the plate into its constituent colors. All culinary scientists use coffee in their spectrometers.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Tuna Macaroni Salad

Posted on December 14, 2021 by pauldelancey

Filipino Entree

TUNA MACARONI SALAD

INGREDIENTS

1 pound macaroni
1 large carrot
1 celery stalk
½ red onion, white onion, or yellow onion
1 cup cheddar cheese, grated
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
2 cups mayonnaise
½ pound pineapple pieces, drained
3 cans tuna (15 ounces)

SPECIAL UTENSIL

2 quart casserole dish

Serves 8. Takes 35 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cook macaroni according to instructions on package. Drain, set aside, and let cool. While macaroni cooks, dice carrot and celery. Mince onion.

Add carrot, celery, onion, cheese, pepper, and salt to mixing bowl. Stir with fork until well blended. Add mayonnaise, pineapple pieces, and tuna. Add this mix and macaroni to casserole dish. Mix with fork until well blended.

TIDBITS

1) For longest time, barbarian horsemen had pillaged northern China with scant opposition. For whenever, the armored Chinese infantry plodded toward them, the invaders’ simply rode away.

2) Then about March 31, 4 BC, Wanli Tofu was struck by a brilliant idea. It really was a falling apple that had struck him, but the pain got him thinking, “Why not block the invaders with a wall, a really long wall, one that covers the length of the country?” So Emperor Mung Bean, founder of the Mung dynasty decreed the Great Wall of China.

3) Unfortunately, the Chinese built the wall by simply stacking one stone over another. The invaders just took down the stones and invaded anew. But China got lucky. Filipino trader Marcos Marcos Marcos happened to be at court hoping to sell his Tuna Macaroni Salad to the Emperor. Tofu saw that Tuna Macaroni Salad could be used a mortar to hold the wall’s stones together. So the Chinese tried the Salad mortar. It worked! The invasions stopped. Yay!

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Cardamom Cookies

Posted on December 11, 2021 by pauldelancey

Afghan Dessert

CARDAMOM COOKIES

INGREDIENTS

¼ cup shelled pistachios (36 more later)
2¾ cups flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
½ tablespoon cardamom
1 cup confectioners’ sugar
⅔ cup vegetable oil
⅓ cup butter, softened
2¼ teaspoons rose water, orange water, or lemon
no-stick spray
36 shelled pistachios (1 for each cookie)

SPECIAL UTENSILS

spice grinder
electric beater
cookie sheet

Makes 36 cookies. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Use spice grinder on ¼ cup shelled pistachios until you get little bits. Add flour, baking powder, cardamom, and confectioners’ sugar to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk or fork until well blended.

Add oil to pan. Warm oil using low-medium heat for 90 seconds. Gradually blend in oil to mixing bowl with beater set to low. Gradually add in butter with beater still set to low. Add rose water. Blend for 5 minutes with beater set to medium or until you get dough.

Spray cookie sheet with no-stick spray. Form dough into 1″ balls on cookie sheet. Don’t let them touch each other. Make imprint in middle of dough balls with thumb. (Hold sides of cookie as you do. This prevents the cookie from crumbling.) Bake at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or until cookies are crumbly, start to crack, and are just starting to brown around the edges. Sprinkle pistachio bits over cookies. Gently push a shelled pistachio into the imprint of each cookie. (Hold sides of cookie as you do. This prevents the cookie from crumbling.)

TIDBITS

1) Cardamom cookies are fun looking. See them in the picture above playing “Guess the herb.” There is no rule against the cookies bringing books on herbs. Cardamom cookies can’t read. Can other cookies read? I don’t think so and and anyway, they’re not talking.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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