Posts Tagged With: vanilla

Pumpkin Milkshake

Posted on November 29, 2024 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

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PUMPKIN MILKSHAKE

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INGREDIENTS
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3 graham crackers*
1¼ cups milk
3½ teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
1 cup pumpkin puree
3 cups vanilla ice cream
whipped cream (optional, or is it?)
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* = I’ve seen the amounts called different things. Here, a graham cracker is the entire individual rectangle that you pull out of the graham-cracker bag.
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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electric blender
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Serves 4. Takes 15 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Add all ingredients to electric blender. Blend using milkshake, or middle, setting until well blended. Top to your heart’s content with whipped cream.
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TIDBITS
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1) Gasoline is incredibly popular. Every single day, millions and millions pull to the gas pump to fill up their cars.
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2) Pumpkin Milkshakes rival gasoline in popularity. In fact, there remains a colossal, untapped thirst across the width and breadth of this great land this soothing beverage.
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3) Indeed, Pumpkin Heaven(tm) has been monitory this pent up demand, merely waiting for sufficient capital to grow.
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4) And for many years now, Tiny Rhombus Oil(tm) has waited impatiently to expand, to take its place along the big boys, aka the Boys of Gas. So it was inevitable that the two companies would merge.
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5) As Tiny Rhombus Oil’s CEO, Carl La Fong said, “We’re proud to announce the inclusion of Pumpkin Heaven’s pumpkin milkshake to our gas pumps. Yes, we’re now able to service your motoring and dessert beverage needs. And oh,  don’t worry, gas and pumpkin milkshake will have their own separate nozzles. Thank you.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Carl La Fong, cuisine | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Vanilla Shampoo

Posted on April 21, 2024 by pauldelancey

VANILLA SHAMPOO

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INGREDIENTS
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½ cup Castile Soap
2 teaspoons coconut oil
½ cup distilled water
12 drops vanilla essential oil
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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1 cup, or larger, bottle
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PREPARATION
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Add all ingredients to bottle. Stir with fork, or shake, until well blended.
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TIDBITS
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1) “Vanilla Shampoo” is an anagram for “vanilla shampoo.”
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2) Fun fact: All words, or phrases, are anagrams of themselves. Culinary beauticians call these “first-order anagrams.”
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3) Second-order anagrams actually rearrange the letters. As an example, the second-order anagram for “twelve plus one” is “eleven plus two.”
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4) Don’t forget, an anagram for “Aloha salmon VIP” is “Vanilla Shampoo.”
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5) Try these anagrams at parties. Nothing but good can come from liberally sprinkling you conversations with these witticisms. People will admire your intellect and you become the life of the party. Vivacious, beautiful people will want to date you. Corporate executives will fall over themselves trying to hire you. Or . . .
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6) Partygoers will have heard these anagrams before. (I mean, what are the odd? Right?) In this case, the revelers will leave you alone. Take this reaction to grab some tasty hors d’oeuvres as you make your unnoticed exit.
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7) Dart back inside. Fit as many shrimps as you can into your Tupperware(tm) container. (You should always carry one.) As you zip out again, defiantly yell, “Hors d’oeuvre doesn’t need to be italicized as it has become an accepted part of our language.” That’ll teach them for shunning you.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: shampoo | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Vanilla Frosting

Posted on December 7, 2023 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

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VANILLA FROSTING

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INGREDIENTS
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½ cup butter, softened
3½ cups confectioners’ sugar
3 tablespoons whole milk, room temperature
1¼ teaspoons vanilla extract
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Makes enough to frost 2 9″ cakes. Takes 15 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Add butter and confectioners’ sugar to large mixing bowl. Blend with electric beater set on medium until mixture becomes fluffy. Add whole milk and vanilla extract. Blend using electric beater set on medium until frosting become fluffy and smooth.
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TIDBITS
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1) Most people believe that punk rock is a relatively new phenomenon*, starting in the 1970s. Modern punk rock’s features electric guitars. The first widely popular punk was the Sex Pistols.
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2) * = By the way, phenomenon** is a hard word to spell. So, is the song “Mahna Mahna” as sung by the Muppets(tm)
, which in turn was heavily based on “Mah Nà, Mah Nà,” by Piero Umiliani.
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3) Anyway, culinary musical historians tell us that punk-rock first surfaced in 1587. There were no electric guitars in 1587, because there were no electrical outlets. Nor many giga watt electrical power stations either during the reign of Elizabeth II. Nor many true guitars. In fact, the Elizabethan Age’s punkest musical instrument, the violin, was invested during her reign. Go, good Queen Bess.
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4) Philip II of Spain, a fervent Catholic, hated Liz’s Protestant England. Catholics and Protestants all over loathed each other. Indeed, Monarchs often burned followers of the wrong religion, Speaking of burning heretics, you were wise not to bring up religion at BBQs or any gathering, really.
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5) Then in early 1588, Flagrant Violins, the first true punk band, came out with “Philip II is a Fathead.” The song hit the top of the charts. An already irate Phil hit the roof. Indeed, he ordered the construction of the mighty Armada to conquer England.
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6) English sailors and cold winter winds destroyed the Armada. Spain would never again threaten England. But it had been a near thing. So, good Queen Bess forbad punk rock music until April 1, 1970. The anagram loving queen even ordered Flagrant Violins to change its name to Vanilla Frosting. English chefs thought, “Vanilla Frosting, what a good idea!” Which is why we have cakes with this frosting. Life is good.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Coffee Vanilla Shea Butter Soap

Posted on November 9, 2023 by pauldelancey

COFFEE VANILLA SHEA BUTTER SOAP

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INGREDIENTS
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2 pounds shea butter base
1 tablespoon isopropyl alcohol
¾ teaspoon coffee essential oil
½ teaspoon vanilla essential oil
½ cup used coffee grounds
isopropyl alcohol or butter to coat molding
and to spray away bubbles forming on soap
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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soap mold
spray bottle
microwave
soap slicer (optional)
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Makes 10½ bars. 1″ wide. Takes 3 hours 30 minutes..
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PREPARATION
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Cut shea butter base into 1″ cubes. Add shea butter base to large glass measuring cups. Melt base in microwave with timer set at 30 seconds. Stir after every time. Add 1 tablespoon isopropyl alcohol, coffee essential oil and vanilla essential oil. Stir with knife until well blended. Let sit for 6 minutes or until well blended.. (This inhibits coffee grounds from settling to the bottom of the soap mold.) Add coffee grounds. Mix with knife until well blended.
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Rub silicon mold with isopropyl alcohol or butter. Pour into soap mold. If desired, lightly spray bubbles with isopropyl alcohol to make them disappear. Let soap sit for 3 hours. Use soap slicer to cut soap into slices 1″ wide.
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TIDBITS
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1) Estimates of how many cups of coffee are safe each day for an adult human vary with weight. For our purposes we assume 3 cups of coffee per day is the upper limit of safety for the average Botswanan adult, who weighs in at 140 pounds. Using average weights for various animals we can determine their limits for their daily safe coffee consumption. And here they are:
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Botswanan 3 cups
Butterfly 1/700 teaspoon
Cats 3.4 tablespoons
Corgi 7 tablespoons
Goat 1.9 cups
Grizzly bear10.7 cups*
Orca 236 cups*
Rhinoceros 51.5 cups*
Tiger 5 cups*
Wren 1/50 teaspoon
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* = People are especially cautioned not to give wild man-eating animals more than their safe limit.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: observations, soap | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cool Vanilla Latte

Posted on September 6, 2023 by pauldelancey

American Appetizer

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COOL VANILLA LATTE

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INGREDIENTS
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2 cups coffee, cold
⅔ cup sugar
4 cups milk
2 tablespoons vanilla syrup
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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covered pitcher or mason jars equal to 7½ cups
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Serves 6. Takes 10 minutes.
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Note: You can make other Cool Latte flavors by changing the syrup flavor, caramel for example.
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PREPARATION
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Add all ingredients to large mixing bowl. Stir with whisk or fork until sugar dissolves.  Keep refrigerated.
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TIDBITS
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1) You should make this. It’s so tasty and simple to put together. It’s also economical. I figure using the ingredients I bought that it cost me 4¢ an ounce while the major brands’ versions run 18¢ to 25¢. Making your own tuna sandwich with tuna and mayonnaise is also easy and much cheaper than buying premade ones in the deli. There are many other instances where making your own is cheaper and more satisfying than purchasing processed foods and drinks.
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2) Now, suppose your neighbor is a complete oaf who blasts his music all night and says all sorts of hurtful things. You’d like to make him stop, but he’s much taller and stronger than you. What to do?
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3) The first thing that naturally comes to mind is to get a AH-64e v6 Apache attack helicopter. According to Boeing’s website, “AH-64E v6 is a lethal, survivable and agile system providing the reach, maneuverability and performance needed by ground forces and contributes to current and future joint mission success.” Just what you need for dealing with that next-door brute.
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4) And since I convinced you with the first tidbit to make your own things, you’re going to give building a AH-64e a go. Good for you! Unfortunately, it takes quite a lot of time–much longer than mixing up a Cool Vanilla Latte. Thus, you’re really unlikely to get your chopper up and flying before a dying and rapidly expanding Sun overwhelms the Earth. Especially if you’re unskilled in electronics. No, if you really wish to achieve overwhelming air supremacy over the beastly neighbor, you need to raid your savings account or look under sofa cushions and buy a $130 million AH-64E v6. If that price is too steep for you, wait for Labor Day sales or settle for a v5.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, motivational | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Vanilla Pudding 2

Posted on April 5, 2023 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

VANILLA PUDDING

INGREDIENTS

2 egg yolks
3 tablespoons cornstarch
⅛ teaspoon salt
½ cup sugar
2⅓ cups whole milk
1½ tablespoons butter, softened
½ tablespoon vanilla extract

SPECIAL UTENSILS

4 dessert dishes or ramekins
plastic wrap

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Beat egg yolks in mixing bowl. Add cornstarch, salt, and sugar to saucepan. Mix with spatula. Add whole milk slowly, while stirring gently with spatula. Cook using medium heat until mixture boils and thickens. Stir constantly to prevent burning. Boil for 1 minute, stirring constantly.

Add ½ of the cornstarch/sugar/whole milk mixture to egg yolks. Mix with whisk until well blended. Add this mixture to saucepan. Bring to boil using medium heat. Boil for 1 minute. Stir constantly and gently.

Remove from heat. Add butter and vanilla. Stir gently until well blended. Pour pudding into dessert dishes. Cover with plastic wrap. Chill in refrigerator for 1 hour mixture firms into pudding.

TIDBITS

1) Stars are made from vanilla pudding. How do we know this? Stars are white. So is vanilla pudding white. The Sun is hot. That is because it’s yellow and not made from vanilla pudding.

2) If you were somehow able to catapult your vanilla pudding millions of light years away it would be far too small to be seen, even by the Hubble telescope. Indeed, you would need to buy trillions of pounds of: cornstarch, salt, sugar, milk, butter, and vanilla extract to fling a visible vanilla-pudding star into the far reaches of space. But don’t do it. Every van in the world would be needed to deliver your ingredients. The global economy would collapse. Oh my gosh, we’d have nothing left to make cake! For millions of years! What would we do for birthdays? I beg of you, reconsider this giant-star project!

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Grilled Lobster Tails With Vanilla Sauce From Comoros

Posted on June 18, 2022 by pauldelancey

Comorian Entree

GRILLED LOBSTER TAILS WITH VANILLA SAUCE
(Langouste à la Vanille)

INGREDIENTS

2 vanilla bean pods (Madagascan are preferred)
3 shallots
¼ cup butter
⅓ cup white wine
4 lobster tails
½ cup heavy cream
2 tablespoons olive oil

SPECIAL UTENSIL

Outdoor grill or grill pan

Serves 4. Takes 50 minutes.

PREPARATION

Split vanilla bean pods lengthwise. Scoop out tiny seeds with knife. Keep vanilla pods. Mince shallots. Add butter and shallot to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 4 minutes or until shallot softens. Stir frequently. Add vanilla seeds, vanilla pods, and wine. Bring to boil, stirring frequently. then reduce heat to low. Simmer for 2 minutes or until liquid reduces by half. Stir frequently. Add heavy cream. Simmer for 3 minutes or until sauce starts to bubble. Stir frequently. Remove vanilla pod. Cover pan and remove from heat

Split the lobster tails in half lengthwise. Brush lobster-tail halves all over with olive oil. Set grill to medium-high heat. Place the lobster halves on grill, meat side down. Grill for 5 minutes or until meat starts to char. Flip lobster halves. Grill for an additional 3 minutes or until meat is firm to the touch. Place lobster halves on plates meat side up. Ladle sauce over lobster halves. Serve immediately. Goes well with sautéed spinach. Or even ice cream. See the tidbit below.

TIDBITS

1) Vanilla pods make the popular vanilla ice cream, but strange ice-cream flavors abound. Such as:

lobster (used in this recipe)
cardamom black pepper
cayenne chocolate
fish and chip
garlic caramel
goat cheese beet
green tea
habanero bacon avocado
horseradish
hot dog
ketchup
kimchi
mayonnaise
olive oil
pineapple cilantro
pizza
roasted tumeric and ginger
squid ink
Sriracha
summer corn
sweet potato
Tabasco sauce
ube purple yam
wasabi

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Egyptian Roz Bel Laban

Posted on February 24, 2022 by pauldelancey

Egyptian Dessert

ROZ BEL LABAN

INGREDIENTS

1 cup rice
2¼ cups water
3½ cups whole milk
¾ cup sugar
¼ teaspoon allspice
½ teaspoon orange blossom water or vanilla
½ teaspoon rose water, orange blossom water, or vanilla
½ teaspoon cinnamon

Serves 6. Takes 1 hours 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add rice and water to pot, Set heat to low-medium and simmer for 12 minutes. Stir frequently to prevent burning. (Always, in this recipe, add water or milk if the liquid in the pot dries up.)

While rice simmers, add milk and sugar to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add to pot. Simmer at medium heat for 12 minutes or until mixture starts to thicken. Stir constantly. Add allspice, orange blossom water, and rose water. Simmer at medium heat. Stir constantly until mixture has thickened and rices softens and becomes creamy. Gently spoon rice mixture into individual serving bowls. Chill in refrigerator for 1 hour or until pudding sets. Sprinkle cinnamon over each bowl.

TIDBITS

1) Roz Augureau’s sparkling eyes and beautiful face bedazzled men everywhere. So much so that men made rash decisions. In 1914, Kaiser Wilhelm II and President Poincare attended a society ball at the same time as Roz. The German and French leaders both professed undying love for her. Neither ruler would clear the field for the belle Roz. Words were said. Poincare slapped Wilhelm. The Kaiser had the choice of weapons. If only he had picked pistols, instead of millions of soldiers as the duelllng weapons, the world would have been spared the horrors of the First World War.

2) But he didn’t and anyway, hindsight is 20/20. However, the French could forgive Roz Augureau for starting the War to End All Wars. Afier all, “L’amour, toujours l’amour.” They could not ignore, however, her effect on French cuisine. Every time the Belle Roz sashayed by restaurants, the besotted chefs made mistakes. It all came to a head in 1915 when the very sight of Roz so charmed the chef making this very dish, that he unwittingly substituted sardine water for vanilla. This atrocity outraged the French nation. What, if anything, was France fighting for if not for the purity of its cuisine? So, France passed a law banning the belle Roz from walking by any kitchen. In honor of this law, Le Monde called this dish, “Roz Belle La Ban.” Later this became, Roz Bel Laban.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Tahini Almond Cookies

Posted on June 25, 2021 by pauldelancey

Israeli Dessert

TAHINI ALMOND COOKIES

INGREDIENTS

⅔ cup butter
¾ cup sugar
⅔ cup almond meal or almond flour*
2 cups flour
1 cup tahini
⅛ teaspoon salt
½ tablespoon vanilla extract
3 tablespoons water (perhaps a bit more)
2 tablespoons almond slivers

* = Found online or in ethnic or specialty supermarkets. Or simply grind blanched, slivered almonds until you get the consistency of almond meal or almond flour.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric beater
2 cookie sheets
parchment paper
food processor or spice grinder (If you can’t find almond meal.)

Makes 48 cookies. Takes 45 minutes to make plus 15 minutes to cool.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Add butter and sugar to large mixing bowl. Blend with electric beater set on medium. Add flour and almond meal. Blend with electric beater set on medium. Add tahini and vanilla extract. Add salt, vanilla extract, and water. Blend again until you a soft, thick dough. (Add a little water at a time if dough is crumbly.)

Form 48 dough balls about 1″ across. Flatten dough balls until they become ½” thick circles. Gently press 2 almonds into the top of each dough circle. Place parchment paper on each cookie sheet. Add 24 dough circles to each cookie sheet. Bake for 15 minutes at 325 degrees or until cookies turn golden brown. Cool completely before serving to prevent them from falling apart.

TIDBITS

1) Four-leaf clovers are lucky, but, they’re hard to find. So maximize your good fortune by doing the following instead: place a clover on a plate or use a plate with a clover design, point the clover to the right, and surround the clover with four tahini-almond cookies. Like in the above picture. Doing all this but with four leaves on your clover, will make you the luckiest person ever. Now you know.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., fashionisto

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mocha Coffee Creamer

Posted on February 12, 2021 by pauldelancey

American Appetizer

MOCHA COFFEE CREAMER

INGREDIENTS

4 cups half and half
6 tablespoons sugar
6 tablespoons cocoa powder
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

SPECIAL UTENSILS

2-to-3 screw-top bottles or jars.

Makes 4 cups. Takes 15 minutes plus 30 minutes cooling in refrigerator

PREPARATION

Add half and half and sugar to pot. Warm on low-medium heat until sugar dissolves. Stir constantly. Don’t let it boil. Remove from heat. Add cocoa powder and vanilla. Stir until cocoa powder dissolves and liquid is well blended. Pour into bottles and refrigerate. This creamer will stay fresh up to 7 days.

TIDBITS

1) The bottle in this picture looks tall. It is tall! How tall is it? It’s as tall as Mount Everest. In fact, it was constructed right next to the world’s highest mountain. That’s how we know the bottle’s height.

2) Wow, how did I not notice it? You did. The Tall Bottle Filled With Mocha Creamer Next To Mount Everest story dominated the news for a week.

3) Then thieves stole the bottle for its recycling value. The epic journey of the bottle to a recycling center in Manchester, England became news as well.

4) How do I not remember any of this? Well, other things happened in the world, sports, politics, etc. On Facebook, pictures of kittens and puppies crowded out all other items.

5) Oh, and when the thieves emptied the bottle, they created a vast mocha-creamer glacier right there in Tibet. Inspired culinary scientists are now looking to making sheets made of mocha-creamer to replace the disappearing polar-ice shelves. This is why you can’t find any mocha creamers on your supermarket shelves.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Categories: cuisine, history, humor, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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