Posts Tagged With: strawberries

Strawberry Bundt Cake

American Dessert

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STRAWBERRY BUNDT CAKE

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INGREDIENTS – CAKE
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1 pound fresh strawberries (1 ounce more later)
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoons baking soda
3¼ cups flour
¾ teaspoon salt
⅔ cup butter, softened (2½ tablespoons more later)
3 eggs
1½ cups sugar
½ tablespoon vanilla extract (½ teaspoon more later)
⅔ cup vegetable oil
1 cup whole milk (2½ tablespoons more later)
2 drops red food coloring gel
no-stick baking spray
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INGREDIENTS – GLAZE
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1½ ounces fresh strawberries
2½ tablespoons butter, softened
1¾ cups confectioners’ sugar
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
2½ tablespoons whole milk
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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electric blender
electric beater
10″ bundt pan
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Serves 12. Takes 3 hours.
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PREPARATION – CAKE
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Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add 1 pound strawberries to electric blender. Puree strawberries. Add baking powder, baking soda, flour, and salt to small mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add  ⅔ cup butter, eggs, sugar, ½ tablespoon vanilla extract, vegetable oil, and 1 cup whole milk to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add pureed strawberries and red food coloring gel. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended.
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Gradually add in the dry mix from the small bowl into the liquid mix of the large bowl. Mix with electric beater set on low until just combined into batter.
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Generously spray bundt pan with no-stick baking spray Pour batter into bundt pan. Level batter with spatula. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. Use butter knife to loosen cake from the bundt pan Let cake cool for 15 minutes. Invert cake onto plate. Let cool completely before icing.
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PREPARATION – GLAZE
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Add 1½ ounces fresh strawberries to blender. Puree strawberries..Add pureed strawberries, 2½ tablespoons butter, confectioners’ sugar, and ½ teaspoon vanilla extract to medium mixing bowl. Mix with electric beater set on low until well blended. .
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Gradually add 2½ tablespoons whole milk or until glaze thickens and is just pourable. Pour glaze evenly over the cooled cake. Allow glaze to drip down the size. Let set for 5 minutes before serving.
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TIDBITS
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1) Strawberries were known as wartsberries in France in from 1178 to 1347.
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2) All Medieval peasants suffered greatly from warts.
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3) Their wart-free neighbors shunned them. “Ew,” said the nearby farmers.
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4) Downcast, dispirited, and depressed, the wart-ridden peasants joined the King’s army in hopes of campaigning abroad.
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5) What luck!. The Hundred Years War erupted, started even, in France in 1347.. Off went the English to France.  Archer Jack Strawberry wasn’t even on French soil for six minutes when he stumbled, falling face first into a wartberry patch.
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6) When he arose and drew himself up to 90 percent of his full height, his archer companions gasped. His warts has completely disappeared. “By St. George’s darned socks, it’s a miracle,” said Elric Sod. And with Elric’s impimatur, the entire English army rolled and rolled into the wartsberry patch. Grateful archers, men at arms, and knight renamed the wartberry to, strawberry in his honor.
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7) I don’t know if you’ve ever seen it happen, but when an army miraculously loses all its warts, it becomes world beaters. “God is clearly on our side,” said Sod. “Who can stand against us.”
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8) And indeed, no French army could stand up to the wartless English.
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9) Then everything changed. In 1428, the Archangel Michael appeared to Joan, a peasant botanist living in the town of Do Re Me. “Joan, take your botanical knowledge to King Charles VIII; as he surely has none.”
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10) So Brainy Joan made her way to the royal court. “Your majesty,” said she. “To defeat the cursed English, you must destroy every strawberry patch in France. Without strawberries, warts will once more sprout like weeds upon the soldiers. Their morale will plummet and your army will vanquish them time after time. Impressed by Joan’s piety and botanical acumen., Charles VIII did what she said. The French would evict the English for good. Brainy Joan would become Saint Joan. Yay.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Neil deGrasse Tyson and Strawberries in Uranus

Uranus is on the right

This blog derives from quite a similar blog called, “How Many Strawberries Will Fit in Uranus?” There, I  calculated the number to be 9.626 * 10^27 strawberries. Afterward, my mind naturally thought of a way of confronting my arch enemy, Neil deGrasse Tyson. Why is he my arch enemy? He helped engineer the downfall of our beloved Pluto from planet to mere dwarf planet. Such a debasement of celestial status!

How would I confront Mr. Tyson? By attending a conference of astromers and engaging in the following conversation:

Me: Mr. Tyson.

Tyson: Yes, do you have a question?

Me: Yes, I do. Thanks (Always start out respectfully.) Did you know Uranus was originally called George?

(People titter. Mr. Tyson looks both annoyed and a tad worried.)

Me: Did you know that 9.626 * 10^27 strawberries could fit in Uranus?

(The auditorium erupts into laughter. The shaken man recognizes the absurdity of his views on Pluto. He withdraws his assertion that  Pluto is a dwarf planet. The other astronomers follow his lead. They vote again. The magnificent Pluto regains its rightful place in the heavens as a proud, glorious planet. I’d then bask in the knowledge that I had righted a grievous wrong.)

Well no. In “How Many Strawberries Will Fit in Uranus?” I had used the figure of 6.83 * 10^13 cubic miles for the volume of Uranus. This was incorrect, Uranus’ volume is 6.83 * 10^27 cubic kilometers. The true volume of Uranus in miles equals 1.639 * 10^13 miles. This adjustment lowers the number of strawberries fitting in Uranus to 2.311 * 10^27.

Oh gosh, I’m ever so glad I didn’t cross words with Mr. Tyson  back then. Eventually some astronomer would have checked my calculations and detected my error. He, probably Bob, would have published my error. The whole community of astronomers would have laughed and laughed at me. I’d have be mortified. The astronomer cabal would have taken my humiliation to dethrone Pluto, once again, to dwarf planetar status. And once again, life would have been bereft of joy.

But I didn’t see Mr. Tyson at such a conference. My goof has gone unnoticed. (Unless, of course, the learned man reads this blog.) Now, I have the opportunity to alter one line of my conference conversation to:

Me: Did you know that 2.311 * 10^27 strawberries could fit in Uranus?

And the conference will surely erupt into laughter. Pluto will once more be a planet. And I will win a Nobel Prize. Yay! The Sun will again shine over our lives.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

­My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Nobel Prize, science | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Strawberry Milk

American Dessert

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STRAWBERRY MILK

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INGREDIENTS
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6 cups milk
1½ pounds fresh strawberries*
¾ cup sugar
½ cup water
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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blender
fine mesh colander
7 cups of mason jars or other airtight containers.
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* = There are only 4 ingredients providing flavor in this recipe. Please use fresh strawberries.
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PREPARATION
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Remove stems from strawberries. Cut strawberries into 4 pieces. Add strawberry bits, sugar, and water to pan. Bring to soft boil (just starting to bubble) using medium heat. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes or until strawberry bits become tender and mixture starts to thicken.
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Remove from heat. Add strawberry mixture to blender. Puree mixture until smooth. If strawberry bits remain, add strawberry puree to colander. Strain strawberry puree through colander.
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Add strained strawberry puree and milk to Mason jars. Mix with long wooden spoon. Will last 2-to-3 days in an airtight containers in the refrigerator.
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TIDBITS
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1) Many people in Medieval Europe believed in witches. Witches could strike you down with nasty illnesses, make off with you cattle, and turn into a newt. So naturally, peasants back then wanted to catch and burn witches. How did you determine if someone was a witch? Why, she had warts all over her face. People suffering from warts got burned at the stake all the time. While bad for suggested witches, such a practice went a long way to eliminating warts. The advent of modern law  meant that no more people went up in flames. Unfortunately, proving witchcraft beyond the shadow of a doubt, means that warts have made a comeback. There is a tradeoff to everything.
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2) It’s exciting to note that “straw” spelled backwards is “warts.” Indeed, Medieval chefs found that “straw”berries canceled out “warts.” Warty faced peasants drank strawberry milk to get better. No more warts, no more witches. No more burnings, a good thing surely. If you ever suspect the law wants to try you as a witch, may I suggest you make this Strawberry Milk right away?
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Strawberry Glycerin Soap

STRAWBERRY GLYCERIN SOAP

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INGREDIENTS
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½ pound fresh strawberries
1 teaspoon red mica powder
2 tablespoons isopropyl alcohol
isopropyl alcohol or butter to coat molding
2 pounds glycerin soap base
1 teaspoon strawberry fragrance oil
isopropyl alcohol to spray away bubbles forming on soap
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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soap mold
spray bottle
microwave
soap slicer (optional)
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­Makes 10½ bars, 1″ wide. Takes 3 hours 30 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Remove stems from strawberries. Puree strawberries and set aside. Add red mica powder and 2 tablespoons isopropyl alcohol to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended.
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Spray silicon mold with isopropyl alcohol or rub with butter.
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Cut glycerin base into 1″ cubes. Add glycerin base to large glass measuring cups. Melt base in microwave with timer set at 30 second. Stir after every time. Add red mica powder/ isopropyl mix and strawberry fragrance oil. Stir with knife until well blended. Let sit for 2 minutes or until well blended.. (This inhibits strawberry bits from settling to the bottom of the soap mold.) Add pureed strawberry. Mix with knife until well blended.
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Pour into soap mold. If desired, lightly spray bubbles with isopropyl alcohol to make them disappear. Let soap sit for 3 hours. Use soap slicer to cut soap into slices 1″ wide.
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TIDBITS
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1) If you arm your military with strawberry glycerin soap, it will smell nice. However, a nice scent never terrifies the enemy. If you make your strawberry soaps with nitroglycerin, they will explode with horrifying results. Indeed, culinary strategists believe the Pentagon is already mailing such soaps to America’s enemies. NGSSs, nitroglycerin soaps, are expected to work best on foes who place a premium on cleanliness.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: soap | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Strawberry Cobbler

American Dessert

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STRAWBERRY COBBLER

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INGREDIENTS
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1¾ fresh strawberries
½ cup sugar (½ cup more later)
1¾ teaspoons baking powder
1 cup flour
1 cup warm whole milk
⅜ teaspoon salt
½ cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
½ cup melted butter (1 tablespoon more later.)
1 tablespoon butter
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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8″ * 13″ casserole dish
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Serves 12. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Completely remove stem from strawberries. Cut strawberries in half. Add strawberries and ½ cup sugar to 1st mixing bowl. Mix thoroughly with spatula. Add baking powder, flour, milk, salt, ½ cup sugar, and vanilla extract to 2nd mixing bowl. Use spatula to slowly fold in melted butter. This is the batter. Stop when all is combined. (Overstirred crust will be dense, not fluffy.)
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Grease casserole dish with 1 tablespoon butter. Pour batter into casserole dish. Use slotted spoon to sugar-coated strawberries onto batter. Do not stir. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes or until cobbler turns golden brown andl strawberry juices bubble.
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TIDBITS
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1) Just as pigging is the process of making new pigs, shoemaking is the process of making new shoes. In the 19th-century shoes were made by shoemakers. Cobblers cobbled things together, such as shoes that had come apart. All this should have been easy to understand–unlike quantum physics or nuclear missile repairs–to the many 19th-century peasants, who called shoemakers cobblers.
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2) So, if people get confused so easily, it’s hardly surprising that in 1812 Napoleon invaded Russia instead of Austria. His soldiers shoes fell apart from the wet Russian rain. But there was no leather to be had, the French soldiers had eaten all the cattle. Fortunately, there were a lot of strawberries in Russia in 1812, The Year of Napoleon and Strawberries. In the winter, Nappy’s plucky cobblers repaired shoes with layers of frozen strawberries. These repairs lasted all the way back to France. French chefs used these strawberries to make strawberry cobblers to honor the heroic cobblers.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How Many Strawberries Will Fit In Uranus?

Dear Reader,

Quite a few! Uranus is incredibly huge. So we’ll need to use a lot of large numbers to find the answer. Fortunately NASA, took a lot of accurate photos of Uranus. Hey, did you know that Uranus was originally called George? It’s true! Anyway,  . . .

1 cup = 8 medium strawberries
1 cup = 14.4375 cubic inches
1 cubic mile = 254,358,061,056,000 or 2.544 * 10^14 cubic inches
1 cubic mile = 17,617,874,358,857 or 1.762 * 10^13 cups
1 cubic mile = 140,942,994,870.857 or 1.409 * 10 ^10^14 strawberries
Uranus = 68,300,000.000.000 or 6.83 * 10^13 cubic miles

So, ta da!

Uranus = 9,626,406,549,679,540,000,000,000,000 or 9.626 * 10^27 strawberries

There! That’s how many strawberries would fit in Uranus.

Now, you don’t have buy oodles of strawberries for a hands-on experiment. Besides Uranus is a cold and gaseous place.

 

Strawberry…………………………………… Uranus

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Belgian Liege Waffles

Belgian Breakfast

BELGIAN LIEGE WAFFLES

INGREDIENTS

2 eggs, room temperature
1 cup whole milk, lukewarm
1 teaspoon or 1½ packets instant yeast
3 tablespoons white sugar or brown sugar
½ cup unsalted butter, softened
¾ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3½ cups flour
1¼ cups pearl sugar or crushed sugar cubes
vegetable oil

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric beater with dough hooks, if you have them.
Belgian waffle maker (Belgian waffles are twice as thick as regular waffles.)

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 40 minutes.

PREPARATION

Separate eggs. Add milk, instant yeast, and white sugar to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add butter, egg yolks, salt, and vanilla extract. Mix with electric beater, set on medium high, until well blended. Gradually add flour while using an electric beater set on medium-high. (Use dough hooks for electric beater, if you have them.) Do this until you get a smooth dough ball. Beat egg whites with electric beater set on high until stiff peaks form. Fold egg white into dough ball.

Transfer dough ball to new mixing bowl. Cover bowl with plastic wrap or kitchen towel. Let sit for 45 minutes or until dough ball doubles in size. Fold pearl sugar into dough. Divide dough into 4 round shapes. Brush Belgian waffle maker with vegetable oil. Let it heat up. Add dough round. Heat until waffle turns your desired shade of brown. (See instructions what temperature and time to use.) Or use medium heat for 6 minutes. (Adjust future settings to your liking and write them down.). Repeat for each dough round.

Belgian waffles are designed to handle lot of toppings. Popular toppings are: strawberries, melted butter, maple syrup, chocolate sauce, NutellaTM, confectioners’ sugar, and ice cream

TIDBITS

1) In 1688, England underwent . . .. Belgian waffles! Belgian waffles are so tasty! I’d go to prison if it served its inmates Belgian waffles for every breakfast. Belgian waffles, yay, yay, yay.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Strawberry Frosting

American Dessert

STRAWBERRY FROSTING

INGREDIENTS

1 cup strawberries
1 cup butter, softened
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
3 cups confectioners’ sugar

SPECIAL UTENSILS

food processor
electric beater
no-stick pan

Frosts 1 double-layer cake or 24 cupcakes. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION

Remove green leaves and stems from strawberries. Puree strawberries in food processor. Add butter and vanilla extract to mixing bowl. Mix with electric beater set on medium until fluffy. Set electric beater to medium while gradually add in confectioners’ sugar. Mix until fluffy and completely blended.

Add pureed strawberry to no-stick pan. Cook at medium high until puree starts to boil. Stir constantly. Remove heat to low-medium. Simmer until strawberry puree reduces to ⅓ cup. Stir constantly. Remove thickened puree and put in refrigerator until puree cools to room temperature.

Use spatula to gradually fold strawberry puree into bowl with butter/confectioners’ sugar mix. If frosting turns out a bit thin, thicken it by putting it in the refrigerator for 30 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) Strawberries are great. They are ever so tasty. One of baseball’s greatest star was Darryl Strawberry. He played for the 1986 world champion New York Mets. One of music’s greatest bands was The Strawberry Alarm Clock.

2) Strawberries are part of the rose family. Who knew

3) Ancient Romans believed strawberries cured depression, kidney stones, and a sore throat. The Roman Empire was one of the world’s mightiest and longest living empires, so they might be right.

4) See the Strawberry Museum in Wépion, Belgium to learn everything about this wondrous fruit.

5) All hail, the strawberry.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Mason Jar Strawberry Ice Cream

American Dessert

MASON JAR STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM

INGREDIENTS

2 cups heavy whipping cream
5½ tablespoons sugar
2¼ teaspoons vanilla extract
⅛ teaspoon salt
2 cups whole strawberries, fresh or frozen

Makes 3 cups. Takes 15 minutes to make and 3 hours to firm in freezer.).

SPECIAL UTENSILS

food processor or blender
3 cup Mason jar or other airtight container

PREPARATION

Puree strawberries. Add all ingredients to Mason jar. Make sure that the lid to Mason jar is screwed on tightly. Shake jar for 5 minutes or until mixture thickens to the consistency of batter. Put jar in freezer. Let sit for 3 hours or until firm.

TIDBITS

1) Mason Jar Strawberry is fantastic. It’s so yummy. Only people who hate: whipping cream, sugar, vanilla extract, salt, and strawberries will dislike this dessert. That means billions and billions of people love it. People have adored this dessert for millennia. Lands without strawberries conquered surrounding peoples in a never ending quest to find wild strawberries. This is how the Roman Empire and the Mongol Empire, among others, grew to be so big.

2) Alas, the Romans and the Mongols despite their mighty armies never did manage to find, much less conquer, a land with strawberries. Their subjects grew sullen and defiant. Finally, their peoples rose up and overthrew their non-strawberry-providing rulers. (Okay, with a little help from invading foreign armies.)

3) Rulers then sent expeditions to find strawberries. This is really how Columbus sold Queen Isabella on finding the Americas. The idea that the Spanish went exploring to find gold was just a cover. The conquistadors wanted the real wealth, strawberries, just to themselves. Seeing the Spaniards’ success, other nations sent our their explorers to find their own La Fresado, The Land of Strawberries. Pretty darn quick, the entire globe got explored. International trade boomed between the old countries and the new strawberry-growing lands. We owe it all to the yummy strawberry.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chocolate Fondue

Swiss Dessert

CHOCOLATE FONDUE

INGREDIENTSChocolateFondue-

3.5 ounces TobleroneTM Swiss milk chocolate
6 ounces semisweet chocolate chips
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

4 ounces pound cake (See above recipe.)
6 ounces strawberries
4 ounces marshmallows

SPECIAL UTENSIL

fondue pot
fondue forks

PREPARATION

Cut pound cake into 1″ cubes. Add Toblerone chocolate, semisweet chocolate chips, sugar, butter, and vanilla extract to large pan. Warm mixture using low-medium heat for 5 minutes or chocolate melts and everything blends together. Stir constantly.

Transfer melted chocolate in pan to fondue pot. Adjust flame under fondue pot so that the chocolate stays smooth, but barely bubbles. Use fondue forks to dip cake cubes, strawberries, and marshmallows in chocolate sauce.

TIDBITS

1) Chocolate fondue was invented on April 1, 1798, by the great Swiss ballet dancer and explorer, Fon d’Ue. Monsieur d’Ue and all his fellow ballet dancers were at that time in the 89th infantry.

2) One day, d’Ue held up a handful of brown musket balls. “Bah, we never kill any French with these things.” He flung the balls away. The musket balls bounced off the marbled statue of the beautiful ballerina, Madame Swiz Staek that lurked in the town square.

5) The musket balls landed in the regiment’s soup pot. “Want not, waste not,” was the philosophy of the regiment’s Calvinist cook, Claude Monet. Monet dipped his supply of pound-cake cubes, strawberries, and marshmallows into the soup pot. He fished out a coated marshmallow with a long thin fork. It tasted great! The regiment’s and indeed the whole army’s bullets were being made from discarded chocolate remnants from the frugal nation’s chocolate factories.

7) And so Switzerland had lost every battle. The French annexed the whole chocolate-eating country for nearly sixteen years. Bad for Switzerland, sure, but great for the culinary world. Yum.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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