Was robbed
Rage, rage against the demotion of Pluto from full planetary status to dwarf-planet. Augh! May the demented astronomers who stabbed you in the back have lutefisk to eat for every meal.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Uranus is on the right
This blog derives from quite a similar blog called, “How Many Strawberries Will Fit in Uranus?” There, I calculated the number to be 9.626 * 10^27 strawberries. Afterward, my mind naturally thought of a way of confronting my arch enemy, Neil deGrasse Tyson. Why is he my arch enemy? He helped engineer the downfall of our beloved Pluto from planet to mere dwarf planet. Such a debasement of celestial status!
How would I confront Mr. Tyson? By attending a conference of astromers and engaging in the following conversation:
Me: Mr. Tyson.
Tyson: Yes, do you have a question?
Me: Yes, I do. Thanks (Always start out respectfully.) Did you know Uranus was originally called George?
(People titter. Mr. Tyson looks both annoyed and a tad worried.)
Me: Did you know that 9.626 * 10^27 strawberries could fit in Uranus?
(The auditorium erupts into laughter. The shaken man recognizes the absurdity of his views on Pluto. He withdraws his assertion that Pluto is a dwarf planet. The other astronomers follow his lead. They vote again. The magnificent Pluto regains its rightful place in the heavens as a proud, glorious planet. I’d then bask in the knowledge that I had righted a grievous wrong.)
Well no. In “How Many Strawberries Will Fit in Uranus?” I had used the figure of 6.83 * 10^13 cubic miles for the volume of Uranus. This was incorrect, Uranus’ volume is 6.83 * 10^27 cubic kilometers. The true volume of Uranus in miles equals 1.639 * 10^13 miles. This adjustment lowers the number of strawberries fitting in Uranus to 2.311 * 10^27.
Oh gosh, I’m ever so glad I didn’t cross words with Mr. Tyson back then. Eventually some astronomer would have checked my calculations and detected my error. He, probably Bob, would have published my error. The whole community of astronomers would have laughed and laughed at me. I’d have be mortified. The astronomer cabal would have taken my humiliation to dethrone Pluto, once again, to dwarf planetar status. And once again, life would have been bereft of joy.
But I didn’t see Mr. Tyson at such a conference. My goof has gone unnoticed. (Unless, of course, the learned man reads this blog.) Now, I have the opportunity to alter one line of my conference conversation to:
Me: Did you know that 2.311 * 10^27 strawberries could fit in Uranus?
And the conference will surely erupt into laughter. Pluto will once more be a planet. And I will win a Nobel Prize. Yay! The Sun will again shine over our lives.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
A group of crows is a murder, but what about gangs of other things, what are they called?
I’m glad you asked.
A group of . . …………. is a
An overripening of avocados
advertisements……….snack break
apples…………………….browning
astronomers……………Pluto hater
avocados…………………overripening
bacon……………………..heaven
live bands………………..hearing loss
bank robberies…………getaway
banks………………………fee
burgers……………………handful
clouds……………………..imagination
court cases……………….delay
customer service………hold
dishes……………………..mountain
DMV lines……………….horizon
doughnuts……………….fattening
gin………………………….tipsy
kittens…………………….squee
lutefisk……………………stench
mistakes………………….inevitability
mosquitoes………………bite
potatoes…………………..Idaho
puppies……………………squee
printers……………………Devil
road repairs……………..eternity
shrimp…………………….cocktail
spam……………………….annoyance
storm clouds…………….gray
stoves………………………heat
tacos……………………….bliss or Tuesday
taranatulas………………scare
tax documents…………felled forest
Now you know.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Pluto. Looks like a malt ball, doesn’t it?
1) Woke up.
2) Got up. Go me!
3) Worked on finances.
4) Showered.
5) Got dressed. The day is still early. Go me.
6) Went to the discount supermarket.
7) Got the things I needed.
8) Looked for targets of opportunity, also known as sales.
9) Put things away.
10) Organized the racks of canned drinks. Did you know that if you knock a fizzy drink to the floor, if can explode? Fizz goes everywhere, mostly onto the floor. However, a powerful jet made its way into my eye. Fortunately, thank goodness, that spray hit only the white of my eye. Even so, the pain was intense. But only for two seconds. Whew! And whew again. Thank goodness.
11) Caught up on people’s lives on Facebook(tm).
12) Made a shrimp cocktail
13) Contemplated the inequities in the 1648 Treaty of Westphalia.
8) Worked on a Thursday, New York Times(tm) crossword puzzle.
9) Read from Mary’s Land, a wonderful novel and designated bathtub book.
10) Finished fizzy bath.
11) Checked in Pluto. Resentment still festers about its demotion from planetary status. Right now, Pluto’s sadness dominates its anger. But if that changes, watch out! There’s nothing worse than an angry dwarf planet. I think I managed to talk Pluto down. It says, “Hi.”
12) Made hot dogs.
13) Finally got around to writing this blog. I had almost forgotten. Egad.
17) Sent my weekly condolences to Pluto for losing its full planetary status.
Behave yourselves.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Will now burn for at least another week
Busy, busy day. I’m exhausted.
1) Woke up.
2) Got up. Go me!
3) Worked on finances.
4) Caught up on people’s lives on Facebook(tm).
5) Toasted a pastrami, turkey meat, and provolone sandwich.
6) Cleaned up.
7) Contemplated the infinite. This takes a while.
8) Worked on a Thursday, New York Times(tm) crossword puzzle.
9) Read from Mary’s Land, a wonderful novel and designated bathtub book.
10) Finished bath.
11) Dressed. Go me. Contemplated going outside.
12) Didn’t. Decided it was too peoply outside.
13) Checked the fuel reserves of the Sun.
14) They were a bit low. I added a wheelbarrow full of wood to it.
15) We will have another week of sunlight before I have to top off the Sun Again.
16) Writing and publishing this blog.
17) Sent my weekly condolences to Pluto for losing its full planetary status.
18) Pluto says, “Hi.”
19) Will make tacos for the natives after I post this.
Behave yourselves.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
2 garlic cloves
1 green onion
¼ cup minced yellow onion
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
¾ pound ground beef
⅓ pound ground pork
½ cup bread crumbs
2 eggs
½ teaspoon cumin
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
6½ cups beef broth
¼ cup fresh cilantro.
Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.
PREPARATION
Mince garlic cloves, green onion, and yellow onion. Add yellow onion and 2 tablespoons vegetable oil to pan. Sauté at medium heat for 5 minutes or until yellow onion softens. Add sautéed yellow onion and all other ingredients except beef broth and cilantro to mixing bowl. Use hands to make 16 meatballs. Add beef broth and meatballs to large pot. Bring to boil at medium-high heat. Stir occasionally. Lower heat to medium. Simmer for 20 minutes or until meatballs float and are no longer pink inside. Dice cilantro. Garnish soup with cilantro. Goes well with rice.
TIDBITS
1) The four meatballs in the above photo are actual planets and asteroids. The planets are Neptune and Pluto, and X3B-17A way beyond the Solar System. Wasn’t Neptune rather big to fit into a soup bowl? Yes, it was. However, it was gaseous giant, that was condensed into a bowl-sized solid planet. Aren’t these celestial orbs rather heavy? Yes, they are. However, hunger and this soup’s wonderful aroma makes us strong. Life’s been rather unkind to Pluto, hasn’t it? Yes, it has. But it’s been rather sad since it lost its full planetary status and has done nothing but orbit morosely around the Sun ever since. We’re really doing it a kindness by eating it.
2) Won’t people miss seeing all heavenly bodies? No for the asteroids, there are too many to notice. X3B-17A is too far away to see. Certainly, people will notice the disappearance of Neptune, but it takes 4 hours for us light to reach us. That’s plenty of time to make this soup and dispose of the evidence, by eating it, before anyone notices. These meatballs are made mostly out of beef and pork. Does this give credence that the universe is made primarily of beef and pork? Yes, it does.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Planet: Mercury
Does it have tacos? No.
Does it have life? No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 0.38 pound
Planet: Venus
Does it have tacos? No. Looks like an overcooked egg yolk. That doesn’t count.
Does it have life: No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 0.91 pound
Planet: Earth
Does it have tacos? Yes. Billions and billions
Does it have life? Yes. Billions and billions of people. Lots of other living thingies.
Weight of two tacos: 1.00 pound
Planet: Mars
Do it have tacos? No. It does have Mars Bars(tm), but those are not tacos.
Does it have life? No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 0.38 pound
Planet: Jupiter
Does it have tacos? No.
Does it have life? No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 2.36 pounds (This is gaseous planet. Your tacos would fall all the way to the planet’s center.)
Planet: Saturn
Does it have tacos? No.
Does it have life? No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 1.06 pounds (This is gaseous planet. Your tacos would fall all the way to the planet’s center.)
Planet: Uranus
Does it have tacos? No.
Does it have life?: No.
Was it once named George?: Yes
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: .89 pound (This is gaseous planet. Your tacos would fall all the way to the planet’s center.)
Planet: Neptune
Does it have tacos? No.
Does it have life? No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 1.13 pounds (This is gaseous planet. Your tacos would fall all the way to the planet’s center.)
Planet*: Pluto
Does it have tacos?: No.
Does it have life?: No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 0.08 pound
Did this plucky celestial orbiter have its planetary status callously stripped in 2006 and only given reluctantly given back the wienie status of dwarf planet soon afterward because of widespread outcry?: Yes.
MAJOR CONCLUSIONS
1) Life only exists on planets with tacos.
2) Don’t drop your tacos on Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, or Neptune. They will continue to fall until they reach the planet’s center.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., and astronomer
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
2 chicken breasts, boneless and skinless
1 teaspoon salt
2 red chile peppers
4 garlic cloves
2 tablespoons butter
1 bay leaf
½ cup brewed coffee
1 cup white wine
9 coffee beans
¼ cup heavy cream
Serves 2. Takes 40 minutes.
PREPARATION
Cut chicken breasts into 1″ cubes. Rub salt onto chicken cubes. Seed and mince red chile peppers. Mine garlic cloves. Add butter to large pan. Melt butter using medium heat. Add chicken cubes. Cook for 12 minutes at medium heat or until the sides of the chicken cubes start to turn golden brown. Turn cubes enough so that they brown evenly.
Add red chile, garlic, and bay leaf to pan. Cook at medium heat for 2 minutes, stirring frequently. Remove chicken cubes and set aside. Add brewed coffee and white wine to pan Cook until sauce reduces by half. Stir frequently.
Add coffee beans and heavy cream to pan. Stir until well blended. Return chicken cubes to ban. Cook for 5 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove bay leaf. Goes well with rice.
TIDBITS
1) It costs a pretty penny for NASA to shoot one of its rockets into space. For those rockets–whether they carry amazing machines for carrying out zero-gravity experiments, taking astronauts to Mars, or people who named the murderer before you could watch that must-see mystery movie on a way trip to Pluto–use expensive rocket fuel Just like us, NASA too has a budget. Sure, its annual budget is tens of billions of dollars more than ours, but the concept is the same.
3) Heavier payloads on space missions require more fuel than lighter ones. So budget conscious NASA is always looking for ways to save weight. NASA particularly favors this entree because it combines a nutritious, satisfying meal while, at the same time, providing those hard-working astronauts with their caffeine fix. There’s no need to stow heavy coffee. No heavy coffee, less need for fuel. Less fuel, more things that can taken on the spaceship. More things aboard, more instruments. More instruments, more experiments. More experiments, more knowledge gained. Soon we will be living in a Golden Age. And we’ll all owe it to the entree from Sao Tome.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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