I am so proud. Number Two Son finished the Chicago Marathon about an hour ago. This is his fourth marathon. One of those was the Boston Marathon.
Woot! Beams with pride.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
OMG, danger!
Sure, lots of things can be good for you, when you do them. Eating mushrooms and lutefisk come to mind. They’re might be some nutritional benefits to eating them, but they are yucky in so many ways. And don’t forget lutefisk and mushrooms are the Devil’s tools. Do you really want to spend your afterlife in eternal torment on a lower level of Hell just to extend your life by 2.67 days?
Similarly, you can get your exercise by running, but the thing about running is that if you stop running for even moment, you will stop. It’s not like riding a bike where you can coast for twenty seconds at a time. The ability to coasting on bicycles is the primary that brains got bigger and bigger all the way back to Lucy of Olduvai Gorge to now.
This is not to say, it’s a bad thing to think about getting vitamins and exercise. Positive thinking always helps one’s self esteem and esteem. Just don’t overdo things by actually doing them.
LIST OF THINGS TO THINK ABOUT , BUT NOT DO.
1) Running – Can make you healthier in the long run, sure. But in the short run, you get exhausted and feel sad about your weak body. You go home, flop face down onto your bed, and spiral ever downward into a bottomless well of depression. Besides, you might hurt your feet and knees. Before you know it, you’re a protoplasmic pool of depressed goo. Just think happy thoughts of running a marathon.
2) Taking oodles of herbal supplements – Many herbal supplements can help you. Some are untested. Some have been found to contain ground up grass and rice. Boo! But the main worry arising from swallowing a bowl of supplements the size of Rhode Island is that your brain, your psyche, and indeed your very soul will rebel against this pill tsunami to such an exent that your mouth will flat out refuse to take one more supplement. (You’ll even write run-on sentences.) Soon you won’t be able to take vitamins, even gummy vitamins! This rebellion soons spreads to your temperment. Don’t be surprised if you go vigilante against peope with bad grammar or mismatched socks. Take it easy with supplements. Better yet, remain on an even keel and take none. Besides, there’s the omnipresent worry about choking to death on a multitude of such pills.
What to do when a supplement fiend asks you how many herbal-supplements you take? Simple, lie and say you take lots. Isn’t lying a sin? Yes, but murdering people who wear mismatched socks an even bigger one. I think you know the answer.
Remember, it’s healthier to think than to do.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
This is a video of Number Two Son about a half mile from the end of the Boston Marathon. His time was 3 hours 8 minutes. I am so proud of him. He is wearing orange jersey, black shorts, and orange shoes. Please click on the below link to see.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Number Two Son ran and completed the Boston Marathon today.
I am rather proud.
I now return control to my regular blogs.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
A simulated legjacking
With the explosion in the numbers of people competing in long-distance races, runners are looking for any edge they can get. For a while, runners took performance enhancing drugs, PEG. (Note, here PEG is an anacronym, not any woman named Peg.) Anyway some weeks ago, marathoner Carl La Fong up and grew a third leg overnight. He reduced his race time by 39 minutes.
As of press time, no marathon organizers have addressed the issue of a third leg. So many unscrupulous marathoners are looking for a third leg. As there aren’t many legal ways to acquire leg (Contrary to common belief, Costco(tm) doesn’t carry everything), runners are turning to violence.
Leg jacking. They’re procuring their fifth limb by legjacking, where the foul fiend knocks you down and pulls off your leg. Isn’t this painful?
Yes.
And you can kiss goodbye your own chances of winning a marathon.
What can you do to avoid legjacking?
Keep a healthy distance between yourself and all fit people with legs as long as yours.
It’s not always possible to do that because of crowds and stampeding herds of escaped elephants. So, I recommend carrying garlic cloves in your hands whenever you go out. Simply pop the garlic cloves into your mouth and munch away whenever you see a likely leg thief. Your strong garlic breath will deter any legjacker. Besides, garlic repels vampires as well. And that’s good.
Be sure to join me for future health tips. Bye bye now, Stay healthy.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Sports have gotten boring. Even football. Sure there are great bursts of excitement. I mean, what can rival a 95-yard pass in getting your heart pumping? But this thrill lasts for a few seconds. Half-minute huddles precede each and every play. Watching paint dry is more exciting. And then there are the team time outs. And then there are theTV timeouts. I tell ya, evenwatching plate tectonics at work provides a stronger adrenaline rush.
At present, there’s only two teams on the field at any one time. What’s up with that? Only one team to root for. Only one time to boo.
What is the solution to this dreary state of affairs?
Simple.
But four teams on the field. As before, Team A wins by outscoring Team B. But now Team C plays against Team D.
Huzzah!
With four teams competing, there’s bound to be a play going in at any one time.
Note that the teams lining up for a play are not obligated in any way to get out of the way of the play in progress. Sure they can, but only if they want to.
This brings up instant strategy considerations. Suppose you’re on defense for Team A. A wide receiver for Team D catches the ball and eludes all of Team C’s defenders. Do you let the wide receiver go by you and score? After all his touchdown won’t affect your game. Suppose your team needs Team D to lose to get into the playoffs. In this case, you tackle the receiver.
Wow! Total excitement! Exclamation points galore! Talk about cardiovasular excercise. Will a defender tackle that player with the ball or won’t he?
The thrills work just as well on offense. You’re a tight end for Team A trying to catch a poorly thrown ball by your quarterback. But wait! C’s QB has thrown a pass that is nearer to you. You catch that one and run all the way to the end zone. Bad for C’s receiver, but maybe he can haul in your QB’s toss. It’s easy to construct a scenario where Team A will find it easier to pass to Team C’s receiver. Or vice versa. If you’re on defense whom do you defend against, Team A or Team C?
I tell ya, it’s like combining the intellectual challenge of chess with the non-stop action of a marathon, while still keeping football’s bone crushing hits of football.
And can you imagine the bee-hive activity on the field when someone fumbles? All four teams will be going for the ball. What if the other two teams are in the middle of a play as well? If this isn’t Excitement City, then nothing is.
We need Football Football. Once watched, you’ll never go back. Join me in making this happen. Then tell me what you like about Football Football.
Below is a picture of a Football Football game. Doesn’t your heart thump a bit faster just looking at it?
Football Football
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
This last Tuesday, February 19, Number Two Son ran his first marathon He had previously starred in cross-country at Poway High. This Austin, Texas marathon was his first. He did well. His time was under three hours. So, he may apply for the Boston Marathon. I am so proud. The pictures below show more detail . Hurray!
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I have a will of iron. When I resolve not to do something, it stays undone. Here are things I shall not do today.
1) See my dentist.
2) Schedule a colonoscopy. (I’m not in the mood for deep insights to myself.)
3) Reorganize my office.
4) Dance the polka with Vladimir Putin. (I will not dance with any quasi-dictator who invades countries. I just won’t.)
5) Dance on the ceiling. (We have gravity in my fair city of Poway. It isn’t possible.)
6) Run the Marathon.
7) Or even the half-Marathon.
8) Conjugate verbs in Portuguese.
9) Appear in any on-Broadway musical.
10) Read the entire consent form on any website.
11) Eat or cook haggis.
12) Make at not-to-do list with thirteen items.
– Paul R. De Lancey, great no-doer
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Finnish Breakfast
INGREDIENTS – PANCAKE
2¾ cups milk
¾ cup semolina or Cream of WheatTM
½ tablespoon cardamom
4 eggs
¼ teaspoon salt
¾ cup sugar
1 cup flour
no-stick spray.
INGREDIENTS – PRUNE SAUCE
12 pitted prunes
3⅔ cups water (½ cup more later)
1 cinnamon stick
1 cup sugar
2 tablespoons corn flour
⅓ cup water
whipped cream (optional or is it?)
SPECIAL UTENSIL
9″ x 12″ baking dish
Serves 8
PREPARATION – PANCAKE
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Spray baking dish with no-stick spray.
Add milk to pot. Simmer milk on low heat until milk warms. Stir frequently. Gradually add in semolina. Stir constantly to prevent lumps. Remove semolina porridge from heat.
Add cardamom, eggs, salt, and sugar to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk until foamy. (Scare away unwanted visitors by smearing this mixture on your mouth before you open the front door.) Add flour and semolina porridge to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk until batter is well blended.
Pour batter into baking dish. Put baking dish in oven. Bake at 400 degrees for 30-to-6o minutes or until pancake is firm and golden brown.
PREPARATION – PRUNE SAUCE
While pancake bakes, dice prunes. Add prunes and 3⅔ cups water to pot. Soak for 40 minutes. Add cinnamon stick. Boil to boil on high heat. Reduce heat to medium-high and cook for xx minutes or until prunes soften. Add sugar. Stir until sugar dissolves. Remove from heat.
Add corn flour and ⅓ cup water to small bowl, . Mix with whisk until well blended. Add corn flour/water mix to pot. Bring prune sauce to boil using high heat. Stir constantly. Cook for 1 minute or until prune sauce thickens. Remove cinnamon stick. Pour into serving tray.
PREPARATION – FINAL
Cut pancake into 8 squares. Top pancakes square with prune sauce and whipped cream, if necessary. (Oh, of course it is.)
TIDBITS
1) The penalty for speeding in Finland varies with income. An American CEO might be fined over a million dollars. Tough country on scofflaws, you bet.
2) If you lose your shirt to Finland’s highway patrol, why not indulge your self with a Sauna? Be advised, social norms require you to be naked in the sauna. But you’re already half disrobed, having forfeited your shirt in tidbit 1).
3) It’s also quite acceptable for a bunch of friends to go to sauna together. Where everyone is naked. Good friends indeed.
4) Finland must not have many introverts.
5) It’s considered normal to leave the sauna, run outside, and jump in the nearest lake.
6) Although if its winter, it’s advisable to cut a hole in the lake before jumping.
7) Finns must have strong hearts.
8) What do Finns do if the nearest lake is twenty-six miles away and it’s freezing outside?
9) Run fast! It’s quite possible that Finland has the greatest number of saunas that are exactly twenty-six miles, the distance of a marathon, away of any nation in the world. This explains why Finland routinely garners the gold, silver, and bronze medals at every Nude Winter Marathon event.
10) Ancient Greeks invented the marathon. Or did they? Current speculation has Greece being invaded and settled by Finns around 1,700 B.C.. Finding ancient spas in Greece would go along way to proving this theory to the scientific community.
11) Some people point to the modern nude marathoners of Finland and the naked ancient Greek athletes as evidence of a vast Graeco-Finn empire around 1,450 B.C.. Why is there no evidence of this enormous realm? The au naturel Finns and Greeks, of course, wore no shirts. No shirts, no shirt pockets. No shirt pockets, no pens. No pens, no written history, and Bob’s your uncle.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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