Posts Tagged With: health

I Wish You a Happy New Year

I don my metaphorical armor as last year could have been a lot better; I’m looking a you, The Summer That Sucked where I was sick the whole. I’m also aprehensive about nation’s future.

But this is a time to wish great things to your loved ones, your friends, and all the other good people of the world. Evil sorts, such as the one who gave me Covid, can just suck eggs for the next twelve months.

For all good people, I wish  you a year of the following good things:

1)  health
2) tacos
3) tasty, yet healthy, doughnuts
4) Full employment or full retirement, your choice
5) Self-cleaning dishes
6) finding salt pork at the first supermarket you visit
7) true love and true friendshio
8) Not being a victim of crime
9) fun and safe drivng
10) sales on tortillas
11) cheap eggs
12) reuniting with loved ones and lost friends
13) steaks cooked exactly to your liking
14) peace in your neighborhood and in the world
15) success in at least one endeavour, no matter how small as long as it makes your proud of yourself
16) finding a new and comfy pair of shoes on the first try
17) perfectly home cooked meals everytime.
18) Many great parties if you’re an extrovert and many non-mandatory parties if you’re an introvert
19) Waking up refreshed everytime.
20) the ability to fold fitted sheets
21) All sorts of good tv shows and movies to watch
22) writing a best seller
23) consistent Capitalization
24) a wonderful vacation
25) friendship with cats and dogs
26) healthy air-fried Twinkies
27) an uplifting conversation with a guy named Ralph
28) No paper cuts except for your enemies
29) you master the health-care system
30) catching almost no red lights
31) picking the right line when waiting for something
32) your fitted sheet never comes off a mattress corner while you try to get to sleep
33) ability in directing your spam mail to your worst enemy
34) cheese
35) your typos magically disappear as soon as you type them
36) and all sorts of other good things
37) finding your car keys right away, even when you’re pressed for time

Happy New Year

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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How I Hope to Improve My Outlook

My stunt double

Events and health have depressed me greatly.

I hope to become calmer and perhaps happier by making recipes, cooking, blogging, reading books, and not following what happening out there.

 

– Paul De Lancey

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My Day

My stunt double

This will be a short post. I had yet another doctor’s appointment today. Traffic was bad. I got quite lost. Good thing I left with plenty of time. This time the visit was for my ear canal that got severely blocked during Covid. The good news is the surgery for the ear seems less likely. The bad news is that the hearing in my ear has gone downhill. I think Covid affected my taste a bit. At any rate, it’s been a struggle since the end of April and I’m more than a bit worn down. I feel like I’m standing up to big waves on the beach.

Sorry, this post wasn’t funny.

 

– Paul De Lancey, Ph.D.

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Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Phrase: Cookie Health Care

Surgeries are scary. And taking pills can be just as intimidating. Sure, you might start with one, but before you know it you’ll need a backhoe to lift your daily pills into your mouth. You can wait in a doctor’s office for up to an hour to hear his five-minute opinion. Moreover, all these paths to better health can be expensive, And do health-care avenues ever make you happy?

No.

But what makes us feel better? And is inexpensive?

Cookies.

Cookies make you feel better. We love people who give us gifts. When have we even felt love when wheeled into the surgery room? When given pills?

Never.

But cookies make us feel better. Cookies let us know people care about how we feel. Cookies improve our outlook and so, our mental health.

If only there were a  phrase to describe this great cure. And now there is:

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE

Cookie Health Care

Awesome entry #45

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Things I Haven’t Done In Years

My stunt double

1) Wake up rested.

2) Go the entire day without a headache.

3) Feel bursts of energy.

4) Feel a burst of energy.

5) Go the entire day without a backache.

6) Go any length of time without a headache.

7) Go any length of time without a backache.

8) Be able to read easily.

9) For any length of time. (Not only are my eyes nearsighted, but they don’t work together well.)

10) Keep calm when someone says mean things. I just can’t shrug it off.

11)  Accepted serenely the comment, “Don’t get upset.”

12) Go an entire day without dropping things.

13) Do simple manual tasks quickly and easily. Buttoning a shirt can take minutes. (Possibly from neurological problems.)

14) Go the entire day without feeling depressed, about my health, the future of American democracy, the world and just ‘cuz.

15) Not cough. I manage to generate lots of phlegm, perhaps because I have allergies or perhaps just because I’m me.

15) Go the entire without losing my cool because of 1) to 15) and because I’m somewhat Asberger.

 

Some days I can handle life. Some days I can’t.

I’m sorry that this post isn’t funny at all.

Please send pictures of kittens, puppies, and bunnies. Thank you. I love you all.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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De Lancey’s Asian Fun Festival Tours

Himari, your tour guide

Third Saturday of February – Saidaiji Eyo Naked Man Festival – Men, clad only in loincloths race toward Saldaiji Templein in Okayama to collect lucky sticks. Register in advance with Saldaiji temple and buy a loincloth. Then you run around the temple for two hours and through a fountain of frigid water. This purifies your body and soul. Fully purified, the race becomes competitive. Indeed, the event has become quite a team sport with many teams sponsored by local businesses. The goal is to catch one of two wooden sticks, shingi, thrown into the racers midst by a temple priest. Catching a shingi confers good fortune for a entire year. Spectators vie for 100 lucky items thrown in the crowd. Amazingly enough, there’s a more subdued version of this for the local children. This strengthens the bonds between residents. Tourists can shop at the excitingly named street of Go Fuku Dori.

Late April to May – Steamed Buns on Bamboo –  The festival takes place in Hong Kong on or around Buddha’s Birthday. Contestants climb a giant bamboo tower covered in Chinese steamed buns. Buns picked from the top of the bamboo tower or taken on the backs of the contestants to the top are consider luckier than ones at the bottom.  Climbers try to grab as many lucky buns as they can in three minutes. Hard to reach buns give extra points. Or you could simply go for the prestigious Full Pockets of Lucky Buns award. This is won by the climber who grabs the most buns in three minutes. There is also a rather exciting team-relay event. The week-long festivities includes incense, prayers for prosperity and health, and offerings to festival’s god, Pak Tai. Wander the grounds and sample the incredible variety of steamed buns. See the festival’s spectacular parade, elaborate lion and unicorndances and marching bands. Witness the martial arts demonstrations. Don’t miss the “Floating Children” parade where children dress as Chinese deities. They sit on stands so high that they appear to be floating.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Beware of Legjacking

A simulated legjacking

With the explosion in the numbers of people competing in long-distance races, runners are looking for any edge they  can get. For a while, runners took performance enhancing drugs, PEG. (Note, here PEG is an anacronym, not any woman named Peg.) Anyway some weeks ago, marathoner Carl La Fong up and grew a third leg overnight. He reduced his race time by 39 minutes.

As of press time, no marathon organizers have addressed the issue of a third leg. So many unscrupulous marathoners are looking for a third leg. As there aren’t many legal ways to acquire leg (Contrary to common belief, Costco(tm) doesn’t carry everything), runners are turning to violence.

Leg jacking. They’re procuring their fifth limb by legjacking, where the foul fiend knocks you down and pulls off your leg. Isn’t this painful?

Yes.

And you can kiss goodbye your own chances of winning a marathon.

What can you do to avoid legjacking?

Keep a healthy distance between yourself and all fit people with legs as long as yours.

It’s not always possible to do that because of crowds and stampeding herds of escaped elephants. So, I recommend carrying garlic cloves in your hands whenever  you go out. Simply pop the garlic cloves into your mouth and munch away whenever you see a likely leg thief. Your strong garlic breath will deter any legjacker. Besides, garlic repels vampires as well. And that’s good.

Be sure to join me for future health tips. Bye bye now, Stay healthy.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: health, sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

What I Did Today

 

Intergalactic Sperm Cell (left) Tries to Impregnate Sun

1) Saw to my retirement funds.

2) Saw to my health care.

3) Helped take down an outdoor trampoline.

4) Prepared homemade sauce and pork/meatballs for spaghetti dinner.

5) Prevented Earth from spiraling out of its orbit and colliding with the Sun. Things would have gotten hot.

I’m rather proud of 5).

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: apocalyptic | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Health Advisory – Stop the Spread

Do your bit!

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Motivational Posters 8 & 9 – Stop the Spread

America is facing two health crises, Covid-19 and obesity. We need all the resources we can get to put the epidemic and obesity behind us. The question we should all ask ourselves is, “What can I do to free up time to fight these assaults on our health?”

Here is my contribution.

I am using the same slogan for a poster on covid AND a for a poster on obesity.

People no longer have the memorize two slogans. That freed up brain space can be used to develop a better cure for Covid or to come up with an easier to follow diet. Or they can poster another picture of a kitten on Facebook(tm). Either way our lives have been made better.

Here, then, are my motivational posters.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: humor, motivational | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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