about me

I’m So Tired Of . . .

My blog double is sad.

1)  Lack of sleep.

2) Chronic fatigue, even when I get sufficient sleep.

3) Arthritis and other reasons for shoulder. Taking 10 minutes to ever so slowly my arms back into place without causing blinding pain.

4) Not having my neural system work well enough without a tiny, tiny bit of food seep out one corner of my mouth.

5) ”        ”   so I don’t wobble when walking, especially when tired.

6) Being negative. I don’t like being like that. But that what I am. I don’t know whether its genetics, over awareness of what’s happening out there. Or maybe it’s home grown.

7) of trying so hard to respect and be empathetic to everyone, then in one moment inadvertently making people hate me for all eternity.

8) religion be used as a way to legitimize hatred of despised groups.

9) of having empathy being classified as a sin.

10) of having allergies.

11) of dropping food because I fingers don’t always work as they should.

12) sometimes taking minutes to put on my shirt.

13) my eyes not working well together.

14) of having reading being a struggle. It’s hard to keep my place.

15) how far our country has come from, “Ask not what your country can do for you, rather ask what you can do for your country.”

16) having the precepts stated in the Beatitudes being labeled as “woke.”

17) having our democratic priniciples being eroded in favor of corruption and bullying.

18) of having to use a CPAP machines with nasal pillows to counter severe sleep apnea.

19) straying so far from worshiping God and obeying his commandments in favor using him as muscle.

20) so much drama in my life in the world out there.

21) driving with so many horrible and aggressive drivers out there.

22) mostly low level, but continual, headaches, neck and lower back pain.

Oh, I can’t go  on.

I’m sorry that this is not funny at all. Usually, I can be funny. I shudder to think about my general outlook if I had a sense of humor.

Take care.

 

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Ups and Downs

I’m rhe Emperor

The day started off well. I played free-bingo at a senior’s center. I got my first bingo and won a big, glass beer mug. The lunch afterward was good, surprisingly good for institutional food. Then things went downhill. I’m tired and my back hurts. So this is all the news I’m giving today.

Oh, I almost forgot. I repaid the Martian invasion with one of my own. I’m now Emperor of Mars. Cool.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

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Today Was Better

First, I did finances. This activity keeps me off the street where I would only foment revolution. And we don’t want that, do we? No, we do not.

I hope I spelled it correctly. It would be so much easier if we could only agree to call it “Tacos Yabba Dabbo Do.”

So, I tried to make a pizza. For some reason the bread maker produced not dough, but little pellets. Ah well, some good did come out of it. I learned how to keep yeast longer.

Exclesior. I made a good pizza crust. Toppings were: pasta sauce and a cheese blend of asiago, Parmesan, and mozzarella. I made pork sausage meatballs with Italian seasoning.  They went on the pizza as well along with red bell-pepper strips. The natives loved the pizza. This made me happy.

My wife got a little gizmo that translates foreign languages. She wants to use it to translate Tagalog. She had some problems, so she had me speak French into it.

Me: Tu es ma petite choux. (I know, I know, I should have said , “Tu es ma petite choux choux.” Which means, “You are my little cabbage.” Where “little cabbage is slang for dear, sweetheart, or something life that.

Translator try #1: You are a little thing.

Translator try #2: You are little garbage.

There are a few bug left in the system.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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What I Didn’t Do Today

My blog double

I took a shower and washed my hair. Things went down from there.

I labored over a spreadsheet for a few hours. An innocent typo let the metaphorical spreadsheet-hating camel poke its nose into the tent. Soon the entire camel was rolling into the spreadheet. And a spreadsheet-covered camel is of no good whatsoever. Have you heard of camel-spreadsheet wrestling? No, I didn’t think so.

So, I had to restore a previous version and redo all my work. Two hours, my battered and bruised brain and fingers had produced a spreadsheet fit to show to an admiring world. But the effort had me questioning the meaning of life. I took solace in philosophy and in a coffee drink.

I drove to Joann’s fabric store. After conversing some time with the help I finally found the latch-hook section. It was tiny. The latch-hook mat patterns were overdone, guffy, and icky. I gave the two 40% off a single purchase coupons I had printed to two wandering customers.

I drove to Michael’s. After an exhausting search, I found no latch-hook section. I looked for a while for an employee. I found none. They were as rare as two perfect games in the same game. I went to checkout. Surely, I would find help there. No one was there. After a few minutes, a customer came to buy her things. She said that the cashier had gone t0 help someone elsewhere. I waited some more. The store’s one employee didn’t come back while I was there.

I went to the grocery store. Got some things. I went home and took a nap.

I am currently trying t0 make brown bread in loaf pans. It doesn’t look like it will turn out well.

Good grief. It’s just as well I don’t actually own a sonic obliterator.

I do hope you’re behaving out there.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

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What I Did Today

AlonzoTheMagnificent

I woke up and made breakfast. I did some finances and a much-needed tidying of the office. The natives and I went to the San Diego Zoo where I walked 6,000 steps including steep hills. I also developed a 20,000 word sign language with the apes. Go me!

We took home food from a rather good Mexican restaurant. I’m now home and am relaxing. My shoulders hurt a lot. Perhaps it’s arthritis. Perhaps it was from lifting the 880-pound abe Alonzo the  Magnificent. Who can say?

As always, behave yourselves when I’m not around.

You’re the best.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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What I Did Today

I got up and did finances.

I started soaking pinto beans for Beans Soup. I diced and minced lots of things, mostly cabbage though, for Chow Chow, a Southern relish. I then let it marinate.

I did all sorts of grocery shopping, ate lunch, and worked on my latch-hook project with the Crochet Club. I drove home.

I defused the Filipino-Icelander border dispute by pointing out to them that they didn’t share a border.

I washed a lot of dishes. Worked like a maniac making Chow Chow and Beans Soup. These dishes were a bit hit with the natives. I cleaned more dishes during lulls in the preparation.

I’m going to lie down for a while. My back hurts from all that standing.

Behave yourselves while I’m resting.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Great News

It’s healthy

Yay! I have been worrying about my heart since something was spotted while beening prepped for my gall-bladder surgery last July. Some tests and monitoring later,  I found out that I have perfectly healthy heart. Yay!

and one more yay!

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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They Came to Say Hi

The natives and I went to San Diego’s Safari Park on Thursday. We took the tram ride that goes through the middle of the park. While we were riding, Jerry and Gerri Giraffe came up to see us. We spent our time in pleasant conversation. But all too soon, the tram started up again. I bid them adieu. They promised to follow my doings on my blog. We exchanged Facebook(tm) addresses and with that our tram took off. What a pleasant pair of giraffes!

­

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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The Excitement on My Office Desk

As you can see, I have a rather exciting desk.

The position of pride is a Christmas card of my brother and I when he was 5 and I was 3. I was in nursery school and was just delighted with it.

Directly in back of the Christmas card is the dictionary my mother was given when she was 13.

In front of the dictionary is  my trusty keyboard.

To the left of the dictionary, and out of the picture, is Satan’s favorite spawn, the printer.

To the right of the dictionary, and out of the picture, is my resolute computer.

The exciting bits are on top of the dictionary. They are:

My dancing Jesus. It jiggles whenever something bumps the desk.

A music-box squirrel. It plays “If I Could Talk to the Animals.” The squirrel reminds me of the deeds and sacrifices of Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron.

An octopus on a trampoline. It likes to keep fit.

An exacto knife. I’ll use to defend myself in the, hopefully unlikely, event of terrorists bursting to my office.

A small flashlight. There are no batteries in it. The flashlight mainly functions as a conversation pieces.

An orange frog. It’s the muscle of the bunch and keeps the other critters in line.

A brown mastodon and a white mastodon. The mastodon is my spirit animal.

An orange soccer player. He’s going to head the ball in to the goal.

A porcupine.

A dachsund.

A monkey.

A blue baby dinosaur. Finally, proof that blue dinosaurs existed.

An orange cat. It’s huge. It’s head alone is as big as a dinosaur.

To the right of the dictionary is a huge, silver monkey. He is Sergeant Padraig O’Toole. He’s with the military police of Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron. No squadron squirrels misbehaves when he’s around. The good sergeant is also a nutcracker, so you can imagine the fear he inspires.

To the far right of the picture is my organizer, full of: magnifying glasses, magic markers, pencils, pencils, memory stcks, and other things.

So much excitement in front of me. What is there is the outside world to rival elegant joy of my desk?

 

 

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What I Did Today

Augustus the Angry Avocado, leader of the pack

Got my french-fry cutter in the mail.

Went to exercise class. Felt like a Greek god who had let himself go a while back. Gosh, the arthritis in my shoulders hurts. Sometimes I have to move my arms in slow motion.

Swam to the island of Hawaii. Had a SPAM sandwich. SPAM is so, so big there. Drank a root beer in a glass that had a tiny umbrella in it.

Swam back home. How did I not get cramps? Whew.

Shopped at a supermarket. It did not have duck fat. Life is hard.

Herded some angy avocadoes back into the barn.

I  played Number Two Son in a game of Strat-O-Matic Football. He had last years Chiefs and I had last years Packers. He won 30-6.

I’m supposed to have physical therapy tomorrow morning and craft class at 1 pm. I don’t know if high winds tomorrow will cancel everything.

I’m going to check the planetary orbits of our Solar System. I’ll water some Horrible Histories and Death Valley Days after that.

Take care and have fun.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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