Monthly Archives: January 2023

Why I Hate WalMart

Posted on January 21, 2023 by pauldelancey

All the following thoughts come from personal experience, from watching TV, reading articles, and from what I consider reputable online sites, such as Yahoo Finance, CNN, etc.

THING I LIKE ABOUT WALMART(tm)

You can see what WalMart carries and where they stock it. For example, I looked up Nescafe(tm) Cafe Mocha Creamer. Their website walmart.com said they had it and listed to be in 35A. This is wonderful information for someone who needs a particular ingredient and other things. Sure beats the heck of searching stores all around the county, going up and down one aisle after another. Thumbs up, WALMART.

Unfortunately . . .

THINGS I HATE ABOUT WALMART

1) Their chaotic parking lots.

2) Many of their aisles are tiny.

3) Their apparent war on checkers. I went their today. My WalMart had only one of about twenty checkout stands with a person at it. Of course, the line stretched to the next time zone.

4) Not everyone agrees with me on this one. I hate the self-checkout stands. I always have problems with them. I have seen people who’ve had many experiences with this machine, have problems.

5) I DON’T work for WalMart. I don’t want to do the checking out. Don’t make me do something that all other supermarkets and superstores do.

6) Don’t take jobs away people. Hire more checkers and have fewer checkout machines.

7) Pay your workers more. Do that and stop telling your workers how to get municipal and state assistance. Stop making taxpayers pay your employees.

8) This is no fault of WalMart’s, but more shoppers there seem to block aisles with their carts than anyone else.

9) Hire checkers with more experience. WalMart checkers seem to need more assistance than anywhere else. Walmart might need to pay more money to get better workers to fix this problem.

10) Stop driving long-standing small stores out of business.

11) Then closing a WalMart. Small towns have seen their small stores shut down because of WalMart. Then when WalMart decides to leave, the small community has nothing. No where to shop. Nowhere to get together.

I’m not a complete grump. I do like some supermarkets. They include Stater Bros., Grocery Outlet, and Sprouts. I also like Target.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Fijian Bacon and Banana

Posted on January 20, 2023 by pauldelancey

Fijian Entree

FIJIAN BACON AND BANANA

INGREDIENTS

8 strips of bacon
4 bananas
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon parsley
8 bread slices

PREPARATION

Toast the bread. Lightly coat the toast with paprika and parsley. Peel the bananas. Cut them in half lengthways. Sprinkle pepper and salt on them.

Spray the fry pan with no-stick spray. Fry the bacon until it reaches the desired level of crispiness. Put the bacon on a towel to drain the fat. Fry the bananas for about four minutes on medium-to-high heat.

Put a bacon (BACON!) strip and banana half on each piece of toast. Serve hot.

TIDBITS

1) This dish is a favorite in Fiji where about one in five recipes has banana as an ingredient.

2) It’s more of an acquired taste back here in America. My children did not acquire it.

3) My wife and I honeymooned in Fiji. We had a fancy hut maybe fifty yards from the beach and a coral reef not ten yards from the shore.

4) Fiji suffered two coups after we left. We claim no responsibility.

5) Coconuts are expensive in America. They lay by the dozens along the road near our hut.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: America, apocalyptic, bacon, banana, Chef Paul, coconuts, Comic Chef, cookbook, entree, Fiji, fijian, good food, Lutheran, murders, recipes | 2 Comments

The Saga of the New Stereo System

Posted on January 19, 2023 by pauldelancey

The new arrival

I have had a rather forlorn stereo system sitting neglected in the corner of my living room. It hadn’t worked well for a long time. The speakers emitted crackling noises the last times I tried to listen to its radio or to records. The CD player refused to release the CD within in it. The leads from the speakers were live wires. The whole system deserved a dignified death. I always meant to do something, yet the years saw backpacks and such get stored in front present an impenetrable barrier.

This reminds me of a joke. Wives, when a husband tells you he will do something, he will do it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Anyway, after a scant two decades I mustered up the get and go up to get a new system. Yes, I am rather proud of my initiative.

First, I wanted to find my records for there was no point of getting something with a turntable if I no longer had LPs.

So, I set out to find them in the garage. Unfortunately, they had found themselves a well-hidden lair. I had to pull about half of the boxes and containers away from the walls before I discovered the records. At that point, Number Two Son I agreed that I might as well sort out the garage.

Just 40 hours later, we’d discarded scads of loose papers and books that would never get read before our Sun went super nova. We organized everything into categories and put them into new containers. We labeled them and stacked against the garage wells. It looks so much neater. If you’re in the neighborhood, you really should come and see my orderly garage. I regard the place as one of the Seven Wonders of the Modern World.

I then reorganized my office as I needed to make space for my new system, my records, and my CDs.

My new stereo system arrived just hours after completing all tidying up. Here it is. It works and looks so neat.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: you need to see | Tags: apocalyptic, CDs, Chef Paul, Comic Chef, Lutheran, murders, Paul R. De Lancey, radio, recipes, records, speakers, stereo, thriller, tidying, turntable | 2 Comments

Absolutely Accurate Forecasts of Everything for 2023

Posted on January 18, 2023 by pauldelancey

The world is a chaotic and often terrifying place. What will happen to us? What should we do? It all seems so unpredictable.

But that simply isn’t so.

Listed below are compelling issues and events, that I follow and know something about, and that really must be prognosticated if we are to facing the buffeting events of our future.

And this is what the experts say:

The Stock Market: It will either go up or down. And they are rather certain of that.

Inflation: It will go up, stay the same, or go down.

Severity of the Coming Recession: It will be hard or mild.

Length of Putin’s War in the Ukraine: It will end soon or drag on.

I could go on, but I don’t want to give everything way.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: 2023, apocalyptic, Chef Paul, Comic Chef, cookbook, forecasts, inflation, Lutheran, murders, Paul R. De Lancey, Putin, recession, stock market, thriller | Leave a comment

Chicken Sour Cream Soup

Posted on January 17, 2023 by pauldelancey

American Soup

CHICKEN SOUR CREAM SOUP

INGREDIENTS

½ red onion
2 ripe red tomatoes
3 red bell peppers
2 pounds chicken breasts
1½ tablespoons peanut oil (1½ more tablespoons later)

1½ tablespoons peanut oil
1 teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice
2 teaspoons coriander
2 tablespoons paprika
½ teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon parsley
1 pound sour cream
1 pound chicken broth
½ pound Ricotta cheese

SPECIAL UTENSIL

Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Dice red onion. Remove seeds and stems from tomatoes. Chop tomatoes and bell peppers into ½-inch squares. Chop chicken breasts into 1-inch cubes.

Put 1½ tablespoons peanut oil in Dutch oven. Add chicken cubes. Add poultry spice, coriander, paprika, salt, and parsley. Cook on medium heat for about 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Put 1½ tablespoons peanut oil in saucepan. Add red onion, tomato, and bell pepper. Cook on medium heat for about 6 minutes or until red onion becomes tender or translucent.

Combine red onion, tomato, and bell pepper with chicken in Dutch oven. Add sour cream, chicken broth, and Ricotta cheese. Cook for 12 minutes on medium heat, stirring occasionally.

Serve in bowls. (If the guests arrive late enough that some of the liquid boils off, don’t worry. Cheerfully, serve them Chicken Sour Cream Stew and Tabasco cocktails.)

TIDBITS

1) My father once came up with a similar dish. He asked my mother what to call the food. She said, “Bruno.” His dish has been “Chicken Bruno” ever since.

2) Saint Bruno was a statesman, chancellor, and brother to the first Holy Roman Emperor Otto I.

3) He is remembered for his eloquence and his refusal to become bishop.

4) However, we don’t know if Saint Bruno liked sour cream on his chicken or not.

6) So, liking sour cream on chicken won’t necessarily help you become a saint.

7) You must perform four miracles to become a saint.

8) It’s a miracle to me how chocolate doughnuts can jump into my shopping cart quite unaided.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: American, apocalyptic, Chef Paul, chicken, Comic Chef, cookbook, Holy Roman Emperor, Lutheran, miracles, murders, Paul DeLancey, Paul R. De Lancey, ricotta, soup, sour cream, thriller | Leave a comment

Foods to Avoid

Posted on January 16, 2023 by pauldelancey

I like a lot of different foods. However, I can’t stand the following dishes.

Icky Eats

FOODS TO AVOID

Haggis

Lutefisk
Rocky Mountain oysters
Haggis
Liver and onion
Chef’s surprise – a favorite at my college cafeteria
Any meat mass or cooked veggie that has been in your fridge for more than four days.

What foods do you avoid?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: cuisine, observations, Uncategorized | Tags: apocalyptic, Chef Paul, Comic Chef, cookbook, haggis, hunks, liver and onions, lutefisk, Lutheran, mushrooms, Paul DeLancey, Paul R. De Lancey, Rocky Mountain oyster, thriller | Leave a comment

Paddle Their Butts, A Loving Poem

Posted on January 15, 2023 by pauldelancey

I don’t recall how many years I wrote this, in 2008 maybe, but my muse was surely angry.

Paddle Their Butts

AIG lost wellover $100 million.
AIG got $170 billion in bailouts.
AIG gave its top execs $170 million in bonuses.
Paddle their butts.

America is outraged.
We are losing our jobs.
We are losing our homes.
Paddle their butts.

When things well well, they kept it all.
When things went sout, we bailed them out.
Heads they win, tails we bail.
Paddle their butts.

AIG almost brought down the world’s finances.
AIG almost caused a world-wide depression.
The architects of this got paid $170 million.
Paddle their butts.

A good spanking might make future execs
think twice before raping the economy.
You can’t enjoy your riches with a sore bottom.
Paddle their butts.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: AIG, bail out, bonuses, Chef Paul, Comic Chef, cookbook, depression, economy, finances, murders, Paul R. De Lancey, poem, poetry, recipes, thriller | Leave a comment

Five Layer Chicken Florentine

Posted on January 14, 2023 by pauldelancey

Italian Entree

FIVE LAYER CHICKEN FLORENTINE

INGREDIENTS

FIRST LAYER – BOTTOM SAUCE

1 10.75-ounce can of cream of celery
½ cup mayonnaise
¾ cup grated sharp cheddar cheese
1 tablespoon lemon juice
⅛ teaspoon salt (⅛ teaspoon more in FOURTH LAYER)
⅛ teaspoon pepper
⅛ teaspoon Mediterranean rice spice
2 tablespoons rice vinegar

SECOND LAYER – RICE

½ cup rice
1 cup water

THIRD LAYER – CHICKEN

2 chicken breasts
2 tablespoon vegetable oil

FOURTH LAYER – TOP SAUCE

1 10-ounce package creamed spinach
½ cup milk
¼ cup grated Swiss cheese
1 small onion
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
⅛ teaspoon thyme
¼ teaspoon coriander
¼ teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice
⅛ teaspoon salt

FIFTH LAYER – BREAD CRUMBS AND CHEESE

½ cup bread crumbs
1 tablespoon butter, melted
¼ cup Parmesan cheese

SPECIAL EQUIPMENT

Large casserole dish
Medium casserole dish
Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

The five layers are from bottom to top:

First: bottom sauce
Second: rice
Third: chicken breast
Fourth: top sauce
Fifth: cheese and bread crumbs

FIRST LAYER – BOTTOM SAUCE

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Add celery soup, mayonnaise, Cheddar cheese, lemon juice, Mediterranean rice spice, ⅛ teaspoon salt, pepper, and rice vinegar to baking dish. Mix thoroughly with fork or whisk. Bake in large casserole dish for 25 minutes at 375 degrees. (You can save time by preparing the fourth layer and putting in the oven after you have put this layer in the oven.)

SECOND LAYER – RICE (Above bottom sauce)

Take 1 cup rice and cook according to instructions on package. Spread evenly over FIRST LAYER in large casserole dish when both are done.

THIRD LAYER – CHICKEN BREAST (Above rice)

While at the bottom sauce is baking and the rice is cooking, cut each chicken breast into 12 pieces. Add chicken and vegetable oil to non-stick frying pan. Sauté chicken on high heat for 10 minutes or until it starts to brown. Stir occasionally. Put chicken breasts on top of the SECOND LAYER of rice when all three layers are done. (Resist the temptation to drive to KFC.)

FOURTH LAYER – TOP SAUCE (Above chicken breast)

Dice onion. Add creamed spinach, milk, Swiss cheese, onion, Dijon mustard, thyme, coriander, poultry spice, and ⅛ teaspoon salt to medium casserole dish. Bake for 25 minutes at 375 degrees. Remove and set aside.

FIFTH LAYER – BREAD CRUMBS AND CHEESE (Above top sauce)

After you have taken the casserole dishes out of the oven, and have placed the first four layers in order, spread the bread crumbs and Parmesan cheese evenly over the FOURTH layer. Pour the melted butter evenly, as always, over everything. Put the five layers in the large casserole dish back in the oven.

Bake for 25 minutes at 375 degrees. The sauce layers should be set and the chicken cooked through.

Grab a cold mug of root beer. Sip it slowly. Savor the taste. Grab the frying pan with your other hand. Use the pan to threaten anyone who complains about the wait for this dish. Then eat it all yourself. It’s great.

TIDBITS

1) Spinach was cultivated 2,000 years ago in Iran. Now, Iran may very well be contemplating building a nuclear bomb for dubious purposes.

2) The ancient Romans and Greeks cultivated spinach as well and never built a nuclear device.

3) So maybe we shouldn’t worry about Iran.

4) After all Popeye The Sailorman always consumed cans of spinach in times of crisis and always fought for the honor and welfare of his beloved Olive Oyl.

5) California produces half of America’s spinach.

6) Did Popeye’s spinach come from California?

7) Did Popeye ever marry Olive Oyl? I’d like to think so, even if they had to elope to do it.

8) I had a Yogi The Bear lunch box in first grade. I don’t believe I ever had Five Layer Florentine Chicken put in it.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: apocalyptic, cheese, Chef Paul, chicken, Comic Chef, cookbook, entree, five layer chicken Florentine, Florentine, Parmesan, Paul R. De Lancey, recipes, spinach, thriller | Leave a comment

Late Night Antics

Posted on January 13, 2023 by pauldelancey

Not again, please.

Last night I checked into the hospital at 7:30 pm for a sleep study. It was my second one in nine years.

At 7:30 pm, I went into my room.

at 7:45 pm, someone knocked on my door. I said, “Come in.” No one did

At 8:00 pm, my nurse, I’m not sure of my official title starting putting jelly and vaseline in my hair. Then she put electrodes, conductors on the jelly. Then a plastic seal went all over that. My neck was not neglected. All sorts of electrodes went there. She wrapped my chest and stomach in blue straps. This measured breathing or something. Electrodes or something else went on my feet and legs.

9:00 pm, she was done. “Go to sleep,” she said.

9:00 pm, except I didn’t. An electrode was placed on my finger to measure oxygen content in my blood. But she wrapped the wrapping stuff too light and hurt for the next two hours. Also, I had to try to sleep without a sleep-apnea machine. I don’t think I dozed for a few minutes. I was truly afraid that I wouldn’t sleep at all and that I would have to come back!

11:00 pm, she came back to rewrap my finger and to put me on a CPAP machine. I don’t know when I fell asleep.

6:00am or so, she came back to remove all the electrodes and stuff.

6:30am: She was done. She said I could now sleep in as long as I wanted.

6:50am: She came back for some reason.

7:150 am: Someone from the hospital blundered into my room.

7:30 am: Someone else from the hospital blundered into my room. He said he saw no sign telling him not to. There was.

7:35 am: I gave up and got dressed. I went home.

Don’t you want to party with me?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: Bad Day | Tags: Comic Chef, cookbook, CPAP, De Lancey, electrodes, hospital, hunks, Lutheran, murders, party, Paul DeLancey, recipes, sleep apnea, sleep study, thriller | Leave a comment

Puff Pastry Quest Ended

Posted on January 12, 2023 by pauldelancey

$19

A previous post detailed all the obstacles that were in my way of getting puff pastry.

I set out the next morning grimly determined to succeed.

1) Disdaining all fears of falling off the edge of the edge, I drove farther west than before.

2) Smart and Final (Don’t you think that’s an ominous name for a store?) wasn’t carrying puff pastry.

3) I then went North Park Produce. (They carry all sorts of produce and many Middle Eastern items.) They had many packets of puff pastry. They even had French puff pastry!

4) Huzzah! Huzzah! I felt vindicated and more than a little proud of myself for my grit and persistance.

5) I bought two packets of plain puff pastry and of the French variety, because you never know.

6) I noticed that the next door Big Lots! store was closing in two days. 😦

7) Everything was 80% off. I bought all sorts of fizzy water drinks, carbonated and not, and coconut-water bottles. I purchased three cans and over 40 bottles for just $19.

8) So everything ended well. I was able to make three nice, big Australian meat pies for the natives.

9) All in all my quest was not quite the epic told in the Illiad, but it wasn’t far away from it either.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: Following Good Food | Tags: Australian, Big Lots, Chef Paul, Comic Chef, cookbook, Illiad, Lutheran, meat pies, murders, North Park Produce, Paul DeLancey, Paul R. De Lancey, puff pastry, quest, thriller | Leave a comment

Monthly Archives: January 2023

Why I Hate WalMart