Posts Tagged With: TV

Life Tips – What to do on a Rainy Day

1)  Stay inside.

2) Or go outside, if you prefer. I’m not going to be dogmatic or controlling.

3) If you opt for option 2), please use an umbrella or drive with the windows up.

4) Look out the window to see if it’s still raining.

5) If it is, say, “Look, it’s raining.”

6) Wait for people in the room to say, “Yes, sure is.”

7) Binge watch TV.

8) Play Risk(tm).

9) Learn quantum physics. It’s difficult, but it can be done.

10) Take up painting.

11) Take up latch hooking.

12) Contemplate the turning points in Carl La Fong’s life.

13) Conjugate your Portuguese verbs. Don’t let this slide. You’ll never know when you’ll end up in Brazil.

14) Make whopee with your partner.

15) Nap. Catch up on your sleep debt.

16) Look at pictures of kittens and puppies on the internet.

17) Avoid surgery.

18) Stay inside. It’s still raining.

19) Contemplate the infinite while looking at the ceiling.

20) Call Carl La Fong. It’s been such a long time and he’d love to hear from you.

21) Call home. This is especially easy when you’re home.

22) Read a book while taking a bath.

23) Pretend to book a flight to Madagascar.

24) Make a machine that says, “Repeat,” over and over to any automated online menus.

25) Before going to bed, look out the window and say, “If wonder if it’ll rain tomorrow.”

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: life tips, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary: Today’s Word – Madmad

How many times has this happened to you? You can’t stand your job. Your spouse ran off with a tomato trader. There’s nothing on TV once you get home.  Or perhaps, just perhaps, you feel a vague unease that life has passed you by and that you’ve checked off none of the items on your bucket list.

Then the pressure that’s building for years overwhelms your equilibrium. You say, “Screw it. I’m moving to Madagascar. Today. I am.” And you do.

If only there were a word to describe this process.

And now we have.

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

MADMAD

Awesome entry #43

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

What I Did on Superbowl Sunday.

I had this for breakfast.

1) Woke up again, showered, and dressed. The streak continues.

2) Had cereal and sausage for breakfast. You know it’s only a matter of time before someone sells Sausage Cereal(tm). “With little sausage bits.”

3) Did lots of tax preparation. Such fun.

4) Made everyone one in Idaho a grilled-cheese sandwich. People liked them. They said the sandwiches were “yummy.”

5) Took a well deserved “book bath.” The book is The Rising Sun and is about Scotland’s disastrous attempt to colonize Panama in 1698.

6) Did lots and lots of latch hooking.

7) Said “You’re welcome” to Idahoans calling to say “thank you.”

8) I don’t have regular tv, so I didn’t watch the Super Bowl. Number Two Son provided a link to the game on my computer but I feared I would somehow bring down the global internet if I tried, so I didn’t.

9) Yahoo has something where you can click on something. If  you do, you see a little football and every 30 seconds or so, a short sentence appears and tells you what happened. The considerable charms on the Super Bowl were lost on me.

10) Time to watch another episode of “Medieval Legacy.” I rock.

Behave yourselves.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: what I did | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Misheard Lyrics of Selena Gomez

The superb  Selena Gomez had a big hit with great song “Good for you.”
The true lyrics include:

“I’m on my 14 carats
I’m 14 carat
Doing it up like Midas,”

I, however, heard:

“I’m on my farting carrots
I’m farting carrot
Doing it up, like my ass.”

Ms. Gomez certainly seemed to be rather earthy. She also showed herself to be rather proud of her stupendous, carrot-spawned, public farts.

Okay. Then given the exciting, alternative lyrics, the rest of the song seem to continue this rather curious vein. Oh well, each to her own taste.

But hey, I’m not too proud to admit I misheard the lyrics. Can you tell I use subtitles when I watch TV?

Misheard lyrics #15

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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I am Running for the Speaker of the House

Tantrums by various politicians are keeping America from electing a Speaker of the House. America needs a Speaker of the House to move various bills toward legislation. I can do this. At least, I won’t stop it, especially the ones with bipartisan support.

People across America and the world tire of politicos throwing hissy fits on camera. Will I throw a hissy fit on camera? No, I am a confirmed introvert. I shall strive mightly to avoid ever appearing on tv or in print.

What will I do to reduce conflict in the House of Representatives (HORs)? Make midday naptimes mandatory for this august body. Naps in kindergarten prevented the kids from getting overtired and fusing. It will also work in the HORs.

There, what more do you need to know about me?

Oh, and save our bees.

And I like to cook. Would you like a homemade cookie?

Speaker Paul

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: about me, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why Watch Football When You Can See Football Football?

Sports have gotten boring. Even football. Sure there are great bursts of excitement. I mean, what can rival a 95-yard pass in getting your heart pumping? But this thrill lasts for a few seconds. Half-minute huddles precede each and every play. Watching paint dry is more exciting. And then there are the team time outs. And then there are theTV timeouts. I tell ya, evenwatching plate tectonics at work provides a stronger adrenaline rush.

At present, there’s only two teams on the field at any one time. What’s up with that? Only one team to root for. Only one time to boo.

What is the solution to this dreary state of affairs?

Simple.

But four teams on the field. As before, Team A wins by outscoring Team B. But now Team C plays against Team D.

Huzzah!

With four teams competing, there’s bound to be a play going in at any one time.

Note that the teams lining up for a play are not obligated in any way to get out of the way of the play in progress. Sure they can, but only if they want to.

This brings up instant strategy considerations. Suppose you’re on defense for Team A. A wide receiver for Team D catches the ball and eludes all of Team C’s defenders. Do you let the wide receiver go by you and score? After all his touchdown won’t affect your game. Suppose your team needs Team D to lose to get into the playoffs. In this case, you tackle the receiver.

Wow! Total excitement! Exclamation points galore! Talk about cardiovasular excercise. Will a defender tackle that player with the ball or won’t he?

The thrills work just as well on offense. You’re a tight end for Team A trying to catch a poorly thrown ball by your quarterback. But wait! C’s QB has thrown a pass that is nearer to you. You catch that one and run all the way to the end zone. Bad for C’s receiver, but maybe he can haul in your QB’s toss. It’s easy to construct a scenario where Team A will find it easier to pass to Team C’s receiver. Or vice versa. If you’re on defense whom do you defend against, Team A or Team C?

I tell ya, it’s like combining the intellectual challenge of chess with the non-stop action of a marathon, while still keeping football’s bone crushing hits of football.

And can you imagine the bee-hive activity on the field when someone fumbles? All four teams will be going for the ball. What if the other two teams are in the middle of a play as well? If this isn’t Excitement City, then nothing is.

We need Football Football. Once watched, you’ll never go back. Join me in making this happen. Then tell me what you like about Football Football.

Below is a picture of a Football Football game. Doesn’t your heart thump a bit faster just looking at it?

Football Football

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Corned Beef Cakes

Sierra Leonean Entree

CORNED BEEF CAKES

INGREDIENTS

1 pound potatoes or yams
1 teaspoon salt (1 teaspoon more later)
1 small onion
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon parsley
1 teaspoon pepper
1 12-ounce can corned beef
1 egg (1 more egg later)
3 tablespoons milk
1½ cups bread crumbs
1 egg
6 tablespoons peanut oil or vegetable oil (2 tablespoons per batch)

Makes 12 cakes. Takes 1 hour 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Peel potatoes. Cut each potato into 4 pieces. Add potato pieces to large pot. Add 1 teaspoon salt and enough water to cover potato pieces. Bring water to boil using high heat. Boil for 15 minutes or until potato pieces are soft. While potato bits boil, dice onion. Remove pot from heat. Drain water. Mash potatoes with potato masher or fork. Add onion, 1 teaspoon salt, cayenne pepper, parsley, pepper, and corned beef. Mix with whisk until well blended.

Add 1 egg to small bowl. Beat with whisk or fork. Add milk. Mix with whisk until well blended. Add egg/milk mixture and corned beef/mashed potato mixture to large mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Make 12 patties.

Add bread crumbs to a 3rd bowl. Add 1 egg to a 4th bowl. Beat egg with whisk or fork. Add patty to bowl with egg. Coat both sides of patty with egg. Add egg-coated patty to bowl with bread crumbs. Dredge patty through bread crumbs until patty is completely covered. Repeat for remaining patties.

Add 2 tablespoons peanut oil to pan per batch. Heat oil using medium-high heat. Oil is hot enough when a breadcrumb added to the oil starts to dance. Carefully add 4 bread coated patties to the hot oil. Sauté patties for 1 minute using medium-high heat or until patties start to blacken on the bottom. Carefully flip patties over; they can be crumbly. Sauté for 1 minute more or until the new bottom side of the patties start to blacken. Remove patties from heat. Drain on paper towels. Repeat for remaining batches.

TIDBITS

1) The continents and other bits of land are constantly in motion.

2) Does this mean you’re going to get whiplash just by sitting in a chair watching TV in the den? Or will your television suddenly separate from the rest of the den and rapidly recede into the distance? And what about the giant chasm between you and the TV?

3) What if you are near sighted and suddenly your program “FriendsTM” is on a screen 100 yards away and you need to get your glasses and they are in your bedroom which is on the other side of a 100-yard-wide chasm and although you were a crackerjack long jumper in college and could leap 26 feet, you still know that your longest jump is still 274 feetshort of the width of the chasm and you are so distraught that you’ve just composed your longest run-on sentence ever?

4) What if you’re on the famous pier in Santa Monica and California’s entire coast falls separates from the rest of the continent and plunges into the ocean and you can’t help wondering if you had locked the front door or not?

5) What if you’re driving on a country road and all of a sudden the ground beneath you lurches forward so much so that you exceed the speed limit by 200 mph? A traffic cop pulls you over. You tell the officer, “The movement of the Earth’s crust made me go this fast”. The cop shakes his head. “Like I haven’t heard that one before.”

6) Well fret not, dear friend, the previous four tidbits are currently quite unlikely. The Earth’s plates currently move at a rate of about ¼” a year.

7) How long would it take for your television to move 100 feet away?

8) 400 years. The sitcom “Friends” would be over by then.

9) Let me further calm you down. Your TV and your chair are almost certainly on the same Earth plate. So now matter where your huge bit of the planet moves, you always be the same distance away from your show. You’ll not need to get your classes. Any 100-foot chasm. will be dozens of miles away.

10) So how do we know all this? How did the study of plate tectonics come about?

11) In 1946, Kadie Mansara of Makeni, Sierra Leone, served this entree, Corned Beef Cakes, for her little boy, Patrick. Now Patrick liked to play with his food. His three corned beef cakes were originally all next to each other. However, the little scamp moved the corned beef all over the plate until they were positioned as shown in the above photograph. Ma Kaide gazed at the new configuration

13) She had an epiphany. Great sections of the Earth must move in the same way. We don’t see the movement, but it happens. Slow continental movement would explain mountains, earthquakes, even why the west coast of Africa looks like the east coast of South America. Mrs. Mansaray would go on to found the prestigious Sierra Leone Plate Tectonics Institute. 40 years later she received a Nobel Prize for her ground-breaking research. Now you know.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

My Favorite Serious TV Shows – Part One

These are the ones that first occurred to me. There should be many more. There is some greatness in TV land.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents
Bonanza
Borgias
Bletchley Circle
Cisco Kid
Columbo
David Letterman
Doctor Who
Edwardian Farm
Grand Tour
Gunsmoke
High Chaparral
Hill Street Blues
Kitchen Nightmares (UK version is a bit better than the US one.)
Last Week with John Oliver
Late Night with Conan O’Brien
Medici
Midsomer Murders
Monk
Myth Busters
Peter Gunn
Poirot
Rawhide
Rockford Files
Star Trek
Star Trek, Next Generation
Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson
Tudor Monastery Farm
Tudors
Twilight Zone
Upstairs, Downstairs
Versailles
Victorian Farm
Vikings
Whitechapel

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., critic

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Favorite TV Shows | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Favorite Funny TV Shows – Part 2

These are more of my favorite funny TV Shows. I sure forgot a lot of them in the previous list. There are, doubtless, many funny shows I’ve never seen.

* = Shows that were side splitting and I would very much want to see more episodes.

There’s quite a few hilarious British TV shows. Unfortunately, the Brits don’t seem to make a lot of episodes.

Blandings*
Crackanory*
Doctor in the House
Family Guy
Friends
I Love Lucy
Jeeves and Wooster*
King of the Hill
Lucy Show
Mind Your Language*
My Living Doll
One Foot in the Grave
On the Buses
Roseanne
Thin Blue Line
Vicar of Dibley
Wodehouse Playhouse
Yes, Minister*
Yes, Prime Minister*
Young Ones
30 Rock

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., critic

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: book reviews and excerpts, humor, international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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