Posts Tagged With: recipes

I Simplify Solitaire

How many times has this happened to you? You’ve spent the Christmas bonus on a week-long vacation on the sun-lit beaches of Hawaii. You’re up earlier than your spouse, rather earlier as you’re just so excited to splash in the warm ocean water. But it’ll be two hours before he wakes up. What to do? You decide to play solitaire to pass the time. Only the game takes so freaking, but find you can’t  ever leave anything unfinished.

He arises and cajoles you to take to the beach. Enthralled in your game; you do not. He pleads again. You do not hear him. He says he is heading to beach and asks you to join him later. You favor him with a perfunctory wave. He leaves.

Finally, the game is over. You look at your watch. Oh my gosh, is that the time? Oh my gosh, is that the day? Horrors, you have played the entire vacation away. Your plane leaves in hour. You shout for your husband. He does not respond. There is a note on the table. He found a beautiful mango heiress while you were playing solitaire. He’s going to spend the rest of his life with her on the French Riviera.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Now we all know the object of Solitaire is place the right cards on an ace. This, as we have seen above, can take a lot of time. My brilliant idea is to shrink the 52-card deck down to one, the ace of spades. As you soon as you play this card, the game is done. You can get one with your life. You and your wedded love remain inseparable. Life is good.

I show to the right a simulated game of Ace of Spades Solitaire. You’ve won!

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: I simplify, observations, travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Simplify Tic Tac Toe

Tic tac toe takes too long. And that’s when the players use a time clock. Moreover if both players, play correctly, the game will always end in a tie. Where’s the fun in that?

I have a brilliant idea.

Make the tic-tac-toe game consist of one box and one box only.

This breakthrough will make the game faster. The first player has only box to put his x.

This first player will always win, no more dreary ties.

I show to the right a simulated game of New Tic Tac Toe. It has an elegant simplicity to it, don’t you think?

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: humor, observations, things to see and do | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Prosciutto Arugula Pizza

Italian Entree

PROSCIUTTO ARUGULA PIZZA

INGREDIENTS

2 tablespoons flour
1 pizza crust
2 tablespoons olive oil
1¼ cups shredded mozzarella cheese
6 prosciutto slices
1 cup arugula leaves

SPECIAL UTENSIL

pizza pan

Serves 4. Takes 30 minutes.

PREPARATION                                                                                        A 15th century map of the world

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Dust pizza pan with flour. Put pizza crust on pizza pan. Spread olive evenly over pizza crust. Sprinkle cheese over crust. Evenly arrange prosciutto slices over cheese. Bake for 15 minutes or until cheese melts and starts to turn golden brown. Remove pizza from oven. Evenly sprinkle arugula leaves over cheese and prosciutto. Slice and serve.

TIDBITS

1) Until 1492, a wide range of people, 0% to 100%, believed the world was flat. Anything that got too close to the edge of the Earth would fall off. This is why golf took so long to become popular. Enthusiasts could never be sure that wouldn’t drive their golf ball over the Earth’s edge.

2) Pizzas were also unpopular. Look at the above pizza. Look at a map of the Earth. Among other things, both are flat. A hardy few tried to eat pizzas, but a meatball or a prosciutto slice would always fall off the edge. “See?” people would say, “this proves the Earth is flat. Why would I want to eat something that reminds me why I can never play golf?” Golf-deprived populations grew surly. By the 1400s, angry mobs took to the streets, brandishing golf clubs. The aristocrats could see the writing on the wall. The people needed a diversion.

3) Then on 8 am, June 15th, 1399, the Renaissance began all over Europe. Art would pacify, even entrance the mobs. Kings, dukes, and princes everywhere combed the mobs for talented artists willing to trade their useless golf clubs for canvases and paint brushes, marble and chisels. This is how got Michelangelo, Da Vinci, Botticelli, and many others.

4) In 1522, a naval expedition circumnavigated the world. This proved the Earth to be round. People could play golf! Meatballs falling off a pizza, no longer provoked images of golf balls flying into space. However, with the advent of golf matches and pizza parties, the rulers of Europe no longer saw the need to fund the arts, so the Renaissance began to wind down. Oh well.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Today’s To-Do List.

1) Buy a new printer, because the old rat bastard stopped working after I got ink for it.

2) Nudge the Earth back into its proper orbit. It’s starting to spiral into the Sun.

As you can see, I’ll be rather busy, so this post needs to be short.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: things to see and do | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Motivational Posters 8 & 9 – Stop the Spread

America is facing two health crises, Covid-19 and obesity. We need all the resources we can get to put the epidemic and obesity behind us. The question we should all ask ourselves is, “What can I do to free up time to fight these assaults on our health?”

Here is my contribution.

I am using the same slogan for a poster on covid AND a for a poster on obesity.

People no longer have the memorize two slogans. That freed up brain space can be used to develop a better cure for Covid or to come up with an easier to follow diet. Or they can poster another picture of a kitten on Facebook(tm). Either way our lives have been made better.

Here, then, are my motivational posters.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: humor, motivational | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Stovetop Popcorn

American Dessert

STOVETOP POPCORN

 

INGREDIENTS

3 tablespoons coconut, avocado, olive, peanut, or vegetable oil
½ cup popcorn kernels

1 tablespoon melted butter or to taste
½ teaspoon salt or to taste

Serves 4 Takes 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add oil to pot. Heat oil using medium-high heat. Put 3 kernels in pot. Cover with lid. Wait until you hear them all pop. Add popcorn kernels as evenly as you can. Cover pot. Remove pan from heat for 30 seconds. This brings all the kernels to the same temperature so that they will pop at about the same time.

Return pot to stove. Shake the pot gently once popping begins to ensure even heating. Remove pot from heat when the interval between popping reaches 3 seconds. Remove from heat. Wait for 15 seconds. (This prevents kernels popping up to your face.) Remove lid and pour popcorn into large serving bowl. Sprinkle popcorn with salt. Drizzle popcorn evenly with melted butter. Gently stir popcorn to ensure butter on all kernels.

TIDBITS

1) Mr. La Fong lived in Paducah, Kentucky in the early 20th century. He sold socks and loved stovetop popcorn. One Saturday he forgot to put the lid atop the pan with the popcorn. The absent minded Carl became the first human to really watch corn kernels pop. To his amazement nearly all of the popping occurred within a few seconds. During that flurry of activity, little kernels burst open to become much bigger popcorn. The thin layer of kernels on the pan erupted into a mountain of popcorn. Then popcorn flew out of the pan of the pan, rocketing to all corners of the kitchen.

2) Now, of course, La Fong possessed the rudimentary knowledge of Einstein’s equations necessary to any successful 20th century Kentuckian sock merchant. “Whoa ho,” said the worthy sock seller, “the universe itself must have started the very same way as this popcorn.” He wrote feverishly through the night to put down his The Big Popcorn Popping Theory of the Universe. He went to bed, exhausted yet proud. Unfortunately, his dog, Rex, ate his manuscript during the night. Later scientists would receive acclaim with the only slightly different Big Bang Theory. However, the eating of his theory, while unarguably bad for the Sock Man of Paducah, did give rise to the “Dog ate my homework excuse” which school kids have used ever since. So, some good came of it.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

My Favorite Funny TV Shows – Part 2

These are more of my favorite funny TV Shows. I sure forgot a lot of them in the previous list. There are, doubtless, many funny shows I’ve never seen.

* = Shows that were side splitting and I would very much want to see more episodes.

There’s quite a few hilarious British TV shows. Unfortunately, the Brits don’t seem to make a lot of episodes.

Blandings*
Crackanory*
Doctor in the House
Family Guy
Friends
I Love Lucy
Jeeves and Wooster*
King of the Hill
Lucy Show
Mind Your Language*
My Living Doll
One Foot in the Grave
On the Buses
Roseanne
Thin Blue Line
Vicar of Dibley
Wodehouse Playhouse
Yes, Minister*
Yes, Prime Minister*
Young Ones
30 Rock

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., critic

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: book reviews and excerpts, humor, international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Great Arctic Eats – Ölafsvik, Iceland

Do you love to eat? Do you enjoy bracing sea breezes, lava flows, chilly glaciers, and relaxing hot springs? Do you dislike great throngs of people? Do the need to meet people who believe in elves? To the point that construction workers must first determine if elves dwell on the proposed site? Well then, Ölafsvik, Iceland is the place for you.
.
There are four restaurants listed in TripAdvisor(tm) for Ölafsvik! Let’s dine at them all.
°
The must-go-to restaurant is Sker Restaurant, especially if you’re vegetarian. People rave about their veggie burger. Of course, being in Iceland on the coast, they serve delicious salmon and cod. Their fish and chips is first rate. The friendly, helpful also serves good pizza and an amazing salad. You have a choice of a wonderful view of the town or the harbor.
°
Second on our restaurant tour is Hraun Restaurant. It specializes in seafood, serving tasty: calamari, fish soup, lobster tails, and a great fish and chips. This establishment is also friendly to vegetarians. Vegetarians love the veggie taco. The staff is truly nice and the overall atmosphere is cozy. Try the delicious apple pie and caramel pie. They even serve piri-piri chicken, a spicy dish from Africa. Who knew?
°
Winning the bronze medal is Kaldilaekur. It’s a delightful cafe and pub. Go there for breakfast and try their excellent oatmeal porridge and fresh apple cubes. Efficient, friendly servers bring amazing coffee and beer. (I don’t think I’ve ever reviewed a top-rated restaurant that didn’t employ friendly, efficient, and knowledgeable servers. It’s something all restaurants could do well to emulate.) Anyway, be sure to try their great fish soup and their traditional meat soup as well. Then order the date cake for dessert.
°
We now visit The Secret  Spot.  It is said to have the best fish food in the world. Try the superbly breaded fish and the several sauces that accompany it. The staff is friendly AND they have a putting green outside for their guests to use while waiting for their food to be served. How fantastic is that? I want to go there.
°
Ölafsvik’s restaurants
°
The four best ways to reach are by: air, sea, car, train, or even a combination of these. The traditional ways are really the best. As you can see from the above photo, the town has a bench for all to use, but Ölafsvik has so much more to offer.
°
Be sure to visit Ölafsvikurkurkja. This striking modern church displays unusual lines. Everyone tells of the church’s beauty on the outside. No one seems to go inside. Why? The church resembles a ship from the side. It is also supposed to look like a cod from above. How do visitors know this? Are we to believe that tourists manage to levitate over the church but never find a way to go inside? Oh well, if you do go to Ölafsvik, please go inside and let me know what it looks like. Then pause and reflect at the beautiful waterfall across the street.
°
Hike to Bæjarfoss. It is a stupendous, beautiful waterfall with a nice drop. You can see a beautiful church from up at the top. Astoundingly, it’s just an average waterfall for Iceland. However, you are here in Ölafsvik. So go see it. It’s only a short walk from the town. Beautiful lupines abound near the falls.
°
Be sure to see Pakkhús Snaefellsbaejar. Say that three times quickly. This museum is fun for the entire family. It seems to cover everything Icelandic. The exhibits include: art galleries, town history, food, and a kids’ section. The museum has a nice gift and coffee shop.
°
Don’t you dare miss going on Loki Tours Whale Watching. All sorts of whales can be seen including: humpbacks, orcas, and minkes. You can also spot puffins and dolphins. Excursion goers should be aware, though, that the amount of whales spotted varies greatly from perhaps one to quite a few. Also, bring a coat and a hat. It’s cold out on the water. The staff is friendly and professional. Go on this one for me. I’d surely go.
°
Finally, visit Lysuholl. This farm is the place to go to  if you find there’s just too many people for your liking in Ölafsvik, This farm is in the middle of wide-open and beautiful countryside. Being Iceland, there’s also quite a striking glacier to be seen. Is this a great country or what? Stay the night here in one of its cozy cabins. The breakfasts are bountiful and delicious. It’s the perfect getaway for relaxing and enjoying. And oh my gosh, if you love horses, ride their horses.
°
As always, “Good eating. Good traveling.”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Arctic eats, food, travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tacos Al Pastor

Mexican Entree

TACOS AL PASTOR

INGREDIENTS – MARINADE

1 ancho chile
4 guajillo chiles
4 garlic cloves
3 cloves
1 small onion (1 more onion later)
1 large tomato
2 teaspoons cumin
1 teaspoon Mexican oregano or oregano
2 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon pepper
½ cup orange juice
⅔ cup pineapple juice*
2¼ pounds pork loin

INGREDIENTS – REST

1 can diced pineapple (*You can use the pineapple juice from the can)
1 cup fresh cilantro
1 small onion
5 limes
2 tablespoons vegetable oil (½ teaspoon at a time)
12 -to-24 corn tortillas*
1 cup pico de gallo
1 cup guacamole

* = If you like to put a lot of food in your tacos or if your tortillas are a bit on the crumbly side, then use 2 tortillas for each taco.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

food processor
6 metal skewers
drip pan

Serves 6. Takes 5 hours 30 minutes.

PREPARATION – MARINADE

Add ancho chile and guajillo chiles to pot. Cover with water. Bring to boil using high heat. Reduce heat to medium. Boil for 10 minutes or until chiles soften. Seed chiles. Add chiles and remaining marinade ingredients save pork loin to food processor. Blend until you get a smooth marinade. Add marinade and pork loin to large bowl. Cover and refrigerate for at least 4 hours.

PREPARATION – REST

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Cut pork loin into ½” thick slices. Cut slices into 1″ squares. Alternate threading pork squares and pineapple pieces onto skewers. Place on oven rack. Place oven pan underneath to collect drippings. Cook for 12 minutes or until pork is no longer pink inside. Turn every 4 minutes.

Dice cilantro and 1 small onion. Cut limes into 4 wedges each. Add 1 tortilla and ½ teaspoon oil to pan. Sauté at medium heat just long enough to warm tortilla. Flip tortilla once. Repeat for remaining tortillas.

Make tacos by filling tortillas with pork squares and pineapple pieces. Garnish tacos with cilantro, diced onion, and lime wedges. Serve tacos immediately alongside bowls of pico de gallo and guacamole.

TIDBITS

1) Pastor Alfonso Hernandez was a itinerant preacher who wandered the Pacific Coast from Seattle to Acapulco. He preached the word of God to whomever would listen. Sometimes he enthralled large crowds. Other times just one person would hear him out. His sermons brought peace beyond understanding to all his listeners.

2) Random acts of kindness would brake out after he left. These people felt grateful for the love he showed them. “Please take some money, your words moved me,” they’d say. He’d always reply, “I can take no money for those aren’t my words. I only borrow them.”

3) The good people would then say, “But you look hungry. Have some food.” The good man accepted their offerings, for he was indeed hungry. Sometimes his listeners gave him ancho chiles. Sometimes he received guajillos chiles. He even accepted garlic cloves. After preaching to an assembly of eight, they might even offer him onion, tomatoes, and cumin.

4) An even larger gathering might present him with Mexican oregano, paprika, pepper, and pepper to spice up his tomatoes. After getting all these spices, the holy man was especially grateful for orange juice to drink. The good people of Ensenada gave him pineapple juice and pork butt. Sometimes, the religious throngs gave him too much to consume at any one time. Whenever this occurred, he’d put the surplus in his coat of many pockets.

5) After ministering to the faithful at Acapulco, the many wealthy Catholics showered him with: diced pineapple, fresh cilantro, small onions, limes, vegetable oil (½ teaspoon at a time), corn tortillas, pico de gallo, and guacamole. This was, too much for any one man to eat. So he shared all the bounty he’d received that day. He then brought forth from all his pockets all the food and spices he’d been accumulating on his travels. “Why,” Pastor Al said, we have enough for a feast of tacos.”

6) “Gracias,” shouted the happy people, “for the tacos from Pastor Al’s coat!” Since the inhabitants of Acapulco were incurable anagramists, this wonderful culinary creation would soon be known forever as Tacos al Pastor.

7) Olé.

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Great Arctic Eats – Narvik, Norway

 

Do you love to eat? Are you like Goldilocks in that you don’t like too many or too few people around?  Do you like the cool, bracing outdoors? Do you like history, beautiful mountains, and skiing? Well, Narvik, Norway is the place for you.
.
There are 24 restaurants listed in TripAdvisor(tm) for Narvik! Let’s dine at the top five eateries.
°
The must-go-to restaurant is Linken Restaurant and Bar. Be sure to try their turbot and cod. Fiskehallen also serves great local game such as venison, reindeer, wild boar, and ptarmigan with berries. Ptarmigan with berries! Where else can you get that? And wild boar! You can’t get that in my home town of Poway, California. They also serve reindeer-and-roes soup. Go there, go there and have a meal for me. The rooftop view from Linken is fantastic. Take in the town of Narvik and the beautiful mountains. The staff is friendly and knowledgeable. They also have reindeer tartar. Enough said. Go there.
°
Second on our restaurant tour is Fiskehallen. As might be expected from a restaurant whose name means “Fish Hall,” it specializes in fish and seafood. But they do fish so well, perhaps even having the best fish in Norway.  The atmosphere is cozy, the portions are big, and everything is served by a friendly staff. Be sure to dine on their huge, fresh shrimp (OMG),  cod, Arctic char, and pan-fried halibut. Their side dishes are also tasty. Save room for their rich chocolate pudding and ice cream.
°
Winning the bronze medal is Milano Restaurant Narvik. Scandavia’s Arctic Circle seems to favor Italian restaurants named Milano. Perhaps Milano is a chain and is winning over all the Northern diners. Milano of Narvik certainly serves great Italian food. They specialize in tasty pizzas. They also serve chicken meals and kabobs. Their large portions are served by a great, caring staff. The tea is great.  If I were to go there, I’d be tempted to sample a slice of their nacho pizza. Nacho pizza, north of the Arctic Circle, who would have guessed it? I am happy to relate that Milano Restaurant gave food during the Christmas season to locals hurting from the recent recession.
°
We now visit Kafferiet Resurante og Bar.  Enjoy large portions in a cozy atmosphere. Be sure to try their reindeer shank, cod fillet, and leg of lamb.
°
Special mention goes to Sushi Point.  A great staff serves tasty, fresh sushi at a good price. Sushi in the Arctic, this is a great town.
°
°
The four best ways to reach Narvik are by: air, sea, car, and train. The fifth through seventh best ways will most likely take significantly longer and be less enjoyable
°
Be sure to visit Narvik Krigmuseum.  This museum does a superb job of honoring the achievement and the courage of the Allied forces fighting the German invaders in 1940. Not only does it relate the fierce battles, but it also devotes a section to analyzing the big questions of war and human rights during conflict. It’s interesting and informative exhibits make it well worth a visit, particularly for history buffs. There’s also a nice little coffee shop and gift shop. Go there
°
Then take the cable car to Narvikfjellet. This is resort is quite popular with the locals. It boasts of world class off-piste skiing. I don’t honestly know what off-piste skiing is, but it is world class. This skiing resort has some of the largest vertical drops in Scandinavia. Yikes for me, but fantastic for dedicated skiers. But don’t worry,  Narvikfjellet is also suitable for families and beginners. Admire the breathtaking view from the top and enjoy scenery from the cable car.
°
You should probably visit Narvik Kjøretøyhistoriske Museum. Kjøretøyhistoriske translates as Vehicle History. That’s all I really know about the place. The museum earned a rare, perfect rating of 5.0. Yet no one left a review. Why? Why was that so hard? Perhaps the exhibits entranced the visitors so much that they were at a loss for words.
°
Next on our museum tour is the Narvik Museum. It receives a still quite good rating of 4.0. However, its guests proved to be much more helpful than those went through the doors at Kjøretøyhistoriske. This museum tells the story of Narvik’s development. It emphasizes the stories of the iron-ore mines, the rail transport, the harbor, and the town’s tunnels and bridges. A section of the museum devotes itself to the great fire that destroyed the town’s old wooden center. Don’t forget to ride in an authentic iron-ore car.
°
Finally, please visit the Polish War Memorial and pay your respects to the braves Polish sailors who died fighting the Nazis in 1940. They are especially worthy of our admiration for they sailed all the way here, despite losing their homeland to the Germans in 1939. To remember.
°
As always, “Good eating. Good traveling.”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Arctic eats, travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Blog at WordPress.com.