Posts Tagged With: Portuguese

Life Tips – What to do on a Rainy Day

1)  Stay inside.

2) Or go outside, if you prefer. I’m not going to be dogmatic or controlling.

3) If you opt for option 2), please use an umbrella or drive with the windows up.

4) Look out the window to see if it’s still raining.

5) If it is, say, “Look, it’s raining.”

6) Wait for people in the room to say, “Yes, sure is.”

7) Binge watch TV.

8) Play Risk(tm).

9) Learn quantum physics. It’s difficult, but it can be done.

10) Take up painting.

11) Take up latch hooking.

12) Contemplate the turning points in Carl La Fong’s life.

13) Conjugate your Portuguese verbs. Don’t let this slide. You’ll never know when you’ll end up in Brazil.

14) Make whopee with your partner.

15) Nap. Catch up on your sleep debt.

16) Look at pictures of kittens and puppies on the internet.

17) Avoid surgery.

18) Stay inside. It’s still raining.

19) Contemplate the infinite while looking at the ceiling.

20) Call Carl La Fong. It’s been such a long time and he’d love to hear from you.

21) Call home. This is especially easy when you’re home.

22) Read a book while taking a bath.

23) Pretend to book a flight to Madagascar.

24) Make a machine that says, “Repeat,” over and over to any automated online menus.

25) Before going to bed, look out the window and say, “If wonder if it’ll rain tomorrow.”

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: life tips, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Paul’s Awesome Buyer’s Report #2 – Briefs

Usually Paul’s Awesome Buyer’s Report (PABB) examines the strengths and weakness of similar products, plastic wraps for example, and comes down with a well-researched answer. Sometimes, however, we already know what we want. In these cases, we only want to figure out how many to buy.

Gentle reader, PABB hears you! In this issue, we examine the correct number of men’s briefs to buy online. The picture below shows various amounts of briefs to purchase and their corresponding custs.

And the analysis is in. The recommendation of Paul’s Awesome Buyer’s Report: buy seven briefs. Purchase 3 briefs only if a 16-ton anvil has just dropped on your head and you need all of your brain’s analytic prowess just to stay upright. Buy 5 if you’re merely pickled to the gills. Buy 6 if you’re studying Portuguese verbs for a final exam and don’t want to push any recent conjugations out of your mind.

­There.

Issue #2

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Shrimp Pineapple Curry

Sri Lankan Entree

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SHRIMP PINEAPPLE CURRY

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INGREDIENTS – CURRY PASTE­
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2 green chiles
½ teaspoon black mustard or brown mustard seeds
1 medium onion
2 tablespoons sesame, coconut, or vegetable oil
1½ tablespoons fresh curry, kaffir lime, or basil leaves
3 garlic cloves
1½ tablespoons fresh* pandanus** or cilantro
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INGREDIENTS – SHRIMP PINEAPPLE
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1 cup coconut milk
¾ teaspoon fish sauce or soy sauce
1½ tablespoons sugar
1½ cup chopped or crushed pineapple
1 pound shrimp
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* = 1 tablespoon fresh herbs = 1 teaspoon dried herbs
** = Pandanus and some of the other ingredients can be hard to find. This is why I list substitutes.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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spice grinder
blender or food processor
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Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.
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PREPARATION – CURRY PASTE
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Seed chiles. Grind mustard seeds in spice grinder. Mince onion. Add oil and onion to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add ground mustard seeds, sautéed onion, and the remaining curry paste ingredients to blender. Blend until you get a curry paste.
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PREPARATION – SHRIMP PINEAPPLE
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Add curry paste, coconut milk, fish sauce, and sugar to large pan. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to medium and simmer for 5 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add pineapple and shrimp. Simmer at medium heat for 4 minutes or until shrimp turns pink. Stir occasionally. Goes well with rice.
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TIDBITS
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1) Nearly everyone who isn’t a little child finds shrimp to be ever so tasty.
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2) Tots, however, greatly prefer ice cream.  This is why thousands upon thousands of ice cream trucks roams patrol the streets of our towns of cities.
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3) But what about the adults? Why can’t we can’t have shrimp trucks driving around, playing the notes to “Blow the Man Down” or ever better, “Shrimp Boats are  Sailing” Instead of various dairy desserts, these plucky vendors could sell: shrimp cocktails, shrimp scampi, or Shrimp Pineapple Curry?
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4) How did Shrimp Pineapple Curry come about?  Remarkably, while billions of words have been written, over hundreds of years, over what people like to eat and how to make their dishes, nearly nothing has been written about what shrimp like to dine on.
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5) Oh sure, we know they will devour all manner of algae organisms. And itty, bitty bits of deal corral, roots, and other rotting ocean-floor delicacies. But such fare doesn’t sound very appetizing, does it?  No, and the shrimp don’t think so either.
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6) So, it was quite a momentous event for the shrimp nation when the Portuguese navigator Bartolomeo Diaz sailed into the Indian Ocean in 1488.
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7) Bartolomeo had a shrimp, Vasco, for a pet when he was little. Everyday, little Barty watched his plucky shrimp perform high-impact acrobatics. “Wait and see,” said Barty to his pet, “I’m going to achieve great things on the open sea. Just like you.”
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8) But he had to endure endless name calling, such as “Batty Barty,” before he grew up enough to command a crown-sponsored naval expedition. Batty had wanted  trade coconuts to the shrimps of the Indian Ocean in exchange for algae, but a crabby King John II insisted on bringing back valuable spices.
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9) In disgust, Barty threw his cargo of coconuts overboard. The shrimp loved coconuts, once they decomposed. The cleverest shrimps discovered a way to grow ocean-floor coconuts.  A few years later an Arab trading vessel carrying pineapples and curry leaves sank. Brainy shrimps found a way to harvest these ingredients beneath the waves.
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10) Naturally, the shrimps who had been hating their bland diet since tidbit 5) created Pineapple Curry. Brilliant, industrious shrimps created colossal aquatic coconut, curry, and pineapple farms.
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11) Indian Ocean shrimps led a blissful culinary existence until submariners during World War II noticed thousands of square miles aquatic acreage. “I’ll bet Coconut Curry would make a great dish would make a scrumptious entree if one only added shrimp to it,” said Chef Bertie of HMS Entre.
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16) And he did. Now the world eats tons of shrimp every day and their vast aquatic farms lie untended and forgotten. And if you try to tell someone at cocktail party about this, they’ll make a squeaky sound and scurry to the other side of the room.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Francesinha

Portuguese Entree

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FRANCESINHA

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INGREDIENTS – STEAK AND SAUSAGE
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¾ pound flank steak or flap steak
1 tablespoon olive or vegetable oil
2 linguica or andouille sausages
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INGREDIENTS – SAUCE
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1½ tablespoons butter (½ tablespoon more later)
½ teaspoon minced garlic
2 tablespoons minced onion
¾ teaspoon piri piri or red pepper flakes
¼ cup beef broth
6 tablespoons  crushed tomatoes
¼ cup beer
½ tablespoon port or red wine
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INGREDIENTS – FINAL
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4 slices bread
1 cup frozen French fries
½ tablespoon butter
1 egg
4 slices (about 1 ounce each) Pecorino, Parmesan, Asiago, Romano, or your favorite cheese
4 slices ham, sliced medium thick
Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.
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PREPARATION – STEAK AND SAUSAGE
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Cut sausages in half lengthwise. Toast bread. Add oil to pan. Heat using medium-high heat. Oil is hot enough when a bit of bread in the oil starts to dance. Add flank steak. Sauté for 2-to-5 minutes, depending on how you like your steak. Flip. Sauté for 2-to-5 minutes more. It should be browned on both sides. Remove steak and cut in half, and set aside.
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Add sausage halves to pan. Sauté for 2 minutes. Flip. Sauté for 2 minutes more. It should be browned a little on both sides. Remove sausage halves and set aside.
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PREPARATION – SAUCE
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Add 1½ tablespoons butter, garlic, and onion to large, 2nd  pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add beef broth, crushed tomatoes, and piri piri flakes. Bring to boil. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add beer and wine. Let simmer on low for 12 minutes. Stir occasionally.
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PREPARATION – FINAL
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While sauce simmers, cook French fries according to instrustions on package Melt ½ table-spoon butter at medium heat in 3rd pan. Add egg and fry until done to your liking. Cut egg in half.
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Top bread slice with 2 cheese slices. Top cheese with ½ of the ham. Place steak half on ham. Place 2 sausage halves on steak. Place bread slice on sausage. Put egg half on top slice of bread. Cut sandwich in half. Ladle sauce over sandwich halves. Repeat for 2nd sandwich. Serve with fries on the side..
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TIDBITS
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1) Pablo Picasso was born in 1881. He was a great painter. The best. He earned the moniker the “The Big Man of Painting.” His friends called him Big Bad Pablo, or simply Big Bad.
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2) Culinary art historians credit Picasso with founding the Cubist Movement in 1870.
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3) Since 1870 was a full eleven years before Big Bad’s birth, I’m sure you will agree this was quite the achievement.
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4) Observers, some sane and some not,. hold that the Cubist Movement inspired the creation of the sugar cube, Rubik’s(tm) cube, and the car called the Cube(tm).
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5) Oh, and cube roots The cube root of 343 is 7.
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6) To the right is one of Picasso’s most famous paintings. It sold for 13.5 pounds.
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7) Oops, that’s 13.5 millions pounds. Editors are important.
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8) However, Pablo’s best painting is the still life, “Francesinha,” painted during his Portugese years. Francesinha is a Portuguese sandwich. Big Bad loved it. That’s why he moved to Portugal for six years. You can see the painting below and to the right
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9) I have never have made it as big as Picasso in the art world*. However, I’m proud of my recipes, food blogs, and cookbooks. And it’s all because his “Francesinha” spurred me to take up cooking.
* = As of press time.
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10) Picasso’sfirst name, Pablo, translates to Paul in English. Paul is my first name. So, that’s another connection between the renowned artist and me.
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11) For more information on Picasso’s life and artistic influence, you would do well to purchase a copy of Asa Metrics’, Pablo Picasso, A Life Lived from Birth to Death.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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­My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Southwest Stuffed Bell Peppers

American Entree

SOUTHWEST STUFFED BELL PEPPERS

INGREDIENTS

1 green chile
5 green bell peppers
½ red onion
2 garlic cloves
1 cup pepper jack cheese
2 ounces Cotija cheese
1 pound ground turkey
1 7-ounce can diced tomatoes (1 can more later)
4 teaspoons chili powder
1 teaspoon cornstarch
1 teaspoon cumin
½ teaspoon oregano
¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper
3/4 cup water
4 tablespoons sour cream
2 stalks green onion
1 7-ounce can diced tomatoes
¾ cup water

Serves 5. Takes 55 minutes.

PREPARATION

Remove seeds from green chile. Cut bell peppers in half lengthwise. Remove stem, white innards, and seed from green bell peppers. Dice green chile, red onion, garlic cloves, and green onion. Grate or shred pepper jack cheese and Cotija cheese.

In a large frying pan or skillet, cook the turkey, green chile, red onion, and garlic over medium-high heat until meat is no longer pink. Stir occasionally.

Add 7-ounce can diced tomatoes, chili powder, corn starch, cumin, oregano, cayenne, green onion, and 3/4 cup water. Bring to boil then reduce heat. Simmer uncovered for about 15 minutes. (No, this does not mean to get angry and cook in the nude. Sauces can splatter.)

Place bell-pepper halves in a microwavable dish. (You’ll need a 3-to-4 quart dish if you want to use just one.) Add 3/4 cup water to dish. Cover and microwave on high for 7 to 8 minutes. (Microwaves vary in strength, so in general it’s best to heat for a short time, check the food and, if necessary, microwave some more.)

Pour any water out of the bell peppers. Fill each bell-pepper half to the top with ground-beef mixture. Put an equal amount of sour cream, 7-ounce can diced tomatoes, and cheese on the bell peppers.

Serve to adoring guests.

TIDBITS

1) Bell peppers have recessive genes that prevent them from having capsaicin, the stuff that makes other peppers hot.

2) Red bell peppers are important in Portuguese cuisine.

3) In 1801 my great-great-great-grandfather Napoleon I directed an invasion of Portugal by French and Spanish troops.

4) In 1808, Napoleon I invaded Portugal again. Say what you will about his megalomania and the countless deaths he caused, he did possess an admirable work ethic.

5) Oh, and he invaded Spain as well in 1808, unleashing more bloody, unrestrained guerrilla warfare.

6) Strange to say, most Napoleonic historians fail utterly to mention how six years of conflict in that region affected red-bell-pepper production in Portugal.

7) It seems likely, though, that red-pepper planting and harvesting fell precipitously in previously culinarily happy Portugal.

8) One’s mind recoils at the thought of wary-weary Portuguese reduced to eating beef-and-red pepper sandwiches without red peppers.

9) Bad French emperor, no éclaire.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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We Need Polite Subtitle Choices

We all watch live streaming or DVDs. Many of these, thank you, provide subtitles. However, I take issue with the choice of “English for the deaf or hard of hearing.” I am certainly not deaf. Even though I do need to see the occasional word spelled out, I’m not quite at the stage where I should called hard of hearing. And many times I don’t understand the accent, particulary British.

Why do we have to make judgments about people? Perhaps making them feel bad? Why not simply have “English” as a choice for subtitles?

Or even tailor the choices to me, Paul. See below.

 

 

The one on the right would make me feel special. Of course, it doesn’t have to be my name listed on the right. You should be alter the phrase to reflect your name, “English for Desdemona,” for example.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chicken Orzo Soup From Portugal

Portuguese Soup

CHICKEN ORZO

INGREDIENTS

1 garlic clove
1 onion
5 cups chicken broth
7 cups water
8 allspice berries or ½ tablespoon ground allspice
1½ pounds chicken boneless
2 bay leaves
1¼ teaspoons salt
½ cup orzo or arborio rice, couscous, and pearl barley
½ cup fresh cilantro

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes

PREPARATION

Mince garlic clove and onion. Add chicken broth, water, chicken, allspice, bay leaves, garlic, onion, and salt to large pot. Bring to boil using medium-high heat. Stir occasionally. Reduce to medium heat and simmer for 50 minutes or until chicken is tender to the fork. Stir occasionally. Remove chicken. Shred chicken with 2 forks. Return shredded chicken to pot.

Add orzo to pot. Simmer at medium heat for 10 minutes or until orzo is done to your desired level of tenderness. Stir enough to keep from burning. While orzo cooks, dice cilantro. Garnish soup with cilantro.

TIDBITS

1) Every time you hesitate to eat some new meat or fish someone will say, “Try it, it tastes just like chicken.” I used to say, “Well, why can’t I have chicken then?”

2) But don’t get angry at your annoying would-be advisor. He has to say that. It’s in our genetic make up. Just like we have a gene to determine height; we all have a gene that makes us say, “Try it, it tastes just like chicken.”

3) However, the chicken in Chicken Orzo does taste like chicken. Indeed all chicken tastes like chicken. The reverse is also true.

4) One wonders why humanity evolved this gene millions of years ago. You’d think learning to walk upright, to cook with fire, to build huts, or to harvest wheat would have been much more useful to Early Man than saying, “Try it, it taste just like chicken.” Particularly, when chickens weren’t around. And what of the woman hearing this advice? She couldn’t understand all those words nor respond intelligently, particularly when the vocabulary of the time limited itself to “ugh” and “ugh!”

 

– Paul De Lancey, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fun Things to Do at the DMV

Dance as a Greek goddess at the DMV

Everybody knows that waiting in line at the DMV is the most soul-sucking experience imaginable.

But we are all wrong.

Just because the slow lines inside the DMV resemble plate tectonics, it doesn’t mean our imagination and hopes have to slow that much as well. No! Well then, what do we do in those funereal confines?

I’m glad you asked. Here are some fun things you can do while waiting to turn in your paperwork for a smart license.

1)  Start a flash-mob Greek dancing extravaganza. Put on your togas, crank up the Hellenic flute music and rock the joint as your favorite Greek goddess or muse.

2) Start a chess tournament. Don’t worry, there will be enough time. You’ll need to bring your own tables and chess sets.

Such fun

3) Give archery lessons. Isn’t there a risk of hitting someone? Won’t someone move into the path of the arrow? No, people don’t move inside the DMV. Well, hardly ever. And even then, your impeded shot will just make the line shorter. It’s a win-win scenario for all but the victim.

4) Organize a reading contest. The first person to read Moby Dick from cover to cover wins.

5) Set up a film festival. Screen the car classics, Thunder Road, Smokey and the Bandit, Death Race 2000, and if time permits, Mad Max – Fury Road.

6) Do DMV dating. It’s just like speed dating where you get five minutes with a potential date, but much, much longer.

7) Keep track of your time and apply it to any future jail sentences.

Dine Well While Waiting Out the Line

8) Bring a crossword puzzle book. Finish it.

9) Have a candlelit gourmet lunch with the person next in line. Dinner on lobster thermidor, steak au poivre vert, chicken Florentine, and baked Alaska. Meet the love of your life, make a business contact, or just past the time with delicious food and pleasing conversation.

10) Learn Portuguese. You never know when you’ll go to Brazil.

11) Get paid by the hour while you keep a billionaire’s place in line. The billionaire can use this time to rocket into space. It’s a win-win situation.

As you can see, there are many exhilarating things you can do while in line in the DMV. I hope to see you there. Son of a bee, we’ll have great glee at the ‘MV

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: things to see and do | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Omelette Curry

Sri Lankan Breakfast

OMELETTE CURRY

INGREDIENTS – OMELETTECurryOmelette-

3 green chiles
1 large onion (1 medium onion later)
3 fresh curry leaves or 3 teaspoons dried leaf fragments or 3 teaspoons dried basil (10 leaves more later)
1½ tablespoons sesame oil (1 tablespoon more later)
6 eggs
1 tomato
½ teaspoon pepper 1/8 teaspoon more later)
1 teaspoon salt (¼ teaspoon more later)

INGREDIENTS – CURRY

½” cinnamon stick
¾ teaspoon grated ginger (½” whole ginger)
½ teaspoon fenugreek seeds
1 garlic clove
1 medium onion
10 fresh curry leaves or 10 teaspoons dried leaf fragments or 10 teaspoons dried basil
1 tablespoon sesame oil
2 teaspoons curry powder (not the same thing as curry leaves)
2 teaspoons chili powder
⅛ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon turmeric
½ cup water
1 cup coconut milk

SPECIAL UTENSIL

spice grinder

Makes 4 bowls. Takes 50 minutes.

PREPARATION – OMELETTE

Mince green chiles and onions. Add green chile, onion, 3 curry leaves, and sesame oil to pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Remove green chile, onion, and curry leaves from heat. Add eggs to large mixing bowl. Whisk eggs. Dice tomato. Add green chile, onion, tomato, pepper, and salt. Mix with whisk until well blended.

Reduce heat to low. Add all ingredients in mixing bowl to pan. Fry on low heat for 10-to-15 minutes or until omelette is cooked to your desired level of doneness. Remove omelette. Cut omelette into squares. You get quite a bit of latitude in the size of your squares. 1″ perhaps?

(However, there is unanimity on the geometric shape. It has to be a square. What would happen if you cut the omelette into triangles? Would the Omelette Police come after you? Would the Earth’s surface convulse in earthquakes? I don’t know. Play it safe, make squares.)

PREPARATION – CURRY

While omelette cooks, grind cinnamon and ginger. Grind fenugreek seeds just long enough to crack them. Dice garlic clove and onion. Add cinnamon, ginger, onion, 10 curry leaves, curry powder, fenugreek seeds, and sesame oil. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Add chili powder, ⅛ teaspoon pepper, ¼ teaspoon salt, turmeric, and water. Stir with spoon until well blended. Simmer on low heat for 3 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add coconut milk. Simmer for 5 minutes or until curry starts to thicken. Stir occasionally.

Add omelette squares back into curry. Simmer on low heat for 2 minutes. Stir occasionally. Goes well with naan bread or rice.

TIDBITS

1) Omelette Curry is an an anagram for the illustrious Portguese navigator and explorer, Telemeo T. Crucy. Senhor Crucy rounded the Cape of Good Hope in 1486 and discovered the Indian Ocean by way of the Atlantic. Bartolomeo Diaz did the same in 1488. Telemeo also discovered India via this sea route in 1487. Vasco de Gama duplicated this feat twelve years later.

2) But Crucy the Explorer–the inspiration for Dora the ExplorerTM by the way–got no credit at all, no monuments, no cities, no holidays, not even candy bars named after him. What the heck? Why?

3) Because he was the first one to bring the spicy curry leaves back to Portugal. Of course, the King of Portugal, whose name is lost to us as I am typing in WordPerfect and I’d have to get out of WordPerfect and into my internet browser, by which time I would have lost my train of thought here and degenerated into writing long, rambling sentences.

4) It was João II. The king’s name was João II! I looked it up. Who knew?

5) Anyway, Big Joe, as the king was often by his adoring subjects, was the first to be served the curry leaves. Portuguese monarchs, by established right, got to taste every new spice first.

6) Which was a mistake in this case. No chef in the king’s kitchen knew how much curry to put in the king’s chicken noodle soup. So they guessed.

7) One cup was a bad guess. Big Joe fled the banquet hall. He wasn’t seen for days. But his moans were heard all over the castle. They still can. Even his ghost has yet to get over this tummy ache.

8) Things deteriorated rapidly. Big Joe started hating the world. He tripled taxes on the peasantry. The despising people called him João the Moaner. The Moaner stripped Telemeo of his titles and erased all vestiges of his name. Proper spicing is a must. May this cookbook help.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Not-To-Do List – Part 2

NotToDo1

I have a will of iron. When I resolve not to do something, it stays undone. Here are things I shall not do today.

1) See my dentist.

2) Schedule a colonoscopy. (I’m not in the mood for deep insights to myself.)

3) Reorganize my office.

4) Dance the polka with Vladimir Putin. (I will not dance with any quasi-dictator who invades countries. I just won’t.)

5) Dance on the ceiling. (We have gravity in my fair city of Poway. It isn’t possible.)

6) Run the Marathon.

7) Or even the half-Marathon.

8) Conjugate verbs in Portuguese.

9) Appear in any on-Broadway musical.

10) Read the entire consent form on any website.

11) Eat or cook haggis.

12) Make at not-to-do list with thirteen items.

– Paul R. De Lancey, great no-doer

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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