INSURANCE HAIKU #1
I call insurance.
I see continents drifting
While I wait, wait, wait
INSURANCE HAIKU #2
The check’s in the mail.
Your call is very important.
We’ll be right with you.
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
FIRST WRITING HAIKU
My novel’s stalled.
How shall I save the hero?
So I write haiku.
SECOND WRITING HAIKU
I can’t write the scene.
Words fail me. I keep hearing,
Iggy piggy poo.
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com, As an e-book on Nook
or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com
Love Haiku
My dear sweet darling
I love you even more than
I hate computers.
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Fortunately, Mr. Munch, love the name, deposits his paychecks directly to the car dealership.
And now a haiku for car repair bills.
#$%@@! $%#&*
%^(*{!@ !@#%*+ ++|!
!@#@@##
– Paul the Bad Artist
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
–
Very Simple Chiseling Haiku
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.
Tap, tap, tap, tap, oops.
– Paul the Bad Artist
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
LEMON HAIKU
Dear yellow lemon,
You so look like a grenade,
But make lemonade.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Avoid tears while cooking.
Cut onions underwater.
Take deep breath. Get wet.
Have a pound of dill.
Nearby chefs are so jealous.
Defend home with mace.
Zen Chef wants pizza.
Make me one with everything.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Batter stay on. Stay on.
I will not impress my guests.
When you fall off meat.
Where’s the sour cream?
Where the measuring spoons? Cups?
Where’s the mixing bowl?
T Rex is hungry
Why don’t you share some of your
tasty cheeseburger?
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Haiku to Heteroskedasticity
Some words are quite long
Heteroskedasticity
Is one of those those.*
* = “Those those” because the last line needs five syllables. Haikus aren’t easy to write either.
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Saudi Entree
AL KABSA
(Chicken and rice)
INGREDIENTS
3 pounds chicken breasts (or other parts)
2 carrots
5 garlic cloves
2 medium onions
3 Roma tomatoes
4 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup tomato puree
2 ½ cups water
1 ½ cups chicken stock
2 whole cloves
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons kabsa spice mix (See Kabsa Spice Mix recipe if you can’t find the mix.)
2 cups basmati rice (Do not precook.)
1/4 cup raisins
1/4 cup slivered almonds
Serves 6
SPECIAL UTENSIL
Dutch oven
PREPARATION
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Chop chicken into 12 pieces. Grate or dice carrots. Mince garlic cloves and onions. Dice Roma tomatoes. Add garlic, onion, and butter to Dutch oven. Sauté garlic and onion on medium-high heat or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add chicken, tomato puree, and chopped tomatoes, Reduce heat to low and simmer for 5 minutes. Stir occasionally.
Add water, chicken stock, carrot, cloves, nutmeg, salt and kabsa spice mix. Bring to boil using high heat. Cover, reduce heat to low and simmer for 30 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink inside. Remove chicken and bake for 25-to-30 minutes at 350 degrees or until it starts to brown.
Bring to boil. Stir in rice. Simmer for 30 minutes or until rice is tender and liquid is absorbed. Stir occasionally. Add raisins. Simmer for 5 minutes. Stir occasionally. Place rice on plate and top with 2 chicken pieces. Garnish with an equal amount of almonds.
TIDBITS
1) The Temple of Eve is supposedly located in the Saudi city of Jeddah. Cool.
2) Saudi Arabia is one of the driest countries in the world.
3) British humor is one of the driest in the world.
4) These tidbits are getting shorter, aren’t they?
5) Yes, they are. You can measure them.
6) Soon nothingness.
7)
8) And rebirth.
9) And so new, longer, vibrant tidbits come into being.
10) I feel like writing a haiku to tidbits.
11) Tidbits, o, tidbits.
Life was so sad when you were gone.
I’m glad you are back
12) Haikus are composed of three lines of five, seven, and five syllables respectively. They can evoke complex imagery within this restrictive space or they can display the elegant simplicity of the following effort:
Word, word, word, word, word
Word, word, word, word, word, word, word
Word, word, word, word, word
13) Speaking of using words to communicate information; all shops in Saudi Arabia are forbidden on Valentine’s day from selling anything red or with hearts on it. You may not wear anything red.
14) Movie theaters and beer are banned in Saudi Arabia. You must drive to Bahrain for these things, which depending on where you live could be anywhere from twenty minutes to twenty hours away. That movie had better be good.
15) And what if the beer you had made you sleepy and you fell asleep during the movie? That movie that took you twenty hours to get to? And twenty hours to get back?
16) If had to drive forty total hours for a beer, I would get the best, most expensive beer I could buy and really, really, really savor it.
17) And I would get gourmet popcorn for the movie. A giant tub of it.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Please mister, zombie
Wouldn’t you rather have some
Nice lamb’s brains instead?
The hungry zombies
Want our brains because they are
All politicians.
What wine goes with brains?
Perhaps a fine rose would do
Because brains are gray.
Ninety-eight percent
Of my brain remains unused.
You may have that much.
Rejoice, geeks and nerds.
Babes will soon lust for your brains.
They’ll be zombies, though.
Zombies, remember to
Pick up after your trash and
Your detached fingers.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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