Because you have not responded to multiple courtesy calls about your extended warranty:
we will be making a house call to explain all the benefits.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
10 saffron threads
1 tablespoon hot water
2 cups heavy whipping cream
1 14-ounce can sweetened condensed milk, chilled
½ cup ground cardamom
⅔ cup chopped pistachios
⅓ cup chopped or slivered almonds
SPECIAL UTENSILS
electric beater.
ramekins, small bowls, or popsicle molds
Serves 8. Takes 25 minutes plus at least 6 hours for freezing..
PREPARATION
Add saffron and hot water to cup. Add heavy whipping cream to large mixing bowl. Whip with electric beater until just get whipped cream or soft peaks start to form. (Do not overdo it or you’ll get butter.) Use spatula to gradually fold condensed milk into whipped cream. Use spatula to gradually fold in saffron with its water, cardamom, pistachios, and almonds. Gently pour into ramekins. Cover ramekins with plastic wrap or lids. Freeze for at least 6 hours on until it sets and becomes ice cream.
TIDBITS
1) Clark KentTM and SupermanTM are never in the same place at the same time. Why? Because they are the same person. Kulfi Ice Cream and the planet Mars are never in the same place at the same time. Why? Because they are one and the same. They certainly look alike. See the photos below.
2) But, I hear you say, Mars is millions of miles away in space and my kulfi is right in front of me. How is this possible? Magic. When you eat kulfi, Mars is in your ramekin. When you look at the night sky, Mars will be there. Mars, however, won’t be in the sky if you take your kulfi outside with you. So be careful. You don’t want to mess with the workings of the Solar System.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I wrote down nine things I like to see when I’m sad. I wrote them down just as I thought of them. Here they are:
I hope these pictures make you happy as well.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Finland hosts Ant Nest Sitting Competitions. Athletes–whom am I kidding?–sit on an ant hill for as long as they can stand the ant bites. This competition is held all over the country during the summer months. It truly helps to have a high threshold for pain or an ass harder than bronze. Okay, I find this competition to be weird, but there are those who love it.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
½ pound thin noodles (Chinese or Italian)
2 garlic cloves
1 onion
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 12-ounce cans tuna*
4 ounces chili paste*
2 tablespoons lime juice.
¼ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
8 fresh basil leaves
* = If you are willing to order from Australia, you can buy cans of chilli taiyo instead of getting the first two ingredients. You can also substitute the chili paste with 6 very small but quite spicy hot peppers. Do you feel lucky?
Serves 4. Takes 40 minutes.
PREPARATION
Cook noodles according to instructions on package. Drain and reserve noodles. Mince garlic cloves. Dice onion. Add garlic, onion, and vegetable oil to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until garlic and onion soften. Add tuna and chili paste to pan. Stir with spoon until well blended. Flatten the tuna. Cook at medium heat for 15 minutes. Stir frequently enough to prevent burning. Add lime juice, pepper, and salt. Stir until blended. Cook for an additional 7 minutes or until tuna reaches your desired level of crispiness. Stir frequently enough to prevent burning.
Add noodles to tuna in pan. Simmer at low-medium heat for 3 minutes. Stir frequently enough to prevent burning. Garnish with basil leaves.
TIDBITS
1) This recipe asks for thin noodles. How does one get thin noodles? Most supermarkets in decent size towns sell them. Many of the supermarkets in my fair city, Poway, California, carry thin noodles.
2) Or you can order them online. But what if you need the thin noodles right now? What if your Solomon Islander boss and her husband are coming over tonight and you promised Chilli Taiyo?
3) There exists only one more way to get thin noodles. Simply use your carpentry planer on a thick noodle until you’ve shaved the thick noodle down to a thin one. Patience and precision are musts as rushed planing make the noodle shatter, particularly if use an electric planer. Repeat for each noodle.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Understanding foreign languages can be quite difficult. So, it’s probably a good thing to hire an editor who knows multiple languages.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Next year, sir, next year
Clear your musical palate by attending the Accordion Extravaganza! in Edmonton, Alberta. Pop in on all sorts of concerts, workshops, dances, and competitions, all featuring the accordion. Accordion lovers will melt in ecstasy here.
Oh no, the extravaganza has been put on indefinite hold because of Covid-19 restrictions. While I applaud the organizers’ concern for our safety, I think our world has just gotten a little grayer. I know of least one other accordion festival being canceled. I’m aware, though, of an online accordion celebration. I’m happy for that, but really there’s nothing really like enjoying an according in person.
Here’s to the Accordion Extravaganza! being held next year!
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
1 onion
2½ tablespoons butter
15 saffron threads
¼ pound blanched or slivered almonds
2 eggs yolks
3 cups chicken stock
3 tablespoons sherry
¼ teaspoon nutmeg
⅛ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon Spanish paprika or paprika
½ cup cream
2 teaspoons slivered almonds
2 tablespoons fresh parsley
SPECIAL UTENSIL
spice grinder or food processor
Serves 5. Takes 1 hour.
PREPARATION
Mince onion. Melt butter in pan using low-medium heat. Add onion. Simmer at low-medium heat for 8 minutes or until onion softens and turns yellow. Stir frequently. Add saffron. Simmer at low-medium heat for 3 minutes. Stir occasionally.
Add blanched almonds to pan. Toast by using medium-high heat until almonds start to brown. Grind toasted almonds until they become a paste. Add almond paste, egg yolks, and minced onion to mixing bowl. Mix with fork until you a well blended almond/egg/onion paste.
Add chicken stock, sherry, nutmeg, pepper, salt, and Spanish paprika to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low-medium and add cream. Gradually add almond/egg/onion paste. Stir until well blended. Simmer at low-medium heat for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. While soup simmers, mince parsley. Garnish soup with slivered almonds and parsley.
TIDBITS
1) There have been documented instances of the heavens raining fish. This sounds pretty exciting, especially if I needed an expensive fish for a gourmet meal and the nearest supermarket that carries it is an hour away. I would like it even better if the clouds rained Almond Sherry Soup. Well, why not? I’d be out their with buckets, I can tell you. Wear a raincoat.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I hate paying taxes. Everybody does. I do, however, realize we need taxes to pay for many necessary things such as the military and infrastructure. No, what really gets my goat is that frigging complicated tax form. With all the schedules that go along with the main page, a taxpayer could easily fill out over 30 pages. You’ll need to hire a tax preparer. That’ll run you hundreds of dollars. And that’s after spending three days assembling all the information. What makes it even more horrible is that the IRS scans all the returns looking for mistakes.
Looking for mistakes. Let that sink in. That means they already have the numbers you need to type in on the forms. And they will tell you when they think–no, when they now–you are wrong. What can be done to fix all this madness and frustration?
I’m glad you asked. Let the IRS do your taxes for you, They know what they want on your forms, schedules, and attachments anyway. I hereby propose a new and quite simple form to replace all the tree-devouring pages you used to submit.
It’s called the 1040-P. (P stands for Paul, me. I created this glorious, time saving, liberating page. I deserve some recognition.)
Anyway, I give you the 1040-P
I see a Nobel prize in my future.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
All it did was work
I just want my cell phone to work. I want it to work every time. I don’t care for the fancy gizmos the manufacturers insist on adding to each new version of their phones. Every time they improve their product, the phone becomes more and more likely to freeze, breakdown, and bust completely. I call such destructive improvement “Death by Enhancement.” I would be happy beyond measure, if some company manufactured a simple, reliable cell phone. I shall hold my breath until this happens.
Things I Want in a Cell Phone.
1*) It makes phone calls only when I want.
2*) It never, ever, ever, by itself, turns off the ringer volume down to zero and vibrate only. I don’t care if my cell phone lowers the ringtone level to zero when it bumps against my leg when I carry it in my pants pocket. The cell phone should be designed so that cannot happen.
I definitely do not want the cell phone to turn off the ringtone by itself or activates the do not disturb feature all by itself. What the hell? This has happened to me. This has happened to others, especially lately. I’ve missed important calls because of all of this.
3) The icons on the phone always work when pressed.
4) Texting is easy. This is mostly the case with phones.
5) I don’t want to be blamed for pressing the wrong button, or icon, accidently. The cell phone should be designed against this.
6*) I doesn’t produce random ringtones at 3 am. I suppose the manufacture try to make up for the all the muted calls during the day.
7) Easy to use GPS. This is usually true for cell phones.
* Times where the old rotary phones outperformed the modern cell phone. Heck, instances where my grandmothers’ phone from over a century ago did better.
Well, this is my dream. More power to those who aren’t bothered by any of this.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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