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Today’s Zombie Carrot Apocalypse

Posted on May 27, 2021 by pauldelancey

In a startling turn of events, our carrots have turned into zombies. Now, zombie apocalypses normally give us cause to pause and reflect. What makes this zombification especially interesting is that it is happening with carrots. This is unprecedented.

But wait, there’s more. These zombified carrots have the power to walk. How will we be able to make carrot salad if all our carrots up and walk away? That would be a darned nuisance, really.

What makes the carrots’ newfound ambulatory power truly troubling, is that they have become carnivorous. We are meat. This development presents vegetarians and vegans with a poser. Are flesh-eating carrots still vegetables or have they now become meat? The Grand Vegetarian Council is even now meeting in Basel, Switzerland to discuss this matter.

This is one other item. They might be able to eat us into extinction as more and more carnivorous carrots pop out of gardens every hour.

We must not let this happen! We must start eating all the carrots we possibly can. Of course, make the tastiest carrot dishes you can. A possible end of human life on Earth is no excuse to forgo eat eating well. Buy cookbooks. Make those carrot dishes.

Paul De Lancey, on the front lines

* LATE BREAKING NEWS *

I have just learned that the bunnies just formed an alliance with us and will attack the zombified, carnivorous carrots whenever they see them. Brave, brave bunnies, I tip my hat to you.

 

Paul De Lancey, concerned citizen and Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

 

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Why Go to Manhattan . . .

Posted on May 26, 2021 by pauldelancey

 

Yep, flying to New York City is costly. Staying in a hotel in downtown Manhattan remains prohibitively expensive. You’ll need to take out a second mortgage just to scrape up the funds. And Manhattan hotels don’t let its guests park their cars for free. No, no, no. Your nest egg just got a wee bit smaller.

Try Poway, California!

It’s right here. I mean it’s just outside my window. Rooms here are reasonable. You can park everywhere for free. Woo hoo!

AND

You get the same backed-up traffic as Manhattan.

You might be asking how does Poway, a town 1/200th the size of New York, manage to get the Big Apple’s traffic. Simple.

1)  Have really long red lights. Quite a lot of cars can accumulate during red lights that last four minutes.

2) Make people wait even longer than that for left turns.

3) Favor cars going a certain direction. In Poway the favored motorists are the ones going east-west. These directions have most of the businesses.

4) This means, of course, cars traveling north-south have significantly longer red lights. Quite a few cars going north-south accumulate at the intersection at this time. A favorite sports of these dammed-up drivers is counting the number of times they could have easily crossed during gaps occurring in east-west traffic. Yep, it’s fun letting a car that’s a half-mile away cross the intersection before you.

5) Try to turn left when you’re headed north-south. This will take you longer than the straight north-south crossing.

6) Try to turn left at an intersection that skips your left-turn signal repeatedly. Skips it seven or more times. These left-turn lanes would be a safe place to play table tennis. Get your exercise.

7) As an extra bonus. When a green light finally occurs, a tsunami of cars floods down the street, making it nearly impossible for the cars on cross streets to get through, particularly when all they have is a stop sign.

8) And any description of Powegian traffic would be woefully incomplete without mentioning the annual tearing up of its main arteries for repair or expansion of its underground pipes for new businesses. Why they don’t make an annual festival of their street tear ups is beyond me.

Poway, of course, has magnificent qualities, such as a low-crime rate, a first-class public schools, and many useful businesses. Just remember, you’ll have to drive your car to get to them.

 

Paul De Lancey, concerned citizen and Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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My Favorite Restaurants – In-N- Out

Posted on May 23, 2021 by pauldelancey

I’ve heard that the three things Southern Californians love to talk about are:

1) Rain

2) In-N-Out

3) Rain

This restaurant/to-go place is that good.

I said before that the best restaurants often are family run where the family members love to make food. Although In-N-Out has become far too big to have all its restaurants staff by family members, it is still family owned.

The workers at In-N-Out are the most dedicated and competent of any fast-food restaurant that I have ever seen. Perhaps it’s because it pays its employees so well. It has been the highest paying burger eatery since 2013. Store managers earn $160,000. The desire to work at an In-N-Out stays so high, that you realistically only have a chance of being hired if you’re recommended by a current employee. But employees stay on longer than other burger joints. You almost have to inherit a position from an employee who leaves.

In-N-Out runs it’s to-go orders better than any other fast-food restaurant. Whenever there’s any line of cars behind the takeout window, In-N-Out sends employees out to individual cars to take orders. So, their to-go line moves fast.

There food is fresh. I know this. I’ve seen the restaurant make its own French fries. In-N-outs have a machine that cuts potatoes into fresh, individual fries. Those fries go immediately into a deep fryer where they are cooked to a wonderful crispness. I believe the chain extends this commitment to freshness to all of their ingredients.

And I haven’t even gotten to the rest of their menu. Their hamburgers are the best in the county and so are their milkshakes.

Their prices are so reasonable. They rival or are below those the national burger chains.

In short, In-N-Out is the best place for burgers. And fries. And shakes

Oh, ask for their “Animal Style” sauce packets. They’re tasty.

I’m hungry.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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I Review a Banana Slicer

Posted on May 22, 2021 by pauldelancey

It’s astounding that someone thought there was a need for this banana slicer. But there you go. There are more things in Heaven and on Earth that are dreamed in your philosophy.

It really exists. Click on Banana Slicer to see the hilarious reviews it got on Amazon. Mine is shown above.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Cheeseburger Pie

Posted on May 21, 2021 by pauldelancey

American Entree

CHEESEBURGER PIE

INGREDIENTS

1 small onion
1 pound ground beef
¼ teaspoon salt
1 cup grated cheddar cheese (1 cup more later)
½ cup ketchup
⅛ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 9″ pastry shell
1 cup grated cheddar cheese
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk

Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Dice onion. Add ground beef, onion, and salt to pan. Cook on medium-high heat for 10 minutes or until beef browns and onion softens. Drain. Add 1 cup cheese, ketchup, pepper, and Worcestershire sauce. Stir until well blended.

Ladle mixture into pastry shell. Add 1 cup cheese, egg, and milk to mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Spoon evenly over meat mixture. Bake at 425 degrees for 25 minutes or until the crust is golden brown and a toothpick stuck in the center comes out clean.

TIDBITS

1 The left picture is the planet Venus. The one on the right is this recipe’s cheeseburger pie. The photographs are shockingly similar.

2) These photos have turned our understanding of the creation of the Solar System and indeed of the entire universe on its ear. Scientists are now speculating that the building blocks of planets are: small onions, ground beef, salt, grated cheddar cheese, ketchup, pepper, Worcestershire sauce, pastry shell, eggs, and milk.

3)The discovery of these new planetary ingredients will, of course, force a drastic revision of the Big Bang Theory. Other theorists dismiss the need for ten new building blocks, saying only one is needed. That is Venus is really a Cheese PuffTM that somehow expanded to planetary size. NASA is hurriedly drafting plans to send a team of culinary astronauts to Venus to find out. Stay tuned.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Motivational Poster #2, You Can Do Anything

Posted on May 19, 2021 by pauldelancey

Me, during my grad school days at the University of Wisconsin.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Recruiting Poster For Chefs

Posted on May 17, 2021 by pauldelancey

Become a restaurant chef! Become a home cook! People love good food. People love people cooking for them. Yes, we all go wild for good cooks. A fancy, homemade, gourmet meal will forever impress your date. And chefs are the hotties of romance, as the picture below proves.

 

Win your true love. Learn to cook. Don’t delay.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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I Am a Fashion Model – Spring Sock Wear

Posted on May 16, 2021 by pauldelancey

 

The very latest fashions from France! Socks are in for men. Socks are chic. Socks are now. And what socks are the stylish man man wearing? Food themed socks. Men are wearing socks that shout, “I will seduce you with my food.”  Mais oui, buns of steel are out, buns on socks are in.

Above, we see sexy socks from straight from the prestigious La Maison de la Nourriture. Your sweetheart will want to eat you up after feasting her eyes on this handsome hosiery

Why not make yourself a six-course dinner for your lovely lady with socks affirming: fantastic fresh fish, lively lobster, stunning shrimp, tasty tacos, spectacular SPAM(tm), and beautiful breakfasts? Certainement, turn yourself into a meal that your date will always remember with inspiring food socks from La Maison de la Nourriture. Bon appétit.

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., fashionisto

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Motivational Poster #1, Goals

Posted on May 13, 2021 by pauldelancey

Dear Reader,

Life is hard. But if we don’t try to achieve anything, we will be become listless and depressed. We can do little things, sure. However, if we accept these minor achievements as the limit of what we will do, we will end up accepting small deeds as the limit of what we CAN do.

We must attempt things we thought we could never do. Our reach must exceed our grasp. We must set ourselves spectacular goals. We must do things that make our heart race.

We must be able to shout to the heavens, “I live for adrenaline.”

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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My Favorite Restaurants – JV’s, San Diego

Posted on May 8, 2021 by pauldelancey

 

San Diego is extraordinarily fortunate to possess so many fine Mexican taco shops and restaurants. I could eat Mexican food at least once every day for the rest of my life. So, I feel like I am in heaven living here. I do think, though, that the Mexican restaurant I would want to see in Heaven, in JV’s.

I believe the best restaurants often are family run where the family members love to make food all hours of the day. I am well aware that making food and running is truly hard, tiring work. But the workers at the great dining restaurants are so, so dedicated and really seem to have the attitude of, “Wow! I get to make food all day long. What else in life is as worthy?”

The family running JV’s has this attitude. I marvel at their stamina and speed. JV workers, I tip my hat to you.

And I haven’t even gotten to their food. Their Mexican food is the best in the county and I have been to many Mexican restaurants. My family wants to go there whenever we’re near. One of my sons works in St. Paul. The other son goes to school in Chicago. Whenever I pick them up at the airport, we have to get food from JV’s on the way home. This is always a line to order food at JV’s.

All of the dishes on their menu are authentic and taste great. (Okay, you can get hamburgers, but please, please try their Mexican dishes.) They have such a selection. I have sometimes found that a huge menu means that the food is not fresh or prepared in a hurry. JV’s avoids this trap by making their dishes so quickly. As I said above, their chefs amaze me.

My favorite food from anywhere in the world is the taco that has a crispy corn tortilla and shredded beef. They prepare this taco so well. I also order their combo shredded beef/bean burrito. All their other dishes are wonderful, including the steak Milanesa. However, their crispy, shredded-beef taco tastes so wonderful that I almost feel like I’m having an affair when I order something else.

The decor at JV’s is somewhat between the usual taco shop and a pure sit-down restaurant. They adorn their walls with Mexican art and pictures of the local sports team they ‘ve sponsored . Their TVs show sports of interest to their clientele, such as Mexican soccer games.

Oh, and their prices are so reasonable. They rival or are below those of other taco restaurants. All in all, the value of their Mexican food is clearly the best in San Diego county.

Now I’m hungry for their food. It’s been two whole days since I’ve had their tacos and burritos.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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