humor

Cooking Tips

Posted on November 11, 2012 by pauldelancey

Cooking Tips

People often ask me, “Do you work here?” People who know me ask, “Paul, how do you make your food so, so edible?” Well, in the interest of culinary advancement, I shall pass on my cooking tips to the world.

1) Food generally heats up quicker if you turn on the heat or plug in the oven.

2) You are allowed to turn the burner or toaster oven off after cooking.

3) You must have an ingredient to cook with it.

4) Insist on bowls. They make eating soup easier

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Jamaican Pepper Pot

Posted on November 6, 2012 by pauldelancey

Jamaican Entree

PEPPER POT

INGREDIENTS

1 chicken breast
2 garlic cloves
1 medium yellow onion
1 tablespoon olive oil (1/2 tablespoon more later)

1/2 tablespoon olive oil
1 large fresh red tomato
1 small sweet potato
2 ounces kale (about 2/3 of a bunch at my supermarket)

2 cups chicken broth
1 teaspoon scotch bonnet sauce
1/4 cup unsweetened coconut milk
1/2 teaspoon allspice
1 bay leave
1/8 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 tablespoon brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon celery seed
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon cilantro
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1/4 teaspoon ginger
1/2 tablespoon sea salt
1/4 teaspoon thyme
1 8 ounce can kidney beans, drained

UTENSIL

Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Chop chicken into 1/2-inch cubes. Mince garlic cloves and onions. Dice tomatoes. Peel and dice sweet potato. Remove leaves from kale’s stem and cut them into small pieces. (Sorry, your food processor does a poor job on kale leaves.)

Put 1 tablespoon olive oil in Dutch oven. Cook chicken cubes, garlic, and onion at medium-high heat for about 5 minutes or until chicken begins to brown and has changed color on the inside. Remove chicken/garlic/onion and set aside.

Put 1/2 tablespoon olive oil in Dutch oven. Add tomatoes, potato, and kale. Cook on medium-high for about 5 minutes. Add chicken broth, scotch bonnet sauce, coconut milk, allspice, bay leaves, black pepper, brown sugar, celery seed, chili powder, cilantro, coriander, ginger, sea salt, thyme, and kidney beans.

Add chicken/garlic/onion to Dutch oven. Bring to boil at high heat, stirring frequently. Lower temperature to low-warm and simmer for 30 minutes. Cover and stir occasionally. (You will need to, of course, remove the lid to stir the contents of the Dutch oven. If you don’t need to take off the lid to stir, please let me know. A Nobel Prize in Physics would look very nice on my mantlepiece.)

TIDBITS

1) Scotch bonnet peppers are about 40 times hotter than the esteemed jalapeño pepper.

2) That’s important information to know if you’ve been dared to eat the scotch bonnet pepper at a party. You’ve got to ask your taste buds, “Do you feel lucky today?”

3) And if you eat the fiery pepper without the aid of milk to coat the pain receptors in your mouth, the knowledge that these peppers possess a deeply inverted rounded apex won’t help you at all.

4) However, as you stagger around the party, sweat streaming down your burning face, other parts of your body are benefitting from the helpful fruit. You see, the mighty scotch bonnet pumps goodly amounts of vitamins B and C, iron, niacin, thiamine, magnesium, and riboflavin.

5) These vitamins help bobsledding athletes excel.

6) Jamaican athletes eat scotch bonnet peppers while British athletes never eat them. Jamaica has a better bobsledding team.

7) So eat your scotch bonnets if you wish to enter the Winter Olympics.

8) You might want to eat the fiery peppers as part of a meal such as this one.

9) If you do enter the Winter Olympics because you ate this recipe, please let me know. I’ll be sure to watch and cheer for you.

10) My wife recently won the challenge at Orochon Ramen Restaurant in Los Angeles by eating a huge bowl of their spiciest ramen in 30 minutes; a feat accomplished by only fifty-four others. I am proud to say her picture now hangs on the restaurant’s Wall of Bravery. You can find out more about this dish by watching an episode from the show, Man v. Food.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Spinach Ravioli

Posted on November 3, 2012 by pauldelancey

Italian Entree

SPINACH RAVIOLI

INGREDIENTS

PASTA

3 cups or more of flour (1/4 cup more later in FINAL STAGE)
2 eggs
3/4 cup water or more
1 tablespoon olive oil (1 tablespoon more used later)
1 teaspoon salt (Used 3 times for a total of 2 teaspoons)

FILLING

2 garlic cloves
1/2 pound fresh spinach
1 1/2 teaspoons parsley
2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 teaspoon salt (Used 3 times for a total of 2 teaspoons)

MARINARA SAUCE

6 Roma tomatoes
1/2 large white onion
2 garlic cloves
2 teaspoons basil
1/2 teaspoon marjoram
1 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon salt (Used 3 times for a total of 2 teaspoons)
1/2 teaspoon thyme
1 6 ounce can tomato sauce

UTENSILS

rolling pin
cutting board

FINAL STAGE

water
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon olive oil (1 tablespoon more used earlier)
1/4 cup flour (3 cups more earlier in PASTA)

Makes about 40 ravioli.

PREPARATION OF PASTA

Combine flour, eggs, and cup water. Mix with hands. Make a ball of the mixture. It should just be able to come off your hand. If some of the ball sticks to your hand, then add a bit more flour, mix again, and try the new flour. If the flour ball is powdery, it is too dry. Add a bit more water, mix again, until the consistency of the next ball is just right.

Sprinkle a generous amount of flour on your cutting board and rolling pin. Roll flour ball out until it is NO THICKER than 1/4-inch. Frequently sprinkle the rolling pin to keep the dough from sticking. Let rolled-out flour sit for AT LEAST 4 hours. It should be nearly dry.

PREPARATION OF FILLING

While rolled out flour dries, peel and mince 2 garlic cloves. Dice spinach. Put garlic, spinach, parsley, Parmesan cheese, and salt in frying pan. Cook on medium-high heat for about 5 minutes. Put contents of frying pan into bowl. Mix and put spinach filling in fridge.

PREPARATION OF MARINARA SAUCE

Mince Roma tomatoes. Peel and mince 1/2 onion (Wouldn’t it be nice if you could buy a 1/2 onion at the store?) and 2 garlic cloves. Add tomato, onion, garlic, basil, marjoram, oregano, salt, thyme, and tomato sauce to sauce pot. Cook ingredients on medium-high heat until it boils, stirring occasionally. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about 20 minutes with the lid on. Stir occasionally.

FINAL PREPARATION

Dust cutting board with flour. Use knife to make 1 1/2-inch wide strips in the flour. Cut these strips into rectangles every 3 inches. Dust strips with flour. Put a 1/2 teaspoon or so of the filling on the right side of the 1 1/2-inch by 3-inch flour rectangle. (Did you know there is cutting board that has all sorts of measurements and angles on it if you want to make an exact 1 1/2-inch square ravioli? You can order it on line.) Fold the left side over the filling. Push down on the open sides with the tines of the fork to seal the spinach ravioli.

Fill pot with enough water to cover ravioli. Add salt and olive oil. Boil water. Add ravioli and cook for 20 to 30 minutes. Ravioli should float to the top and the dough should be completely soft.

While your ravioli boils itself to perfection, cook pasta sauce in pot on medium heat until it is warm. Put ravioli in bowl and add pasta sauce.

TIDBITS

1) There are a lot of Italians in Italy.

2) There are a lot outside Italy as well. This is why Italian cuisine is so easy to find.

3) But Caesar’s salad isn’t Italian. This salad is often considered to be American though it was actually first made at Caesar’s Hotel in Tijuana, Mexico.

4) I recently went to a dentist in Tijuana for my teeth. Dentist’s in Mexico are much cheaper than in America. Caesar’s Hotel was only a block away.

5) The savings from seeing the Mexican dentist vastly outweighed the cost of the meal.

6) Indeed, there are “surgery” cruises and vacation packages to Mexico. People enjoy the cruise ship, the sights of the Mexican ports, and have a surgery for less than the cost of the same surgery in the United States.

7) There are a lot of ordinary American tourists in Mexico as well.

8) And there are certainly a lot of Mexicans in Mexico.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Tamales

Posted on November 2, 2012 by pauldelancey

Mexican Entree

TAMALES

INGREDIENTS – MEAT MIX

1 onion
1 1/2 pounds chicken breast (or ground beef or shredded pork)
1 beef bouillon cube
1/4 cup tomato sauce
2 tablespoons chili powder (1 tablespoon more later)
1/2 tablespoon coriander
1/2 tablespoon cumin
1/4 cup yellow corn meal
1/2 tablespoon garlic powder (1/2 teaspoon more later)
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

INGREDIENTS – CORNMEAL COATING

1 cup yellow cornmeal
1 tablespoons chili powder (2 tablespoons more earlier)
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder (1/2 tablespoon more earlier)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 package corn husks or tamale paper

INGREDIENTS – SAUCE

1 cup tomato sauce
1 7.5 ounce can chili
1 bouillon cube
1 cup vegetable oil

(This recipe is spicy. If you prefer milder food, consider reducing the amounts of chili powder by up to half the stated amounts.)

SPECIAL UTENSILS

2 large pots
Box of wooden toothpicks (optional)

PREPARATION – SOAKING OF CORN HUSKS

Place corn husks at a time in first large pot. Heat corn husks at warm heat for 1-to-2 hours.

Soaking makes the corn husks pliable. Stiff, brittle corn husks really don’t roll well. The corn husk will split or the tamale will unravel. (You’ll end up shouting over the ensuing disaster and your whole family will head grumpily out to a fast- food joint.) Soak those corn husks.

PREPARATION – MEAT MIX

Set aside an afternoon to do this. Mince onions. Shred chicken breast or meat of choice. Crumble bouillon cube. Combine onion, tomato sauce, shredded chicken, chili powder, coriander, cumin, corn meal, garlic powder, cayenne pepper, and bouillon.

Mix thoroughly with hands. Shape mix into sticks no longer than about 3/4 the width of the corn husks.

PREPARATION – TAMALE COATING

In large bowl, mix corn meal, chili powder, garlic powder, and salt. Roll meat sticks in corn meal until coated all over.

Take a tablespoon of this coating and place it near the top, narrow part of the corn husk. Roll the husk from the top until the meat stick is enclosed. Fold in the sides of the husk and finish rolling. Be sure to roll it tight. Place the resulting tamale in second large pot with the seam side down.

Continue with the rest of the tamales. Put each tamale right up against the side of the pot or another tamale to prevent the husks from unraveling. You might wish to hold the tamales together with a wooden toothpick as well.

REMAINING PREPARATION

Mix sauce ingredients together. Pour sauce over tamales. Add enough water to cover the top layer of tamales. Bring to boil then reduce heat. Simmer for 40 minutes. Add vegetable oil. Simmer for 5 minutes more. Let soak for 30 minutes. This gives the cornmeal time to absorb the sauce.

Unroll the corn husks and serve the tamales. Cover the tamales with as much sauce as desired from the pot.

ADDITIONAL MEALS FROM THIS RECIPE

It’s possible that you might run out of pots to cook all the tamales you would otherwise make. You can use the excess meat mix as a burrito or taco filling. The remaining sauce in the pot makes an excellent chili soup. Reorganize the fridge. Make room for all this great food.

TIDBITS

1) My grandmother, who was born in Sonora, used to make tamales. I wish I remembered this better.

2) After making this dish, you’ll have a much greater appreciation of why tamales cost so much in stores and in restaurants. You’ll also see why establishments make tamales in such big batches.

3) Profusely thank your sweetheart who cleans up after your cooking. If you don’t have a sweetheart, consider finding one to help you tidy up after making tamales.

4) There is a Tamale Museum in Newport Beach, California. Featured there are paintings of Los Angeles’ taco trucks.

5) The first tamale factory in America opened in Austin, Texas in 1911. Prior to that, America was in the culinary dark ages.

6) There is a tamale factory in Vicksburg, Mississippi. It opened in 1939. I’ve been there. Their food is good. People in Northwest Mississippi are serious about their tamales. Who knew?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Simple Crêpes

Posted on November 1, 2012 by pauldelancey

French Dessert

SIMPLE CREPES

INGREDIENTS

1 cup flour
1/2 cup water
3 tablespoons sugar
2 eggs
2 1/2 tablespoons butter
3/4 cup milk

UTENSILS

non-breakable mixing bowl
no-stick frying pan
no-stick spray

PREPARATION

Use whisk to mix all the above ingredients in a large mixing bowl. At this point, you can let the batter you have made sit in a refrigerator for two hours or … you can practice your Tarzan yell while banging your non-breakable bowl on the counter top to get the air bubbles out.

Spray the frying pan with no-stick spray, or add just enough butter or cooking oil to coat the bottom. Pour about two tablespoons batter in the middle of the pan. Swirl it around right away, particularly after pan gets hot, so the batter covers as much surface as possible.

Cook for 20 to 30 seconds or until batter has firmed. Carefully flip the crepe over. Try not to fold the batter while doing so. (This takes some practice. Try to get the entire spatula under the crepe.) Cook for 20 seconds more. Keep making crepes until you run out of batter.

Lots of yummy ingredients can go inside a crepe. My favorite is butter and confectionary sugar. Other tasty fillers include: blueberry and strawberry jams, hazelnut spread, ham, and cheese. Place the filler of your choice in the bottom-center part of the crepe. Form the crepes as you would a burrito. Fold the sides in a little bit and roll up from the bottom.

If you want to serve your crepes cold, put them on a plate to cool off. The crepes can be stacked once they are cold. But if you’re like me you’ll want to eat now. Eat them while they’re hot.

TIDBITS

1) Crepes in French is spelled, crêpes.

2) This dish is pronounced creps in France. Many people in America call it crapes. When the waiter takes your order don’t pronounce it, “Creep.”

3) Crepes are often served by themselves or a dessert.

4) Crepes could be served as an hors d’oeuvre.

5) Here’s a tip for little boys. Pronounce hors as oars. If not you might say it in a way that gets you sent to your room, particularly if your mom is entertaining your neighbors.

6) So when your mom asks you to serve her guests, ask them, “Would you like one of these?”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Doro Alicha (Mild chicken stew)

Posted on October 29, 2012 by pauldelancey

Ethiopian Entree

DORO ALICHA
(Mild chicken stew)

INGREDIENTS

3 pounds white onions
1 garlic clove
2 chicken breasts
2 cups Niter Kibbeh (See recipe in this book for this spicy butter.)
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup red wine
1 1/2 tablespoons lime juiceAll Posts
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon ginger
1/4 teaspoon salt

water
6 eggs

Goes well with injera, Ethiopian flat bread.

PREPARATION

Peel and mince 3 pounds onions. (You’ll cry over this recipe.) Mince garlic clove. Cut chicken into 1-inch cubes. Put chicken cubes in bowl. Coat chicken cubes with lime juice, pepper, ginger, and salt.

Put onion, garlic, Niter Kibbeh, water, and wine in large pot and saute at medium-high heat for about 5 minutes. Stir frequently.) Add coated chicken cubes. Simmer for 45 minutes at warm heat, or until most of the water is gone, and it looks like a stew. (Remember, most people have no idea what Doro Alicha looks like. So no matter how it turns out, say it came out well.) Stir occasionally.

Meanwhile back at the range, boil eggs, peel them, and slice them into fourths. (Head ‘em up, move ‘em out.) Put eggs on top of stew and serve.

TIDBITS

1) Lucy, a 3.2-million-year old human skeleton, was discovered in Ethiopia in 1974

2) Lucy van Pelt, the character from the comic strip Peanuts was created in 1951.

3) Lucy of Ethiopia was for many years the oldest human skeleton. Unfortunately, just lost her oldest status to Selam, a 3.45 million year old skeleton. Honestly, you don’t look a day over 3 million.

4) The last new comic strip featuring Lucy van Pelt ran in early 2000.

5) The new millennium has not been kind to either Lucy.

6) Lucy van Pelt used to whisk away the football before Charlie Brown could kick it.

7) Maybe, just maybe, Lucy of Ethiopia did the same thing to another boy 3.2 millions ago?

8) And did they have tailgate parties at football games way back then?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Tangy Buffalo (Bison) Meatloaf

Posted on October 28, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Entree

TANGY BUFFALO (BISON) MEATLOAF

INGREDIENTS

1/2 medium onion
3 garlic cloves
1/4 cup grated carrots
1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil
2 pounds ground buffalo (bison) meat
3 large eggs
2 tablespoons parsley
2 tablespoons steak sauce
1/2 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
1 cup bread crumbs

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mince onion, garlic, and carrots. Add this to olive oil and saute on medium heat until soft or about 6 minutes.

Combine onion/garlic/carrot mix, buffalo (bison) meat, eggs, parsley, steak sauce, meat spice, and bread crumbs in baking dish. Mix this thoroughly. Sorry, you really need to use your hands to do a good job here.

Spray cooking dish with no-stick cooking spray. Transfer the meat mass to this dish. Bake at 350 degrees for 40-to-60 minutes (The shape and size of your baking dish can make cooking times vary greatly.) Let meatloaf cool for 5 – 10 minutes.

Baking is always a bit scary, particularly when cooking a dish for the first time. What will it taste like? Once you put that dish into the oven there is nothing you can do to change the taste.

TIDBITS

1) I didn’t like meatloaf as a kid. My attitude changed when I could decide what went into it.

2) The musician Meatloaf was in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Nearly all links found by GoogleTM about “meatloaf” refer to him.

3) What Americans call “buffalo” is more properly referred to as “American bison” by zoologists. The heck with them, all Americans except for maybe two, call them buffalo. This beast is our critter. We’re calling it “buffalo.” So there.

4) There used to be up to 60,000,000 buffalo in America. Nowadays, only 200,000 exist.

5) Hunters during the 19th century used to kill buffalo only for their hides and tongues. Millions upon millions of buffalo meatloaves were wasted.

6) Although it’s doubtful that Native Americans ever made buffalo meatloaf before the arrival of settlers, they used much more of the critter, making buffalo jerky, for instance.

7) I am also grateful to the Native Americans for corn. Without corn, there would be no popcorn.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Beef Lasagna

Posted on October 26, 2012 by pauldelancey

Italian Entree

BEEF LASAGNA

INGREDIENTS

water
1/4 teaspoon salt (1/2 teaspoon more later)
12 ounces lasagna noodles
3 garlic cloves
1 white onion
8 ounces mozzarella cheese
1 cup ricotta cheese
1/2 cup fresh Parmesan cheese (2 tablespoons more later)
4 peppercorns
1 pound ground beef
1/3 cup red wine
1 26 ounce jar spaghetti sauce
1 15 ounce can diced tomatoes
1 teaspoon basil
1 bay leaf
1 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
1 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon salt (1/4 teaspoon more earlier)
1/2 teaspoon thyme
2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese (1/2 cup more earlier)

UTENSILS

9-inch x 13-inch baking dish
cooking scissors (If your baking dish is 8-inches x 8-inches, for example)
spice grinder
no-stick spray

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Boil water in large pot. Add salt and lasagna noodles. Cook noodles according to directions on package or for about 9 minutes on high heat. Remove noodles and set aside. Make sure the lasagna noodles are all separate after you do this. (If not, you’ll need to add another chunk of time separating the noodles that cling to each other with a tenacity rivaling a salesman pitching to a hot prospect.)

Peel and mince onion and garlic cloves. Grate, chop, fold, mutilate, and spindle mozzarella cheese and Parmesan cheese. Mix these cheeses together along with the ricotta cheese. Use spice grinder to well, grind peppercorns. (If you don’t have a spice grinder you can gnash your teeth in rage, use 1/4 teaspoon pepper, or shrug your shoulders in the belief that no one will notice.)

Add ground beef, onion, and garlic to frying pan. Cook at medium heat for about 5 minutes or until meat is no longer pink.
Add red wine, spaghetti sauce, diced tomatoes, basil, bay leaf, meat spice, oregano, salt, thyme, and peppercorns. Cook on medium heat for about 3 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Use no-stick spray on baking dish. Put a layer of lasagna, most likely 3 side-by-side noodles on the dish. If the noodles are longer than your baking dish, snip off the excess length with your scissors.

In this recipe, 9 noodles will make one lasagna dish with 2 layers of meat sauce. Reserve about 1/2 cup meat sauce. Divide remaining meat sauce and cheese equally between layers.

Cover this first layer of noodles with a layer of meat sauce and a layer of cheese. Add a second layer of noodles, meat sauce, and cheese. Add a third layer of noodles. Spoon just a little meat sauce atop the top layer along with 2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese. Put glass lid or aluminum foil on top of baking dish.

Cook lasagna in covered baking dish in oven at 375 degrees for 45 minutes. Cook uncovered for an additional 15 minutes or until bubbly. Remove and let sit for 5 minutes more.

Serve to adoring guests. Become lifelong friends with any who offer to clean up.

TIDBITS

1) Lasagna was first developed in England in the 14th century.

2) The English version had cinnamon and saffron instead of tomatoes.

3) Saffron is incredibly expensive. It runs about $170 an ounce today. Tomatoes cost $2 to $3 a pound.

4) This price differential put an incredible pressure on English cooks to substitute tomatoes for saffron.

5) Many more tomatoes are widely grown in France and Italy. English cooks turned there eyes to these regions.

6) Most historians believe England under Edward III invaded France  in 1347 for various dynastic reasons.

7) But there was pressure on King Edward by his kingdom’s cooks to secure a source of lasagna ingredients far cheaper than saffron.

8) The Hundred Years War lasted until 1453, which shows just how fiercely people will fight for their tomatoes.

9) I fear a war over saffron.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Breakfast Burritos

Posted on October 25, 2012 by pauldelancey

Mexican Breakfast

BREAKFAST BURRITOS

INGREDIENTS

1/2 onion
1 1/4 ounces Cotija cheese
4 ounces pork sausage
4 ounces ground beef
3 eggs
1 4 ounce can diced green chiles
1 4 ounce can diced tomatoes
3/4 teaspoon cumin
1/4 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
1/2 cup grated Monterey Jack cheese
lettuce
8 flour tortillas (bigger tortillas make bigger burritos)
no-stick cooking spray

PREPARATION

Be nice to your helper. Spray the cooking pan with no-stick cooking spray before you start. Mince the onion. Crumble the Cotija cheese. Brown the sausage and beef. Add eggs, onion, and chiles. Cook on medium heat and stir. Add tomatoes, cumin, meat spice and both cheeses. Cook and stir on medium heat. (Cooking on high heat will likely cause the eggs to burn.)

Microwave the big flour tortillas. Put two spoonfuls, or so, of meat mixture and romaine lettuce near top and center of tortilla. Fold in sides, then roll from the top of the tortilla until burrito is formed. Try a little less filling (tastes great) if you have trouble rolling the burrito.

TIDBITS

1) Remember the theme of “Cooking with what’s handy.” Don’t be afraid to use either iceberg or romaine lettuce if that is what you have in the kitchen or another grated cheese if you don’t care for Monterey Jack.

2) I’m afraid flour tortillas are a must, though. Attempting to roll a corn tortilla into the shape of a burrito will drive you to drink. “Sorry about the weaving officer, I used corn instead of flour.”

3) Cotija cheese is the “Parmesan of Mexico.” It is now made from cow’s milk, but at one time it was made from goat’s cheese. What happened? Did all Mexican goats disappear? Are they hiding in the hills only to swoop down to eat the straw of caravaning tourists?

4) The ancient Greeks and Romans used cumin as a cosmetic.

5) The first settlers from Europe thought tomatoes were poisonous.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Rice Onion Soup Provencale From Forthcoming Cookbook

Posted on October 23, 2012 by pauldelancey

French Soup

RICE ONION SOUP PROVENÇALE

INGREDIENTS

1 large onion
2 garlic cloves
1/2 cup brown rice
1 cup water
1 1/2 tablespoons butter
1 quarts beef broth
1/2 tablespoon red wine
1/3 cup Gruyère cheese
1/3 cup Swiss cheese
1/2 baguette
2 bay leaves
2 tablespoons herbes de Provence

(If you cannot find herbes Provence, use the following spices.)
1/2 teaspoon basil
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoons marjoram
1/2 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon parsley
1 teaspoon rosemary
1 teaspoon tarragon
1 teaspoons thyme

PREPARATION

Mince onions and garlic. Slice Gruyère and Swiss cheese into thin 1-inch squares. Cut baguette into slices no wider than 1-inch. Toast slices on cookie tray in toaster oven at 275 degrees for 5 minutes. Cook rice according to instructions shown on bag or heat rice and water in rice cooker.

Meanwhile back at the range, saute onions and garlic in butter in pot at low-medium heat for 15-to-20 minutes or until onions start to turn brown. Stir frequently

Add broth, red wine, and herbes de Provence to pot. Cook on low heat for 30 minutes. Add done rice to soup and cook on low heat for another 5 minutes. (Use this time to practice your Gallic shrug.)

Ladle soup into bowls. Top each bowl with 3 or 4 baguette slices. Sprinkle squares of Gruyère and Swiss cheese on top. Wait 1 minute and serve.

TIDBITS

1) Gruyère cheese costs over $16 a pound at my supermarket. Serve it only to people you like.

2) Gruyère cheese comes from Switzerland.

3) Switzerland was one of the few European countries that never got invaded by the Germans during World War II.

4)Gruyère cheese has more than 100 calories per ounce. An infantryman could get his daily allowance with far less food than the gruyèreless soldiers of The Third Reich. This enabled the Swiss soldier to carry more ammunition than his aggressive northern neighbor.

5) The earlier First and Second German Reichs also collapsed. Their soldiers didn’t eat Gruyère cheese either.

6) My family eats Gruyère cheese. We ate it today.

7) Do your part for your country. Eat Gruyère cheese often

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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