cuisine

Australian Avocado and Egg Toast

Posted on February 18, 2022 by pauldelancey

Australian Breakfast

AVOCADO AND EGG TOAST

INGREDIENTS

Spot the Volkswagen Beetle

2 eggs
2 slices sourdough bread
1 avocado
½ tablespoon lime juice
1 teaspoon fresh, chopped chives
⅛ teaspoon pepper

Serves 2. Takes 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add each egg to a ramekin or a cup that is not much larger than the egg. Add enough water to pot to cover egg. Bring water to boil using high heat. Gently slide eggs into boiling water. Poach eggs at high heat for 2 minutes for soft, runny egg yolks and for 5 minutes for eggs with firm yolks.
Remove eggs with slotted spoon and set aside.

Toast sourdough bread to your liking. While bread toasts, peel and remove pit from avocado. Add avocado to mixing bowl. Mash with potato masher or fork until avocado becomes creamy. Add lime juice, chives, and pepper. Mix with fork until well blended.

Top a sourdough slice with ½ of the mashed avocado. Spread avocado across bread. Press down with spoon slightly in the middle of the avocado mash. Place an egg in the depression. Repeat for the other sourdough slice.

TIDBITS

1) Australians love sports. They go crazy over soccer or football as they call it. I even played there in league soccer when I was little. Every year, the town where I lived, Earlwood, shut the town down for the annual soccer parade. I was the proud standard bearer for the Green Grasshopper. *Swells with pride*

2) Aussies also love cricket. I understand a lot of it. However, there are gaps in my knowledge. If these gaps ever come up in conversation, I will nod sagely in agreement. This is a good tactic for all sorts of topics and I’ve used it to good effect.

3) Australians also play a lot of tennis and rugby. Some of them even play baseball and American Rules Football. However, a new sport is taking the splendid country by storm. It’s called Hide the Volkswagentm Beetle. Two teams of four have one hour to hide a Beetle or Bug. Then the teams race to find the other players’ hidden Beetle. The team that wins this part get two points. You also gain a point for having the most creative camouflage. The photo above shows a Beetle hidden in a giant avocado and egg toast.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Iranian Sholeh Zard (Saffron Rice Pudding)

Posted on February 15, 2022 by pauldelancey

Iranian Dessert

SHOLEH ZARD
(Saffron Rice Pudding)

INGREDIENTS

1 cup rice
6 cups water (2 teaspoons more later)
½ teaspoon saffron or turmeric
2 teaspoons water
¼ cup butter
¼ cup rosewater
1¾ cups sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon
2 teaspoons slivered almonds or pistachios

SPECIAL UTENSILS

colander
3 quart no-stick pot
8 ramekins or dessert cups

Serves 8. Takes 3 hours.

PREPARATION

Wash rice thoroughly in colander. (This removes the starch.) Add 6 cups water to large no-stick pot. Bring water to boil using high heat. Add rice. Stir with spoon. Reduce heat to low and simmer uncovered for 1 hour or until rice become completely tender. Stir just enough to prevent burning.

Add saffron and 2 teaspoons water to small cup. Stir. Add saffron/water, butter, rosewater, and sugar to pot. Simmer at low heat for 40 minutes until mixture becomes a pudding. Stir occasionally to prevent burning.

Ladle pudding into ramekins. Garnish with cinnamon and slivered almonds or pistachios.

TIDBITS

1) Life is hard, full or minor irritants. Life is very hard, filled with disasters.

2) If there were only same way or some phrase we could utter to make things magically better.

3) There is! It used to be “Abra cadabra” until it passed its Use By Date.

4) Now we must say, “Sholeh Zard.” Okay, I’ll go first. “I want a Mercedes(tm). Sholeh zard!” Wow, a Mercedes just appeared in my driveway. Now, it’s your turn to say the magic words.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Mason Jar Strawberry Ice Cream

Posted on February 11, 2022 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

MASON JAR STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM

INGREDIENTS

2 cups heavy whipping cream
5½ tablespoons sugar
2¼ teaspoons vanilla extract
⅛ teaspoon salt
2 cups whole strawberries, fresh or frozen

Makes 3 cups. Takes 15 minutes to make and 3 hours to firm in freezer.).

SPECIAL UTENSILS

food processor or blender
3 cup Mason jar or other airtight container

PREPARATION

Puree strawberries. Add all ingredients to Mason jar. Make sure that the lid to Mason jar is screwed on tightly. Shake jar for 5 minutes or until mixture thickens to the consistency of batter. Put jar in freezer. Let sit for 3 hours or until firm.

TIDBITS

1) Mason Jar Strawberry is fantastic. It’s so yummy. Only people who hate: whipping cream, sugar, vanilla extract, salt, and strawberries will dislike this dessert. That means billions and billions of people love it. People have adored this dessert for millennia. Lands without strawberries conquered surrounding peoples in a never ending quest to find wild strawberries. This is how the Roman Empire and the Mongol Empire, among others, grew to be so big.

2) Alas, the Romans and the Mongols despite their mighty armies never did manage to find, much less conquer, a land with strawberries. Their subjects grew sullen and defiant. Finally, their peoples rose up and overthrew their non-strawberry-providing rulers. (Okay, with a little help from invading foreign armies.)

3) Rulers then sent expeditions to find strawberries. This is really how Columbus sold Queen Isabella on finding the Americas. The idea that the Spanish went exploring to find gold was just a cover. The conquistadors wanted the real wealth, strawberries, just to themselves. Seeing the Spaniards’ success, other nations sent our their explorers to find their own La Fresado, The Land of Strawberries. Pretty darn quick, the entire globe got explored. International trade boomed between the old countries and the new strawberry-growing lands. We owe it all to the yummy strawberry.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Indian Spicy Shrimp

Posted on February 8, 2022 by pauldelancey

Indian Entree

SPICY SHRIMP

INGREDIENTS

1 green chile
3 tablespoons fresh cilantro
1 onion
2 tomatoes
1 teaspoon fennel seeds
2 tablespoons peanut, sesame, or vegetable oil
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon cumin
½ teaspoon garam masala
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1 teaspoon minced ginger
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon turmeric
1 pound shrimp, peeled deveined

Serves 4. Takes 40 minutes.

PREPARATION

Seed and mince green chile. Dice cilantro, onion and tomatoes. Add fennel seed and peanut oil and onion to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add green chile, tomato, chili powder, cumin, garam masala, garlic, ginger, salt, and turmeric. Cover and reduce heat to low-medium. Simmer for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally.

Add shrimp. Keep covered and simmer at medium heat for 3 minutes or until shrimp turn pink. Garnish with cilantro. Goes well with naan, some other flatbread, or rice.

TIDBITS

1) Carl La Fong loved three things: algebra, geometry, and aquatic life. He hated people because so many of them despised geometry. Strike one. So many of them detested algebra. Strike Two. So many diners ate seafood. Strike three. People were out.

2) Then, La Fong won $823 million from the lottery. He decided to teach the oceans’ denizens algebra and geometry. So he set up La Fong’s Underwater Institute. The first year’s class began with shrimp. But there were plans to expand to include cod next year and after that who knew?

3) The shrimp liked algebra and loved how geometry could tell them how high that rock shelf in the distance would be without having to measure it. But the shrimp detested the endless geometric proofs. They became surly and boycotted classes in droves. The school collapsed for lack of students. La Fong grew bitter and made and ate Spicy Shrimp. “That’ll teach them,” said he.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Madagascan Varenga (Shredded Beef)

Posted on February 5, 2022 by pauldelancey

Madagascan Entree

VARENGA
(Shredded Beef)

INGREDIENTS

⅔ onion
1¾ pounds beef chuck, boneless
7 cups water
1 garlic clove
1 tablespoon salt
1 tablespoon fresh parsley

SPECIAL UTENSIL

8″ * 11″ casserole dish

Serves 4. Takes 4 hours.

PREPARATION

Dice onion and parsely. Add all ingredients except parsley to large pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Reduce heat to low. Simmer at medium heat for 3 hours or until beef chuck can be shredded easily with a fork. (Add water as necessary to keep meat covered.)

Heat oven to 400 degrees. Transfer meat and liquid from pot to casserole dish. Roast for 30 minutes or until chuck at top is crispy and browned. Dice parsley. Garnish with parsley. Goes well with rice.

TIDBITS

1) Road rage occurs when drivers lose control of their temper and drive aggressively. If only there existed a cure for road rage. There isn’t such a thing, but there might be soon.

2) Madagascar recently suffered through a frightening year of van rage. In this case, van drivers became prone to road rage. No other car drivers fell prey to this anger. Indeed, drivers of hatch backs, pickup trucks, and all sorts of HondasTM were found to be particularly serene motorists.

3) Then Minister of Transportation, an avid anagramist, discovered that “van rage” was an anagram for “Varenga.” He said, “Why not have all van drivers eat Varenga every day?. Maybe our Varenga will calm them down.”

4) It did! All angry van drivers became pussy cats when they hit the road. Now, transportation officials all over the globe are frantically searching for food anagrams for “road rage.” This promises to be a daunting task as the words for “road rage” are different in all languages. The calming anagramic food will thus be another dish for each way of speaking.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Norwegian Sour Cream Porridge (Rømmegrøt)

Posted on February 2, 2022 by pauldelancey

Norwegian Breakfast

SOUR CREAM PORRIDGE
(Rømmegrøt)

INGREDIENTS

2 cups sour cream
½ cup flour, wheat flour, or semolina (½ cup more later)
½ cup flour, wheat flour, or semolina
3½ cups warm milk
½ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons cinnamon sugar
2 tablespoon melted butter

Serves 5. Takes 35 minutes.

* = This was part one to pin down. Outside of Scandinavia, most people would eat it for breakfast. It is mostly eaten in Norway as part of a day-long Christmas feast. It’s usually served with cured meats.

PREPARATION

Add sour cream to pot. Simmer at low-medium heat for 10 minutes. Stir frequently. Sprinkle ½ cup flour onto sour cream. Cook at medium heat for 5 minutes. Stir constantly. Use shallow spoon to skim off butter fat as it comes to the surface. Reserve butter fat. Add ½ cup flour. Stir constantly.

Slowly whisk in milk. Cook at medium heat for 10 minutes or until porridge thickens. Use whisk constantly to prevent lumps. Add salt. Stir enough to blend in salt. Add porridge to serving bowls. Ladle reserved butter fat and melted butter into bowls. Sprinkle bowls with cinnamon sugar.

TIDBITS

1) Just change the cinnamon sugar streaks in the above photo to red and you’ll see a lava flow through white rock. Culinary anthropologists believe this porridge reminds Norwegians of the days when their country was rife with active volcanoes. Indeed, culinary historians, a lively bunch if there has been one, say that constant lava flows made farming impossible. This left plundering foreign lands for precious metals and jewelry the only way to support themselves. Thus, the Vikings were born.

2) You might wonder why, until now, we’ve never heard of Norwegian volcanoes. That’s because Vikings didn’t adopt an alphabet for the entire populace, the Young Fouthrak runes, until 1100 AD. But the Norwegian volcanoes ceased erupting thirteen years earlier. And as our culinary historians are quick to point out, 1087 is the year of the last major Viking raid. Now you know. Volcanoes.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Spanish Shrimp in Crispy Batter (Gambas en Gabardina)

Posted on January 30, 2022 by pauldelancey

Spanish Appetizer

SHRIMP IN CRISPY BATTER
(Gambas en Gabardina)

INGREDIENTS

1 egg
½ cup water
1 cup flour
¼ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
⅛ teaspoon saffron (or ¼ teaspoon safflower)
¾ pound jumbo shrimp (20-25 count, peeled and deveined)
2 cups oil (vegetable or olive)

SPECIAL UTENSIL

deep fryer or skillet with tall edges

Serves 8. Takes 25 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add egg and water to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add flour and salt. Mix with whisk until well blended. Add baking soda and saffron. Mix batter with whisk until well blended.

Add oil to deep fryer. Heat oil using medium heat. until a little bit of batter starts to dance in the oil. Roll shrimp in batter until they are completely covered. Shake off any excess.

Carefully drop shrimp one at a time into the hot oil. Do not let them touch each other. Let shrimp deep fry for 2 minutes they become crispy and turn golden brown. Remove shrimp with slotted spoon or regular spoon and let dry on plate covered with paper towel. Goes well with parsley and lemon wedges.

TIDBITS

1) Shepherds use sheep dogs to move their flocks of sheep. No other animal does this job as well. Similarly, clover drovers use shrimp to corral their herds of clover. (An unattended clover is prone to wander off anywhere and get into all sorts of mischief.)

2) Four-leaf clovers are more than worth their weight in gold. For these clovers will provide good luck as long as you keep them on your person. (Take that genies, with your paltry three wishes.) So, four-leaf clover drovers employ shrimp in crispy batter. Culinary veterinarians tell us this is because the whole process toughens up the shrimp something considerable, making them more than a match for the wily four-leafers. Just like boot camp toughens up marine recruits.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sun Dried Tomato Butter

Posted on January 27, 2022 by pauldelancey

American Appetizer

SUN DRIED TOMATO BUTTER

INGREDIENTS

1¼ ounces sun dried tomatoes*
2 tablespoons fresh basil
1 garlic clove
2 tablespoons fresh parsley
1 cup butter, softened

* = or 4 tablespoons ground

SPECIAL UTENSILS

spice grinder
electric beater

Makes 1⅓ cups. Takes 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Mince sun-dried tomatoes in spice grinder. (Don’t add so much at a time that your grinder can’t handle the load). Mince basil, garlic, and parsley.

Add butter to mixing bowl. Cream butter with electric beater set at medium. Add all other ingredients. Cream with electric beater set on medium until well blended. Chill in refrigerator for 30 minutes. Place unused tomato butter in sealed container. It should keep for a week in the fridge.

TIDBITS

1) We all know the saying “Red sky at night, sailors delight.” For a night’s red sky the setting Sun’s rays are traveling through a thicker than usual concentration of dust particles. This event foretells high pressure and stable air coming in from the west.

2) I suppose this means easy sailing if your boat’s heading to the west. But what if your ship is heading east, wouldn’t a red sky indicate foul weather in the morning? Perhaps this saying needs to be made more robust?

3) Anyway, a red sky at night also means a rising moon will be red at night. Quick witted sailors soon associated red moons with smooth sailing. It was but two shakes of a lamb’s tail to think that red moons brought luck.

4) Then in 1822, during a red half moon, First Mate Tom Albacore won and won and won playing poker. At port, the next day, he wooed and wed the richest heiress in the world. From then on red half moons became a particularly lucky sign to sailors. But red half moons are rare, so sailors took the making Sun Dried Tomato Butter on sourdough toast because it looks like that phenomenon.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Huckleberry Milkshake

Posted on January 24, 2022 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

HUCKLEBERRY MILKSHAKE

INGREDIENTS

3 cups vanilla ice cream
1 cup milk
½ cup huckleberry preserves

SPECIAL UTENSIL

blender

Serves 4. Takes 5 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add all ingredients to blender. Set blender to milkshake. Blend until you get the consistency of a milkshake.

TIDBITS

1) Fresh huckleberries can be quite hard to find. Really, really hard As hard as finding yak butter? No, you find can buy fresh huckleberries in Wyoming when they’re in season.

2) Honest men, according to Diogenes, the ancient philosopher, are as hard to find as fresh huckleberries.

3) Diogenes, the ancient philosopher, carried a lamp with him as he wandered the days looking for an honest man. He never found a honest soul as most people walked away from him. What a loony, using a lamp when there was a perfectly good Sun in the sky illuminating everything.

4) Travelers also thought Diogenes was a highwayman out to steal their fresh huckleberries. Looking for honest men selling blueberries took up all Diogenes time. He had no time to get a good-paying job. So, he remained poor. Then he made a virtue of poverty. The little faker

5) It’s too bad. The Great Greek was a crackerjack philosopher when he put his mind to it. But he didn’t. Bereft of his calming philosophical guidance, the Greek city states plunged themselves in decades-long war where many died and all huckleberry farms withered away from neglect.

6) Some 100 years later the brainy mathematician, Archimedes, proved the proved the Earth to be round and, for extra credit, calculated its circumference. The Earth was round! Greek sailors could have traveled across the Atlantic Ocean without fear of falling off the edge of the Earth. Then it would have only been a hop, skip, and a jump to Wyoming, land of the huckleberries. But all knowledge of huckleberries had long since disappeared. Huckleberry deficient Greeks got conquered by Rome. All because of events set in motion by the obsessed Diogenes. Bummer.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Brown Sugar Honey Mustard Smoked Ham

Posted on January 22, 2022 by pauldelancey

American Entree

BROWN SUGAR HONEY MUSTARD SMOKED HAM

INGREDIENTS

10 pounds ham
⅓ cup barbecue rub
no-stick spray
1⅓ cup brown sugar
1 cup honey mustard
2 cups orange juice

SPECIAL UTENSILS

smoker
apple or cherry wood chunks
meat thermometer
disposal aluminum pan
sonic obliterator

Takes 7 hours 30 minutes. (Times vary with smoker.) Serves 15.

PREPARATION

Preheat smoker to 250 degrees. Add wood chunks to smoker. Rub barbecue rub onto ham. Score ham in a diamond patter ½” deep. Spray disposal aluminum pan with no-stick spray. Let ham sit out at room temperature for 1 hour. Add ham to aluminum pan. Cook for 1 hour

While ham cooks for 1 hour, add brown sugar, honey mustard, and orange juice to mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended. This is the glaze. Cook until temperature registered by meat thermometer reaches145 degrees. Baste ham with glaze every 45 minutes until done. Remove ham and let sit for 20 minutes

TIDBITS

1) Sometimes, ingredients can be hard to find. Once I looked for a specific herb for a Mongolian dish. However, this herb could only be found in a remote part of northwestern China. You need to get permission from the Chinese authorities to go there. Chinese police will probably start to tail you when you start looking all over the land for this rare herb. And even then, it’s seasonal. I opted for a substitute herb.

2) Then there are instances, like for this recipe. I wanted a 7-pound ham. My local supermarket did not have a ham in the refrigerated aisles. They did not have one on display at the butcher. They did not have one there. They did not have one anywhere. I asked the butcher if there might be one at the back. He said no. He added there were no hams in all of Poway, my fair city. I eventually found a ten-pounder 30 miles away. So if your guests give you any guff about the meal you created, zap them with your sonic obliterator. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your kitchen.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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