Monthly Archives: December 2024

What I Did Today

Posted on December 11, 2024 by pauldelancey

I woke up around 3 am. Something was wrong. I had to pee. So I did.

But something still felt amiss. Aha, mind sensed a sentient, vegan exoplanet hurtling towards us, bent on eating Earth. I used my renowned telepathic powers to contact the space spheroid. I said that it couldn’t eat our planet as Earth teemed with people and animals. Doing so would be incompatible with its vegan principles. The exoplanet agreed and changed course, missing us altogether. Still it was a near-run thing and we’d all be planet food if I had not had that large class of milk before retiring.

Later I woke picked up a friend. I went to a doctor to get a heart monitor, then we went to a dentist where she spent two hours in a dentist’s chair.

And here we are.

 

­- Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Creamy Lemon Chicken

Posted on December 10, 2024 by pauldelancey

American Entree

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CREAMY LEMON CHICKEN

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INGREDIENTS
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1 lemon
1½ pounds chicken breasts
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
¾ cup flour
3 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 teaspoons minced garlic
1 cup chicken broth
2½ tablespoons lemon juice
1¼ cups heavy cream
2 teaspoons parsley
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Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Cut lemon into 4 slices. Cut chicken breasts in half. Cut chicken halves along their width to make thin cutlets. Rub pepper and salt evenly onto chicken cutlets. Add flour to mixing bowl. Dredge cutlets through flour. Shake off any excess.
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Add butter and olive oil to large pan. Use medium heat to melt butter. Swirl pan until butter and oil combine. Carefully add chicken cutlets to pan. Sauté for 4 minutes on each side or chicken turns golden brown on both sides. Stir enough to keep from burning.
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Remove chicken and set aside. Leave butter and olive oil in pan. Add minced garlic. Sauté for 1 minute at medium heat. Stir frequently Add chicken broth and lemon juice. Bring to boil using medium heat. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer. Add heavy cream. Simmer sauce for 3 minutes. Stir enough to keep from burning. Return chicken cutlets to pan. Ladle sauce over chicken. Simmer for 6 minutes or until sauce starts to thicken. Stir occasionally. Garnish with lemon slices and parsley.
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TIDBITS
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1) Q: Why did the creamy lemon chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side so it could wash off the heavy cream and lemon juice some oaf dumped on it.
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2) Culinary hygienists in France are currently giving chickens regular showers and towel drys to see if that improves poultry-product safety. There’s also evidence that, gosh darn it, chicken just like being clean. As culinary mystic Farine du Ble said, “Of course they wish to be clean. They’re just as vain as we are. The spirit of Helen the Chicken contacted me and told me so.” Now you know.
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­- Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, observations, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Useless, Uncaring, Hateful Advice – Part 1

Posted on December 9, 2024 by pauldelancey

 

Dealing with people can be hard for us. The following comment is one reason why:

“Stop freaking out so much.”

­Strange so say. we don’t like things upsetting us so easily. Gee, if we could stay calm all the time, we would. This comment is particularly distressing when coming from loved ones, friends, and others who have known us for decades and really should know that the same events will always shatter our emotional balance.

To show you what it feels like, here’s some back-at-you Useless, Uncaring Hateful Advice:

“Manage your money better.”

“Don’t be so horrible at math.”

Here’s a thought; help the person with the problem or just plain not make it worse.

Thank you.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: about me, observations, uncaring | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Origin of Our Obesity Epidemic

Posted on December 8, 2024 by pauldelancey

Many people worry about America’s obesity epidemic (AEO) Blame for this health crisis generally falls on processed food and sedentary lifestyles. Culinary historians, however, point to the signing of the Declaration of Independence as the trigger event of the march to obesity. The previously thin founding fathers put on such a lavish, after-signing pot luck that all put on a layer of founding fat. Some of the signers did go on diets to lose their signing blubber. Many of the other great kept piling on the gravy, the turkey dinners and got fatter. Ben Franklin exclaimed later, “I can’t for the life of me lose this founding fat. It’s turned to hard fat.”

During the early 1810s the British made such, unrelenting fun of our tubby politicians that we felt a moral imperative to chastise them in the War of 1812. And so concludes today’s history lesson.

 

 

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: explanations, food, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Biggest Lies of Our Times – 2nd Update

Posted on December 7, 2024 by pauldelancey

I spent one hour trying to get through to one’s company’s customer service. I failed. Final score, Customer Service = 1, Me = 0. This is, by no means, an isolated event. So, I am updating the list of modern times’ biggest lies.

 

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: biggest lies, face of evil, lies, on the phone | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fitness and Doughnuts

Posted on December 6, 2024 by pauldelancey

Who likes to stay fit? We all do!

Who loves a doughnut? We all do! They’re yummy.

Who wants to stay fit and eat doughnuts? Me! Me! Me! Me!

Is that possible? Yes it is at Dave’s Discipline and Doughnuts.

Our culinary physical fitness trainers will craft you a regimen that will burn off exactly the number of calories you’d gain by eating your favorite doughnut.

And we give you the doughnut.

So come now to Dave’s Discipline and Doughnuts. Your buff, doughnut-filled body awaits.

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: fitness, health, lifestyle | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Persimmon Bread

Posted on December 5, 2024 by pauldelancey

American Entree

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PERSIMMON BREAD

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INGREDIENTS
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3 Hachiya persimmons
½ cup butter, softened
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
1⅓ cups sugar
3 eggs
1¼ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
2 cups flour
½ cup chopped walnuts
no-stick baking spray
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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food processor
electric beater
9″ * 5 ” loaf pan
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Makes 1 loaf. Takes 1 hour 55 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cut tops off of persimmons. Scoop out pulp. Add pulp to food processor. Puree pulp. Add butter and vanilla extract to large mixing bowl. Use high setting on electric beater until butter becomes creamy. Add sugar. Use high setting until butter and sugar become thoroughly blended Add eggs. Use medium setting on electric beater until well blended.
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Add baking soda, flour, and salt to medium mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Gradually add flour mix to the butter/sugar mix while blending with electric beater set on medium. Add persimmon pulp. Mix completely with electric beater set on medium. Fold in walnuts with spatula. This is the batter.
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Spray loaf pan with no-stick baking spray. Pour batter into loaf pan. Smooth surface with spatula. Bake for 1 hour at 350 degrees or until toothpick inserted into center comes out clean. Let cool for 10 minutes. Run knife or small spatula around loaf’s edge. Remove bread from loaf pan and place cupcakes on wire rack for 30 minutes or until cooled completely.
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TIDBITS
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1) Persimmon bread tastes great  It makes you so happy that you burst with get up and go. NASA’s scientist Carl La Fong theorized that the energy  in persimmon bread would make NASA rockets get up and go easily out of Earth’s gravitational field. But the persimmon-bread powered rocket got up and went out of the Solar System in just one week. Now no one knows where the rocket might be.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, science | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paper-Cuts Day

Posted on December 4, 2024 by pauldelancey

My stunt double

Nothing major went wrong today but my gosh, I’ve been overwhelmed by an unending series of minor things going wrong. I accomplished nothing that I want to do. Indeed, I even lost one of the gifts I wanted to wrap. Wrapping was heck because my usual clumsy fingers, were oh so more clumsy today, including wrapping and typing. All in all, a veritable death-by-paper-cuts day. Fudge. And I’d like up feeling refreshed; it’s been so many years. And I found out yesterday that I have a degenerative something in my left shoulder; that’s why it hurts so often. I think I’ll hide from the world. I learned that survival technique from my cat who stayed with me when I was sick so much when I was little. Oh gosh, signing off.

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– Paul R. De Lancey

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Busy Days

Posted on December 3, 2024 by pauldelancey

This will be a short post as I was busier than a spreadsheeter who had six hours of data entry disappear with the presentation due in five hours. I did save the Earth yesterday, so that’s something.

P.S. Does anyone know where to find wild-boar meat? Thanks.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Modern Day Wise Words – Annivesary

Posted on December 2, 2024 by pauldelancey

It’s time again to ponder life’s great lessons.

Wise Words #5

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: wise words | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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