Posts Tagged With: hunks

Fried Cheese

Posted on June 2, 2021 by pauldelancey

Czech Appetizer

FRIED CHEESE
(Smažený Sýr)

INGREDIENTS

1 pound Edam cheese or Gouda
2 eggs
1½ tablespoons milk
⅛ teaspoon salt
⅔ cup flour
1 cup breadcrumbs
4 cups olive or vegetable oil (Enough to cover fried cheeses)

Serves 4. Takes 30 minutes.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

Frying pan large enough to cook four cheese squares. I know a large frying pan is not normally considered a special utensil. But it really helps makes fried cheese look nicer when you can cook them all at once. Bits of breadcrumbs can blacken succeeding batches.

PREPARATION

Cut cheese into 4 slices ½” thick.. Add eggs, milk, and salt to mixing bowl. Beat with whisk or fork until well blended. Add flour to 1st plate. Add breadcrumbs to 2nd plate.

Heat oil using medium heat. Oil is hot enough when a breadcrumb dropped in will start to dance. Dredge cheese slices through flour until completely coated. Dredge cheese slices through eggs until completely coated. Dredges cheese slice through breadcrumbs until completely coated.

Gently place coated cheese slices in oil. (Carefully, the hot oil might splatter.) Fry using medium heat for 2 minutes on each side or until it turns golden brown. Remove immediately and pat dry with paper towels. Goes well with tartar sauce as a dipping sauce or with French fries.

TIDBITS

1) The human race abounds with geniuses. Some of them make medical breakthroughs. Others invent devices that make space exploration and planetary excursions ever easier. Then there are the culinary geniuses that find news foods to deep fry.

2) The following is a partial list of foods deep fried by these visionaries: bacon slathered with mayonnaise, bubble gum, butter, Cadbury Cream Egg(tm), cookie dough, corn on the cob, flowers, gravy, guacamole, jelly beans, Mars(tm) bars, Nutella(tm), salsa, sauerkraut, watermelon, and White Castle(tm) burgers. My pick for the most innovative deep-fried dish is the tarantula. It does exist, really.

Paul De Lancey, Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, observations | Tags: apocalyptic, appetizers, Cadbury cream egg, cheese, Comic Chef, cookbook, cookie dough, corn on the cab, Czech, deepfried, Edam cheese, flowers, fried, fried cheese, good food, Gouda, gravy, guacamole, human race, hunks, jelly beans, Mars bars, Nutella, Paul De Lancey, recipes, sauerkraut, Smažený Sýr, tarantulas, thriller, watermelon, White Castle | 1 Comment

Hot Pickled Carrots

Posted on May 29, 2021 by pauldelancey

Mexican Appetizer

HOT PICKLED CARROTS

INGREDIENTS

1 pound carrots
1 small onion
2 jalapeno peppers or 6 ounces sliced
3 cloves garlic
1 teaspoon Mexican oregano or oregano
1 cup white vinegar or cider vinegar
1 cup water
2 bay leaves
½ tablespoon sea salt or salt
1 teaspoon sugar

SPECIAL UTENSILS

mandoline (optional, but so helpful)
2 3-cup Mason jars

Makes 4 cups. Takes 40 minutes preparation, 1 hour 30 minutes cooling to room temperature, and up to 1 day in refrigerator.

PREPARATION

Use mandoline to cut carrots into ¼”-to-½” thick diagonal slices. Use julienne blade, if possible. Use mandoline or knife to slice jalapenos into rings ¼”-to-½” thick.. Use mandoline to cut onion into ⅛” thick slices. Cut each garlic clove into 4 pieces.

Add vinegar and water to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Add all other ingredients to pot. Let boil for 5 minutes. Stir until sugar dissolves, then enough to prevent burning. Remove pot from heat. Let cool for 1 hour 30 minutes or until contents, hot pickled carrots, reach room temperature.
Pour everything into Mason jars. Let sit in refrigerator for 1 day for best taste. They should keep for 1 week.

TIDBITS

1) To be “pickled” is slang for “to be drunk.” So, pickled carrots are drunken carrots. How do we know when carrots are drunk? Culinary patrolmen will tell you weaving while driving is a sure sign of an inebriation. Fortunately, drunk carrot driving remains quite rare as hardly any carrots attain the minimum driving age of 16.. Indeed, most carrots get eaten within days of being plucked from the ground. Another sign of a soused carrot is slurred speech. However, you really do need to listen carefully for this as carrots have tiny voices. Mostly, though, a drunken carrot resorts to giving people the silent treatment, which has proved to be a feeble defense against being eaten. And anyway, surly carrots are annoying. Just eat them. Show them you’re the boss.

Paul De Lancey, concerned citizen and Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: international, observations | Tags: apocalyptic, appetizer, carrots, Comic Chef, cookbook, drunk, good food, hunks, inebriation, jalapenos, Lutheran, mandoline, Mexican, patrolmen, Paul De Lancey, pickled, recipes, silent treatment., slurred speech, thriller | 2 Comments

I Solve the Speeding Problem

Posted on May 24, 2021 by pauldelancey

People drive like bats out of Hell. They don’t care about the speed limit. They don’t care about the law. They don’t care about the injuries, and sometimes death, they inflict on other drive drivers.

Clearly these people are truly reprehensible, bad eggs even.

What can been done to stop these speed demons?

1) Have police issue speeding tickets. This is a good, partial deterrent. It’s main flaw is that are only so man traffic cops on the road. This leaves millions of miles of roads across our nation unpatrolled. True, a number of these cops lurk in speed traps instead of patrolling dangerous stretches of traffic. This is indeed a flaw with this deterrent, but it stills holds that there aren’t enough policemen patrolling our roads to deter the speed demons. An officer of the law who isn’t there can’t issue a speeding ticket.

2) Let the insurance companies take car of the speeders. Let them charge higher insurance rates for the lead-footed drivers. Pfft! Doesn’t work. The speeding drivers just don’t give a rip.

So, what can we do? What do the speeders care about? What will they obey?

The laws of physics.

No matter how fast you drive, no matter how determined you are, you can’t drive your car through the car or truck in front of you.

This means that if all the lanes in front of you are blocked by vehicles going slower than the speed limit, you can’t speed.

But how can we rein in the speeders?

I’m glad you asked. My solutions depend of two observations that are nearly as true as a the laws of physics.

1) A significant portion of drivers are unable to drive as fast as the speed limit if they are going uphill.

All we’d have to do is make roads that only go uphill. But this isn’t true anywhere. Phooey.

2) But there will always, always be one driver that tries to pass a slow truck. However, they will drive one mile per hour faster than the truck they are driving to overtake. Then lanes are blocked by vehicles going slower than the speed limit.

Hurrah! We are onto something here. Simply drive enough trucks everywhere to slow down all the traffic in all lanes of every single road in the country.

But how do we get enough trucks on the roads for this plan to work?

Buy them! It could be the government doing the purchasing. It could be you. Do your part!

Where do we get enough truck drivers?

Hire them! Hire the unemployed, Unemployment would fall to zero. It could be the government doing the hiring. It could be you. Do your part!

There you go. Another problem solved. You may sleep easily tonight.

Paul De Lancey, concerned citizen and Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: humor, observations, politics | Tags: American, apocalyptic, Comic Chef, cops, drivers, good food, hunks, insurance companies, law, laws of Physics, Paul De Lancey, police, recipes, roads, speed demons, speeding, speeding tickets, thriller, traffic, truck drivers, trucks | Leave a comment

Behold, The Bacon Flower

Posted on May 20, 2021 by pauldelancey

Great news! Culinary horticulturists from Alpine, California, have at last succeeded in producing the elusive bacon flower. This flower can be enjoyed as a thing of rare and exquisite beauty.

Or you can fry it up. It’ll taste just like bacon, because it is part bacon. We can all thank the whiz kids of San Diego County for this breakthrough in cross-breeding/cross pollination. Yay!

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: food, humor | Tags: Alpine, apocalyptic, bacon, bacon flower, beauty, Comic Chef, cross breeding, flower, good food, horticulturists, hunks, Lutheran, pollination, recipes, San Diego, Southern California, thriller | 2 Comments

Braised Chicken From Ivory Coast

Posted on May 18, 2021 by pauldelancey

Ivorian (Ivory Coast) Entree

BRAISED CHICKEN

INGREDIENTS

1 bouillon cube, Maggi* vegetable, other vegetable, or chicken
2 teaspoons ginger
½ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
2 chile peppers
3 garlic cloves
1 tablespoon lemon juice
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
2¼ pounds boneless chicken breasts or thighs
3 tomatoes
1 medium onion

* = It’s almost impossible to overstate the prevalence of Maggi’s bouillon cubes in Africa.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

mandoline
outdoor grill

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 50 minutes.

PREPARATION

Crush bouillon cube. Add crushed bouillon cube, ginger, pepper, and salt to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Mince chile peppers and garlic cloves. Add minced chile pepper and garlic. Mix again with fork until well blended. Add lemon juice and vegetable oil. Mix again with fork until well blended. This is the marinade, Cut chicken into 3″ cubes. Add chicken to marinade. Toss chicken cubes until they are thoroughly coated with marinade. Let marinate in refrigerator for 1 hour. (Keep the marinade.)

While chicken marinates, use mandoline or knife to cut onion and tomatoes into ¼” slices. Cut slices in half. Preheat outdoor grill to 300 degrees. Add chicken cubes to grill. Turn chicken cubes every 3 minutes until no longer pink inside. Add equal amounts of chicken, onion and tomato to each plate. Drizzle with remaining marinade. Top with equal amounts of grilled chicken cubes.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe and many others tell you to cook something until its no longer pink inside. You can do this by cutting off a small bit and looking. Wouldn’t it be nicer to be able to use X-ray vision instead? Unfortunately, none of us possesses x-ray vision. But SupermanTM does. I’d bet Superman would be a great-steak house chef.

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: cuisine, international, observations | Tags: Africa, apocalyptic, braised chicken, chile peppers, Comic Chef, cookbook, entree, good food, hunks, Ivory Coast, Lutheran, Maggi, mushrooms, outdoor grill, recipes, Superman, thriller, X-ray vision | Leave a comment

My Spices and Herbs

Posted on May 7, 2021 by pauldelancey

Hi! I love to make cuisines from all over the world. Actually, I need to discover new appetiziers, soups, entrees, side dishes, and desserts, Cooking is therapeutic for me. Well, mostly. Making dishes from everywhere requires all the spices and a good selection of the world’s myriad herbs. So, I’ve accumulated quite a few spices and herbs as you can see in the pictures below. Many thanks to all the wonderful people who have given me spices, herbs, and blends.

And as always, “Good cooking. Good Eating.”

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: cuisine | Tags: apocalyptic, appetizers, cookbook, cooking, entrees, good eating, good food, herbs, hunks, mushrooms, Paul De Lancey, recipes, side dishes, soups, spices, therapeutic, thriller, world | Leave a comment

I Analyze a Cereal-Box Game

Posted on May 4, 2021 by pauldelancey

Please look at the picture of the Alpha-Bits game. (Sorry, it’s a bit blurry. I have fired my camera man.) You draw from a deck of cards, containing each of the following numbers, 1, 2, 3, and 4. If you draw a 1, you move your piece, an Alpha-Bit letter, ahead one square, and so on. However, there is something funny about the game. Unsettling even.

Starting the game, it is impossible to land anywhere but on the 3rd square, the one with the bee. For . . .

If you draw a 1, then you move to square 1. The result tells you to move ahead two squares to square 3, the one with the bee.

If you draw a 2, then you move to square 2. The result tells you to move ahead one square to square 3, the one with the bee.

If you draw a 3, then you move to square 3, the one with the bee.

If you draw a 4 then you move to square 4. The result tells you to move back square to square 3, the one with the bee.

No matter what you draw, you end up on the bee.

Similarly, if your piece is on square 13, the one with the rocket, no matter what you draw, you’ll finish the game.

Working backwards from square 13, you can determine the expected numbers of turns needed to win the game.

THE EXCITING RESULTS

Square # Expected Numbers of Turns needed to win the game.

———- ———————————————————–

13 – 1.00

8 – 2.00

6 – 2.25

5 – 2.56

3* – 3.15

Start – 4.15

* = Mathematical excitement abounds if you’re starting on square 3. If you draw a 1, you have to go back to your bee. If in your second turn, you again draw a 1, you will once more be back at the bee square. Fear not! By using the mathematical formula for infinite sums, you can calculate how many turns you can expect to be stuck in this purgatory. (It’s 1.33 turns.) Knowing this, our calculations become simple again.

Note that is impossible to end your turn on squares: 1, 2, 4, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, and 20.

I have come to believe that the designers of this game never really played it. I am quite certain they never subjected their creation to mathematical analysis.

Please do not use this analysis for betting purposes. And if you do, do not employ a doubling cube as in backgammon.

At any rate, my years of mathematics has served me well. And you get a gold star if you read this blog all the way through.

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., nerd

Categories: humor, obsevations | Tags: analysis, apocalyptic, backgammon, bee, betting, cereal box, Chef Paul, cookbook, doubling cube, gambling, good food, hunks, infinite sums, mathematical, mathematics, Paul De Lancey, recipes, rocket, thriller, time | 2 Comments

Why Editors Are Important – #1, Trump Awards . . .

Posted on April 21, 2021 by pauldelancey

Whoa, I wouldn’t expect to get much production out of a company that has been given $1.3. Suppose the CEO gets a coffee from the company cafeteria for $1.25. Subtract that from the award of $1.30 and you get a nickel. The company’s research and development department would burn through five cents in particularly no time at all. And then the project would necessarily shut down for lack of funds.

I know, I know, if you read further, the article does say $1.3 B, which makes the shock value of getting nothing in return somewhat greater that it would be for $1.30. Still, that’s what the headline said and it made me smile.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: apocalyptic, CEO, coffee, Comic Chef, cookbook, editors, good food, hunks, important, Lutheran, Paul De Lancey, recipes, research and development, thriller, Trump | 4 Comments

Syrian Meatloaf

Posted on April 19, 2021 by pauldelancey

Syrian Entree

SYRIAN MEATLOAF
(lahme bil sanieh)

INGREDIENTS

1 tablespoon butter, softened
1 large onion
2 pounds ground beef
1 teaspoon Aleppo pepper or black pepper
2½ teaspoons pomegranate syrup*
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
3 Roma tomatoes

* = Found in Middle Easter or World supermarkets

SPECIAL UTENSILS

8″ casserole dish
mandoline (optional)

Serves 4. Takes 50 minutes

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Coat casserole dish with butter. Dice onion. Add beef, onion, Aleppo pepper, pomegranate syrup, and salt to large mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Add beef/onion mix from bowl to casserole dish. Smooth surface with spatula. Gently poke about 30 shallow holes in meat. Drizzle vegetable oil over meat. (The shallow holes you made let the oil get into meat.) Slice tomatoes ¼” thick with mandoline or knife. Arrange tomato slices over meat. Bake at 350 degrees for 35 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) 1,000,000 B.C. – 1519: Nothing happens in history on in cooking.
1519 – Conquistador Cortez brings tomatoes back to Spain. People don’t eat the pretty plants.
1595 – Europeans note that tomatoes are part of the poisonous nightshade family. The French also believe that tomatoes, pommes d’amour, have aphrodisiacal properties. Tomatoes still aren’t eaten.
1872: Tomatoes first appear in an ingredient in a American recipe for tomato chowder.
1870s: The modern American meatloaf appears on the scene.
1894: Joseph Campbell cans condensed tomato soup. This proves wildly successful.
1929-1939: The Great American Depression forces starving family to extend precious protein to great lengths. Making meatloaf ensures that everyone gets some beef. All Americans eat meatloaf.
1949: LegoTM starts producing Legos. Legos look like squares with four raised dots.
1962: Syria gains its independence. Syria starts making meatloaf. Its meatloaf squares have four raised tomatoes slices. Was this meatloaf inspired by Legos? I like to think so.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: Aleppo pepper, American, American depression, aphrodisical, apocalyptic, Campbell, chowder, Comic Chef, condensed tomato souo, conquistador, cookbook, Cortez, depression, entree, good food, hunks, independence, lahme bil sanieh, Lego, Lutheran, meatloaf, nightshade, Paul De Lancey, poisonous, pomegranate, recipes, Roma, Spain, Syria, Syrian, syrup, thriller | Leave a comment

Brown Sugar Smoked Salmon

Posted on April 3, 2021 by pauldelancey

American Entree

BROWN SUGAR SMOKED SALMON

INGREDIENTS

3 tablespoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon dill
1 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
2 pounds salmon fillets
vegetable oil

SPECIAL UTENSILS

smoker
electric thermometer
wood chips (apple, cherry, and alder are the most popular)

Serves 6. Takes 3 hours 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add brown sugar, dill, pepper, and salt to small mixing bowl. Blend thoroughly with whisk. This is the rub. Cut salmon into 6 fillets. Pat salmon fillets dry. Rub an equal amount of rub all over the meat sides of each fillet. Let fillets sit in refrigerator for 2 hours.

30 minutes before fillets have finished refrigerating, brush grills in smoker with vegetable oil. This prevents the fish from sticking. Preheat smoker to 220 degrees. When temperature of smoker reaches 220 degrees, place fillets meat side up on grills. Smoke salmon until its internal temperature reaches 150 degrees. It should take about 1 hour 15 minutes, depending on your smoker. The salmon fillets should be pink and flaky.

TIDBITS

1) Plates are round because alien spaceships were round. Alien UFOs were living things. Aliens conquered Earth 66 million years ago. The outer spacers treated our dinosaurs most horribly. A scant million years later the dinos formulated their plan of rebellion, “Rush ‘em, crush ‘em, chomp ‘em.” The uprising was succeeding! Hooray! All the dinosaurs looked up and did a happy dance.

3) But the huge mother spaceship, it really was a mother, beamed a huge death ray at the rampaging dinos. The ray, however, merely reflected off the rebels’ cat-like eyes, disintegrating the mother ship. Circular living bits fell to Earth. Whenever the dinos laid eggs they did so on these bits, for the smarter dinosaurs knew round things can’t grow if weighed down. Today, we weigh down our round plates with food, just in case they are spaceship babies. When we’re not using our plates, we stack them in the cupboard for the same reason. You can’t be too careful with space aliens.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, history, humor | Tags: aliens, American, apocalyptic, Comic Chef, cookbook, death ray, dinosaurs, Earth, eggs, entree, good food, hunks, Lutheran, Paul De Lancey, rebellion, recipes, space, spaceships, thriller, UFOs | 2 Comments

Posts Tagged With: hunks