Yoga Instructor #4
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
We all watch live streaming or DVDs. Many of these, thank you, provide subtitles. However, I take issue with the choice of “English for the deaf or hard of hearing.” I am certainly not deaf. Even though I do need to see the occasional word spelled out, I’m not quite at the stage where I should called hard of hearing. And many times I don’t understand the accent, particulary British.
Why do we have to make judgments about people? Perhaps making them feel bad? Why not simply have “English” as a choice for subtitles?
Or even tailor the choices to me, Paul. See below.
The one on the right would make me feel special. Of course, it doesn’t have to be my name listed on the right. You should be alter the phrase to reflect your name, “English for Desdemona,” for example.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
1¼ pounds ground beef
½ teaspoon chili powder
½ teaspoon cumin
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 16-ounce* can refried beans
½ cup warm water
½ pound yellow tortilla chips
3 cups shredded cheese (Cheddar, Monterey Jack, four-Mexican cheeses, or combination)
3 green onions
1 avocado
1 jalapeno pepper
½ cup black olives, drained and chopped** (optional)
½ cup sour cream
1 cup salsa or pico de gallo
* = It might be hard to get exactly one pound. Manufacturers of canned are notorious for gradually shrinking the sizes of their products. It’s much easier for them to make money by shrinking sizes than by raising prizes. Boo.
** = Some people love black olives. Others hate it. Are our special forces forcing olives on prisoners to make them spill important information? It’s hard to say; no one’s talking.
SPECIAL UTENSILS
baking sheet
aluminum foil
Serves 12, 6 if served as an entree. Takes 40 minutes.
PREPARATION
Preheat over to 350 degrees. Add ground beef, chili powder, cumin, and pepper to mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Add ground beef to skillet. Cook for 5 minutes at medium heat or until meat is no longer pink. Stir occasionally. Drain grease. Add beans and water. Stir until well blended.
Line baking sheet with aluminum foil. Spread tortilla chips evenly over foil. Sprinkle tortilla chips with grated cheese. Top tortilla chips evenly with ground beef/bean mixture. Bake for 5 minutes at 350 degrees or until cheese melts and starts to brown. While nachos bake, dice green onions. Seed and dice avocado and jalapeno pepper. Remove sheet from oven. Top nachos evenly with sour cream, avocado, green onion, salsa, and jalapeno.
TIDBITS
1) Sometimes great inventions take place slowly. Here, progress occurs only after much brainstorming and experimentation. Such is the case of heavier-than-air flight. Your flight to see your Aunt Minnie most likely took place in a heavier-than-air jet. BoeingTM and AirbusTM have manufactured thousands of heavier-than air passenger planes.
2) Some inventions, like nachos, happen in a day.
3) Señor Ignacio Anaya opened up his restaurant, “Victory Club”, one fine morning in 1940, little dreaming that was destined for greatness and that he would change the trajectory of humanity forever.
4) A regular customer–We know her name! Her name was Mamie Finan, oh dear lady, blessed by fate!–came into his Anaya’s establishment. She had three female friends with her. This quartet had crossed the border from Eagle Pass, Texas to do some shopping in Piedras Negras, Coahuilla and had gotten quick peckish.
5) “Senor,” said Ms. Finan, “we’d like to try something different today. Would you be a dear and make us a totally new snack?”
6) The worthy restauranteur went to the kitchen. What to make? What to make? He saw freshly made tortillas. Then the culinary gods struck Anaya’s brow with cosmic inspiration. He fried those tortillas and cut them into triangles. He topped the triangles with shredded Colby cheese. He quickly heated the cheese-topped tortilla triangles. Anaya was on a roll. Adding sliced jalapeño pepper provided the crowning touch to his ground-breaking pièce de résistance.
7) Mamie Finan dubbed this culinary wonder, “Nacho’s Special.”
8) Why? Because Señor Anaya’s first name was Ignacio. The nickname for Ignacio in Mexico is Nacho. But the dish didn’t have be called ‘nachos.” It could have just as easily been named one of the following:
anayas – from the restaurateur’s last name
mamies – from Ms. Finan’s first name
finans – from her last name
victory clubs – from the name of the restaurant
piedro negrans – from the name of the town
coahuillans – from the name of the province
or evan
piedro negrans coahuillans
But I think we all agree that Nachos was the best choice.
10) Other dishes are named after people as well. Some of these culinary delights are:
Napoleons – named after the French emperor Napoleon.
beef Wellingon – named the English general who defeated Napoleon
franks – named after Frank. We don’t know he last name because he never routed any enemy army.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Part of my kitchen
1) The derivation of the term “spam” for torrents of unsolicited e-mail and posts comes from a Monty Python skit where a diner serves SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, and more SPAM.
2) While tidbit 1) advanced the cause of literature and the arts, the following tidbits will extol SPAM’s contribution to culinary history.
3) SPAM was first canned in 1937. It’s jingle was: “SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, Hormel’s new miracle meat in a can. Saves time, tastes fine, to eat something grand as for SPAM.”
4) SPAM featured in soldiers’ meal during World War II as it is a good source of protein and is easy to eat. Famous people have spoken out about Spam.
“Without SPAM we wouldn’t have been able to feed our army.”
– Russian President Nikita Kruschev
“SPAM was a war-time delicacy.”
– Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher
“I ate my share of SPAM along with millions of other soldiers, I’ll even confess to a few unkind words about it – uttered during the strain of battle you understand. But as the former commander-in-chief of the allied forces, I believe I can still officially forgive you for your only sin: sending us so much of it.”
– President Dwight D. Eisenhower.
5) The SPAM Museum is Austin, Minnesota, “SPAM Town, USA.” Admission is free. Number One Son and I have been there. The poster picture on this blog is from the gift shop.
6) Restaurants in Austin, Minnesota serve SPAM. Sometimes it’s on the menu. Sometimes you just have to ask.
7) In 1989,Americans purchased 1,750 tons of SPAM. Purchases for other years is apparently a secret.
8) Hawaii has the largest per capita consumption of SPAM in the world. These islanders acquired their love for SPAM during World War II when millions of soldiers, marines, and seamen stationed there were fed vast amounts of SPAM.
9) There is an annual SPAM Jam block party in Waikiki. McDonald’s restaurants in Hawaii include SPAM, eggs, and rice on its breakfast menu.
10) Koreans love SPAM. Who knew? Okay, smarty pants, besides Koreans.
11) Many Koreans went hungry during and just after the Korean War. Thousands and thousands averted starvation only by getting food from nearby American army bases. The most prevalent gift from the GIs were cans of SPAM. People there are still grateful for this food and SPAM has been adopted into Korean cuisine.
12) I’ve heard that SPAM is popular in the Philippines as well because of the SPAM American soldiers brought with them in 1944 to 1946. My father was stationed in the Philippines after the War as part of America’s SPAM diplomacy.
13) South Korea is a firm ally of America and a strong trading partner. North Korea, however, threatens us with nuclear attack. Why? Because America never got a chance to get its SPAM bearing armies into that land. SPAM brings peace and amity everywhere. Wonderful SPAM, glorious SPAM.
14) Some years ago, I was asked to participate in the International Bento Contest. SPAM was part of my recipe.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Things went wrong at the bank. The day went downhill after that. I feel overwhelmed like this dog who kindly agreed to pose in place of me.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
4 eggs
2½ teaspoons dashi (Japanese soup stock. You might have to make it using dashi powder.)
1¾ teaspoons mirin
½ tablespoon soy sauce
1 teaspoon sugar
2 tablespoons vegetable oil (½ tablespoon at a time)
SPECIAL UTENSILS
8″ square, non-stick skillet
measuring cup
bamboo mat (If you have one.)
sonic obliterator
Serves 2. Takes 20 minutes.
PREPARATION
Add eggs to 1st mixing bowl. Beat eggs with whisk or chopsticks. Add dashi, mirin, soy sauce, and sugar to 2nd mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add dashi/mirin mix from 2nd mixing bowl to eggs. Mix gently with whisk or chopsticks until well blended. Add egg/dashi mixture to measuring cup. (You will need to measure it out later in equal amounts.)
Add ½ tablespoon oil to skillet. Heat using medium heat until oil ripples. Ladle ¼th of egg/dashi mixture to skillet. Tilt skillet to make mixture form a thin layer. (Lift mixture, if necessary, to spread it evenly.) Heat egg mixture until sets on the bottom, but is still soft on top. Poke a hole in each large bubble as it forms.
Roll setting mixture, omelette, into log shape from one side of the skillet to the other with 3 or 4 flips from a spatula. Gently move omelette log back to the side where you started.
Add ½ tablespoon oil to pan. Tilt pan to ensure oil spreads evenly. Gently lift omelette log with spatula to get oil underneath it. (You will be making a 2nd coating to this egg log.) Ladle ¼th of egg/dashi mixture to skillet. Tilt skillet to make new layer of mixture spread evenly. Again, gently lift omelette log to get new layer of egg mixture underneath it. When new layer of egg/dashi starts to set, roll it up from the same starting side with 3 or 4 flips from a spatula. Repeat these steps one more time. Poke air bubbles as they happen.
Add completed omelette logs to bamboo mat or cutting board. Shape logs into a brick. Cut into 1″-wide slices. Serve to adoring guests. Use sonic obliterator on the others.
TIDBITS
1) Eggs are amazing! They are good for so many things. Their applications are
Bouncing eggs: This use is by far my favorite use after eating them. Simply put an egg in a glass. Cover it with vinegar. Change the vinegar after one day. You should find that after six more days that the egg shell will have dissolved. However, the egg will now have a pliable skin. This egg can be bounced. How cool is that? Egg handball, anyone?
Cleaning leather: Rub egg whites into dirty leather. Wipe with a damp cloth. The rubbed-in egg whites now provide a protective base for your leather.
Compost: Crushed eggs provide essential calcium to the soil being made.
Eating: They are great just by themselves, as in scrambled eggs. They are also essential to cakes, meatloafs, and omelettes, and this tasty entree, Tamagoyaki.
Family picnics: What family picnic would be complete without raw-egg tosses and racing with an egg in a teaspoon?
Family rated rioting: Throwing stones and shooting people to express grievances against the government and the economic system is dangerous. Make rabble rousing safe and fun for the entire family. Next time, vent your rage with eggs and scary faces only.
Gardening: Placed crushed eggshells around tender plant shoots. Slugs and other soft-skinned insects will shy away as the shell’s sharp edges hurt the plant-eating pests. Take that, plantacides.
Glue: Make glue with eggs. Make your own today. Earlier times found eggs indispensable for this process.
Hangovers: Eliminate your hangover by drinking a Prairie Oyster. Add raw egg, hot sauce, pepper, salt, TabascoTM, and Worcestershire sauce to a glass. Stir vigorously. Drink.
Healing burns: First, cool down the burn immediately, any way you can. However, if the burn still swells from blood rushing to the site, try using a newly hard-boiled egg. Remove the hot eggshell and rub it on your burn. This dissipates the blood causing the swelling. Back, back, blood, I say.
Metaphors: You have egg on your face. You can’t make an omelette without breaking an egg. This was quite the popular saying among revolutionaries some hundred years ago. The rate of revolutions dwindled after this adage passed from common speech. Coincidence? Perhaps.
Nineteenth century photography: The eggs made for precise photographs. So much so that commercial establishments kept chickens on site.
Painting eggs: Ukrainians and Poles have been particularly adept at painting eggs. It’s called pysanky. You need skill and patience to triumph at this, but my gosh, the results can be spectacular. And what else are you doing with your life?
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
One Does Not Simply #$
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
All people need to relax. So do chicken eggs. They have their whole lives in front of them. What will it be like? They don’t know. Scary. They need to spend their last pre-coming out moments letting their hair down. So where do they go? To a sauna! The picture below show eggs chilling in a South Korean* sauna. Proof you cannot deny.
You Need to See #22
* = It might true that North Korean eggs also frequent saunas. I tend to doubt it. North Korea is under a brutal, repressive dictatorship.
P.S. It’s not yet clear why the groups of three thing is so prevalent among sauna-going eggs.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
6 ounces fresh beef sirloin or tenderloin steak cut thinly as possible
1½ tablespoons fresh basil*
1½ tablespoons fresh mint*
¼ pound Chinese long beans (also called yardlong beans)
1 red chile pepper
½ small red onion
1½ tablespoons fish sauce, Hoisin sauce, or soy sauce
1¼ teaspoons sugar
¼ pound bean sprouts
2½ tablespoons lime juice
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1 lemongrass stick or 1 tablespoon lemongrass paste
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
¾ teaspoon prahok, shrimp paste**, fish sauce, or even omit
2 tablespoons water
* = or use 1 tablespoon each of dried basil and dried mint. Again, if your guest gives you guff about this, turn your sonic obliterator on her. It’s okay, you are the master of your kitchen. (See Courgette v Aubergine, 1973.)
** = prahok can be found in Asian supermarkets on online. Shrimp paste is the closest substitute to prahok. It too can be found in Asian supermarkets or online. However, foodies will tell you shrimp paste really is only a distant substitute. Indeed, an entirely reasonable approach to finding prahok is to not use it at all. If some oaf complains about the missing prahok, zap him with your sonic obliterator. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your kitchen.
SPECIAL UTENSILS
large freezer bag
deli slicer or kitchen mallet
sonic obliterator
Serves 2. Takes 2 hours.
PREPARATION – BEEF SIRLOIN
Put sirloin in freezer bag. Push out all air from freezer bag and close tightly. Freeze meat for 1 hour. (Meat will firm faster in the freezer if you put the bag on a metal tray before putting it in the freezer. Periodically check to see if sirloin has firmed. The sirloin is just firm enough if a knife goes the meat smoothly.
If cutting with knife, make sirloin strips by cutting against the grain as thinly as possible. If cutting by deli slicer or mandoline, set the cutting thickness to ⅛. (Be sure to use the safety features on these kitchen tools. (If you can’t slice the sirloin thinner than ⅛”, flatten the slices with a kitchen mallet until they are ⅛” thick. )
PREPARATION – REST
While sirloin firms in freezer, dice basil, mint, Chinese long beans, red chile peppers, and red onion. Add basil, mint, Chinese long bean, red chile pepper, red onion, fish sauce, sugar, and bean sprouts to 1st mixing bowl. Toss with fork until well blended.
Cut beef slices into strips 1″ wide and 2″ long. Add beef strips to 2nd mixing bowl. Pour lime juice over beef. (The citric acid in the lime juice will “cook” the sirloin in the same way as ceviche does for fish.) Cover and set aside for 15 minutes.
While sirloin marinates, remove outer, white layers of lemongrass. Mince remaining green part of lemongrass (Skip this bit, if you’re using lemongrass paste.). Add vegetable oil to pan. Heat oil using medium-high heat until a bit of garlic will dance in the oil. Carefully add garlic and lemongrass to hot oil. (Add sirloin here if you want it sautéed.) Sauté on medium-high heat for 3 minutes. Stir frequently. Add prahok and water. Reduce heat to medium and sauté for 3 minutes. Stir frequently. Remove from heat.
Add all ingredients to large salad bowl. Toss with forks until well blended.
TIDBITS
1) Lap Khmer is a Cambodian dish. Cambodian was, as of press time, the most popular cuisine in Cambodia. However, the cuisines of: Paraguay, Austria, Mali, El Salvador, and Luxembourg remain quite underappreciated.
2) Indeed, Greenland, with a cuisine that emphasizes: whale, musk ox ptarmigan, lump fish roe, seal meat, and wild cloudberries quite shunned by native Cambodians. Sad to say, you’ll never hear the following conversation in Cambodia.
Acharya: Hey Thyda, where would you like to eat tonight?
Thyda: I dunno. Where would you like to eat?
Acharya: I dunno, what do you want?
Thyda: I dunno, how about Greenlandic?
Acharya: Great,. I was thinking about Greenlandic cuisine this very morning. But which restaurant?
Thyda: How about The Fragrant Elephant? My friend Jorani says their food’s quite tasty. And it’s just two streets away from us.
Acharya: But won’t it be crowded?
Thyda: Yes, it will. We’ll have to make reservations right now.
Acharya: And don’t forget, let’s save room for fresh wild Arctic berry desserts. You know how much I love them.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Mild tempered man handles things better than the rest of us.
Mild Mannered Man #1
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Paul De Lancey's Blog 