Sure, lots of things can be good for you, when you do them. Vaucuuming and kale crunching come to mind. They’re might be some nutritional benefits to eating them but can you eat them. And don’t forget vacuuming kale is the only way vacuum will always fill your world with true serenity.
We can, with some effort, think of benefits accruing from cleaning house and eating healthy.
“Just don’t overdo things by actually doing them.”
– Carl La Fong, life coach
LIST OF THINGS TO THINK ABOUT , BUT NOT DO.
3) Cleaning House – Conventional wisdom holds that an ordered house indicates an ordered mind. Which, of course, makes you happy. But is this really true?
Sure cleaning your house provides us with a marginal, if at all perceptible, boost to our sense of well being. But if something horrible happens or we fall prey to a fit of depression by eating a seemingly endless bowl of naked romaine lettuce, what can we do to feel better, to restore our joie de vivre? Sure cleaning restores order and meaning to our universe. But we can’t clean an already immaculate home. With no activity at hand to rejeuventate our spirits we plunge into the depths of everlasting despair. We might even find ourselves reading War and Peace in the original Russian.
Can such cleaning make us healthier in the long run? Sure. But in the short run we become exhausted and feel sad about our weak body. We head home, flop face down onto our bed, and spiral ever downward into a bottomless well of depression.
4) Healthy Eating – Doctors and dieticians everywhere will tell you that you will live longer, ceteris paribus, everything else remaining equal. But not everything is equal, is it? Is a man drinking a kale smoothie likely to be happy? No, his will to live will slowly, but surely, ebb away until he quivers continually in a dark closet. His physical health faces existential deterioration. If you could look at his cell phone, you’ll find that he has the suicide hotline on speed dial.
And what of Farine du Blé gazing forlornly at her rabbit-food salad? What happens when she looks at the happy, laughing couple eating filet mignon and bacon-wrapped shrimp? Her heart will shrink to the size of a mustard seed. She will hate the mignon-munching couple. She’ll despise you. Her eyes will shoot daggers at me. She’ll loath every last one of us. Farine will retire to her shuttered, drape-closed home and never come out again. It won’t matter, if rabbit-food salads lenghter her life span or not, every day forcing down salady things will transform her pitiful existence into soul-squashing gloom.
Better yet, eat something you love, something you crave. Like cheeseburgers, tacos, and strawberry milkshakes. Sure, these foods aren’t technically good for you. But look at the unparalleled joy you’ll reap getting them into your tummy. You’ll gain the courage of a lion, the motivation of a hummingbird, and the happiness of a woman winning the lottery.
Oh, and if you do hanker for something healthy such as spinach be sure to dine on Chicken Florentine. Sure, it features spinach, but it also comes with chicken breasts and creamy sauces. You won’t feel as if you’re munching on heatlhy food. Indeed, with any luck at all, the unhealthy ingredients will overpower the spinach to the extendt that your outlook on life will explode with happiness. You’ll want to live. And you will. What more can you want?
“Remember, it’s healthier to think than to do.”
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Paul De Lancey's Blog 