Yearly Archives: 2012

Garlic Potato Rice Soup

French Soup

GARLIC POTATO RICE SOUP

INGREDIENTS

1/3 cup rice
2/3 cup water

2 russet potatoes
1 red potatoes
2 garlic cloves
1/3 large yellow onion
1 2/3 cups chicken broth
1/3 cup water
1/3 tablespoon Poultry MagicTM Spice
1/6 teaspoon lemon pepper spice

UTENSIL

potato masher

PREPARATION

Cook rice separately according to instructions on package. While rice is cooking, peel russet and red potatoes. Cut both types of potatoes into eighths. Peel and mince garlic cloves and onions.

Put potato eighths, garlic, onion, chicken broth, water, Poultry Spice, and lemon pepper into large soup pan. Cook at medium-high for about 50 minutes or until all the potato eighths are completely soft. Mash the potatoes constantly until you feel no resistance. (No, there is no masher for human relationships. No. No! I said no.) Stir frequently. Add cooked rice to potato soup.

Supermarket potatoes cost almost the same whether you buy five pounds, two pounds, or just one microwavable tater. So, we all purchase the economical five-pound bag, leaving us with a lot of potatoes. This tasty recipe reduces your spud surplus wonderfully.

TIDBITS

1) The nutritious potato almost single-handedly kept European peasantry alive during the Thirty Years War in the 17th century.

2) Deadly nightshade is related to the potato. Unlike, its cousin, the tater, this plant is a deadly poison.

3) Which is why my recipes never include deadly nightshade.

4) Nor any other poison for that matter.

5) I do, however, use tomatoes frequently. Tomatoes are related to both the potato and deadly nightshade and were considered poisonous by American settlers in the late 17th century.

6) This fear by early colonials of the mighty tomato completely explains the lack of pizza parlors in early America.

7) Salem, Massachusetts became notorious for its Witch Trials of 1692.

8) In 1905, Lombardi’s in New York became the first restaurant licensed to sell pizza.

9) So, the Witch Trials delayed the licensing of American pizza by 213 years.

10) This explains resistance to capital punishment among many chefs.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Be The First On Your Block To Be A Director Of A Federal Agency

You too can be in government with the Bacon & Chocolate Party. 
Come join our dedicated team.

President: Paul De Lancey

Vice President: Daphne Anne Humphrey

Avoiding Labor: Stephen Parrish
Bacon Protocol: Louise Corazza Busby
Education: Jan Buckner, Amy Buckheister Gettinger
Extraterrestrial Welcoming Committee: Denise Hemphill
Health Human Services And Cooking: Shauna Roberts
Office of Management and Budget: Mark Kennet
State: Franchesca Todd
Secret Service: Maria Kuroshchepova
Treasury: Andrea Isom

Chief Political Adviser: Jonna Pattillo

Ambassadorships:

Greece: Lisa Jean Boehles Henderson
South America & Caribbean: Joel Poole
Vatican: John Rucker

Vote Bacon & Chocolate for a Tasty Tommorow

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, Paul De Lancey, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Swedish Sliders

Swedish Entree

SWEDISH SLIDERS

INGREDIENTS

1 onion
1 parsnip
1 beet
3 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon olive oil

1 pound ground beef
1/2 pound ground pork
4 egg yolks
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 teaspoon capers
1/2 teaspoon ground mustard
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon white pepper
1/2 teaspoon allspice

1 1/2 tablespoons cider vinegar
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2 tablespoons butter

8 slices potato bread

PREPARATION

(Sweden is at peace with the world, but not with the culinary community as you will see.)

Mince onion, parsnip, and beet in food processor. Melt butter. Add olive oil. Saute onion, parsnip, and beet in frying pan on medium heat for about 5 minutes.

Put sauteed onion, parsnip, and beet in large mixing bowl. Add beef, pork, yolks, heavy cream, capers (diced), mustard, salt, pepper, and allspice. Mix thoroughly with fork.

Make patties about 1 1/2-inch to 2-inches wide. Melt butter in large frying pan. Add olive oil and cider vinegar. Cook on medium heat for 4 to 6 minutes or until done. Turn over every 90- to-120 seconds. (Be sure to use a spatula bigger than the patties as they are more “liquidy” in the first few minutes than a traditional American burger patty.)

Toast 8 slices of potato bread. Put a patty on one side of the bread, fold over the bread, and voilà, you have a Swedish Slider.

TIDBITS
1) How did the Swedes come up with idea of putting beets and heavy cream in hamburgers? I don’t know.

2) As far as I know the first Swede to put a beet in a hamburger patty did so in 1862.

3) Sweden has been at peace since 1862.

4) America’s first known hamburger was served sans beets in 1826 and has been beet free ever since. We’ve also had the Mexican-American War, the Civil War, Spanish-American War, two World Wars, Korean War, Vietnam, and two Gulf Wars. We are currently fighting in Afghanistan.

5) Might we not try making our hamburgers like the Swedes? All I am saying is give beets a chance.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Powegian Potato Soup From Fortcoming Cookbook

American Soup

POWEGIAN POTATO SOUP

INGREDIENTS

2 russet potatoes
2 red potatoes
2 garlic cloves
2 celery stalks
1 tablespoons olive oil
1 10.5 ounce can condensed cream of chicken soup
1 10.5 can filled with water
1/2 teaspoon Vegetable MagicTM spice
1/2 teaspoon parsley flakes
1/2 teaspoon chives

PREPARATION

Wash and peel all potatoes. (This isn’t all that fun. Do you have a ready source of labor such as a nine-year old boy around?)
Cut potatoes into bits no larger than an inch on any side. Mince potato bits and garlic cloves. Devein celery stalks of those long threads by breaking stalk in half and pulling off exposed silky threads. Minced deveined celery.

Put olive oil in frying pan. Add minced garlic and celery. Saute potato bits, cloves and celery at medium high for about 5 minutes.

Empty condensed cream of chicken into large soup pot. Fill empty cans with water and add to pot. Add minced potato, vegetable spice, parsley, and chives. Cook on medium heat for 5 minutes, then add sauteed garlic and celery. Stir frequently. Cook on warm heat for 55 minutes. Stir every minute or so to prevent burning.

TIDBITS

1) The wild form of celery is smallage.

2) I have trouble visualizing vast open fields filled from horizon to horizon with wild celery.

3) I don’t think settlers who traveled the Oregon Trail during the 1840s came across great vistas of wild celery.

4) Certainly, the Donner Party didn’t.

5) Parties often have celery sticks as appetizers.

6) The modern, party, celery stick was first cultivated in Michigan in 1874.

7) Which means most Americans forgot to celebrate the modern celery stick’s centennial. I know I did.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poems About Chocolate

Chocolate, while not exactano
Is within a nano
Of being heavano.

There once was a man named Boclate
Who dreamed all night of eating chocolate
Under a willow.
That silly fellow,
By morning, he’d eaten his pillow.

Won’t be a zombie
They only like to eat brains
I love chocolate

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, poems | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Simple French Dip Sandwiches

American Entree

SIMPLE FRENCH DIP SANDWICHES

INGREDIENTS

1/2 pound deli roast beef, thinly sliced
1 10.5 ounce can condensed French onion soup
1/3 cup water
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
2 tablespoons butter
4 slices provolone cheese, about 4 ounces
4 French rolls

PREPARATION

Turn oven to broil and preheat to 350 degrees.

Combine roast beef, French onion soup, water, pepper, meat spice, and butter in microwavable bowl. (You will know if the bowl you picked is too small if the French onion soup cascades over the sides. Any bowl of quart size or bigger is ample.)

Microwave bowl filled with spices, roast beef, and soup for about three minutes or until quite warm. While this is being done, put a half slice of provolone on each half of a French roll. Put all 8 cheese-covered French-roll halves in the oven and broil at 350 degrees for 1 to 2 minutes or until cheese is melted, but pull the halves out before they turn golden brown.

Put two half rolls on a plate. Use a spoon with holes to remove the roast beef from the bowl and put about 1/4, or 2 to 3 slices, of the roast beef on one of the roll halves. Close the two halves. Serve with a bowl of onion soup for dipping.

(This is the ideal meal for your spouse who can do the four-minute mile. Heavens, it’s tasty, too.)

TIDBITS

1) World War One ended in 1918.

2) The French dip sandwich was invented at Philippe’s in Los Angeles in 1918.

3) So some good things came from 1918.

4) Philippe’s restaurant still exists and was recently featured on the TV show, Man Versus Food.

5) French-dipped sandwiches can be made with: roast beef, roast pork, lamb, turkey, or ham.

6) It’s a wonderful world.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ham, Cheese, And Potato Casserole

American Entree

HAM, CHEESE, AND POTATO CASSEROLE

INGREDIENTS

3 brown or russet potatoes
1 cup cooked ham
1/4 cup grated Cheddar cheese
1/2 cup grated Swiss cheese
1/4 cup grated Four-Mexican cheese
1/2 medium onion
1 cup sour cream
5 ounces condensed cream of celery soup (about 1/2 can)
1/2 green bell pepper
1/4 cup flour
1/2 cup mayonnaise
2 tablespoons butter
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
1/8 teaspoon thyme
1/8 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 tablespoon Parmesan cheese

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Boil 3 potatoes for about 30 minutes.

While potatoes are boiling, cut cooked ham into 1/4-inch cubes. Mince small onion. (If you wish to anthropomorphize the onion, call it, “Jim.”) Dice green bell pepper after scooping out its seeds.

In a large mixing bowl, combine ham, Cheddar cheese, Swiss cheese, Four-Mexican cheese, Jim (the minced onion), sour cream, condensed cream of celery soup, green bell pepper, flour, mayonnaise, butter, salt, meat spice, thyme, and black pepper. Mix by hand or masher.

Peel skin from potatoes. This should be easy after you let the taters sit for a few minutes. Cut potatoes into thin slices.
Add potatoes to ingredients already in mixing bowl. Mix again with fork. Transfer to 9″-round baking or casserole dish. Sprinkle top with Parmesan cheese. Bake at 350 degrees for 60 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) It just doesn’t seem right that “mayonnaise” is spelled with two n’s.

2) French fries are called frites in Holland. When I lived there, you were given a choice of met or zonder, with or without mayonnaise. The mayonnaise was spicy and tasted quite good, the Dutch ketchup not so much.

3) You also couldn’t get root beer in Europe for love or money. Why? Why? Didn’t we save Europe in World War II?

4) And as far as I know, you can’t get European potato chips that aren’t dripping with oil.

5) And don’t even look for good chewing gum.

6) Of course, if you want steak au poivre vert or a good rijstaffel, I heartily recommend going there.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Peruvian Papa Rellena

Peruvian Entree

PAPA RELLENA
(Peruvian Stuffed Potato)

INGREDIENTS

DOUGH
4 medium-to-large potatoes
1 cup flour
1 egg (4 eggs total, 1 here and 3 in filling.)

FILLING
1 medium onion
4 garlic cloves
3/4 pound ground beef
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1/2 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
1/4 teaspoon parsley
3 eggs (4 eggs total, 3 here and 1 in dough.)

Vegetable oil

SPECIALITY COOKWARE

Deep fryer or deep pot
potato masher
a cheap Monet painting

INITIAL PREPARATION

Peel potatoes. Boil the spuds in large pot for about 40 minutes.

FILLING PREPARATION

While potatoes are boiling, boil 3 eggs for 12 minutes. (If you’re feeling particularly efficient, boil the eggs with the potatoes. Just be sure the eggs are only in the boiling water for the required 12 minutes.)

While eggs are boiling, mince onions and garlic. Add onion, garlic, ground beef, pepper, salt, meat spice, and parsley to frying pan. Cook on medium-high heat until beef is no longer red and onions are soft. Put beef mixture in first mixing bowl.

Remove hard-boiled eggs. Peel and dice them. Add diced hard-boiled eggs to beef mixture in bowl.

DOUGH PREPARATION

Remove potatoes. Pulverize them with a potato masher. (You say your son’s Little LeagueTM coach kept him on the bench? Then pulverize them taters! Put some muscle behind your blows. Smash ‘em, smash ‘em, make ‘em beg. Ahem.) Combine the surviving mashed potatoes with flour and egg in second mixing bowl.

Admire cheap Monet painting. Fill deep fryer with 4 inches of vegetable oil or a neutral cooking oil. Heat oil to 340-to-350 degrees. Anything higher gets kinda scary.

While oil heats, put a generous amount of flour on your hand. (This prevents the sticky flour from well, sticking to your hand.) Put a ball of the potato mixture–1 to 2 tablespoons–in your palm. Use four fingers of the other hand to make a hole in the mixture. Put about a teaspoon of the cooked ground-beef mix in the hole. Fold top of potato ball completely over the beef center. Roll the potato-meat ball in your hands to make it smooth. (Again, coat your hands with flour before making each potato-meat ball.)

Use a ladle or tongs to gently lower the potato-meat ball into the hot oil. (You don’t want to get too close to that stuff.) Fry the ball until it is golden brown. Remove and dab with paper napkin to remove excess oil.

This is a great and tasty way to use up those potatoes skulking in the corner of the pantry.

TIDBITS

1) Lima is the capital of Peru.

2) Boston is the capital of Massachusetts.

3) I like Boston baked beans much more than lima beans.

4) Peru has fourteen golf courses.

5) With 3,000 species of potatoes originating in Peru, the (potato species originating / golf course) ratio is 214:1.

6) Peru also has a lot of earthquakes.

7) Ireland is famous for having potatoes without earthquakes.

8) But Ireland also had the Great Potato Failure in the 1840s.

9) Growing potatoes is kinda scary, isn’t it?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poem About Evil People

Evil People

Did Hitler start a global war
And form death-armies
Because he had to augur a toilet
One too many times?

Did Stalin starve millions,
Kill millions, imprison millions
Because someone ahead of him
in the ten-items-or-fewer line had eleven?

Did Pol Pot exterminate
one Cambodian in six
Because his laptop froze
That thousandth time?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul De Lancey, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poems About Hamburger And Parachuting

Hamburger

Oh hamburger! Oh hamburger!
Recession proof, yet so yummy.
Gastric juices assault you
In my tummy.

Companies making fillet mignon
Are awash in red.
But McD’s is in the green with
Beef and bread.

In recessions, such as this,
People buy more burgers
Because they’re cheap and tasty.
Yum!

Parachuting

I’d like to take up parachuting.
I’d jump at least once
And maybe one more time
If I were successful.

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