It was so difficult to make paper in Archer Woman’s day, So she really means the following.
Archer Woman #16
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
It was the least of times. It was the worst of times. I struggled all morning to gather all the information to complete my taxes. Did you know that passwords exist for the sole purpose of excluding only the people who have a legitimate purpose of visiting an important website.
Then things got worse. I had to dredge the hard-won numbers off the internet. I spent maybe four hours to get documents printed. Did you know that your printer, on its own device, can switch your default page size to something that the printer can’t print? Mine did. But it did print reams of unwanted pages. Why, the blazes, do printers always insist on trying print the entire 37-page document? Why do they make it so difficult to stop the print job? Suffice it to say the air around me became hazy with legions of cuss words overlapping each other. What was the source of all this evil?
And then Occam’s razor came to mind. The simplest solution is the correct one. And here it is.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Oh printer! Oh printer!
Pure Evil
You putrid pile of pig pool.
You use up ink. You jam.
You send us into fits.
All I want from a printer is for it to:
Work.
Work.
Work.
Yet it jams until eternity.
The only time it prints is
To spew out that test page
That uses up my ink cartridge.
I grow poor buying ink
While the printer’s makers
Earn enough to appear
On American Greed(tm).
May producers of computer printers
Be sentenced to sixty years of hard labor
Or be eaten by a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
I’m reasonable; either will do.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Everyone knows by now of my daily existential war with my printer. One day it may very well triumph. Police will find my body near my gloating printer.
But not today!
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Russia may very well invade Ukraine quite soon. America’s politics remain frightening. Your printer achieved consciousness and took an instant dislike to you.
You need something to soothe your wearied soul. You need to see something that’ll make you smile, something heartwarming.
You need to see chicks cuddling and here they are.
We will make you smile.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
My old Printer had achieved consciousness and taken an instant dislike to me. Now it’s dead. I ordered a new printer eight days ago. It got lost in transit. I ordered a second printer. This printer should arrive tomorrow. “But what about all those days you were without a printer?” I hear you say. Don’t worry, whenever my computer printer goes AWOL I fall back on my trusty 6921-2 PencilWriter(tm). Sure, it’s not as fancy as my old HP OfficeJet Pro 6978(tm). But it always works and possesses many clear advantages over computer printers as the picture below demonstrates.
6921-2 Pencil Writer
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
1) Buy a new printer, because the old rat bastard stopped working after I got ink for it.
2) Nudge the Earth back into its proper orbit. It’s starting to spiral into the Sun.
As you can see, I’ll be rather busy, so this post needs to be short.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
The war is going badly.
His printer won’t work.
Click on the link below to hear video.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
This blog is directly inspired by the talented and hilarious Kathy Minicozzi who was in turn inspired by the renowned humorist David Sedaris.
Here are the things I resolve not to do today. Takes a deep breath. Lets it out. Okay Paul, you cannot do this.
1) I will not cook or eat lutefisk.
2) I will not foment revolution anywhere.
3) I will not lose a sock in the dryer.
4) Because I will not do clothes today.
5) I will not engage in the illicit fruitcake market.
6) I will not voluntarily upgrade any of my electronic devices.
7) I will not race to the be the first to reach the South Pole. I’ve already lost. It happened about a century ago. Why try?
8) I will not attack the weeds in my backyard with my weed whacker for another day. The tenuous truce still holds.
9) I will not sing at any karaoke bar. The whole world rejoices.
10) I will not befriend North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un on Facebook.
11) I will not say, “I love you,” to my printer.
– Paul R. De Lancey, great no-doer
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Paul De Lancey's Blog 