Posts Tagged With: mushrooms

Shrimp Tempura

Posted on August 27, 2016 by pauldelancey

Japanese Appetizer

SHRIMP TEMPURA

INGREDIENTSShrimpTempura-

2½ cups vegetable oil (or enough to cover shrimp)
1½ cups flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
¼ cup cornstarch
¼ teaspoon salt
1 egg yolk
1 cup ice-cold water
1 pound shrimp, 21-30 count, peeled, deveined, with tails left on*

* = Don’t worry if you removed the tails. This dish will taste as good. You’ll need forks; it will be hot.

SPECIAL UTENSILS                                                                         Oops, I removed the tails. I was distracted

deep fryer or electric skillet                                                                        by earthquakes and T-Rexes.
Bushnell 303 Hand Held Time MachineTM.

Serves 6. Takes 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add oil to deep fryer. (Make sure there is enough to cover shrimp.) Preheat oil to 375 degrees. While oil heats, add flour, baking powder, cornstarch, and salt to large mixing bowl. Beat egg yolk in small bowl with whisk. Add beaten egg yolk and ice-cold water to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork until combined mixture turns to batter and is still slightly lumpy. Dredge shrimp though batter until completely coated. Don’t batter shrimp tails.

Add shrimp to deep fryer. Don’t let the shrimp touch each other. Fry shrimp at 375 degrees for 1½-to-2 minutes or until golden brown. Drain on paper towels. Repeat for successive batches.

TIDBITS

1) So many recipes tell you to preheat. What if you don’t have time to preheat? What if your sweetie is coming over? What if you see monstrous, rolling earthquakes just outside your window and you had wanted to make something special for him on his birthday, probably the last one by the looks of it? Simply use your Bushnell 303 Hand Held Time MachineTM to travel back in time and preheat your oven. How far back? As far as the Cretaceous Period if you like**.

2) ** = Be sure to look out for carnivorous dinosaurs. Also, hold onto your oven when you time travel. Otherwise, it won’t go with you and you’ll will have risked by eaten by a T-Rex for nothing. And then, won’t you feel foolish? Oh, and your electric bill will be high.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Shrimp Ceviche

Posted on August 4, 2016 by pauldelancey

Ecuadorian Appetizer

SHRIMP CEVICHE

INGREDIENTSCeviche-

8 limes or ¼ cup fresh lime juice
3 oranges or 1 cup fresh orange juice
1 large red onion
3 tomatoes
2 pounds shrimp, peeled and deveined
¼ cup fresh cilantro
⅓ cup ketchup
¼ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons vegetable oil

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Squeeze limes and oranges to get juices. Cut red onion into long, thin strips. Dice cilantro and tomato. Add enough water to cover shrimp to pot. Bring water to boil using high heat. Add shrimp to pot. Boil until shrimp turns slightly pink, about 2-to-3 minutes. Do not overcook, letting it turn completely red, as it will make the shrimp mushy. Remove shrimp with slotted spoon and let cool. Add lime juice, orange juice, red onion, cilantro, tomato, ketchup, pepper, salt, and vegetable oil to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk until well blended. Add shrimp once it has cooled. Mix with hands until shrimp is well coated. Cover and refrigerate for 1 hour.

TIDBITS

1) Shrimp ceviche is reddish-pink and tasty. Many Vikings had reddish hair and loved good tasting food. However, Vikings ate oatmeal all the time, bowl after bowl. This drove the Norsemen crazy. They started cheating at checkers and saying, “Sez you” to everyone they met.

3) The Viking women took to cooking lutefisk. the foulest smelling, most evil dish ever rather than cook another yet bowl of oatmeal. Some wives had even thrown themselves into fjords instead of doing that. Fortunately, lutefisk’s horrible smell drove the menfolk to raid foreign lands for tasty food and even gold, sometimes. The women stayed at home and played Runeble, basically ScrabbleTM with runes, and ordered Chinese takeaway.

4) In 1284, Bjorni Thorvald, discovered Ecuador, while looking for a Pokemon GoTM character. This news electrified all Scandinavia. Whole clans of blood-thirsty Vikings moved to Ecuador. This is why there are so many blue-eyed redheads there.

5) Thus, the Viking raids stopped. Relieved Europeans came out of hiding to build the Renaissance.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Beef Jerky

Posted on August 1, 2016 by pauldelancey

American Appetizer

BEEF JERKY

INGREDIENTSBeefJerky-

1 pound flank steak, London broil or round steak
¼ teaspoon chili powder
½ teaspoon garlic powder
½ teaspoon onion powder
½ teaspoon pepper (Freshly ground is best)
¾ teaspoon liquid smoke
6 tablespoons soy sauce
5 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
2 tablespoons brown sugar

Serves 4. Takes 13-to-20 hours.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

wire rack
baking sheet

PREPARATION

Slice beef across the grain into strips ¼” thick. Add all other ingredients to large mixing bowl. Mix ingredients with whisk until well blended and brown sugar dissolves completely. Add beef strips to bowl. Mix by hand until strips are well coated. Cover bowl or put in large, sealable plastic, bag. Place in refrigerator for 8-to-12 hours. Stir at least once.

Preheat oven to 160 degrees. Remove meat from marinade and pat dry with paper towels. Put wire rack on top of baking sheet. Place marinated strips on top of wire rack. Do not let strips touch each other. Bake at 160 degrees for 5-to-7 hours or until strips are ready. Strips will be ready when jerky is dry enough to easily tear off a piece, yet will not snap when bent. Preserve jerky strips from air and humidity by storing them in mason jars or sealable plastic bags.

TIDBITS

1) Origami flourished in Texas during the dark, final months of the Confederacy. The Union blockade ships had deprived the state of all sorts of fun things: fine linen, playing cards, refrigerators*, baseball bats, anything that reeked of fun. All they had left was paper. Which was used for spitwads and even sent to the front lines, where they proved utterly useless in thwarting the bluecoat advance. Soon however, the thriving art colony of Tyler, Texas experimented with making animals out of paper. The Texas Art of Origami was born. Drovers, far from sources of paper, turned to making thin strips of cooked beef for their origami material. And so, beef jerky was born.

2) *Culinary historians are at a loss to explain these apparent artifacts in the Texas of 1865.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Danish Millionbøf

Posted on July 23, 2016 by pauldelancey

Danish Entree

MILLIONBØF

INGREDIENTSMillionBof-

1 pound potatoes
1 large onion
2 teaspoons butter
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 pound ground beef (85% lean is best)
2 tablespoons flour
1¾ cups beef stock
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons gravy browning or dark gravy

Makes 4 bowls. Takes 50 minutes.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Peel potatoes. Cut potatoes into fourths. Put potato fourths in large pot. Boil on high heat for 20 minutes.

While potatoes are boiling, dice onion. Add onion, butter, and vegetable oil to pan. Sauté at medium heat for 5 minutes or until it starts to brown or BEGINS TO SOFTEN. Stir frequently. Add ground beef. Reduce heat to medium. Cook for 3-to-5 minutes or until beef starts to brown. Stir occasionally.

After potatoes have been boiled for 20 minutes, remove them from pot. Put potatoes in large mixing bowl. Mash them. Add flour to pan with ground beef. Stir until well blended. Add beef stock, pepper, and salt.. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer for 20 minutes or until less than half of the liquid is left. Stir occasionally. Add gravy browning. Stir until well blended. Serve over mashed potatoes.

TIDBITS

1) Bøf is Danish for beef. Bøf is also a palindrome for føb. Føb isn’t Danish for anything, although the Danes do have a word for everything that exists. Føb is just a reserve word the Danes have just in case something really new is discovered, such as a carnivorous, ambulatory fig looking tree on Mars. (CAMFLTOM)

2) The Danish Official Word Naming Association (DOWNA) would then look down their list of approved new words. If føb were at the top of the list, then the CAMFTOM would be called “føb.”

3) There’s more. Take the first letter away from føb and you get øf, the Danish word for oink. Now you know both of Denmark’s really necessary words. Remember the song, “If I could talk to the Danes?” Well, now you can. Go visit Denmark. Visit today, before you lose your vocabulary.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Is Donald Trump Afraid to Debate Paul De Lancey? Contact him.

Posted on July 10, 2016 by pauldelancey

Voters of America,button2

A week ago,via Facebook, I cordially invited Mr. Trump, candidate for the Republican party, to engage me in open debate. So far, he has given no response, Is he afraid? I would like to think this is not the case. So, I am asking you, the American citizenry, to contact Mr. Trump and urge him, to debate me, Paul R. De Lancey, of the Bacon & Chocolate Party. It’ll be fun, Donald. Bacon and chocolate will be served. Oh, and grated cheese. Make America grate again.

Candidate Trump can be contacted at:

https://www.donaldjtrump.com/contact

Thank you for your concern in the democratic process.

Bacon & Chocolate Party

Information on Bacon & Chocolate Party thoughts and goals.

– Paul R. De Lancey
Future president of the United States of America.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: humor, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bacon & Chocolate Party: A Landslide Victory for De Lancey & Bowen

Posted on June 2, 2016 by pauldelancey
button2
The polls are closed. The people have spoken. The final vote count is:

Paul De Lancey – 19.5 – 78.0%
Elmer Fudd – 5.5 – 22.0%

Paul De Lancey and Candace C. Bowen will represent the
Bacon & Chocolate Party in November. It is with a great
sense of humility that they accept the nomination.

Let the reconciliation between humans and cartoon characters begin. Tip of the hat to Elmer Fudd who ran a vewwy, vewwy civil campaign. Paul De Lancey and Candace Bowen are proud to say there victory came without cheating. Of any kind.

Carly Fiorina tried to be this great land’s first female VP, but the people saying loud and clear, it’s going to Candace C. Bowen

And now a message from Ms. Bowen,

Information on Bacon & Chocolate Party thoughts and goals.

– Paul R. De Lancey
Future president of the United States of America.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: humor, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Democracy in the Balance! You Need to Vote in Bacon & Chocolate Party’s Primary

Posted on May 28, 2016 by pauldelancey

button2

Yes dear voter, the future is now. Support our republic. Support democracy with your vote. Vote in Bacon & Chocolate Party’s online primary. It’s open to everyone regardless of residence or citizenship. We are the world. We are democracy. We are change. We like Bacon. We like Chocolate. We like bees. We like naps. What more do you need? Vote!

Candidates are: Paul R. De Lancey for president, Candace C. Bowen for vice president.
Elmer Fudd for president, Bugs Bunny for vice president.

Click on the following link to vote.

Bacon & Chocolate Party’s Facebook primary. Now you can look totalitarianism in the eye and say, “I did my part to stop you.

Information on Bacon & Chocolate Party thoughts and goals.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, humor, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The First Pope in the NBA?

Posted on May 9, 2016 by pauldelancey

We live in exciting times as the following headline in the San Diego Union-Tribune shows. The photograph shows Pope Francis in his early days. I wish him well in his tryout.

Pope

4409-112413

 

– Paul R. De Lancey
Future president of the United States of America.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

xxx

Categories: humor, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Estonian Pannkoogid (pancake)

Posted on March 20, 2016 by pauldelancey

Estonian Breakfast

PANNKOOGID
(pancake)

INGREDIENTSPannkoogid-

1 cup flour
¼ teaspoon salt
2½ tablespoons sugar
2 eggs
1½ cups milk
¼ teaspoon vanilla extract
3 tablespoons butter
lingonberries or blueberries for topping

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric beater
x-ray vision (optional)
sonic obliterator

Makes 6 pancakes. Takes 2 hours 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Separate eggs. Whisk together flour, salt, and sugar in large mixing bowl. Separate eggs. Add egg yolks, milk, and vanilla extract. Mix batter with fork. Let sit in a cool place for 2 hours. Watch two-hour movie. Come back. Add egg whites to mixing bowl. Beat with electric beater set to whip until soft peaks form. Fold egg whites into batter.

Add ½ tablespoon butter to pan. Melt butter using medium heat. Ladle in ½ cup batter. Tilt pan to spread batter over pan. Cook for 2 minutes or until sides of pancakes start to curl up and the bottom starts to brown. (Checking for browning with x-ray vision. Should your store not stock x-ray vision, lift a side of the pancake and look.) Turn pancake over and cook for another 2 minutes or the bottom side starts to brown. Repeat until all batter is used. Top with lingonberries.

TIDBITS

1) It’s amazing how many cookbooks make no reference to superpowers. If you can develop them, by all means do so. We’ve seen many times how x-ray vision helps in frying. The ability to fly is also important, especially when you need only one ingredient.. Going by car is a pain. Jerky drivers cut you off, tailgate, and zip ahead of you to get that last parking space at the supermarket.

2) So you honk your horn at the oaf who took your spot. The oaf takes offense and stomps towards you. He weighs 300 pounds and has arms of steel. You, however, foolishly worked on getting buns of steel, nice for attracting potential dates, but useless in a life-and-death parking-lot fight. May I suggest dispatching the clod with your sonic obliterator? Eliminate his car as well. You do need that parking spot, don’t you?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Daylight Savings Explained

Posted on March 4, 2016 by pauldelancey

Dear Mr. Explainer,GrandfatherClock

We set our clocks forward one hour on March 13. So we lose an hour. But then we get it back on November 6 when we set our clocks back one hour? Where does that hour go for all those months? Does it goes to a parallel universe to visit all those socks that disappear from our clothes dryer? Did I even spell “dryer” correctly? What is the point of swapping an hour for an hour?

– Eduardo Salinas Albondigas, baffled as hell.

Dear Mr. Hell,

Daylights savings is kinda like investing in a certificate of deposit, you put in a dollar at 4% for 238 days to get back $1.0259039*. Same here, you put in one hour of sleep at 4% and get back 1.0259039 hours. So, in the fall, you get one day that’s 24,0259039 hours long. That means you receive an extra 1.55432 minutes of sleep that day.** Perhaps just long enough to transform you from an ever-the-edge grumpy non-morning person axe murderer to a mere under-the-edge grumpy non-morning person.

Check it out, the murder rate will plummet on November 6. Oh, and don’t travel out of America that day. The other countries do not get that extra 1.55432 minutes of rest and so, will be murdering each other with axes. And who wants to be around that?

  • Mr. Explainer

* = CDs that accept deposits of $1 and have maturity lengths of 238 are notoriously hard to find.
** = November 6 is officially still 24 hours 0 minutes long. All clocks and watches in America stop for 1.55432 minutes at 2 am.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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