Daylight Savings Explained

Dear Mr. Explainer,GrandfatherClock

We set our clocks forward one hour on March 13. So we lose an hour. But then we get it back on November 6 when we set our clocks back one hour? Where does that hour go for all those months? Does it goes to a parallel universe to visit all those socks that disappear from our clothes dryer? Did I even spell “dryer” correctly? What is the point of swapping an hour for an hour?

– Eduardo Salinas Albondigas, baffled as hell.

Dear Mr. Hell,

Daylights savings is kinda like investing in a certificate of deposit, you put in a dollar at 4% for 238 days to get back $1.0259039*. Same here, you put in one hour of sleep at 4% and get back 1.0259039 hours. So, in the fall, you get one day that’s 24,0259039 hours long. That means you receive an extra 1.55432 minutes of sleep that day.** Perhaps just long enough to transform you from an ever-the-edge grumpy non-morning person axe murderer to a mere under-the-edge grumpy non-morning person.

Check it out, the murder rate will plummet on November 6. Oh, and don’t travel out of America that day. The other countries do not get that extra 1.55432 minutes of rest and so, will be murdering each other with axes. And who wants to be around that?

– Paul R. De LanceyDeLanceyPaul
Mr. Explainer

* = CDs that accept deposits of $1 and have maturity lengths of 238 are notoriously hard to find.
** = November 6 is officially still 24 hours 0 minutes long. All clocks and watches in America stop for 1.55432 minutes at 2 am.

Check out my latest novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? It’s published by HumorOutcasts and is available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com.

 

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