Posts Tagged With: Moon

I Solve the Time Zones Problem

Posted on May 30, 2024 by pauldelancey

Away with time zone confusion

How many times has this happened to you? It’s nine o’clock. You’ve had a satisying day at work. You’ve made a wonderful dinner and cleaned up afterwards. You’re happy with your life. You’re happy with the world. You want to reach out and contact an old friend. Why not call Jacques Bonhomme? But wait, he lives in Paris! What time is it in Paris? Does anyone even know? Even Parisians might not. Is he at work? Is he at home? If so, is he sleeping?

Wouldn’t it be nice to know? Would it be easy if it were simply the same time everywhere? Then if it were 8:49 pm, as it is now in my beloved Poway, it would be 8:49 pm in Paris. Merveilleux, c’est trop facile.

Now, I can call Jacques knowing that he’ll be at home and awake.

I know the benefits of having a universal time are immense, but what place shall we use for the universal time?

Poway, California

Why Poway? I live there. It’s my idea. I call dibs. There, it’s settled.

Will this brilliant idea meet with universal approval?

Probably not at first. I go to bed around 10 pm. So will Jacques, because 10 pm is the time most people drift off to sleep. However, the Sun will just be coming up at 10 pm in France under the new Poway Universal Time System (PUTS.)

Jacques and billions of other people need some time (hee, hee see what I did there) to adapt to seeing the moon overhead at lunchtime. Yacht races and other fol de rol will become particularly challenging, not to mention archery contests.

Yet there is hope the teething period with the onset of PUTS will be short and easier than expected.

Afterall, a polar day at the South Pole lasts six months. And you never hear the scientists there explaining.

PUTS starts tomorrow. I hope you find adjustment easy. I know I will.

I see a Nobel Prize in my future.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Nobel Prize, observations, There Comes A Time | Tags: archery, Chef Paul, cookbook, France, lunchtime, Moon, Paris, polar day, Poway, sleep, South Pole, Sun, time zones, universal, yacht races | Leave a comment

Sure Fire Hack to a Flatter Stomach

Posted on November 19, 2023 by pauldelancey

Face it, society puts a lot of pressure on us to look thin. Many of us are overweight, including me. How do we get thinner? By exercising and dieting.

But those options are hard, take a lot of time to see results, and frankly, not fun at all. If only there were a way to become thinner without any effort at all.

Now, there is such a way.

We only have to face the correct way from the moon and our stomachs will flatten.

IT’S THAT EASY!!!!!!!!

You may skip the following scientific explanation if you’re absolutely gung ho to go outside* and flatten your stomach

* * = You don’t even have to do this to thin your stomach. The moon’s gravitational field works everywhere you go. IT’S AMAZING!!

Anyway, the moon’s gravitational pull produces a tidal force. This force makes Earth’s oceans bulge out on the sides closest and farthest to the moon. These ocean bulges are high tides. (You learn something every day.) Basically, the moon makes the Earth get fatter.

Science

So, how does this help our big bellies?

Face away FROM the moon* at night

AND

Face in the SAME direction as the moon in the day time.

IT’S THAT SIMPLE!!!!!!!!!!

Do this all the time and people will be throwing themselves at your magnificent body, you Greek god/goddess you.

* = Admittedly, the moon is often easier to see at night.

And look!!! The man on the left is facing the incorrect way. The SAME man on the right, however, is facing the correct way.

See?

PROOF YOU CANNOT DENY!!!!!

WATCH THE MOON AND GET THIN!!!!!!!

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: proof you cannot deny, science, Secrets of the Universe | Tags: dieting, Earth, exercising, fat, flatter, flatter stomach, God, goddess, gravitational, Greek, Moon, oceans, overweight, society, stomach, tidal force | 1 Comment

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Phrase: Final Exit

Posted on November 4, 2023 by pauldelancey

We put a man on the moon. We look at itty-bittiest things in the universe, a muon or some such thing; it’s much smaller than an atom which we can’t see either. We can use our land line to beam a signal to a satellite in geo-synchronous orbit above our very house and bounce the signal back down again to find our cell phone which was in our other hand.

On the third hand, we keep forgetting to take necessary things when we try to leave for work, pick up our kids from soccer practice, or go to the store.

But we don’t have a word to describe this behavior.

It’s high time to correct this oversight.

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE

final exit

Awesome phrase #27

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: awesome, car keys, Chef Paul, Comic Chef, cookbook, dictionary, final exit, Moon, Paul, Paul's Awesome English Dictionary, pee, satellite, soccer practice, thriller, to do list, universe | Leave a comment

Pad Thai

Posted on November 20, 2022 by pauldelancey

Thai Entree

PAD THAI

INGREDIENTS

½ pad Thai noodles or rice stick noodles
8 cups water
2½ tablespoons fish sauce
3 tablespoons palm sugar or brown sugar
2 tablespoons tamarind sauce, tamarind puree, or Worcestershire sauce
10 ounces chicken breasts
3 ounces firm tofu
3 garlic cloves
3½ tablespoons vegetable oil
3 eggs
¼ cup fresh garlic chives or green onions, thinly sliced
½ teaspoon red pepper flakes
¼ pound bean sprouts
2 tablespoons crushed peanuts (2 more tablespoons later)
2 tablespoons crushed peanuts
2 limes

SPECIAL UTENSIL

colander

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION

Add noodles to mixing bowl. Add hot water to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Pour water over noodles. Lit sit for 3 minutes. Stir a few times to separate noodles. Drain noodles in colander. Rinse noodles with cold water. (This prevents sticking.)

While water boils, add fish sauce, sugar, and tamarind sauce to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk or fork until sugar dissolves. This is the pad Thai sauce. Cut chicken and tofu into ½” cubes. Mince garlic cloves. Add vegetable oil, chicken, and tofu to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 6 minutes or until tofu starts to brown. Remove tofu and set aside.

Add garlic to and eggs to pan. Lightly scramble eggs and cook at medium heat for 3 minutes. Add garlic chives, red pepper flakes, rinsed noodles, and tofu. Stir fry at medium heat for 5 minutes. Add bean sprouts and pad Thai sauce. Stir fry for 2 minutes or until noodles are slightly chewy or al dente. Add 2 tablespoons crushed peanuts. Stir fry at medium heat for 1 minute. Cut each lime into 6 wedges. Garnish with lime wedges and 2 tablespoons crushed peanuts.

TIDBITS

1) It is well established that Thai chefs love alliteration and tongue twisters. Here are some of their favorites.

2) Tired Thais tie tidy tie dyed Thai ties.

3) Wired Thais wipe white wine while wining.

4) Tough Thais tug Pad Thai through the glue.

5) Pied Piper Thais buy Pad Thai pods.

6) Pad pods put pitted prunes nigh the moody Moon.

7) Tied Thais tried Thai tried dying flying limes.

8) High Thai thighs hide eyes.

9) Thai eyes espy small-fries fry fries.

10) My Thais buy My pies.

11) Dry Thais cry, “fly by.”

12) My Thais sigh bye.

13) Tired Thais buy squires wide wires. Why?

14) Rad, mad mod Pads pad pom poms.

15) Thai guy mice try rice thrice.

16) Fie! Thai mice, not nice.

17) Sci-fi Thai mice, splice rice twice.

18) Shy Thai poodles doodle oodles of puddles.

19) “Pish, fish sauce,” says cross boss Ross.

20) Choking chicken chickens quicken to thicken Bruce’s juices.

21) Wait, crate late mate’s great slate plate freight.

22) See? She’s nuts for free, wee peanuts.

23) I wrote at quite a pace and now I’m out of space.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: alliteration, apocalyptic, bean sprouts, Chef Paul, chicken, Comic Chef, cookbook, De Lancey, entree, garlic chives, good food, hunks, Lutheran, mice, Moon, murders, noodles, pad Thai, Paul De Lancey, Paul R. De Lancey, Peanuts, Pied Piper, recipes, rice stick, tamarind, Thai, thriller, tofu, tongue twisters | Leave a comment

Sun Dried Tomato Butter

Posted on January 27, 2022 by pauldelancey

American Appetizer

SUN DRIED TOMATO BUTTER

INGREDIENTS

1¼ ounces sun dried tomatoes*
2 tablespoons fresh basil
1 garlic clove
2 tablespoons fresh parsley
1 cup butter, softened

* = or 4 tablespoons ground

SPECIAL UTENSILS

spice grinder
electric beater

Makes 1⅓ cups. Takes 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Mince sun-dried tomatoes in spice grinder. (Don’t add so much at a time that your grinder can’t handle the load). Mince basil, garlic, and parsley.

Add butter to mixing bowl. Cream butter with electric beater set at medium. Add all other ingredients. Cream with electric beater set on medium until well blended. Chill in refrigerator for 30 minutes. Place unused tomato butter in sealed container. It should keep for a week in the fridge.

TIDBITS

1) We all know the saying “Red sky at night, sailors delight.” For a night’s red sky the setting Sun’s rays are traveling through a thicker than usual concentration of dust particles. This event foretells high pressure and stable air coming in from the west.

2) I suppose this means easy sailing if your boat’s heading to the west. But what if your ship is heading east, wouldn’t a red sky indicate foul weather in the morning? Perhaps this saying needs to be made more robust?

3) Anyway, a red sky at night also means a rising moon will be red at night. Quick witted sailors soon associated red moons with smooth sailing. It was but two shakes of a lamb’s tail to think that red moons brought luck.

4) Then in 1822, during a red half moon, First Mate Tom Albacore won and won and won playing poker. At port, the next day, he wooed and wed the richest heiress in the world. From then on red half moons became a particularly lucky sign to sailors. But red half moons are rare, so sailors took the making Sun Dried Tomato Butter on sourdough toast because it looks like that phenomenon.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: apocalyptic, appetizer, Chef Paul, Comic Chef, cookbook, first mate, good food, half moon, Lutheran, Moon, Paul De Lancey, Rays, recipes, red sky at night, sailors, sourdough, ssailing, Sun, sun dried, sun dried tomatoes, thriller, toast, tomatoes | Leave a comment

Shiro (Spicy Ground Chickpea Stew)

Posted on November 28, 2021 by pauldelancey

Eritrean Entree

SHIRO
(Spicy Ground Chickpea Stew)

INGREDIENTS

1 jalapeno
5 garlic cloves
1 large onion
1 large tomato
⅓ cup vegetable oil
3 cups water
2 tablespoons Berbere spice*
¾ cup chickpea or garbanzo flour*
1 teaspoon salt

Serves 4. Takes 50 minutes.

* = Can be found in Middle Easter or African supermarkets or online.

PREPARATION

Seed jalapeno. Slice jalapeno into small circles. Mince garlic cloves and onion. Dice tomato. Cook onion at medium-high heat for 4 minutes or until it turns brown. Stir frequently. Add oil. Sauté for 2 minutes at medium heat. Stir frequently. Add garlic and tomato. Sauté at medium heat for 3 minutes. Stir frequently.

Add water. Bring to boil. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low. Add Berbere spice. Add chickpea flour, 1 tablespoon at a time. Stir with whisk after each tablespoon until lumps disappear. Simmer on low heat for 20 minutes or until stew reaches your desired level of thickness. Add jalapeno circles and salt. Stir until well blended.

TIDBITS

1) About 6,000 years ago, people everywhere grew terrified over solar eclipses. These eclipses meant that the moon god was eating the sun god. If the sun god got devoured, we’d have perpetual darkness. Crops wouldn’t grow in the perpetual gloom. It was all quite distressing.

2) 500 years later, Chief La Fong of the Rohohoe tribe was contemplating the infinite while eating Shiro in a bowl exactly like the one above. Amazing coincidence, isn’t it? Anyway, he noted that while he couldn’t see the bottom of the bowl, it was still there. Shiro had merely come between his eyes and the bottom of the bowl. La Fong then embarked on a campaign of conquest by invading during solar eclipses. He’d simply told the invaded tribe to surrender and he’d make the Moon give back the Sun. How do we know this? Culinary archeologists have decoded the Rohohoe alphabet, which was based on dried out doughnuts. We don’t have the doughnuts anymore. Someone dropped a safe on them. Ironically, the safe was meant to preserve the doughnuts. Oh well.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: alphabet., apocalyptic, archeologists, Berbere, Carl La Fong, chickpea, Comic Chef, cookbook, doughnuts, eclispses, entree, Eritrean, good food, Lutheran, Moon, moon good, murders, Paul De Lancey, recipes, Rohohoe, shiro, spice, stew, Sun, sun god, thriller | Leave a comment

Chicheme From Panama

Posted on October 19, 2021 by pauldelancey

Panamanian Appetizer

CHICHEME

INGREDIENTS

⅔ pound dry cracked corn
6 cups water
2 cinnamon sticks
1 cup (10¾ ounces) condensed milk
1½ cups (13½ ounces) evaporated milk
½ tablespoon vanilla extract
⅓ cup sugar
½ teaspoon nutmeg

Serves 9. Takes 3 hours plus overnight soaking.

PREPARATION

Place cracked corn and water in large pot. Keep pot overnight in refrigerator. Keep water. Add cinnamon sticks. Cook corn at medium heat for 1 hour 15 minutes or until corn starts to break apart under the slightest pressure. Stir frequently enough to prevent burning. Check occasionally to make sure water still covers the corn. Add water as necessary. Remove cinnamon sticks.

Remove pot from heat and let cool for 30 minutes . (Liquid will cool quicker if you pour it into a cold pot.) Add condensed milk, evaporated milk, sugar, and vanilla extract. Stir until sugar dissolves completely, nothing sticks to the bottom, and there are no clumps. Remove cinnamon sticks. Refrigerate for 1 hour. Pour into glasses. Sprinkle nutmeg on top. Drink and eat with spoon.

Keep in jars or pitcher in refrigerator. Stir to break any up clumps before pouring.

TIDBITS

1) Just last year, culinary scientist Carl La Fong, announced that rock samples from the Earth and its moon contain nearly identical percentages of Chicheme. (See recipe above.) This assertion has rocked the scientific world. “Where did all this Chicheme come from?” ask the theory’s doubters.

2) “From the Earth’s core,” says La Fong. “Recent ultra-long-wave analysis shows the core to made up entirely of Chicheme. Over the period of 100 million years, about twenty meteor strikes at the same spot on the Earth’s crusts opened a tunnel to the core. Molten Chicheme flew out of there into space where it eventually coalesced into our moon.”

3) La Fong added, “There’s simply not enough cracked corn, cinnamon sticks, condensed milk, evaporated milk, etc. produced on the Earth’s surface to produce all the Chicheme that people consume. It simply must come from the Earth’s core via a 4,000 mile tunnel. So there, I’m right.”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: analysis, apocalyptic, appetizer, cinamon, Comic Chef, cookbook, core, cracked corn, Earth, good food, Lutheran, Moon, mushrooms, Panamanian, Paul De Lancey, recipes, thriller | 2 Comments

Fettuccine Alla Papalina

Posted on August 7, 2018 by pauldelancey

Vatican Entree

FETTUCCINE ALLA PAPALINA

INGREDIENTS

1 pound fettuccine
3 eggs
3 tablespoons cream
1¼ cups freshly grated Parmesan cheese*
1 medium onion
¼ cup butter
5 ounces diced or cubed pancetta, or cubed, uncooked ham
1 teaspoon pepper**
1 teaspoon salt

* = This dish was originally created for Pope Pius XII. His chef used the best ingredients. So, if you are having the pope over for dinner, you really should try to use Parmesan-Reggiano. And even if you aren’t having His Holiness over to dine, your guests will appreciate being placed at his level of importance. However, your grocery store might not stock Parmesan-Reggiano. In this case, use regular Parmesan. The pope will understand. He is a kind and humble man.

** = This dish is supposed to be peppery. The amount of pepper used should be near the upper range for your taste.

Serves 6. Takes 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cook fettuccine according to instructions on package. Set aside in a large serving bowl when done. Add eggs, cream, and Parmesan cheese to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk until well blended. Mince onion. Add onion and butter to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes or until onion is quite soft. Stir occasionally. Add pancetta to pan. Simmer on low-medium heat for 4 minutes. Stir occasionally.

Pour egg/cream/Parmesan mixture to noodles in serving bowl. Add pepper and salt. Toss noodles until thoroughly coated and the cheese has completely melted. Add onion/pancetta mix to noodles. Mix with fork until well blended.

TIDBITS

1) This dish is difficult to cook in zero gravity. So, no astronaut has ever made this pasta. The moon, however, possesses a weak gravitational field. So, any pasta, and pancetta would, more or less, stay put. Unfortunately, water on the moon evaporates, so this dish can’t be made there either. However, the International Space Station is an enclosed environment and is designed to rotate just fast enough to trick the fettuccine alla papalina into believing gravity exists there.

Chef Paul

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: apocalyptic, astronaut, Chef Paul, cookbook, fettuccine, good food, International Space Station, Lutheran, Moon, pancetta, papalina, Parmesan, pope, recipes, thriller, Vatican, zero gravity | Leave a comment

Slow Cooker Refried Beans

Posted on February 24, 2016 by pauldelancey

Mexican Entree

SLOW COOKER REFRIED BEANS

INGREDIENTS

2 cups or 14 ounces dry pinto beans
1 onion
1 jalapeno or serrano pepper
3 garlic cloves
5½ cups water
1 teaspoon cumin
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon crema Mexicana or sour cream

SPECIAL UTENSILS

slow cooker or crock pot
colander
potato masher

Makes 2½ cups. Takes 8 hours 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Rinse beans. Cut onion into four pieces. Seed and dice jalapeno pepper. Mince garlic. Add beans, onion fourths, jalapeno, water, cumin, pepper, and salt to slow cooker. Stir once. Cook on high overnight or for 8 hours.

Remove onion fourths. Drain using colander in bowl. (Save drained water, in case your beans are too dry or use a bean broth.) Mash beans with potato masher. Add crema Mexicana. Stir with spoon. There you go. Serve hot.

TIDBITS

1) This dish takes 8-and-a-half hours. Think of all the lunar eclipses you could see in that time.

2) Depending where you are and if you want to see the whole thing or just the totality phase, you’re thinking anywhere from 2 to 120 eclipses.

3) Of course, the Moon goes its merry way after giving us an eclipse of itself. Why? It just does. So if you want to see sequential total lunar eclipses, you’ll need to take the Moon out of its orbit.

4) Repeatedly. Won’t this wreak havoc upon the Earth? Yes, it will. At the very least, displacing the moon again and again, will cause thousands of mile high tsunamis. Coastal cities will be obliterated. Humongous, terrifying earthquakes will finish off all remaining people, which makes this entree the ideal end-of-the-Earth meal.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: beans, Chef Paul, cloves, cookbook, crema, crock pot, cumin, Earth, earthquakes, eclipses, entree, jalapeno, lunar, Mexicana, Moon, pinto, pinto beans, recipes, refried beans, slow cooker, tsunamis | Leave a comment

Peanut Butter Chip Cookies

Posted on December 22, 2014 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

PEANUT BUTTER CHIP COOKIES

INGREDIENTS

3 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
½ cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
10 ounces peanut butter chips
no-stick spray

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric beater
1-to-4 cookie sheets (You might have to bake in batches.)

makes about 36 cookies

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Take butter out of the refrigerator and let it soften. Use whisk to blend flour, baking powder, and baking soda in large mixing bowl. Place butter, sugar, brown sugar, egg, vanilla extract, and peanut butter chips in second mixing bowl. Mix with electric beater set on cookies or medium high. Gradually add in the flour mixture from the first bowl. Blend thoroughly with electric beater set on whip or high. Fold in peanut butter chips. Mix with hands.

Roll dough into little balls about 1″ wide. Spray cookie sheets with no-stick spray. Leave a 2″ gap between peanut butter/dough balls. Bake at 375 degrees for 8 to 12 minutes or until golden brown. Let cookies cool for 2 minutes before transferring with a spatula to wire rack or cold plate. Cool for an additional 5-to-20 minutes or as long as you can stand waiting.

TIDBITS

1) The ancient Incas used peanuts in their religious ceremonies. The Incas built a mighty empire. Thomas Jefferson raised peanuts. He went onto write America’s Declaration of Independence. As president he doubled America’s size with the Louisiana Purchase. America is still the only country to send a peanut to the moon.

2) Peanut is awesome! Get your cat or dog to take its medicine by covering it with peanut butter. P.b. is the best bait for mousetraps. Put peanut butter in the pan after frying fish. The fishy smell will go away. This amazing food cleans your furniture and gives your house a nice peanut-buttery aroma. Use peanut butter when your shaving; it’s good for your skin.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: America, cat, chip, cookbook, cookies, De Lancey, Declaration of Independence, dessert, dog, frying fish, Incas, Louisiana Purchase, Moon, mousetraps, peanut butter, recipes, Thomas Jefferson | Leave a comment

Posts Tagged With: Moon

I Solve the Time Zones Problem

Sure Fire Hack to a Flatter Stomach

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Phrase: Final Exit