Posts Tagged With: Chef Paul

Paul’s Awesome Buyers’ Report – Plastic Wrap

While we’ve been concentrating on foreign wars, domestic politics, and the economy, an issue of great importance to all of us has been allowed to fester.

Namely, the truly fetid state of many plastic wraps. Plastic wraps, WHEN THEY WORK, are invaluable in helping food last longer. When they don’t work, the plastic usually is doing a fantastic job of adhering to itself. It’s nigh on impossible to remove any plastic from the rest of the plastic on the roll. Indeed, the whole state of affairs has gotten so bad, that some of the poorer militaries around the world use rolls of plastic wrap in their bazookas.

American consumers yearn for information on plastic wrap. Who will help them choose the good wraps and avoid the bad ones? Who? Who will bear the consumers’ burden?

America, Paul’s Awesome Buyer’s Report hears you. Here is its first in depth analysis.

But first, we must go over PABE’s, Paul’s Awesome Buyers’ Report, rating system.

From worst to best:

Evil
Bad
So so
Good
Heavenly

In this issue I analyzed the following wraps

Saran(tm) Premim Wrap – Evil

I could not any plastic to pull off the roll no matter how hard and long I tried. I ended up throwing it away,

Reynolds(tm) Kitchens Plastic Wrap – Good

The great virtue of this product is its built-in side cutter. As Reynolds states, “Clean cut every time.” You’ll never again buy any plastic wrap without a built-in a side cutter.

Reynold’s = Good
Saran’s = Evil

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There.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Paul's Awesome Buyers Report | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Simplify Jigsaw Puzzles

Jigsaw puzzles can be lots of fun.  Finishing them elicits effusive praise from guests. Completing the puzzle makes your spouse respect you for the first time in months. “You completed a project. Well done!”

However, puzzle solving can take hours, dozens of hours, and even dozens of weeks, if you even finish. Yep, you’ll probably give up. Your latest failure will drive her to desert you. Her farewell note of “You clod, I’ve run off with the milkman” will be all the more hurtful for the fact that your neighborhood hasn’t had a milkman in 40 years.

And if you stick to your puzzle quest, no matter the cost, chances are there will be a missing piece. Where did the piece go? Is it hiding somewhere on the floor, did it migrate to your sock drawer, or did your puzzle box simply have a piece missing? No matter, it’s missing. You won’t regain your mate’s love and adoration.

He: You didn’t finish the puzzle.
You: I did. All but one piece.
He: Like I haven’t heard that one before.

And then he leaves, claiming to go to the store to buy a particle accelarator. He doesn’t come back. Your life is bereft of joy. Well mostly, you do look forward to not picking up his socks anymore.

What’s the solution? A one-piece puzzle! Everyone of us finish that. And quickly, too. No more looking at a box of 1,000 pieces and guessing if they are all there. Buy the one-piece puzzle. We can all count to one. Yes we can.

Look below to see the one-piece puzzle I just completed..

1 piece puzzle of the world.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: I simplify | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Hard Day

No full-blown blog today. Today has been physically tiring and emotionally draining.

You’ll have to behave yourself in my absence.

metaphorical me

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: lifestyle | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word: Techfind

Our forefathers and foremothers tamed the wild frontiers, desserts, and ocean armed only with: grit, the five senses, and above all, single-minded determination.

The present batch of humanity is not so impressive. We can do so little using only what our creator gave us. We need inventions to accomplish anything.

But we don’t have a word to describe this behavior.

It’s high time to correct this oversight.

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

techfind

Awesome entry #19

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

We are Living In End Times

Let’s face it, calls for violence increase daily. Slogans urging murder and extermination even show up at your local breakfast restaurant. It happened here. In my home town. Today. Be afraid, be very afraid.

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word: Loralist

We are so proud of ourselves. We finally wrote down every last item we wanted, only to forget that piece of paper. Augh!

But we don’t have a word to describe this behavior.

It’s high time to correct this oversight.

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

loralist

Awesome entry #18

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pearl Sugar

Belgian Dessert*

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PEARL SUGAR

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INGREDIENTS
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3 cups sugar
3½ tablespoons water
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Takes 40 minutes. Make 3½ cups.
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* = Belgian pearl sugar is larger than the Swedish variety and resembles pearly white pebbles. It’s sugar, if you can find it, has large granules made from sugarbeets. The Belgian variety is best for Liege, or Belgian, waffles. Swedish pearl sugar, pärlsocker, has smaller sugar granules. Use Swedish pearl sugar to top pastries, cakes, and breads.
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PREPARATION
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Add both ingredients to 2 large pans. Mix with wooden spoon or spatula. Use low heat. Stir constantly until clumps start to form. (If too much loose sugar remains, add 1 more teaspoon sugar and stir again.) Try for larger clumps if you want Belgian pearl sugar and smaller clumps if you’re going for Swedish pearl sugar.
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When happy with clump sizes, dry them out over low heat for 20 minutes. Stir occasionally. Remove from heat and let cool until clumps harden.
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TIDBITS
1) Swedish pearl sugar granules are small. Belgian pearl sugar granules are big. But are they the world’s biggest?  No. Sugarologists say Tahitian granules are 23-to-25 percent than those from Belgium.
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2) Culinary historians says the largest pearl sugar granule came from Greenland during the Viking Age. Please Bengt Erickson’s The Sugar Cane Fields of Greenland’s East Settlement, (Sockerrörsfälten i Grnlands Östra Bosättning.)
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3) Erickson raised cane from 1012 to 1025. His success encouraged hundreds of other Swedish Vikings to voyage over and do the same. Unfortunately, so many came to harvest sugar that they completely chopped down all the trees in Greenland’s vast forest just to build their log cabins.
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4) What, you you’ve never heard of the Great Greenlandic Forest? You say that aren’t any trees there? Sure, now.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word: Eride

Why is humanity so mired in mediocrity? Why do we not post better blogs?

Because we erase ideas from our brains from lack of writing them down or simply forgetting them as soon as their thought up.

But we don’t have a word to describe this behavior.

It’s high time to correct this oversight.

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

eride

Awesome entry #17

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Candidate Paul Fights for American Motorists

Consider all the things that infuriate you every day. Does the present lot of politicians ever propose anything to help end such frustration?

They do not.

America clearly needs me to be its president. Right away.

If elected, I will . . .

If elected #2

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­– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loco Moco

Hawaiian Entree

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LOCO MOCO

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INGREDIENTS – RICE & PATTY­
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1⅔ cups rice
1 small onion (½ small onion more later)
1 pound ground beef (80%-to-85%)
¾ teaspoon garlic salt
¼ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
½ tablespoon Worcestershire sauce (1 teaspoon more later)
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INGREDIENTS – GRAVY
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1½ tablespoons butter (softened)
½ small onion
1¾ cups beef broth
1½ tablespoons cornstarch
1 teaspoon ketchup
4 teaspoons soy sauce
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
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INGREDIENTS – FINAL
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4 eggs
1 green onion
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Serves 4. Takes 40 minutes.
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PREPARATION – RICE & PATTY
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Cook rice according to instructions on package. Mince 1 small onion. Add all patty ingredients to mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Form into 4 patties, each 3″ wide. Smooth the edges. Add patties to large pan. Fry at medium heat for 5 minutes. Flip patties and fry for 5 minutes more. (More or less time) Remove patties. Keep drippings in pan.
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PREPARATION – GRAVY
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Mince ½ small onion. While patties cook, add all gravy ingredients to small mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add gravy to pan. Sauté for 4 minutes or until onion softens and gravy thickens. Stir occasionally.
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PREPARATION – FINAL
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While patties and gravy cooks, add eggs to 2nd frying pan. Fry eggs to your liking. Put 1 cup steamed rice on plate. Smooth the edges into a circle about 3″ across, Top rice with patty. Ladle ¼th of the gravy onto patty. Place fried egg on gravy. Repeat three times. Dice green onion. Garnish eggs with green onion.
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TIDBITS
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1) About 50 years ago, Om Corporation(tm), Om Co., dominated all other Hawaiian food distributers.
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2) Stop and ponder how cool is it to live in a universe where there is a word that has the sequence “aiia,” in it.
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3) We are truly fortunate that over billions–or maybe just ten millions of years, I really don’t for sure how may years as I wasn’t there–that Earth’s plates shifted in such a way that Hawaii formed. With-out Hawaii, there be no word Hawaii, and thus no word with out aiia in it. We certainly have no Hawaiian pizzas. Nor ever Hawaiian luaus. That would have been a great loss indeed.
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4) But how would we have known what we would be missing from the loss of Hawaiian luaus? Maybe things would have gotten something better in return.
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5) Like Greek luaus for example. Especially likely, if Greece could grow pineapples.
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6) Anyway, Om Co., or Omco as people who hate spaces used to call it, developed the very first Hawaiian pizza boomerang pizza.
“I want a Hawaiian pizza.”
“But I want a functioning boomerang.”
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7) “Wait, both your desires will be fulfilled with Omco’s new and exciting Hawaiian boomerang pizza. Take a bite. Mmm, wasn’t delicious. Now, fling the boomerang. It’ll come back. But in the meantime, you can continue your statewide volleyball tournament. You don’t want to miss that. After you’ve spiked the volleyball down the other team’s throats, wait a second and your boomerang pizza will come back to your hand. Take another tasty bite and fling the boomerang pizza away again. Pizza and high-stakes volleyball at the same time. Way cool. Way cool.”
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8) In fact the boomerang pizza was so cool, that Hawaiians took to calling, Om. Co, “Cool Omco.” Dyslexics, over time, changed this name to “Cool Moco.” The next generations of dyslexic Hawaains altered this to “Loco Moco.”
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9) The name stuck. And a bit later Om Corporation held a recipe contest to honor its golden anniversary.
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10) Carl La Fong won first prize with this entree. He called it “Loco Moco “in honor of Om Co.’s stellar culinary reputation. There you go, innovative chefs and companies and plucky dyslexics* making life a little better.
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11) * = I am slightly dyslexic. Maybe this explains things.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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