Posts Tagged With: American

Smoked Ham Rub

American Appetizer

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SMOKED HAM RUB

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INGREDIENTS­
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1 cup brown sugar
½ teaspoon cinnamon
½ teaspoon ground cloves
2 tablespoons garlic powder
½ teaspoon ginger powder
½ teaspoon mustard powder
¼ teaspoon nutmeg
2 tablespoons onion powder
2 tablespoons paprika
1½ tablespoons pepper
2 tablespoons salt
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Makes 1½ cups. Takes 10 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Add all ingredients to mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended.
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TIDBITS
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1) Idle minds often come up with great ideas such as electronic banking, air travel, and tacos.
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2) Great artists take their inspirations from subjects as diverse as: portraits, urban landscapes, pastoral settings and bowls of fruit, particularly bowls of still-life bowls of fruit.
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3) So it’s quite common and only natural to think how the great artists would have painted our tasty culinary creations. I’ve been wondering the same thing lately. So many great painters to chose from.
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4) I channeled  Señora Magdalena Carmen Frida Kahlo y Calderón to help me paint my Smoked Ham Rub. She was a great Mexican painter renowned for her many portraits, and works inspired by the nature of Mexico.
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5) Magdalena Carmen Frida Kahlo y Calderón (MCFKC) and I first tried using an Etch-A-Sketch(tm), but we couldn’t get the hang of that children’s toy.
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6) So, I let MCFKC’s thoughts guide my paint brush. Here’s what we came up. I hope you like it. Channeling spirits isn’t easy.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: art, cuisine | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word – Zink

How many times has this happened to you? You climbed Mt. Everest just using toothpicks only to learn that no one saw you reach the top. All the news crews and everybody in the world watched the most exciting ever World Cup final in soccer. You took closeted yourself in your room for 23 years to order 526,123 by height and memorize every governor of every state since the foundation of the American republic

These events brings us to

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

ZINK

Awesome entry #33

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Angel Food Cupcake

American Dessert

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ANGEL FOOD CUPCAKE

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INGREDIENTS – CUPCAKES
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½ cup cake flour*
⅓ cup sugar (⅓ cup more later)
⅛ teaspoon salt
¾ teaspoon cream of tartar
5 egg whites
¾ teaspoon vanilla extract (¾ teaspoon more later)
1 tablespoon warm water
⅓ cup sugar
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* = or ½ cup flour and 3 tablespoons cornstarch
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INGREDIENTS – WHIPPED CREAM FROSTING
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¾ cup confectioners’ sugar
1½ cups heavy whipping cream
¾ teaspoon vanilla extract
fresh fruit topping (optional)
sprinkles, also known as nonpareils.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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electric beater
cupcake pan or pans with 15 cups
15 non-stick cupcake liners
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Makes 15 cupcakes. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.
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PREPARATION – CUPCAKES
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Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Put cupcake liners in cupcake pan. Add cake flour, ⅓ cup sugar, and salt to medium mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended.
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Add cream of tartar, egg whites, ¾ teaspoon vanilla extract, and warm water to large mixing bowl. Blend with electric beater set on low-medium for 1 minute or until egg whites become foamy. Set beater to medium-high and slowly add ⅓ cup sugar. Blend for 3 minutes or until soft peaks form.
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Use spatula to gradually and gently fold the cake-flour mixture into the egg whites. (Adding the cake flour too quickly will cause the egg whites to deflate.) This is the batter. Spoon batter into non-stick cupcake liners until they are ¾ full. Bake for 20 minutes at 350 degrees or until lightly brown around the edges and toothpick inserted all the way down into the middle of a cupcake will come out clean. Place cupcakes on wire racks until completely cool.
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PREPARATION – FROSTING
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While cupcakes cool, add confectioners’ sugar, heavy whipping cream, and ¾ teaspoon vanilla extract to 3rd mixing bowl. Set electric beater to medium-high and whip until mixture becomes fluffy. (A medium peak should form when the beater is taken out of the mixture. Over whipping the mixture will turn it into butter. This step happens quickly.) Use spatula to spread frosting over cupcakes. If desired, garnish with fruit bits and sprinkles.
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TIDBITS
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1) The act of throwing someone out a window is called defenestration.
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2) In 1419, the good people of Prague threw important government officials out a window. The event is known as the First Defenestration of Prague and the Second Tidbit of Angel Food Cupcakes.. The result proved to be unarguably bad for the officials as they died. The defenestration arose from religious and political factors and a shortage of cupcakes.
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3) From 1420 to 1482 no defenestrations at all took place in Prague as cupcakes were plentiful.
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4) In 1483, discontent reared its ugly head. Common sense and government officials went out the window. Culinary historians point to the religious radicalization of the cup-cake guilds.
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5) From 1484 to 1647 no defenestrations at all took place in Prague as cupcakes remained plentiful. Tidbit 2) and Tidbit 4) were truly golden ages of peace and prosperity in Prague.
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6) Prognostication, the study of predicting events does not derive from the word “Prague.” However, don’t feel bad if you thought it did, as you are in good and numerous company.
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7) Window tossing made a comeback in 1618 when the Prognosticators, oops, Praguers tossed two government officials out a window. This is known as the Third Defenestration of Prague. The usual trio of politics, religion, and cupcakes prompted this notorious aerobic act. Unlike the previous two window hurlings, this one started a continent-wide war of 30 years. In 1649, everybody said, “I’d like to take back the Third Defenestration. If only we could return to halcyon era of Tidbit 4.”
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8) I’ve been to the window of tidbit 7. The government officials survived their fall due to the fact the window was only on the second floor and the mulch below cushioned their fall. No one likes to be pitched down onto decomposing hay, vegetables, and perhaps manure. So, we can well understand the officials advocating for a thirty-year war.
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9) On the other hand, starting a war than convulsed Europe for decades does seem to be an over reaction to a bit of out-the-windowing. If only the officials had taken an anger management course. Then bloody conflict would not have stalked the lands. Ah well.
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10) In 1994, Prague’s city council passed laws and regulations ensuring adequate cup cake production. The municipality has been at blessed peace ever since. Whew.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pork Medallions

American Entree

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PORK MEDALLIONS

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INGREDIENTS
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1½ pounds pork tenderloin
¼ teaspoon oregano
½ teaspoon sweet paprika or paprika
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon rosemary
1 garlic clove
1 small onion
1½ tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon butter
⅔ cup chicken broth
2 tablespoons parsley
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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non-stick skillet or cast-iron frying pan
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Serves 4. Takes 40 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Cut pork tenderloin into 12 equal slices or medallions. Pat medallions dry with paper towels. Add oregano, sweet paprika, pepper, and rosemary to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Rub onto medallions. Dice garlic and onion.
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Add olive oil and 6 medallions to skillet. Sauté each medallion for 3 minutes at medium-high heat or until golden brown. Remove medallions and set aside. Repeat for 2nd batch of medallions, although cooking times might decrease. Remove these medallions and set aside.
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Keep heat at medium high. Add butter to skillet. Whisk butter and use spoon to remove brown bits. Add garlic and onion. Sauté for 1 minute. Stir frequently. Add broth, stirring gently. Bring to boil. Boil for 1 minute or until sauce thickens. Spoon the juice in the pan over the medallions. Garnish with parsley.
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TIDBITS
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1) The humble aardvark is a mammal that burrows at night. It hails from Africa and is the only living species of the order Tublidentata. I’ll bet you didn’t know that last bit.
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2) On the other hand, a medallion is a large medal or something resembling a large medal such as a wall panel. It can even be some dish that resembles a small medal, such as a pork medallions. Pork medallions can be eaten. Metal medallions cannot. Score one for pork medallions. Aardvarks don’t eat pork medallions. They eat ants. They burrow at night and we have come full circle.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Coffee Rub

American Appetizer

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COFFEE RUB

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INGREDIENTS
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2½ tablespoons brown sugar
¼ cup ground coffee
1½ tablespoons garlic powder
1½ tablespoons onion powder
2 tablespoons smoked paprika or paprika
½ tablespoon pepper
2 teaspoons salt.
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Makes ¾ cup. Takes 5 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Add all ingredients to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Stir in spice jar or airtight container.
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Should keep flavor for up to 6 months when stored in an airtight container. Use 1 table-spoon of coffee rub per pound of meat. Rub this seasoning onto meat before grilling.
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TIDBITS
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1) People often ask me, “Hey Chef Paul, how does your coffee rub compare to the leaning tower of Pisa?” I’m happy to reply.
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2) In multiple travel guide books? Leaning Tower: Yes. Coffee Rub: no.
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3) Can it stay completely upright?: Leaning Tower: No. Coffee Rub: yes.
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4) How long did it take to make it? Leaning Tower: 199 years. Coffee Rub: 5 minutes.
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5) How much does it take to get there or make it? Leaning Tower: $600. Coffee Rub: $1.
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6) Do you need to travel for a day to get there or assemble the ingredients? Leaning Tower: yes. Coffee Rub: no.
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7) Can you create a yummy meal by rubbing it on meat before grilling? Leaning Tower: no. Coffee rub: Yes.
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8) Coffee Rub: 5 – Leaning Tower: 1, a convincing win for Coffee Rub over the Leaning Tower.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Dragon Fruit Jam

American Appetizer

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DRAGON FRUIT JAM

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INGREDIENTS
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1 dragon fruit
2 tablespoons lemon juice
½ cup water
3½ tablespoons pectin
¾ cup sugar
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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2 * ½ cup Mason jars. (They really must be hot and newly sterilized.)
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Makes 1 cup. Takes 1 hour.
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PREPARATION
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Peel dragon fruit. Cut dragon fruit into ½” cubes. Add dragon fruit, lemon juice, and water to pot. Bring to boil using medium-high heat. Stir enough to prevent burning and until well blended. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer for 15 minutes or until dragon fruit become quite soft. Stir enough to prevent burning and until well blended..
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Add pectin. Bring to boil using medium-high heat. Stir slowly and just enough to prevent burning. Reduce heat to low-medium for 10 minutes or until pectin dissolves completely. Add sugar. Stir until sugar dissolves completely. Bring to low, or rolling, boil using medium-high heat. Boil for 1 minute. Stir slowly and just enough to prevent burning. Skim off any foam from this jam. Remove from heat.
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Spoon jam into hot, newly sterilized Mason jars. Let cool for 10 minutes. Store in refrigerator for 3 weeks.
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TIDBITS
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1) This recipe uses dragon fruit. Dragon fruit is a tropical fruit chock full of antioxidants, fiber, and iron. It might improve metabolic health, Give it a try.
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2) One dragon fruit is not the same as one dragon and one fruit, such as a strawberry. Don’t confuse them. Dragon fruit can be found in supermarket. Dragon fruit will let you take it home with no fuss to speak of.
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3) Dragons however remain difficult to find. I’ve seen a feral dragon in some years now. All to be fair, I don’t venture out much anymore. You need to bribe a dragon with a gold coin in order to get it to follow you home. I urge care and speed when cutting a dragon into ½” cubes. They don’t like it! May I suggest first honing your slicing skills with the easy-going strawberry?
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

BBQ Meatloaf

American Entree

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BBQ MEATLOAF

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INGREDIENTS
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3 garlic cloves
1 small onion
½ cup barbecue sauce (¼ cup more later)
2 pounds ground beef, ground pork, or combination
½ cup bread crumbs
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard or yellow mustard
2 eggs
½ teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon pepper
½ tablespoon salt
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
no-stick spray
¼ cup barbecue sauce
2 tablespoons fresh parsley
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Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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9″ * 5″ loaf pan
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mince garlic cloves and onion. Add all ingredients save no-stick spray, ¼ cup barbecue sauce and parsley to large mixing bowl. Mix well with hands.
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Spray loaf pan with no stick spray. Add beef mix to loaf pan. Smooth with spatula. Bake for 45 minutes at 350 degrees. Remove from oven. Top with ¼ cup barbecu sauce. Smooth evenly with brush. Bake again for 15 minutes at 350 degrees. Dice parsley. Garnish with parsley.
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TIDBITS
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1) BBQ is short for barbecue. NRC is the abbreviation for the Nuclear Regulatory Commission. Folks at the NRC love BBQ as who would not? When one of their employees says, “I’m going to nuke the leftover meatloaf, does she mean she’s going to reheat in the microwave or should we be heafing to the fallout shelters?
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2) This BBQ Meatloaf recipe uses barbecue sauce.
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3) This reminds me of joke they might tell at the NRC.
Q: Why don’t they eat BBQ Meatloaf at the Chemical Safety Board?
A: The meatloaf falls through the holes in the grill. Ha! Ha! Ha!
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Garlic Naan

Indian Appetizer

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GARLIC NAAN

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INGREDIENTS – NAAN
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1 teaspoon sugar
2 teaspoons yeast (room temperature)
⅓ cup warm water
3⅓ cups flour
½ cup warm milk
¼ cup olive oil (a total of 6⅓ tablespoon more later)
½ cup plain yogurt
¾ teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon olive oil (5⅓ tablespoons more later)
5⅓ tablespoons olive oil (16 times with 1 teaspoon each time)
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INGREDIENTS – GARLIC SAUCE
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2½ tablespoons ghee or butter
1½ tablespoons minced garlic
2 tablespoons fresh cilantro
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Makes 8 naans. Takes 2 hours.
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PREPARATION – NAAN
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Add sugar, yeast, and warm water to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork until sugar and yeast dissolve. Let sit for 10 minutes or until foamy. Add flour, warm milk, ¼ cup olive oil, yogurt, and salt. Mix with fork until well blended. Knead with hands until a smooth dough ball forms. Add 1 tablespoon oil. Rotate dough ball in oil until well coated. Cover and let sit for 1 hour or until dough ball doubles in size. Push down on dough.
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Add dough ball to flat surface. Divide dough ball into 8 mini-dough balls. Dust flat surface with 2 tablespoons flour.) Roll out mini-dough balls until they are ⅛”-to-¼” thick and about 6″ wide. These are your naans. Add 1 teaspoon olive oil to pan. Warm at medium-high heat until a tiny bit of dough starts to dance. Add 1 mini-dough ball to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 1 minute or  until bubbles form on top. Carefully flip naan, add 1 teaspoon olive oil and sauté for another 1 minute.  Repeat for remaining naans. (Sauté tend to diminish with each naan.
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PREPARATION – GARLIC SAUCE
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Mince cilantro. Add ghee to small pan. Melt ghee at medium heat. Add garlic. Sauté at medium heat for 30 seconds. Stir frequently. Brush naans with equal amounts of ghee/garlic. Sprinkle with cilantro .
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TIDBITS
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1) It’s rainy outside. This makes people, like me, silly. So these tidbits will be devoted to naan sense.
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2) Q: What’s the IT’ crowd’s favorite food?
A: Naan o’ Bytes.
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3) Genghis Khan, a Haiku
Mongol Genghis Khan
Who conquered lands far and wide
Ate our Garlic Naan
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4) Naan
Nan’s Naan
Nun Nan’s Naan
Nun Nan’s Nantucket Naan
Nun Nan’s Nantucket Naan needs
Nun Nan’s Nantucket Naan needs nearly
Nun Nan’s Nantucket Naan needs nearly nervous Ned’s
Nun Nan’s Nantucket Naan needs nearly nervous Ned’s nerdy
Nun Nan’s Nantucket Naan needs nearly nervous Ned’s nerdy named
Nun Nan’s Nantucket Naan needs nearly nervous Ned’s nerdy named gnomes’ knowledge
Nun Nan’s Nantucket Naan needs nearly nervous Ned’s nerdy named gnomes’ knowledge now
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5) Q: Can a naan become an American president?
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A: Yes, if was baked in America more than 35 years ago.
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6) Q: Doesn’t a president have to be alive?
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A: That’s why naans who want to become president get frozen.
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7) Q: Doesn’t the American Constitution say anything against cryogenically frozen people?
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A: No, it does not, but neither does it specifically rule out naans.
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So probably frozen naans are okay to preside over America.
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8) Q: But won’t the frozen naan will need to thaw when it’s time to run things? I mean, once it’s thawed, it will only last a few days if left out or at most a few weeks in the fridge?
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A) Yes indeed. This is why political parties try to pick a qualified candidate for vice president.
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9) Q: Couldn’t a progressively stale naan picked a fresh naan to be vice president? Then when that naan becomes president, select another naan to follow in its footsteps? Couldn’t we have one naan president after another until the next election?
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My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Vera the Virus Starts a Business – Part 2

Vera unveils the specifics of her health plan.

Vera the Virus #5, 12/29/2023

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Vera the Virus | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Persimmon Pomegranate Arugula Salad

American Appetizer

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PERSIMMON POMEGRANATE ARUGULA SALAD

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INGREDIENTS
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4 Fuyu persimmons
3 cups arugula
2 tablespoons lemon juice
3 tablespoons olive oil
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ cup pomegranate seeds*
2 tablespoons pomegranate juice.
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* = 1 pomegranate will yield sufficient amount of these ingredients.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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mandoline (optional)
vegetable peeler (optional)
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Serves 4. Takes 15 minutes or a bit longer if you have scoop the seeds out of a pomegranate.
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PREPARATION
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Peal persimmons with peeler. Use mandoline to cut persimmons into slices ¼’ thick. Add all ingredients to large serving bowl. Toss with forks or spoons until well blended.
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TIDBITS
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1) On April 1, Farine du Ble demonstrated on her show, Talc Chef, how to make Arugula Persimmon Pomegranate Salad, or APPs for short. Viewers tried it and recommended this salad to all their friends. “If want to have this dish, check it out on APPS. Unfortunately, most human ears cannot distinguish between APPs and apps. So, most people heard “Check it out on apps.”
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2) And so they went to their apps’ store to buy Arugula Persimmon Pomegranate Salad. So many billions of people tried that they crashed the worldwide web and crashed communication everywhere. E-commerce looked ready to collapse. Decades-long depression loomed. Militaries from most countries ceased to function from lack of orders. The very few armies that didn’t rely on the internet could have conquered us all. It looked bad.
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3) Fortunately, world leaders had already decreed April 1st to be Global Nap Day. No orders for Arugula Persimmon Pomegranate Salad could have been shipped that day. Thus, the Great Interest crash couldn’t have affected commerce at all. Soldiers napped all over the Earth. So, no wars of conquest took place. Everything was okay. Still, it had been quite the close call. An emergency session of the United Nations renamed this dish to be Persimmon Pomegranate Arugula Salad, or PPAS. The threat to the internet vanished. Serenity returned to the world. Something to chew on.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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