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I Did Walk 500 Miles

On no. I didn’t have to walk here.

I did walk 500 miles.
and I did walk 500 miles back.
Just to learn the home
Of the girl was next door.
GPS was out of wack.
She was gone when I got back.
Wouldn’t wait no more.
I’m sad. My feet are sore.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Carl La Fong’s Cooking Mishap #1, Quesadilla

The sticker says, “Two tortillas.”

I like to cook. So does my friend, Carl La Fong*. Although a really good cook, Carl occasionally makes mistakes. Sometimes they’re doozies. In the spirit of helping fledgling chefs, he’s agreed to share his mistakes.

Carl started off well. He sprayed the top and bottom of the quesadilla maker**. He put a flour tortilla on the bottom of the grill. He topped the tortilla with avocado salsa, diced chiles, and a generous amount of grated Mexican cheeses. He closed the lid. The quesadilla maker started cooking.

“You know,” Carl said, “in retrospect, I should have placed a second flour tortilla on top of the fixings. The modern mind cannot comprehend the mess made by leaving that ingredient out. Fortunately, I worked quickly and cleaned the quesadilla maker is just a scant hour. In my defense, I was pondering the clauses in the 1648 Treaty of Westphalia. It can happen to anyone.”

Carl says, “Hi” and invites you to share your friends’ cooking mishaps. He als

* =No, Carl La Fong is not my alter ego. Why do you ask?
** = Doesn’t the quesadilla maker look like a space alien?

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Become Soft Spoken in Just Ten Days

Is this you?

Do people at restaurants move to tables farther away from you?

Do you routinely get booted out of libraries?

Are you banned from meditation centers?

Does your spouse wear earplugs around the house?

Do you get shushed in bowling alleys?

Well, you’re too freaking LOUD.

What to do? I’m glad you asked.

Take Dr. De Lancey’s course, Become Soft Spoken in Just Ten Days. Results guaranteed,

Do it for their ears. Do it now.

Dr. Paul De Lancey
Become Soft Spoken in Just Ten Days

 

“My husband and I took Dr. De Lancey’s course, Become Soft Spoken in Just Ten Days and now we can’t hear each other. Our marriage has never been better. Thank  you, Dr. De Lancey.”
– Ms. Hurd in Washington, D.C.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Moctezuma Cheese Soup

Mexican Soup

MOCTEZUMA CHEESE SOUP

 

INGREDIENTS

10 ounces queso quesadilla jalapeno (queso = cheese)
½ cup Crema Mexicana (sour cream)
¼ cup grated Four Mexican cheeses
¼ cup water
½ tsp cumin
¼ tsp cayenne

PREPARATION

(Wave your wand and ask that this home-cooked meal be magically cooked by the mythical tomtes of Sweden. Nothing will happen. There are no tumptes and if there were, they would be busy conjuring up Swedish dishes. So you’re on your own. Fortunately, this dish is easy. Are you? I’m too much of a gentleman to ask.)

Anyway, crumble the queso quesadilla jalapeno and put it in a soup pot. Add Crema Mexicana, Four Mexican Cheeses, water, cumin, and cayenne. As mentioned in other parts of this cookbook, you might not have the exact ingredient or don’t want to go to the store again. Again, substitute, substitute, substitute. For example, you can use plain sour cream instead of Crema Mexicana and a can of nacho cheese soup for queso quesadilla jalapeno.

Cook soup on medium-high heat until hot and thoroughly blended. This also makes a nice dip.

TIDBITS

1) This soup is named after the hometown of my grandmother. She married my grandfather who was a surveyor and a lieutenant with the engineers in World War I.

2) My grandfather and his fellow surveyors accidentally started a forest fire in northern Mexico. I would love to have heard the whole story on that one.

3) My grandmother’s grandfather was a doctor who came to Mexico from Missouri after the Civil War. He couldn’t cotton to the Union victory.

4) Her son, my father, and his friends from college went to Mexico during Spring break. Somehow mattresses in the back of their pickup truck caught on fire and kept catching on fire.

5) I went to Calexico with a friend of mine from grad school. An hour after we crossed back into the U.S., a candidate for the Presidency of Mexico was assassinated in Tijuana. I would like to stress I had been in Calexico, not Tijuana, and had been in America already for one hour.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Should I Continue This Blog?

For a while now, the number of views has been going down. And sometimes I don’t have much energy left after a tiring day to put out a blog. I try to say interesting things and to make me laugh. I don’t know if WordPress’ JetPack stats aren’t measuring readership accurately or if I have become less interesting and amusing. Please let me know what you think. Thanks.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Absolutely Accurate Forecasts of Everything for 2023

The world is a chaotic and often terrifying place. What will happen to us? What should we do? It all seems so unpredictable.

But that simply isn’t so.

Listed below are compelling issues and events, that I follow and know something about, and that really must be prognosticated if we are to facing the buffeting events of our future.

And this is what the experts say:

The Stock Market: It will either go up or down. And they are rather certain of that.

Inflation: It will go up, stay the same, or go down.

Severity of the Coming Recession: It will be hard or mild.

Length of Putin’s War in the Ukraine: It will end soon or drag on.

I could go on, but I don’t want to give everything way.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Foods to Avoid

I like a lot of different foods. However, I can’t stand the following dishes.

Icky Eats

FOODS TO AVOID

Haggis

Lutefisk
Rocky Mountain oysters
Haggis
Liver and onion
Chef’s surprise – a favorite at my college cafeteria
Any meat mass or cooked veggie that has been in your fridge for more than four days.

What foods do you avoid?

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Paddle Their Butts, A Loving Poem

I don’t recall how many years I wrote this, in 2008 maybe, but my muse was surely angry.

Paddle Their Butts

AIG lost wellover $100 million.
AIG got $170 billion in bailouts.
AIG gave its top execs $170 million in bonuses.
Paddle their butts.

America is outraged.
We are losing our jobs.
We are losing our homes.
Paddle their butts.

When things well well, they kept it all.
When things went sout, we bailed them out.
Heads they win, tails we bail.
Paddle their butts.

AIG almost brought down the world’s finances.
AIG almost caused a world-wide depression.
The architects of this got paid $170 million.
Paddle their butts.

A good spanking might make future execs
think twice before raping the economy.
You can’t enjoy your riches with a sore bottom.
Paddle their butts.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Oops, I Almost Forgot

I almost forgot to write a post today. Lots of things to think about, not all of them good.

Take care.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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CHDCPI Says American Inflation is Zero Percent

The true inflation gauge

Economists squabble continually over how to measure inflation. Some argue that the Federal Reserve Bank uses inflation indexes that measure inflation as it had been months ago. This is like trying to drive by looking only at the traffic in the rear view mirror. Another bone of contention is what durable goods, foods, etc. to include in an accurate inflation index.

Ideally, we want to include items that everyone in the entire country uses. As exhaustive research shows there is only one such item.

The Costco(tm) hot dog combo.

It’s yummy and everyone buys it. So I am including it, and it alone, in my consumer price index (CPI.) I call my new CPI, the Costco Hot Dog Combo Price Index or CHDCPI.

Astoundingly enough, the CHDCPI demonstrates conclusively that America’s inflation rate has been ZERO percent for the entire year. Wow. Moreover American inflation has been ZERO PERCENT FOR EVERY YEAR since 1985. i

And if for some reason, your household budget stretches less and less every year, then you need to buy only Costco Hot Dog Combos every year. Make the switch and you’ll notice a big difference.

There.

I foresee a Nobel Prize in Economics in my very near future.

And now a sexy table of supporting evidence.

——–Annual               Total
——–Inflation             Inflation
Price   each year            Since 1985
1985   $1.50     0.00%     0.00%
1986   $1.50     0.00%     0.00%
1987   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1988   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1989   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1990   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1991   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1992   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1993   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1994   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1995   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1996   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1997   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1998   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1999   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2000   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2001   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2002   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2003   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2004   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2005   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2006   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2007   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2008   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2009   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2010   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2011   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2012   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2013   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2014   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2015   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2016   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2017   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2018   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2019   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2020   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2021   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2022   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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