observations

Ketchup

Posted on May 31, 2025 by pauldelancey

American Appetizer

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KETCHUP

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INGREDIENTS
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3 garlic cloves
1 small onion
2 tablespoons olive oil
3 teaspoons tomato paste
1 28 ounce-can peeled tomatoes, whole or diced
5 tablespoons brown sugar
3 tablespoons white vinegar
¼ teaspoon allspice
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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food processor or electric blender
4-cup Mason jar
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Makes 3 cups. Takes 30 minutes
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PREPARATION
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Mince garlic and onion. Add onion and olive oil to large pot or Dutch oven. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium-high heat. Stir frequently. Add garlic. Sauté for 2 minutes at medium-high heat. Stir frequently. Add tomato paste. Cook for 2 minutes at medium heat or until it turns to burnt orange.
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Add remaining ingredients. Cook at medium-high heat until it starts to boil. Stir frequently enough to prevent burning. Reduce heat to low. Simmer for 40 minutes it thickens.. Stir enough to prevent burning.
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Transfer liquid from pot to food processor or electric blender. Puree liquid until it reaches your desired thickness. Let cool to room temperature. Add ketchup to Mason jar. Should keep in refrigerator for up to 1 month.
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TIDBITS
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1) According to Quite Possibly True Almanac, 2019:
The largest outdoor skating rink made from frozen ketchup is in Pois, Quebec.
Michaelangelo used ketchup instead of red pigment when painting his masterpieces.
The largest ketchup lake formed in Pumice, Kentucky when a tidal wave of hot ketchup from a bottling factory filled an abandoned strip mine.
­In 2013, NASA quietly sent out a cylinder filled with 21,200 tons of ketchup as a goodwill gesture to any civilizations existing outside our Solar System, because who doesn’t like ketchup?
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, history, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

What Foods Are Good For You

Posted on March 23, 2025 by pauldelancey

The judgment of a food being good or bad is only valid at the store.

Once you bought it automatically becomes good. You spent too much time and money not to eat it. Society spent too much time, money, and depleted natural resources not to eat it. We must not let your and society’s sacrifices be in vain. Eat the foods you brought home.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: food, lifestyle, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Air Fryer Eggs

Posted on February 28, 2025 by pauldelancey

American Breakfast

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AIR FRYER FRIED EGGS

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INGREDIENTS
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2 eggs
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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air fryer
parchment paper*
2 mini-cake pans
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* = Parchment paper should fit in min-cake pans
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PREPARATION
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Preheat air fryer for 4 minutes at 360 degrees. Line  mini-cake pans with parchment paper. Add 1 egg to each mini-cake pan. Place mini-cake pans in air-fryer basket. Set temperature to 360 degrees. Set timer to 7 minutes. For over-easy eggs, set timer to 4 minutes. For more well-done eggs, set timer to 8 minutes. (Times vary between air fryers. Check eggs when they should be nearly done. Use oven mitts to remove mini-cake pan from fryer basket.)
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Eggs should come out of the min-cake pans when tipped over. If not, carefully remove the egg with a flexible spatula.
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TIDBITS
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1) Cleaning up with this recipe will be a snap compared to the alternative of frying eggs with butter in a pan. Or even, frying them au naturel. I mean by that, not using butter. I would never suggest frying anything in the nude. Particularly bacon. Oh gosh, no.
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2) As I write, the price of eggs is at an all time, maybe double the cost of a year ago.
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3) Some people think the high cost of eggs influenced the last election.
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4) There’s something to this fear. The crushing  cost of bread and the ensuing riots precipitated the French Revolution.
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5) This fear has not gone away. The French government heavily monitors and regulates bread prices.
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6) If your last name was People, wouldn’t you be sorely tempted to name your baby, Some?
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7) Then everything Some says could be repeated as, “Some People says this.”
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8) Remember when eggs were so cheap that trick-or treaters would egg peoples houses?
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Everything You Need

Posted on February 14, 2025 by pauldelancey

I saw the following sign at the local nursery. It’s true as far as it goes. I, however, would add tacos and pets.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: about me, Great Things to Think About, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Creamy Lemon Chicken

Posted on December 10, 2024 by pauldelancey

American Entree

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CREAMY LEMON CHICKEN

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INGREDIENTS
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1 lemon
1½ pounds chicken breasts
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
¾ cup flour
3 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 teaspoons minced garlic
1 cup chicken broth
2½ tablespoons lemon juice
1¼ cups heavy cream
2 teaspoons parsley
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Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Cut lemon into 4 slices. Cut chicken breasts in half. Cut chicken halves along their width to make thin cutlets. Rub pepper and salt evenly onto chicken cutlets. Add flour to mixing bowl. Dredge cutlets through flour. Shake off any excess.
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Add butter and olive oil to large pan. Use medium heat to melt butter. Swirl pan until butter and oil combine. Carefully add chicken cutlets to pan. Sauté for 4 minutes on each side or chicken turns golden brown on both sides. Stir enough to keep from burning.
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Remove chicken and set aside. Leave butter and olive oil in pan. Add minced garlic. Sauté for 1 minute at medium heat. Stir frequently Add chicken broth and lemon juice. Bring to boil using medium heat. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer. Add heavy cream. Simmer sauce for 3 minutes. Stir enough to keep from burning. Return chicken cutlets to pan. Ladle sauce over chicken. Simmer for 6 minutes or until sauce starts to thicken. Stir occasionally. Garnish with lemon slices and parsley.
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TIDBITS
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1) Q: Why did the creamy lemon chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side so it could wash off the heavy cream and lemon juice some oaf dumped on it.
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2) Culinary hygienists in France are currently giving chickens regular showers and towel drys to see if that improves poultry-product safety. There’s also evidence that, gosh darn it, chicken just like being clean. As culinary mystic Farine du Ble said, “Of course they wish to be clean. They’re just as vain as we are. The spirit of Helen the Chicken contacted me and told me so.” Now you know.
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­- Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, observations, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Useless, Uncaring, Hateful Advice – Part 1

Posted on December 9, 2024 by pauldelancey

 

Dealing with people can be hard for us. The following comment is one reason why:

“Stop freaking out so much.”

­Strange so say. we don’t like things upsetting us so easily. Gee, if we could stay calm all the time, we would. This comment is particularly distressing when coming from loved ones, friends, and others who have known us for decades and really should know that the same events will always shatter our emotional balance.

To show you what it feels like, here’s some back-at-you Useless, Uncaring Hateful Advice:

“Manage your money better.”

“Don’t be so horrible at math.”

Here’s a thought; help the person with the problem or just plain not make it worse.

Thank you.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: about me, observations, uncaring | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Achievement Man on Losing Things

Posted on November 20, 2024 by pauldelancey

Always strive to be better. Let Achievement Man be your role model. He keeps on going in the face of great challenges.

Achievement Man #3

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Achievement Man, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

S’mores Latte

Posted on November 19, 2024 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

S’MORES LATTE

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INGREDIENTS
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½ teaspoon chocolate syrup (1½ tablespoons more latter)
2 tablespoons crumbled graham crackers
1½ tablespoons chocolate syrup
⅔ cup whole milk
⅔ cup espresso or strongly brewed coffee
1½ tablespoons mini-marshmallows
1 teaspoon chocolate shavings* (optional)
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* = Can be made using chocolate bar and grater.
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Serves 1. Takes 15 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Wet both sides of the mug’s rim with ½ teaspoon chocolate syrup. Roll mug  in crumbled graham crackers. Use hands to pat crumbled graham crackers to inside rim. Add 1½ tablespoons chocolate syrup and milk  to small pot.  Heat mixture using medium heat until nearly boiling. Stir constantly. Add coffee to mug. Add heated syrup and milk. Stir with spoon until well blended. Sprinkle latte with mini-marshmallows. Top with chocolate shavings.
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TIDBITS
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1) People love S’mores. People crave latte. So which is better in a head-to-head catchup, S’mores or S’mores Latte?  But first what is a S’more? A S’more consists of toasted marshmallows and chocolate sandwiched between two graham crackers.
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2) Which has the more toastable marshmallow? S’mores does. The large marshmallow used in S’mores lends itself better to toasting on stick over a campfire. The min-imarshmallows perform poorly here. S’mores – 1, S’mores Latte- 0.
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3) Do you have a campfire in your home? Probably not. S’mores – 1, S’mores Latte – 1.
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4) Do you want to go camping out in the creepy, crawly cold woods just to use a campfire? Probably not. S’mores Latte – 2, S’mores: -1.
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5) Which is better at fighting off a charging Tyrannosaurus Rex? I suppose you could hit the T-Rex with your S’more, but at best it’ll just stick to the fearsome beast, because of the melted marshmallows. Or, you could throw your hot S’mores into the monster’s eyes, blinding it for minutes while you make your getaway. S’mores Latte – 3, S’mores – 1. A convincing victory for S’mores Latte. Yay.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Treat People With Respect

Posted on September 4, 2024 by pauldelancey

 

It’s important to call people the way should be called.

Take the case  of Fernando Aloysius Bunion.

He wants his friends to call him “Fern.”

If you are almost a friend or a frequent business associate, say “Fernando, your fly is unzipped.”

If you are semi-frequent acquaintance, refer to him as “Bunion, check your fly.”

If you are engaging him in formal correspondence, address him as “Mr. Fernando Bunion.” Companies who call him “Fernando” when writing out of the blue are complete, are staffed with overfamiliar oafs.* And Fern, I am a friend of his, will toss your missive unread into the trash bin.

* = Why isn’t the plural of “oaf” not “oaves?” The plural of loaf is loaves.

 

So, it is was with some satisfaction that my close friend Brain Posterior was addressed as Mr. Brain Posterior. “You cannot believe how many people up and call me “Brain” or only slightly better, “Brain. But Imaging Healthcare treated my name and  me with the respect I deserve. If damage to my skull or brain warrants an MRI, I know where I’ll going.”

See below how Imaging Healthcare informs my friend he’s getting fossa without contrast. People, this is the gold standard.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: manners, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Things Faster Than Plate Tectonics

Posted on September 3, 2024 by pauldelancey

Watch Earth’s plates separate.

And they are:

1) The wait in an urgent care’s waiting room on a Tuesday morning after Labor Day. 2,700 people were there 15 minutes after opening. (All the people who would have gone on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday stampeded the facility today.)

2) Road repair. (The jury’s out on this one, but I suspect plate tectonics is a little slower.)

3) Watching a foreign move because your good looking date wanted to.

4) The line at the DMV.

5) Red lights. (There’s always a direction of traffic that gets massively favored and one that gets screwed.)

6) Any line when you have a bad back.

7) Reading the last 200 pages of War and Peace. (Again, another close call.)

8) Parties where you are the only introvert, don’t know anyone, and have no ride home.

9) And there are no snacks to eat and no animals to pet.

10) Recovering from Covid.

11) Watching a pot of water and waiting for it to boil.

12) Games of Risk(tm), Uno(tm), and Monopoly(tm).

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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