Author Archives: pauldelancey

What I Did Today

AlonzoTheMagnificent

I woke up and made breakfast. I did some finances and a much-needed tidying of the office. The natives and I went to the San Diego Zoo where I walked 6,000 steps including steep hills. I also developed a 20,000 word sign language with the apes. Go me!

We took home food from a rather good Mexican restaurant. I’m now home and am relaxing. My shoulders hurt a lot. Perhaps it’s arthritis. Perhaps it was from lifting the 880-pound abe Alonzo the  Magnificent. Who can say?

As always, behave yourselves when I’m not around.

You’re the best.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Chow Chow

American Appetizer

CHOW CHOW

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INGREDIENTS
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⅓ green cabbage or 2½ cups shredded
⅔ green bell pepper**
⅓ red bell pepper**
1 green tomato*
⅓ sweet onion
2 teaspoons coarse salt
¼ teaspoon celery seeds
¾ teaspoon mustard seeds
¼ teaspoon allspice
¼ teaspoon mustard powder
¼ teaspoon red pepper flakes
¾ cup sugar
¼ teaspoon turmeric
¾ cup white distilled vinegar
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* = Substitute with green-colored heirloom tomato, tomatillo, or just-picked tomato
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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2 4-cup Mason jars.
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Makes 1¾ cups. Takes. 8 hours 40 minutes
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PREPARATION
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Shred, or coarsely chop, green cabbage. Seed and dice green bell pepper and red bell pepper. Dice green tomato and sweet onion. Add cabbage, green bell pepper, red bell pepper, green tomato, onion, and salt  to Mason jar. Cover and let sit in refrigerator for at least 8 hours. Drain liquid.
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Add celery seeds and mustard seeds to pan. Toast for 1 minute at medium-high heat or until seeds become fragrant. Stir frequently. Add allspice, mustard powder, red pepper flakes, sugar, turmeric, and vinegar to pan. Stir occasionally. Add cabbage/veggie mixture. Bring to boil. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low-medium. Simmer for 15 minutes. Stir occasionally. Ladle contents into Mason jar. Leave ¼” gap at the top of the jar. It should keep for up to 6 weeks in refrigerator.
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TIDBITS
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1) Chow Chow is tasty dish. Chow Chow is also a type of dog. Do not confuse them. You might be wanting a dog for companionship only to find out that the dog you brought home was really relish. You could say hi to it, but it won’t respond. If, however, you made relish chow for chow chows and named it after  your chow-chow dog,”Chow Chow, you could sell Chow Chow Chow Chow’s Chow Chow Chow. This opportunity awaits you. Go for it.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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What I Did Today

I got up and did finances.

I started soaking pinto beans for Beans Soup. I diced and minced lots of things, mostly cabbage though, for Chow Chow, a Southern relish. I then let it marinate.

I did all sorts of grocery shopping, ate lunch, and worked on my latch-hook project with the Crochet Club. I drove home.

I defused the Filipino-Icelander border dispute by pointing out to them that they didn’t share a border.

I washed a lot of dishes. Worked like a maniac making Chow Chow and Beans Soup. These dishes were a bit hit with the natives. I cleaned more dishes during lulls in the preparation.

I’m going to lie down for a while. My back hurts from all that standing.

Behave yourselves while I’m resting.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Today’s Feast Plans

I worked up this moring filled with the cooking spirit. But first I went to the bank. Then I made spaghetti for lunch with homemade pasta sauce and homemade meatballs.

I cleaned up the kitchen. I received my mini-cake pans in the mail. They came with mini-parchment papers.

I’m going to start on making chow chow, a Southern relish and Soup beans. I have all the ingredients.

My shoulders are starting to hurt a lot, so is my back. So I don’t know how far I’ll get. The pinto beans are soaking for the Soup Beans. I’ll need to process the veggies for the Chow Chow. Oh I don’t know how much I’ll do. The problem is that taking it easy doesn’t help much. I’ll see. They hurt either way, so I might as well do something.

If I don’t get far enough on the Chow Chow  and Soup, I’ll try out my air fryer and make some air-fryer fried eggs.

Good loving. Good eating.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Great News

It’s healthy

Yay! I have been worrying about my heart since something was spotted while beening prepped for my gall-bladder surgery last July. Some tests and monitoring later,  I found out that I have perfectly healthy heart. Yay!

and one more yay!

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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They Came to Say Hi

The natives and I went to San Diego’s Safari Park on Thursday. We took the tram ride that goes through the middle of the park. While we were riding, Jerry and Gerri Giraffe came up to see us. We spent our time in pleasant conversation. But all too soon, the tram started up again. I bid them adieu. They promised to follow my doings on my blog. We exchanged Facebook(tm) addresses and with that our tram took off. What a pleasant pair of giraffes!

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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The Excitement on My Office Desk

As you can see, I have a rather exciting desk.

The position of pride is a Christmas card of my brother and I when he was 5 and I was 3. I was in nursery school and was just delighted with it.

Directly in back of the Christmas card is the dictionary my mother was given when she was 13.

In front of the dictionary is  my trusty keyboard.

To the left of the dictionary, and out of the picture, is Satan’s favorite spawn, the printer.

To the right of the dictionary, and out of the picture, is my resolute computer.

The exciting bits are on top of the dictionary. They are:

My dancing Jesus. It jiggles whenever something bumps the desk.

A music-box squirrel. It plays “If I Could Talk to the Animals.” The squirrel reminds me of the deeds and sacrifices of Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron.

An octopus on a trampoline. It likes to keep fit.

An exacto knife. I’ll use to defend myself in the, hopefully unlikely, event of terrorists bursting to my office.

A small flashlight. There are no batteries in it. The flashlight mainly functions as a conversation pieces.

An orange frog. It’s the muscle of the bunch and keeps the other critters in line.

A brown mastodon and a white mastodon. The mastodon is my spirit animal.

An orange soccer player. He’s going to head the ball in to the goal.

A porcupine.

A dachsund.

A monkey.

A blue baby dinosaur. Finally, proof that blue dinosaurs existed.

An orange cat. It’s huge. It’s head alone is as big as a dinosaur.

To the right of the dictionary is a huge, silver monkey. He is Sergeant Padraig O’Toole. He’s with the military police of Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron. No squadron squirrels misbehaves when he’s around. The good sergeant is also a nutcracker, so you can imagine the fear he inspires.

To the far right of the picture is my organizer, full of: magnifying glasses, magic markers, pencils, pencils, memory stcks, and other things.

So much excitement in front of me. What is there is the outside world to rival elegant joy of my desk?

 

 

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Air Fryer French Fries

American Appetizer

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AIR FRYER FRENCH FRIES

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INGREDIENTS
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¾ pound russet potato
⅛ teaspoon salt
⅛ teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon duck fat or olive oil
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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french-fry cutter
spray bottle
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Serves 4. Takes 30 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Use french-fry cutter to cut potato into strips. Put french-fry strips into mixing bowl. Add french-fry strips,  pepper, and salt. Toss strips until well coated. Toss strips, spraying fries with duck fat as you do so. (You might need to melt duck fat into oil before putting it into a spray bottle.)
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Add coated strips to air-fryer basket. Arrange them in a single layer, if possible. Try not to overlap. (You might need to cook in batches. Set temperature to 380 degrees. Set timer to 10 minutes. Shake air-fryer basket. Again set timer to 10 minutes or until fries turn golden brown and become crisp. Sprinkle with extra pepper and salt as needed.
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TIDBITS
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1) Potatoes figure prominently in so many tasty dishes.
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2) What are they? French fries comes to mind. So does shepherd’s pie.
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3) They also make tolerable, if short-lived, baseballs. “Hitting a tater” is a metaphor for hitting. Indeed, culinary historians point to a game in 1913 between Biloxi Shrimp and the Selma Grits where the teams used 423 taters to complete the game. An impromptu mashed potato festival followed the contest.. Be sure to visit Selma on May 5 for its annual Potato Revelry.
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4) It’s little known that the English army used potatoes during its siege of La Mouche in 1387. The English trebuchets flung ton after ton into the starving town. Unfortunately for the besiegers, the highly nutritious potatoes enabled the villagers to stave off famine. The English then hurled potatoes at the town walls. Nothing. The English lifted the siege. The townsfolk rejoiced, but to this very day, no one there will ever dine on a potato. “Ouf.”
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5) Potatoes also make great paperweights and subjects for still-life paintings. Potatoes also prove essential to filling a sack of potatoes with potatoes. Who knew?
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Food Stain Apparel – Rock the Guac

You can’t spot the guacamole stain.

How many times has this happened to you? You’re dead tired, but you went to that party anyway. Your gracious host served a tableful of wonderfully tasty Mexican food. And the guacamole was to die for.

And now, you oaf, you spilled some heavenly guacamole on your cloud-white shirt. No one’s seen it yet, but in moments they will. And you will die of shame. You yearn to escape out the door. Your conscience won’t let you. You know you’re likely to crash your car if you drive away. There’s only one thing to do. Get sleep now.  But if you go to sleep on a bed, people will notice. They’ll point at you and wake you up with their laughter. “Ha, ha,” they’ll say in unison, “look at Sleeping Beauty. Look at the guacamole stain. What a loser.”

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Not if you buy your clothes from Food Stain Apparel(tm). Our matching set of Rock the Guac(tm) matching set of shirt and pants is just the thing for this social setting. This green, surfing Batman and Robin(tm) camouflage ensemble hides any amount of guacamole. As far as your fellow revelers know, you have the adept fingers of a concert violinist.

And don’t worry about falling asleep in a bed. We’ve designed our Rock the Gauc evening wear to mimic pajamas! Our PJs blend right in with the bed. Wake up the next morning refreshed and happy. People will talk for years to come about that bon vivant violinist.

Be rested. Be confident. Buy Food Stain Apparel.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Food Stain Apparel, life tips | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Food Stain Apparel – The Bold New Look in Clothing

How many times has this happened to you? Your prospective bosses scheduled your final job interivew at the gourmet Italian Restaurant, Il Machiavelli, when, oh no, pasta sauce escapes from your fork only to land on your previously whiter than bleached snowy-white shirt. Your hosts look at you aghast. All of a sudden they sport poker faces. You’ve lost that awesome job. Word will get around the hiring world. Far from heading a division at a major corporation, you’ll find yourself doing part-time work at a fast-food restaurant.

But it did not have to be that way. If only there were an business-apparel chain that sold clothing that hides stains.

And now there is. Food Stain Apparel(tm) sells shirts, pants, jackets, bras, you name it, that completely hide all food stains.

Wear an invincible shirt. Wear Food Stain Apparel.

Today’s featured shirt is called Mustard Arriba and is attractively shown below. Sport this shirt wherever you dine. You’ll never fear mustard stains again. Arriba!

You can’t spot the mustard stain. Arriba!

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Food Stain Apparel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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