Deep Thought Man #6
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
1 15-ounce can guava shells in syrup*
8 ounces cream cheese
* = Found in Hispanic supermarkets or online.
Serves 4. Takes 15 minutes.
PREPARATION
Remove guava shells from syrup. Keep syrup. Add ½ tablespoon to 2 tablespoons cream cheese to guava shell. (Amount depends on size of guava shell.). Drizzle 1 teaspoon to 1 tablespoon syrup over each guava shell with cream cheese, again depending on the size of the shell. Repeat for each guava shell. Goes well with saltine crackers.
TIDBITS
1) I had to go online to order guava shells in syrup.
2) They traveled the entire country by truck. They arrived by truck. The whole process took days. Fortunately, I planned to prepare this dessert for family. They were willing to wait days.
3) But if instead, I am regaling my business associates about Cascos De Guayaba. I’m really selling how great it tastes when I made it. I can see them starting to drool.
4) Finally, my boss snaps. “Dang, that sounds great,” he says, “I sure could go for some good Cascos de Guayaba. Whip me up a batch right now and I’ll make you vice president. And if you can’t, well . . .” He draws a finger across his throat. I’ll be clearing out my desk tomorrow.
5) But it doesn’t have to end this way. What if I could launch millions of bags of Cascos de Guayaba into the outer atmosphere? Higher than where planes fly, of course. I am nothing, if not careful.
6) Anyway, I’ll have billions of freezer bags full of this delicious dessert orbiting the Earth. All you have to do is order. With seconds a package of Cascos of Guyaba will be directly over your house. A little parachute will deploy. Your dessert will drift precisely to your doorstep. You will be able to make this dessert for your boss. You will become vice president. Your life will be good, very good.
7) But won’t billions of bags of Cascos de Guayaba in the atmosphere block out the Sun, at least to an extent? Won’t that temperatures to fall? Yes. But that what’s needed to stop global warning. I see a Nobel prize in my future.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Dear Reader,
Quite a few! Uranus is incredibly huge. So we’ll need to use a lot of large numbers to find the answer. Fortunately NASA, took a lot of accurate photos of Uranus. Hey, did you know that Uranus was originally called George? It’s true! Anyway, . . .
1 cup = 8 medium strawberries
1 cup = 14.4375 cubic inches
1 cubic mile = 254,358,061,056,000 or 2.544 * 10^14 cubic inches
1 cubic mile = 17,617,874,358,857 or 1.762 * 10^13 cups
1 cubic mile = 140,942,994,870.857 or 1.409 * 10 ^10^14 strawberries
Uranus = 68,300,000.000.000 or 6.83 * 10^13 cubic miles
So, ta da!
Uranus = 9,626,406,549,679,540,000,000,000,000 or 9.626 * 10^27 strawberries
There! That’s how many strawberries would fit in Uranus.
Now, you don’t have buy oodles of strawberries for a hands-on experiment. Besides Uranus is a cold and gaseous place.
Strawberry…………………………………… Uranus
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Archer Woman doesn’t want want you to harass the servers.
Archer Woman #3
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
3 cups (1 pound) nopalitos*
2 cups (10 ounces)panela cheese**
1 medium onion
5 eggs
¼ teaspoon cumin
* = These are thin strips of the fleshy part of cactus paddles. (Warning, nopalitos from jars can be quite salty.) Drain and rinse before using. They can be found in some local supermarkets, Mexican markets, or online.
** = They also can be found in some local supermarkets, Mexican markets, or online.
SPECIAL UTENSIL
electric beater
Serves 5. Takes 40 minutes.
PREPARATION
Rinse nopalitos if they came from a jar. Crumble panela cheese into small pieces. Dice onion. Separate egg whites from egg yolks. Add egg whites to mixing bowl. Whip with electric beater set on high until soft peaks form. Beat yolks until thoroughly blended. Gradually add yolks to whites. Blend gently with fork. Add nopalitos, cheese, onion, and cumin. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended..
Add 1 cup nopalito mix to pan. Smooth with spatula. Cook at medium heat for 5 minutes. Scramble the mix for 4 minutes or until the eggs set. Repeat for the next 4 servings.
Serve with green tomatillo sauce (green), red sauce, or salsa.
TIDBITS
1) This dish, Nopal Revuelto, is made from cactus. Cactus has all sorts of sharp needles all over its green paddles. Those needles would really hurt your hand if you were to grab a cactus paddle. Don’t even contemplate cactus diving.
2) So how do rabbits never get hurt by cactus bushes? They dart in and out of the bush while happily nibbling away. Cactus harvesters would really like to know. But the bunnies aren’t talking.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Serve this and they will come.
I absolutely do not want to put down anyone’s faith, including Catholics, in any way. However, I also believe that meetings are generally soul-sucking experiences. Here’s my impression of a meeting at a Catholic church. I suspect much of what’s said below would apply to other religious meetings and to business ones as well.
******************
The Ever Magnificent Local Chapter of the Legion of Goodness:
Umpteenth meeting.
People showed up. Some people did not show up. The ones that didn’t show up were elsewhere. They failed to attend because they were ill or didn’t want to come.
A deacon showed up. He talked about the Eucharist. He said it was good. Everyone agreed with this. I feel he said some other things as well.
People said at length what they did. Some visited retirement homes to give the Eucharist to the shut ins. This was a great thing. Other members did things of lesser importance.
Many people commented on what others did. Some attendees, however, minded their own business and said nothing at this point. One person had a painful canker sore and said nothing. A friend, I am told, watched the wall clock a lot.
It is possible that more people would show up if shrimp cocktails and tea sandwiches were to be served. We meet a week from now at the same time.
Jane Dough, secretary
**************
Keep the faith.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
An amazing amount of food is round. Are there other shapes allowed in cooking?
Yes, I’m glad you asked. Just in time for early, early Christmans shopping is the cookbook:
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Men, you’d better listen to Lucy.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
2 cups fresh, crushed strawberries (about 1 pound whole)
2 tablespoons lemon juice
4¼ cups sugar
¾ cup water
6 tablespoons (1 1.75 oz box) fruit pectin powder
SPECIAL UTENSILS
potato masher or food processor
6 * 1-cup hot, sterilized* Mason jars (They really must be hot and newly sterilized.)
Makes 5-to-6 cups. Takes 1 hour plus maybe 3 hours to set.
PREPARATION
Remove green stems from strawberries. Cut each strawberry into 8 bits. Smash strawberry bits with potato masher until thoroughly crushed. (Or bits add to food processor. Pulse processor until thoroughly crushed, but not yet pureed.) Some strawberry bits should remain.
Add strawberries and lemon juice to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Add sugar. Mix with fork or whisk until sugar dissolves completely. (Sugar that doesn’t dissolve make the jam grainy.)
Add water and pectin to pan. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir constantly. Boil for 1 minute, stirring constantly. Pour boiling water over strawberry/sugar mix. Stir constantly for 3 minutes. The mixture should start to jell and thicken.
Pour strawberry mixture into Mason jars. Leave ½” gap at the top. Stir until strawberry bits, gel, and juice blend. Cover and let stand until set, but not longer than 24 hours. If desired, serve some immediately. Store the rest in the refrigerator for 3 weeks or in the freezer for up to 1 year.
TIDBITS
1) Mason jars are round.
2) Not everything is round. Sometimes pizzas are rectangular. Flower pots can be square. Refrigerators are never round. No, not ever.
3) However, Mason jars must be round. It would be impossible to screw on or off a square lid.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Some people forgo common courtesy. Archer Woman knows how to teach them.
Archer Woman #2
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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